Back Home, Connell’s Shyness Never Seemed Like Much Of An Obstacle To His Social Life, Because Everyone

So you left me

I realised late

Ah! That was always my fate

I know I ignored you first

But what you did was worst

Sometimes you had planned so much about a life with a certain person in it, that even a picture or a memory of them today can make you feel completely empty from inside. Although you were happily living your life on your own till yesterday and its been years of not being in touch with them.

My best friend

Writing my heart out was never easy

But her friendship was so breezy

I first met her on the school bus

She had a lot of questions to buzz

Who was I, why was I so

I was new so she did not know

We got to talking slowly

The bond was new but cozy

We became close

Just two nut heads with screws loose

She became candid

Although my shyness still bid

She was never the perfect soul

But I appreciated her flaws in its whole

People told me she is imposing

I just thought that people were intruding

Many hated her for being honest

But for me her honesty brought us closest

I never knew a person who could speak her heart out

She was different without a doubt

She was a critic at best

She always reviewed me like the rest

We are poles apart

But still together at heart

We had the greatest blast

With her i even wished for the uncomfortable bus trips to last

We never found a medication to our condition

But it gave a lot of happy moments to our edition

It was so easy with her

She never bothered if my answer was contrasting with her

We were comfortable in our skin

We never expected each other to be akin

We have been close through ups and downs

Even talking once a few months didn't bring our friendship to ground

She always said seven years are all we need

After that nobody can break our bond even if they bleed

I didn't take it seriously ever

But now it is a truth forever

Today she means a lot

I never regret doing something for her even as much as a dot

I am willing to be her safety net

I will always be in her debt

Balance

I was trying to create balance,

No wonder it was a challenge,

I was choosing all the rights,

I was just trying to be white.

Although it was tiring,

My conscience was firing,

Doing all the virtues,

Was something like a painful curfew.

But one day I slacked,

And my efforts started to lack,

Surprisingly everything got easy,

Only my conscience was a bit squeasy.

But it was not hurting,

So i decided not to try diverting,

Soon the wrongs got too much,

Without even realizing good was lacking touch.

Vices took the hold,

Introspecting was now too bold.

Soon new strategy was needed,

Because my heart pleaded.

So i took a side stage,

Not acting to any rage,

But was it a vice or a virtue,

I was now ready for rescue.

Someone came and told that the answer in within,

Please open your heart’s bin.

I thought and overthought,

Was it the trouble where I got caught?

Did I choose vices to lose the hard work?

Was I not seeking good for the perk?

But who decides what is right and wrong?

Is there anyone that strong?

My heart had a single answer to these,

You can do as you please.

Till its not hurting anyone,

Not today, not tomorrow or ever in the long run.

Neither too much of virtues nor too much of vice,

You should have a bit of every slice,

You get to choose you,

You get to help the queue.

Balance is the only thing,

It will be hard and will even sting.

Still we need to fight,

And follow our path of light.

Vices and virtues don't get a say,

It is us with whom the decision stays.

