Only Friends - Blog Posts

My top BL dramas with sex scenes.

Basically my fave sex scenes and why.

- Unknown.

Starting slow. Real slow burn found family drama but when they get together, the scenes are sexy. It’s all about consent, it’s between two people who love each other and it’s a real build up of what has been years of pining. Not a full sex scene, it almost gets there, but what we see is amazing.

The couple itself is really sweet and the plot is well paced and slow burn is burning. The drama as a whole was great and I loved how the characters grew and developed.

However, drama has violence, child homelessness, drug addiction, child abuse, gang violence, and kidnapping.

Available on Viki or KissKH.

- Blueming.

This drama was lovely. With a real lovely slow burn romance that builds to an artistically filmed sex scene. While you don’t see much, just silhouette, you know what they’re doing. It’s intimate and so loving and more of an art scene than just sex. That’s one of the things I love about this drama. There is a real sense of intimacy and love between the characters. If you want to film a sex scene that doesn’t detract from the plot, then this is how you do it. It fit so well and was so visually aesthetic that it was my favourite part of the drama.

Available on KissKH and Bilibili.

- The Eighth sense.

Another beautifully shot scene. This one was intimate and fun and loving. The two characters laughing and just enjoying being by themselves without any pressures. It establishes a real bond and love between them that persists through later struggles in the show.

The scene is filmed beautifully too. The camera placement and cinematography makes it more than just a sex scene. It ties it all in with the character development and the plot, giving it a real intimate and unique feel to it.

One of my fave shows of all time.

Available on Viki, and KissKH.

- Between Us.

The side story to Until We Meet Again but about the second couple from that show, Between is about Win and Team. The drama is more about overcoming ptsd and trauma with love and support. There is one sex scene that fades to black before the proper scene but there’s enough shown that I have included it in this list.

The filming of this drama was engaging and worked with the characters. The plot focused more on the developing relationship of the characters and their own personal growth in response to their relationship than it did on any physical aspect to it. It is a wholesome drama that can be watched without having watched the first drama.

I have rewatched this a few times.

Available on YouTube and Bilibili.

- Love in the air.

This drama is split in two. The first half is the main couple, a typical top and sub bottom type. The second half is a Dom bottom with a pleaser top. Both couples’ chemistry is on fire and their scenes are very sexy. (I was so surprised by their scenes the first time I watched it. I was not expecting them to be so explicit).

But other than the scenes the drama itself deals with some good character development. Especially with the second couple where it explores a character with SA trauma and his subsequent trust issues.

For a drama that at first looks seems cliche and full of tropes (which it is) it actually explores them while also making some of it quite easy to watch. It doesn’t lessen the darkness of some scenes but it doesn’t overly explore it either. The viewers know what goes on without having to see the scenes in full detail. I liked this style of filming though a few of the sex scenes were no necessary to the plot.

Available on Viki, YouTube (but censored) and KissKH.

- Only Friends.

I am building up to the messy dramas slowly.

This drama though. This one is for the ones who love soap operas. There’s cheating, betrayal, sex in weird places, recording and taping without consent, alcohol and drug abuse, fist fights, and manipulation.

Basically a group of friends get caught in the messiest drama ever. There’s lots of sex and lots of character development, not always for the better. There’s three main ‘couples’ and they are all involved with each other in a messy way.

Let’s just say that watching this weekly was like watching a bit of a train wreck and seeing who are the survivors.

Well acted, very well filmed but chaotic as hell. It will make you laugh, make you angry and might even make you cry.

In all of it the lesbians are the least dramatic characters.

Available on KissKH and Bilibili.

- 4 Minutes.

If you thought the drama above was messy, this was worse but in a different way.

This drama has you second guessing everything. With a complicated slightly sci-fi plot line, the sex scenes as used more to show power and influence and control between characters than they are to show romance.

There’s so much going on with the viewer guessing character motivations and plots that the sex scenes get pushed to the side quickly. They’re there, and very explicit (especially the first one) but plot wise they are nothing more than a basic shock or display factor.

Either way, those actors did a good job. I had trouble watching them cause they felt too explicit.

Also especially here for Bible having a bottom era.

The show was well filmed too, even if I was confused by everything half the time.

Despite the confusion and the ending with way too many unanswered questions, I did really enjoy the show and the sex scenes did make sense in the plot. They were also filmed really well and I loved the lighting.

Available on KissKH.

- Kinnporsche.

Came out before 4minutes but with Bible playing a top character this time (the duality of this man). This show I both love and hate. Open ending, too many side plots that weren’t explained, lots of unanswered questions. Every relationship was toxic in some way. Anyway, I loved it. Great lighting, well filmed and stylised. Amazing acting.

Though the sex scenes, especially between Kinn and Porsche, were too frequent and in too many weird places. (They’re exhibitionists. You gather that after the first time). They were well done scenes.

However, this drama is not for the faint of heart. There’s dubious consent, freaky kinks, kidnapping, bdsm (between Vegas and Pete and there was no communication during it but it was such a well filmed scene), manipulation, violence, death, torture, kidnapping, and abuse.

This drama was definitely for the depraved. (Me and others like me).

