Experience Tumblr like never before
Some absolute bangers from my dnd sesh tonight:
DM, in response to Jonathan taking a puff of weed mid-session: “Are you ripping a bong in Strahd’s castle??”
DM, after Jonathan asks in-game if Strahd is British: “He gives you a confused look like ‘what the fuck are british people?’“
Dm, watching a player be weird across the table: “What are you throating over there? Is that a piece of asparagus?”
Said player: “You dont got the asparagussy.”
Jonathan, in response to ‘What can I do that you cant?’: “You can…not tank a wooden stake to the heart.”
Jonathan: “Youre a bad neighbor!”
Aenrice: “IM A FIRBOLG, IM THE TARGET OF A HATECRIME.”
Aenrice: “Dont die.”
Jonathan: “Probably not.”
Jonathan, when Strahd doesn’t believe him: “No, I can actually speak dog.”
DM, imitating Jonathan: “That vampire bussy got me actin up.”
Jonathan: “I told you we shouldn’t have done it but you were all ‘no i want some of that sweet vampire dick-“
Aenrice: “THAT WAS YOU-“
Jonathan’s Player, out of nowhere: “You could totally turn an ice cream scooper into a pipe.”
Jonathan, in reference to fucking Strahd: “You said no, he said yea, we took the highest bidder.”
Arenus, jealously: “I cant believe you would even think about doing something like that with him.”
Jonathan: “Dyou wanna fuck?”
Arenus: “No!”
Jonathan: “Then shut up.”
NPC: “Stay safe traveler!”
Jonathan: “Maybe”
Aenrice’s Player: “Aenrice looks at your four-barreled blunderbuss, then at his one barreled blunderbuss, and says ‘Yours is bigger than mine.’”
Jonathan: “Aint that the usual.”
Jonathan: “Strahd, me boy, yer a feckin fool.”
Jonathan: *Exorcises Strahd while speaking fake Italian like a Terminal Montage video*
Jonathan: “Exorcise, no treadmill.”