She is my constant

To my dear crush

I miss all the adrenaline rush

Each moment spent beside you was special

For you I was ready to wrestle

You were a friend first

And thankfully not a boy who always used to walk by

I always loved how you used to sit beside me when my friend was not around

I remember the look you gave to those gossipers on the ground

I felt special when you told me those secrets

I felt safe when you waited for me on the way

There was a time when I used to think about you all day

From hiding my feelings

To behaving indifferently I did it all

I was crazy over you for sure

Nothing between us was official

But you were a secret I was ready to tell none

Choosing the same subjects

And making study plans was somehow the future I was looking for

I liked you even after your ego

I was so happy when you used to say sorry and was ready to let things go

But I also remember that truth and dare game

I remember how you took my name

I was elated for sure

But something at that time needed a cure

I remember her crying

And that was the time I was trying

To not think

Because thinking meant choosing something

She was my best friend

And she had a lot unsaid

I had guessed before

But I was so over you that I decided to keep a close door

I liked you

And she liked you too was the case somehow

But now I had a choice to make anyhow

It was time to wake

And let the dream break

So I thought for long

It was not easy and I was definitely not strong

She had seen me cry more times

Than you had seen me smile

You were special

But what we had didn't promise me miles

The idea of losing her was unimaginable

Reading my mind was a skill in which you weren't able

She had seen my ups and downs

She was the one who never let me hit the ground

She was true to say we were telepaths

We were always the best pair of psychopaths

I had thought about all the possible scenarios

And unfortunately in neither of them

You were there till the end

But she was always around

So I decided to choose her over you

And I definitely miss you

But never have I ever regretted my decision

Although I would love to have an accidental collision

Because I want to tell you

That you were my crush indeed

But she was the friend of my need

I am happy to have her beside me

Even though she doesn't make me feel the same glee

It's been years I know

But she is still my constant tho

I am getting offended by most of the things these days...

Don't know if it's my newly found self worth phase or I have crossed the thin line to enter the ego phase.

One sided friendship

I have heard a lot of people explain one sided love

But never heard anyone even talk about one sided friendship

Did you?

Honestly speaking I have been on both ends

I remember ignoring people even when they were ready to loose all for me

I remember being ignored even when I was ready to loose all of me

Did you?

Still think about going back and joining those chords

But what are the odds

Those I ignored have moved on tired of wasting their time

And those on whom I wasted my time never seemed mine

But still I wish for their call

Do you?

I find it weird how we just connect to some

I find it sad when those connections don't care and for them you are not the one

I thought love asked for a lot

but now I think even friendship's demands are not a dot

Do you?

Maybe they asked for so much that I just stayed aloof

Maybe my demands were so much that they considered me fool

Being nice and being friends are different I realised late

Not everyone you like is ready to be a part of your fate

Were you also a one sided friend at one time?

Do you also think that it was worth the time?

What if the efforts were not equal,

It was a friendship you initiated and it will never have a sequel...

It makes me, me

I was waiting for my feelings to go numb

I was waiting for that day but I was dumb

I thought that with each day the wound would grow old

I expected that each day would make me cold

But little I realised

And very little I was surprised

With each passing day

My feelings started spreading like a ray

It reached ever nook and corner of my existence

But I was still hoping with persistence

It was so difficult to feel

The reason I thought time would heal

Soon I had a lot of opinions

Surprisingly they made me cry more than onions

Soon the tree of feeling got a strong hold

Now I knew nothing was going to get old

All experiences and incidents

Were giving my wounds new dents

Crying became a constant part of my lifestyle

Funny enough that it was just a more defined form of my old style

I didn't know what to do with so much going on inside

Never realised it would be so much more than what was going outside

Checking and rechecking all emotions

Hide and seek with everything was in motion

Defining the ideas I had was important

Knowing I was right was like a reinforcement

I knew the wounds are not going now

But still adapting raised the question how

Connecting dots was a daily routine

Adulting is much more difficult than being a teen

Sensations, feelings and emotions are always going to be difficult for me

But when I introspect I realise it makes me, me.

To the hopeful soul

The world is pretty miserable around but recently I found some hope, it was not some mental thought but a person. We tend to derive positive emotions from the people who are close to us or those we love but this person was actually nothing more than an acquaintance, he was neither my love nor my friend or family. He was just an acquaintance, a person who was around me because he was supposed to be. Now coming to why he was a ray of hope. While growing up we start losing our innocence, our happy vibe and energy, we get burdened by responsibility and so on but this person was different, he was in his 20s but his eyes were innocent as a 2 years old, he was also going through enough but his smile was enough to wash your pains. This feeling I got while being around him was different, he was warm as a winter sun. It never felt like things would go wrong around him, I know I was in a different place then but he was enough to give me hope.

The best thing about characters of a book is not what they do in the book, it's the little backstory about them. The story that makes them what they are in the book. No character is beautiful without their backstory. And ain't it the same with humans??