We’re never going to get a season 2 and I am so sad about that.

Available on Viki, and KissKH.

Here you go you depraved souls. I mostly watch dramas for the plot. I can’t help it when dramas like KP happen to have sex as their plot.

Oh well.

Enjoy.

Ray and Mew communicating properly is the best thing. I am glad Mew is seeing things better.

I seriously think RaySand Switch. They do to much pushing and pulling in their normal relationship not to do so.

I am living for the SandNick friendship this ep. They deserve to be best buddies and have a healthy relationship with each other.

Why isn’t the fandom screaming about Sand’s legs???

The shot where he gets the party notif in ep 8 and he’s there with his legs up in his T-shirt and boxers???

He has better legs than me. Like if Ray saw that then he would go feral. Sand has such great legs. I’m so jealous.

(Can someone gif that for me? Pretty please?)

I know Sand is into rock bands. But I thought at least during the Halloween party he would wear eyeliner like every great rockstar. I was really looking forward to seeing him with black eyeliner and shadow in true rocker fashion.

Unfortunately I was disappointed. I was so hoping for it too. He would look so damn good.

All I am seeing is Boston in my dash and of course I am going to contribute. Character readings can be different for each viewer so this is just my reading of Boston.

Boston's journey ended the exact way he wanted it to. He was going to move to the states and leave his life Thailand behind. It's why he was sleeping around without forming deeper romantic attachments. Why would be tie himself to one person when he was going to leave anyway.

And that is the point of conflict in his relationships. People formed emotional attachments to him but he couldn't care less about them. And yes he was honest about his actions. But him being honest is not going to control the other people's feelings. Or suddenly make them immune to not having feelings about him. And he's not responsible for Nick developing feelings or atom getting or drake getting obsessed. But that's what happens when physical satisfaction is tied to their emotional states in the characters that we have seen.

Boston just doesn't equate sex with feelings and it's not bad. But what he doesn't realise is that what's true or makes sense for him won't necessarily be understood by the people around him.

Boston can't empathise. He sees what he did was wrong ( sleeping with top ) but he doesn't understand why everyone made a big deal out of it. To him it was just sex , just physical not something deeper like emotions or love or feelings.

Nick is important in Boston's development because he bought a counterpoint into his way of doing things. They had a connection, I don't call it love , maybe an obsession, heck every relationship in this show is more obsession then love.

Nick was emotionally attached to Boston. An attraction that Boston encouraged by being very affectionate and sweet. Boston liked the physical part of it, and he really liked having someone to have regular sex with. He thought that was all there is to it. He thought that he has found an equal, someone who seems to like him, worship him even and can match his energy in bed.

But Nick caught him off guard. He's felt betrayed , he missed him. He experienced emotions he never felt with anyone else. Something that was purely physical for him ended In him having an emotional attachment, maybe for the first time.

So he jumped right in , giving declarations that can easily be taken as indicated of an exclusive monogamous relationship , " you're the exception ", " from now on I would only take photos of you ".

But that's not what he intended with that. He likes nick, he not only has a physical attachment to him he also has an emotional attachment to him. In his mind both are seperate not tied together. Which is why he went after Boeing.

But Nick wanted exclusivity and rightfully put a stop to their relationship. Nick knows that they want different things from the relationship but Boston was not equipped to deal with it.

Now Boston is surprised. Because he thought he got it figured out , he promised his emotional loyalty to him , isn't that enough ? But it's not. And Boston is realising that his views about sex and relationships are fundamentally different from everyone else's.

People want exclusivity with the emotional and physical side of a relationship, that's one of the truth's that he realised. It doesn't' make his views wrong,its just different. But after his relationship with nick Boston has got a valuable lesson on how people have their own perspectives , and just because what you are doing is right in your eyes, doesn't mean it's the right thing in someone else's book . ( there's was a whole lot of meta about who decides what's right or wrong in this series )

And because of that it's a good thing that he is leaving. Because now he can find someone with views that aligns with him. And he would know how to communicate that and he could choose for himself friends that understand his views.

It's a good opportunity for him. So for me his story ended in a positive note.

Would you like to take a walk and listen to music with me? First Kanaphan as Sand and Khaotung Thanawat as Ray (Only Friends, 2023)

Please, we need that translation.

I really wish they translate the Only Friends novel

FYI: This has spoilers for the novel

So, some context, the novel was written after the script was finished and the author said that they rewrote part of the story to fix holes and issues so many parts so in general, the novel may give out a different subtext to the series.

For example, Top was portrayed more as a player in the early parts of his relationship with Mew, Boston's dad is portrayed as a progressive politician standing up for the common people, the Boston's scandal was more a "this country is stupid and having a son that has a gay sex life is wrong" rather than what's presented in the series.

Okay, so what I'm getting at here is that the novel ending is different, Boston is not just thrown away, he reconciled with the group, he gets an ending that is more deserving than in the series.

I think this is because the author had time to rethink parts through and correct any issues which makes the novel a better version of the story in my opinion. And I want non Thais to be able to experience this as well, which is why I want them to translate the novel.

