Sometimes You Had Planned So Much About A Life With A Certain Person In It, That Even A Picture Or A

20s is about being everything

I have never been a person who had any big plans for my 20s. Honestly, my plans have always been about life in general, like I should ultimately become this, I should have someone who loves me and I should travel a lot but no goal like I should achieve this particular thing in my 20s. Although now when I am really in this stage of my life I have realised how much I have to do and how much I am doing. It's really a life changing phase, you are no more a kid and you are not even a responsible adult. Your time to make 'n' number of mistakes is over but yet you are clueless about the best decisions for yourself in more than 99% of occasions. You have people to support you but you don't have people to walk with you on difficult paths.

I am in my 20s unaware of what is right and what is wrong. Adulting at my own pace usually seems slower than others. Deep down I know I am growing, I appreciate how far I have come but on the other end it doesn't seem enough. I have learnt a lot, I am different from what I was in school. I am stronger but yet more fragile than before. I am confident yet afraid of others' perception about me as a whole. I am surrounded by people yet alone for long. I want to be loved romantically yet I am afraid of commitment. It's complicated but still clear. Maybe 20s is about being everything, being a super hero and a weakling together. It's about feeling everything so that ultimately you know what you want to be. It's about living different lives with single soul. It's about experimenting everything so that in your 30s you know which experiment had the most successful results.

It doesn't need any planning, it's just about living in the moment, going on a road trip without a map but with hope of reaching the destination. It can be a successful and joyful ride, it can be a painful and rough ride but in the end where ever you reach will be far away from where you started and would be indeed more lovelier than what you plan.

So you left me

I realised late

Ah! That was always my fate

I know I ignored you first

But what you did was worst

Found the diagnosis to my problems...

Autophobia

Morbid fear of solitude, or of being left alone, abandoned or ignored.

P.S.: Solitude is often good but the rest are just dreadful.

I wish I knew you before I knew you

Nobody loves me the way that you do

Wish we were friends when we were kids

I think it'd still feel just like this

I just can't stop missing you

When it gets late in my hotel room

Tell me what time you're coming through

Why did I get so hooked on you?

Knew you by Kailee Morgue

I tell everyone that I write when I am sad but actually I write when I am 'the perfect amount of sad' like a little bit of extra sadness makes what I write sound weird and a little less can just shut my brain.

P.S. I don't know what that 'perfect amount of sad' is... Haha

The best thing about characters of a book is not what they do in the book, it's the little backstory about them. The story that makes them what they are in the book. No character is beautiful without their backstory. And ain't it the same with humans??

Silence

You don't know what battles I am fighting

You don't know the ones I am winning and losing

You don't know if my breakfast is sweet or bitter

You don't know if I am returning to a bed of flowers or nails

You don't know if I am having nightmares

You don't know if my mornings are even fair

You just know I speak less

You don't know that each of my actions are shouting ahead

You don't know enough because I am not willing to tell

You don't know enough because you are not the risk I am willing to take

I am an introvert, you think I like playing safe

But you don't know even privacy is like a fire play

Back home, Connell’s shyness never seemed like much of an obstacle to his social life, because everyone knew who he was already, and there was never any need to introduce himself or create impressions about his personality. If anything, his personality seemed like something external to himself, managed by the opinions of others, rather than anything he individually did or produced. Now he has a sense of invisibility, nothingness, with no reputation to recommend him to anyone.

- Normal people by Sally Rooney

The wish to be alone is so wierd, you try to forget so many people and end up remembering so many things at once.

My best friend

Writing my heart out was never easy

But her friendship was so breezy

I first met her on the school bus

She had a lot of questions to buzz

Who was I, why was I so

I was new so she did not know

We got to talking slowly

The bond was new but cozy

We became close

Just two nut heads with screws loose

She became candid

Although my shyness still bid

She was never the perfect soul

But I appreciated her flaws in its whole

People told me she is imposing

I just thought that people were intruding

Many hated her for being honest

But for me her honesty brought us closest

I never knew a person who could speak her heart out

She was different without a doubt

She was a critic at best

She always reviewed me like the rest

We are poles apart

But still together at heart

We had the greatest blast

With her i even wished for the uncomfortable bus trips to last

We never found a medication to our condition

But it gave a lot of happy moments to our edition

It was so easy with her

She never bothered if my answer was contrasting with her

We were comfortable in our skin

We never expected each other to be akin

We have been close through ups and downs

Even talking once a few months didn't bring our friendship to ground

She always said seven years are all we need

After that nobody can break our bond even if they bleed

I didn't take it seriously ever

But now it is a truth forever

Today she means a lot

I never regret doing something for her even as much as a dot

I am willing to be her safety net

I will always be in her debt