Also side note; Mew's insecurity in dating in the novel also stemmed from his mother, one is a comparative literature professor and the other a SEA Write (an important prize of literature here) award writer, so his insecurity comes from people recognising him as the son of the SEA Write writer rather than someone he truly is, which makes my heart warms a bit, I don't know why

But yeah, I want them to translate the novel so bad

God I'll miss watching this show. It wasn't perfect but it was exciting. Now I need to find another show to hyperfixate on.

Imagine all the people that will start Only Friends after Saturday... They'll never experience the weeks of agony, the Mixbait™, the euphoria in social media when Mew found out about the cheating, the uprising for the missing tattoo scene — and all the deleted scenes tbh, the Mond as Boeing reveal, the Twitter spaces with the cast and crew... It really was something else!

I 'll miss my messy people. I love this show so much. A toast to the end of 12 weeks of agony people, 🍷.

Only Friends: Sand's Reaction to Ray VS Boeing

I know some people will be annoyed that Sand wasn't more forceful in telling Boeing to leave him alone. In my opinion, this isn't really surprising. Sand's biggest strength and weakness is his kindness. He'll make concessions for people, even those who hurt him. Ray is a prime example. Why would his ex be any different?

Boeing's Dubious Intentions

It's glaringly obvious just how uncomfortable, stiff and exasperated Sand's body language is during their second exchange. This is someone he shared his ultimate dreams and passions with, which must have made the betrayal even more devastating. We still don't have the full context as to how this all went down, but I'm sure Sand hasn't forgotten that Boeing chose to leave him. Compared to their first re-encounter where Sand appears rattled and somewhat flustered, here he seems to display a more resolute lack of patience, possibly after reminding himself of Boeing's true colours.

This doesn't erase the fact that Sand had feelings for him once, cared about him once. Sand didn't choose to end the relationship, Boeing did. So there would have been unresolved feelings that Sand had to process alone in the aftermath. For Boeing to have the audacity to swan back in rightly warrants a less than lukewarm response.

Even so, Sand shows Boeing an incredible amount of grace when he certainly doesn't have to. He tries to calmly but firmly ward Boeing off. "State your business". "Just forget it. I don't think I'll go." "Just friendship. That I can give you." He makes it very clear that Boeing can find him at the bar but nowhere else. He's trying to establish a distinct boundary, which Boeing swiftly disregards.

Sand's Unease: Where Past & Present Collide

The way Sand is reacting says to me he desperately doesn't want Ray involved. He seems eager to keep him well away from Boeing. Sand could have chosen not to mention his ex's sudden reappearance, but decides to be upfront with Ray about it. I think Sand's turmoil is a sign of worry over what Boeing may do, rather than an indication of indecisiveness over his own feelings. The reason I say this is because Sand doesn't show any warmth, residual affection or happiness in seeing Boeing again. He looks mostly wary, unnerved even.

I can also see why Sand would try to refrain from openly displaying his feelings for Ray in Boeing's presence. If he exhibits just how much he cares about Ray, whose to say whether Boeing may pull another stunt like he did with Mew/Top and try to pursue Ray instead just to be messy. The way Sand looks at Boeing is laden with suspicion and uneasiness, particularly when Ray is around. This is really noticeable when Boeing first addresses Ray - Sand's whole demeanour gets much colder and standoffish.

We don't know precisely what Sand is afraid of - that Boeing may target any ill will at Ray? Or that Ray may be affected by his ex flaunting details about their history which could cause jealousy? Things are going really well between Ray and Sand right now but it's possible Boeing could try to stir up a misunderstanding or create conflict between them.

Ray's Protectiveness: "Deal with him or I'll do it."

Ray knows better than ever what Sand is like. He's all too aware of just how painfully kind and caring his boyfriend can be, often to his own detriment. Boeing is keen to exploit this very fact by trying to appear imploring towards Sand, "You never yell at me." Ray is also acutely familiar with how Sand struggles to say no to those he cares about.

Whilst Ray observes angrily, I like to think this comes from a place of being mad for Sand more than anything. If he's seen their entire interaction play out, he'll notice that Sand has not once initiated physical contact with Boeing. He doesn't shirk him off, but he certainly doesn't respond either. He keeps his arms firmly planted at his sides, and yet Boeing keeps trying his luck. Something about the way Boeing behaves with Sand feels like he treats him as a plaything - someone he used to have wrapped around his finger. Perhaps he thinks that the power he used to have over Sand still remains.

Sand's expressions also feel loaded with shame, as if he's repeatedly chiding himself for being foolish enough to love someone like Boeing, who so cruelly tossed him aside. That somehow he feels partly to blame. Maybe this is a Sand he doesn't want Ray to see. Yet here Ray is, on the side-lines, taking all this in.

From their very first interaction, Boeing is trying to undermine Ray. You can see Ray's growth as he doesn't confront or make a fuss, but chooses to respect Sand's wishes and instead stays quietly hidden to keep watch. He looks to Sand for confirmation he'll be okay on his own before leaving. Though he can detect something isn't right, he allows Sand the opportunity to handle this first.

As soon as he sees Boeing trying to cross a line, he steps in. He's not going to permit Boeing trying to drag Sand off somewhere alone, he'd rather keep the enemy directly under his nose.

What I'm hoping to see in Episode 12 is protective Ray to come out full force. I've said this before but the entire series has been Sand looking after Ray. Whereas this would be a great opportunity for Ray to look out for Sand, and to teach Boeing a lesson at the same time.

That eye contact in the last scene was so loaded. Ray's gaze is a silent threat- 'That's my man you're looking at, don't get used to it. If you're really stupid enough to try anything on my watch, I'll tear your neck out.' Don't ever underestimate Ray, he's small but feisty.

anyone who sees mew/cheum as morally superior or less "in the wrong" than boston or ray are basically proving the show's point that society views mental illness and promiscuity as being morally abhorrent and how those people will always receive far less forgiveness than those seen as "pure"

so anyway pray for Boeing, nothing wrong with him he just thinks he can compete with this guy,,,

Thank you.

I saw a lot of people saying that ray wants to buy sand off. Like seriously the more I read the discourse the more I wonder if I am watching the same show.

Did you miss the scene where ray had a meltdown after he thought that sand was using him for his money. And in this episode sand literally tells ray that he will let him treat him if it's rays money. And he happily accepts the gift.

Ray is not trying to buy him off, he is showing love the way he knows, using his wealth. And sand knows it , that's why he accepted the guitar and actually put a boundary regarding the money.

Only Friends | "He took the money because I forced him to. I admired him. He seemed to live a tough life. So I gave him the money. Don't be mad at him."

Over the series, Ray has harboured an obvious complex over whether Sand may be interested in him due to his wealth - a complex which funnily enough he established by offering to pay Sand to spend time with him from the get go. From the morning after they slept together, Sand makes a point of turning down Ray's money as he now deems him a friend.

Episode 11 is proof that Ray has taken to heart what Sand taught him in Episode 4 and what he has more recently come to learn in Episode 10. Ray could easily pay for Sand and all his needs, but that's not the point. Sand wants to earn his own way and to be seen as capable of doing so, without taking advantage of anyone in the process.

Ray is no longer throwing money at Sand as a means to placate or as leverage. Instead he puts his money towards supporting Sand's dreams, his passions. Intentional gifts that prioritise Sand's happiness, rather than as a gesture of frivolity or force of habit.

When Ray says "I'll pay anything for you", it's his way of saying 'this is the least I can do to take care of you when you do so much for me.' Ray may still feel like he doesn't bring much to the table, but what he can offer is his wealth. Rather than this being a point of insecurity, he can now regard it as a privilege that can be extended to Sand as stability, as support, as love. 'I know you don't need my money. But I am happy to provide for you.'

Tell me if I am wrong but does Boeing know that ray is mews best friend. Like imagine if he doesn't and he gets to know it later.

My ex + sort of friend, who I got by cheating on my bf, is in love with a guy who is the ex and best friend of my other ex 's boyfriend. The one I cheated on . I tried to get revenge on my ex but his ex is vindicative so I try to rebound of my other ex who I dumped and told him I want him back even if he is in a relationship. But I am not a homewrecker you know, I just want to be friends. But his boyfriend , he's fierce by the way but kind of friendly , asked me out in front of my ex and now we are in his pool for a threesome.

I thought I was a hot mess

Its not just firstkhao who needs a romcom, these two need one too.

Only Friends (2023) | Ep.11

But you might be my exception. What are you saying? You don't have to act so sweet. Because I helped you with Atom, you’re returning the favor by becoming my boyfriend? No, you jackass. But it made me realize who really cares about me. No matter how nasty or shitty I am, he always stands right by my side. You are a romantic. You're delusional and get into something too easily. I bet you thought we were boyfriends ever since we first hooked up. No way, you asshole. I'm not that delusional. But you're the one who got my hopes up. I am the way I am. Do you want to be my boyfriend though?

Loving how this ep divided the sandray fans into two. The ones who desperately want a threesome and the ones who want Boeing to fall of an airplane.

But nah I don't think a threesome is gonna happen. Sand has to learn to make some boundaries, it's needed if he wants to be in a relationship with ray. Guess this is how he is gonna learn.

( though my horny side really wants to see three hot men going at it )

ray every ep: invites people over to have a threesome with him and sand

ray when boeing actually comes: get rid of him or ill kill him myself

The amount of love coming off of Ray and Sand is almost painful. The way they talk to each other and about each other? Ugh, my entire heart. It's all the little things and the ways that they're showing their love and then the music disappears with Boeing's arrival and changes and everything about Sand's body languages changes and all that love is suddenly lost in awkward lines and stiffness and separation and Sand looking away.

That's the hardest part.

The space changes so instantly between them when Boeing arrives. It's like a switch.

Tired Sand is still tired. So tired. He has so much drama around him and all he wants is a quiet relationship and to be able to go to concerts and enjoy music.

Oh. Oh that is a hard line.

And Ray is watching them and Sand doesn't say no. Sand doesn't say no to him. Not directly.

And then Ray stomps in to bring the jealousy and the pain and the fears. Because he and Sand might have just started to make everything work again but he's still the same self-hating, self-destructive poor little rich boy he's always been.

Ray is so reliant on Sand, he loves him so much, and he is literally watching Sand not reject Boeing again and again.

I love Sand to death and on every level but the fact that he is not actually saying no to him but seems to expect Ray to just... not be upset about it is not working. He pulls away when Boeing is there. He insists on sending Ray home to stay with Boeing.

Sand, my darling boy, what are you doing?

Regarding the discourse on only friends, I think the fandom has to throw out the idea of who's the villain?.

There's no villain. There's no psycopath or evil mastermind. This is just a show a about 20 something students messing up their life's intentionally or unintentionally , making mistakes and learning from them. No one is right or wrong they are messy and that's the point.

I asked for messy not for pain.

Firstkhao is just wow I have no words. Damn stupid talented gorgeous people making me cry so much. I hate you.

Me the entire time I am watching this bloody show

Lmao if editing is being done based on audience's " big reactions " then there is no way this series is ending with the couples seperated. Gmmtv is not going to risk pissing of fans , right ?

It's a shame. Funny how scenes with emotions is being cut in a series with sexual promiscuity. It's giving Victorian age but with a twist.

Do you guys think only friends will start talking about std's ?

This might be a tiny theory or me making something up but cheum and atom in the trailer is so interesting. Cheum looks so distressed and worried. And atom looks devastated. And it feels like an overreaction for a one night stand.Maybe atom caught something.

Idk it may be me jumping to the worst scenario but I also feel like that is the perfect place to bring it. I mean for a show that is sex positive there's a noticable lack of safe sex talk.

I just love the diverse range of opinions among Only Friends viewers .....

If there's one thing I find quite fascinating as an OFTS enjoyer, it's the varying opinions we have about the show's characters.

Every single character has both shooters as well as critics, and there's not a single opinion that unites us all. Why? Well, it might just be because these characters are astonishingly realistic.

Take RayMew for instance, cause I've seen heated debates on both sides of this dynamic. Some argue that Mew is treading on thin ice by pursuing a relationship with Ray, knowing full well about his emotional volatility.

On the flip side, there are staunch defenders of Mew who insist that he's vulnerable, having been betrayed and cheated on, and Ray is capitalizing on that (just like Boston implied)! The opinions here are a muddied mess, much like the characters' feelings.

Then, there's Nick and Boston. I mean, most viewers find themselves sympathizing with Nick and harboring a deep dislike for Boston for obvious reasons.

But a good number of them also admit that Nick was wrong to record Boston without consent, and Boston has always been transparent about his feelings toward Nick.

Sand, who is mostly loved by all, isn't immune to scrutiny either. While many of us adore him, we can't deny his imperfections.

It's this multi-dimensional nature of the characters that makes discussing this show so exhilarating.

There are no definitive right or wrong takes when it comes to these characters; it's all about perspective.

It's about slipping into their shoes, understanding why they make the choices they do, and then looking at it from another character's standpoint, and understanding why they are criticized.

It's the realism that I enjoy so much. In the real world, most people aren't simply categorized as inherently good or evil; they're shaped by their experiences and personalities.

We all have those people in our lives who staunchly stand by us, no matter what, and those who will never understand us. The characters of Only Friends embody this human complexity to the fullest.

None of them are perfect, and that's precisely why we're drawn to them. They're beautifully flawed, just like real people.

What makes it so captivating for me isn't just following the story in the show. It's also diving into character discussions, hearing a spectrum of fan opinions, and embracing the diversity of viewpoints.

Personally, I appreciate both the criticisms and defenses for each character. It's this variety of perspectives that makes this show so fun to discuss.

This.

Handling an addiction. Part 1.

Cause oh we need to have this conversation

Disclaimer: I am not a professional, and I won’t pretend to be. This is based on my personal experience as someone who is/was in several relationships with people who struggle from different forms of addiction. I want to clarify that I do understand all characters and while I’m going to critique them I do not blame them. The very important thing to remember is that it's a very complicated topic and there is no clear right answer to it. Let's keep in mind that any conversation about any difficult topic is always mostly one-sided and it's impossible to talk about everything once. This is about addiction and only about it, but all characters are way more then that one topic. Are we good now? Let's go.

So, let’s talk about Ray’s addiction and how people in his life are failing to handle it. 

The most important thing to remember is: addiction is a disease. By definition of most medical associations all over the world. Addiction is not a personal choice. And while it doesn’t excuse Ray’s behaviour throughout the show, it explains it. And this is a big difference. Ray as a character is much more than just his addiction, absolutely. But his addiction is a huge part of who he is and how he behaves and we need to constantly remember about it.

This conversation begins every week after every episode. Most people who seem to understand the complexity of his situation are also people who have a lot of sympathy and understanding towards him, and this is great. There are also a lot of people who feel towards him mostly annoyance and desire for him to stop without understanding why he can't - and this list starts from characters in the show. It’s, again, understandable. It’s also the worst thing you can do towards someone who struggles from addiction. 

So let’s start from Ray’s friend group and we’ll go from the least harmful to most harmful characters’ behaviour.

Boston. Yeah, shockingly, I know. But the fact is - Boston actually has the best-ish (from the worst so it’s not a high ground here) approach towards Ray’s addiction. And why? Well, cause he doesn’t give a fuck and doesn’t pretend to do. Boston is way far from the good support system Ray actually needs but at least he never judges Ray for his habits. He won’t help him, sure, but he won’t damage him harder (well, he is, but on a different topic).

We don’t actually know a lot about this friend group dynamic outside of their current drama and one episode happened two years ago. But we kind of can assume (cause Mew said it twice - in episodes 1 and 6) that Boston at least on some level was periodically responsible for taking Ray home. Which is really weird for me, by the way, cause both times Mew said Boston will take care of him Boston was also drinking. Not on Ray’s level, but still not in a shape to drive. But whatever. 

Don’t get me wrong, Boston is a shitty friend. He’s the one called Ray a burden in episode 1 which led to Ray rushing out.

And he intentionally targets Ray more than once towards the show about Mew, which is absolutely harmful and not helpful (can we talk about the weird obsession Boston has about Ray and Mew having sex? Like dude relax, nobody cares. Well, Top does).

He is absolutely not someone you want to have in your support system while trying to heal (not if Ray’s trying but we’ll get to that in part 2). But at least he is honest about not wanting to handle an addict. And the truth is: no one in this friends group wants to. And it’s fine, actually, more on that in a minute. But oh the level of hypocrisy the other two have.

Cheum. So, I truly don’t understand what the show is trying to tell us with this one. It’s either a clear critique on the hypocrisy people tend to have towards addicts or an attempt to show how addiction ruins not only people with it but also their surroundings. And if it’s the second one then I have a problem with how it’s shown.

There is a gold rule of cinema: show, don’t tell. We are told more than once that Cheum and Mew were actively trying to stop Ray. But what we’re actually shown is way different. The thing is, they are college kids. They drink a lot. They party a lot. And if we see this group all together they are either in university or drinking (except for the iconic pool scene). And specifically Cheum seems to get drunk pretty often. So while we’re told they tried to help Ray we’re shown only how they actually (unintentionally!!) support his behaviour or ignore it. And what should I think?

I think that they missed the point when Ray’s habits became an actual addiction. And I understand why - it’s a very easy thing to miss. I think that before his suicide attempt they did’t notice his mental struggles. I think after that they were shocked and scared and they didn’t know how to handle it so they chose to ignore it. This is a very common reaction and it’s understandable. 

The very important moment to remember is they don’t owe Ray anything. They can choose to help him and support him or not to deal with it. Handling an addiction is so hard and frustrating and exhausting for every participant. And if they choose to not get themselves into it - it’s normal. It doesn’t make them bad people, as choosing to help doesn't make somebody a better person. It’s a choice and every choice matters.

But if you make this choice - be true to it. Don’t play the “I tried to help you but you don’t want it so it’s on you” card. People with addiction didn’t choose to be that way. But people in their lives? They have an actual choice. No one will judge you if it’s not for you (at least normal people won’t). It’s honestly way better than staying only to constantly remind an addict how bad he is - he knows it already.

The thing I have to say to Cheum is - go away. It’s harsh, but it needs to be said. Don’t lie to yourself or Ray. Tell him (in very careful way) that you are tired, that you can’t handle it, that he needs help you can’t provide. Or stay, but do your research and prepare yourself to long hard work. But don’t continue to constantly drink with him to then be surprised why he can’t get better. Cheum is absolutely not responsible for Ray's actions. But she is responsible for hers. 

The one time I was almost agree with her was that scene.

Because bringing drugs was a very fucked up thing to do - Ray puts at risk not only himself but the whole group and he deserves to be called out on that. But. She continues to put all the blame on Ray - the thing she does the whole episode and it’s just frustrating as hell -  forgetting about Mew. Mew, who actually has a lot of responsibility in that situation.

Mew. Well, he does the worst thing you can imagine to do with a person like Ray. I get it, he’s hurt, I totally understand why he does what he does. I don't think he intends to hurt Ray. But.

Mew forgets a critically important thing here - can you guess which one? - right, that Ray is an addict. Mew can do all this stuff and be fine afterwards. It is always a risk that he won’t, of course, but his superiority complex tells him he’ll be fine. And I also think so - I mean, he's a young adult, he can try partying and drinking and drugs and be totally okay after.

He can turn back. Ray can’t.

Mew did help Ray in his worst moment that one time two years ago, and it is worth remembering. And after that Mew tried his best to distance himself from Ray’s struggles - again, understandable. He was trying to talk with Ray and while it was really bad - I still give him the benefit of a doubt. He is young, he’s not a specialist, he didn’t do any research and he thinks it might work.

But a moment he decides to let loose he turns to Ray for help. Because Ray will never judge him - both cause his idolisation and cause it’s not his place to judge, he does all this stuff himself. And this is absolutely terrible. I’m sorry, but it is. Mew, the same as everyone else, doesn’t owe Ray his help or time or support. But while it is not necessary for him to help Ray, it is a necessity to not actively - and this time intentionally - support him in this.

For Mew everything happening is episode 8 is a journey, a new experience. For Ray it's a fucking relapse.

He knows Ray is an addict. He just doesn’t care at the moment. But it can be so, so dangerous for Ray. Mew started this spiraling down journey, but it’s Ray who will end up at the bottom.

And for everyone who says Ray is also an active participant - he is. But he is not. He has a disease. And he gets in a situation where a person he idolises, his favourite human being, finally doesn’t judge him. Instead, Mew supports him. Mew wants to be like him. Can you imagine even a possibility where Ray in this situation says no? It’s impossible, not in the state he’s in right now.

And this is why I critisize this friend group. This is why they deserve to be criticized. Because this is a depiction of how these things work in reality too. You don't have to help him. But the least thing you can do - if you deside to stay in his life - is to have a compassion towards him and don't get him worse.

In part two I will talk about Ray’s current state and of course about the one person who kind of does the better job here - and why Sand is able to do it.

I find it so funny that fans were making mew the mastermind manipulator but now that he's actually being toxic those same people are treating him as a baby. Like I don't understand, are we watching the same show, lol.

Addiction ( in only friends ) and how it impedes your perception of the situations you are in

Never thought I needed to write this but I have been seeing so many posts blaming ray and I wanted to get it out. Later if I have time I would write a dissertation about this topic because it's extremely important.

Disclaimer : Know that I am not absolving ray of his wrongdoings nor am I blaming his behaviour on other characters but we know the root of his behaviour but it seems like there is a lack of understanding.

All this is from my observations with people I know who have addiction so this is my personal experience and not me telling everyone how they should act or feel.

.................

Ray is a selfish person. We all know that. But so is Boston , so is mew, so is cheum. So why is ray getting the most hate. Because he is a drunkard. During ep 3 or 4 , when we saw ray at his most vulnerable , everyone was going oh poor ray. And now everyone is telling the opposite. Now I see a lot of people asking why mew and the others not taking care of him, even me. But this is why. See how easy it was for a major part of the audience to forget his addiction and completely blame ray. Now imagine if you are the one who has to deal with ray on a daily basis for two long years. It's exhausting , overwhelming and frustrating and eventually you are going to form an antipathy. My drunkard friend is not going to listen to my well intentioned warnings so why should I care. You can see it clearly in mews behaviour. Mew has given up caring.

Loved ones start giving up , because the pain the addicted one causes is too much to bear. And that is the reality of addiction. This was most clearly shown through rue from euphoria. Her mother, friends, sister cared about her but you can see the toll it creates on everyone.

Addiction is a harmful disease and one of the reason why is that it morphs the user into someone unrecognisable. Look at sober ray, his moments with sand, he's adorable, fiesty, sassy and very charming. But what he becomes when he is drunk or high is a selfish guy who doesn't care about anyone but himself.

Once again I am not blaming the entire thing on alcohol, but trying to say how that much addiction can cause one to act in ways they won't normally wont when sober.

Alcohol and drugs is ray's escape from his inner thoughts and his shitty lonely life. But he's got so dependent on it and his pain is too much that he greatly needs that buzz of happiness that alcohol and drugs gives him. He's so dependent on it that he can't be happy without it. I know that most portrayel of alcoholics have them be absolutely useless and trashed. But ray is not like that, which is even more dangerous , because he is a functional alcoholic.

And it's dangerous because it won't be clear to a lot of people about how he needs help. And more importantly it won't be clear to him about how he needs help. When ray thinks to himself all he can focus on is that he can do chores, he can talk to people normally, he can walk in a straight line, he is not an alcoholic in the way we are always shown, but he is. He is seen with drinks almost all the time, he spends the most time in a bar , he is probably walking around conscious but still drunk. And as long as he is a functional alcoholic , ray would never go or ask for help.

When you are that dependent on this , any tiny problem would have you running to escape , because the escape as an option is easy then doing the messy work of knowing when you are wrong or wronged and dealing with the emotions that come with it. We have seen ray doing it, especially when paired with mew.

When you are that dependent you don't see that you need help. To ray he is having fun, he's not miserable when he is drunk or high , when he is in that state he gets everything. So what if he is called a burden, he is still on top of the world. So when people say to him that he is an alcoholic he's confused , because he is not an alcoholic. He's having fun.

Now during ep 8 we are actually seeing him being selfish and an asshole. During ep 6 we saw him very effectively damaging his relationships. The common point between these two eps is that he is under the influence. Those are his sober thoughts but he won't say it aloud when he is sober but when he's drunk he doesn't have any inhibitions so he says everything that comes to him. Combine that with the pain of being called a burden , of unrequited love and he tries to escape from the feelings by drinking again and it forms a vicious circle. It came to a point where he lashed out and as always hurt people under the influence of something can be destructive.

I am not saying that what he did was right or the pain he caused was justifiable or should be forgiven. They shouldn't but rays feeling shouldn't be minimised too. Addiction is complex and asking for help can be a hard task. And in the case of ray I don't think he realises that he needs help. That's the problem with addicts, they don't know that the thing that's giving them happiness is the same thing that's causing them harm. Or they know but they are far too gone that they don't care.

Be it smoking , drugs or alcohol or anything else , people use it for escape but the usage becomes too much that their entire day is only fulfilled , when they get their daily dose of happiness from it. Which changes their perception to accomodate one and only one thing , the next fix, the next drink. Which is why they become selfish cause their entire world is wrapped around that bottle and everything else comes secondary.

Addiction has the potential to completely change a person. You know the person you grew up with or you know personally is somewhere inside there but what you see when they are under the influence is someone you never dreamed your loved one's can be. And it's painfull.

Another way people with addiction is dehumanised is that everyone uses them. You want a drink ? that person will always have a bottle with them, you need a fix that guy knows a person , want to have fun that person will show you a good time . I think a lot of people have heard these phrases.

For most people it's harmless fun, for the addict it's an ego boost . And it encourages them to continue that lifestyle. Which is what happened with raymew and the entire friends group in general.

They use ray but they are willfully blind to the harm that causes him. Mew was the one who wanted to try smoking, coke and party, ray never forced him, because for ray that is his happy place. Substances is the one thing that gives him happiness, he does not have the capacity to stop or think of it as wrong.

To ray , mew has finally chosen him, he is finally doing the things he loves. He's not going to stop mew from doing anything when he thinks he finally getting what he always wanted. Ands it toxic and it's not right but that's the reality of an addict.

And he should be happy about it but he isn't because he needs sand. And that is what confused him to spiral further and ignore his emotions and snort coke. Because that's the best thing he can do, run away.

Why is sand so important to ray ? I said in an another post that sands generosity is out of the ordinary. He's mature for his age in a way that makes me feel like he has known an addict before.

And ray needs that. He doesn't need enablers. he needs someone to physically stop him from taking it. Or atleast make him realise that what he is doing is dangerous. And sand is the one who's going to do it.

Thing is it's not sand's job to do it. But till ep 8 he was choosing to be that person. Saying that ray is forcing sand to do something is just taking away the agency from sand. He's not a kid. He's making his own decisions.

And if he is helping him it won't be an easy journey. If they are bringing the addiction rehab plot line into the show then I could see a scene happening that is reminiscent of the car chase scene from euphoria.

Sand and his generosity.

Sand is a great character and I find it interesting that even though he did a crime, is actively doing another crime the majority of the fandom is behind him being such a good guy, and he is. But it got me thinking. Why is he so generous towards ray?

Now 14 yr old me would have instantly said true love but now I know a lot more. Something about his care for ray feel so familiar. Like he knows exactly what to do with someone like ray, on the verge of an alcoholic spiral 24/7.

The first few episodes we see them connecting but even if they did connect more then the other couples, there was something huge missing. Sand didn't know the extend of rays addiction. And then we see sand processing it and then top comes barging in and derails him and the entire trainwreck that resulted and sand had understood just how gone ray is. That boy needs rehab asap.

But sand goes after him, he saves him, he takes care of him, he bends to his every whim and is happy to do so, only to be tossed aside. And it's in the way he takes care of him. He knows how to take care of a drunk person , he knows how to be gentle with them , he knows how to scold them without coming across as demeaning or prejudice. He has the patience of someone who's already dealt with circumstances like these. Of taking care of a loved one who is an addict.

You can see it in the way he doesn't bring up the outburst. He bought up the drunk driving because it has the potential to cause lasting harm. But an outburst in a bar will be just that an outburst. Sand doesn't know that ray had told mew about topton, but he doesn't give the outburst much thought when ray had attacked him directly. And that's where I think he knows what to except from an outburst from an addict and is choosing to not take it personally. And that level of insight is not typical in a 20 something college kid , even if the college kid works in a bar , because ray targeted him specially. Nobody would have blamed him if he didn't go, heck rays friends who he have known for years didn't go but sand a recent acquaintance went.

Now it can be said that sand has seen the good side of ray, and he has. When it comes with dealing with addicts most people focus on changing the bad side and forget about the good side. But sand didn't , he saw the good side, liked it and is trying to get that back. That smile in the bathtub, he thought he was getting it back. But then he saw raymew dancing and that look is so interesting. Because there's no anger, there's sadness, and heartbreak and disappointed. And there's resignation. He predicted it would happen and it did.

He wasn't disappointed with ray, he was disappointed in himself. He was dealing with an addict, trying to save him when the person doesn't want to be saved. Something he has done before. Something he so familiar with he was anticipating the heartbreak when he and ray had hooked up. It's exactly like playing with fire.

So why did he jump right in when he knows the pain, because it's familiar to him.

So who's this person who has given sand the experience with working with addicts . Either his mom who's the closest person we have seen to him or his ex.

Imagine if it was his ex , someone he loved , cared for and has helped with a recovery process but then top comes and takes him away. By using drugs.

Which would explain why sand is so mad at him , why he insisted that top stole him.

Sand saw the good side with his ex , helped him get back and all that was tossed away for the next fix that top had with him. And he fought tooth and nails for him , but the ex chose his next fix and not him.

Then his eyes fell on a boy similar to his ex , who's also going through addiction and sand wants to help him since it's so familiar. And he knows it's a bad idea and he is watching the exact same thing happen away and this time he's so resigned and too tired too fight.

His generosity is not just because he's a good person , it's because he's used to it, it's because it's familiar to him.