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Losing My Mind - Blog Posts
Pre-period sads and rage are the absolute worst. I’ll be sad AND bitchy for no reason!! Then 2-3 days later there’s the reason. You’d think after having a period for over 12 years I’d see the signs but noooooooo. My stupid lizard brain forgets all about it and I carry on about my merry way.
WHEN ON PERIOD:
do not crash out
your feelings are NOT valid
do not send that text
don't kill yourself. lock in
do not act on negative emotions until at least 2 days have elapsed
@somerandomdudelmao updated and i had to get this out
ill make it better later considering i ran to my tablet to make this !!
aemond targaryen has chosen cookie the gingerbread man as his hand.
today we mourn the loss of my sanity. reason: the people at my school who wont stfu
Devsisters are you fucking kidding me
"are we about to kiss rn?"
ive had zukka on the mind
Rain Walk- mhw #1
I have decided to document a series where I chronicle the walks I take for my mental health. Let us begin for this past Saturday when it was raining.
View from near by neighborhood. Blurred for cool effects and to make the pretty lights stand out.
Who doesn’t love a good walk in the rain? This was purely spur of the moment but something in me was just telling me that I NEEDED to be out in that rain walking around. Especially since it was starting to slow down.
It’s been rough ngl. Also the feeling of the rain sprinkling in your skin is 20/10. Another 20/10 is walking in the rain while ALSO listening to a liminal space playlist. I highly recommend it.Also the fog starting to drop in was another 20/10.
The rain in a way can feel like a liminal space because of how empty the roads can be. Liminal spaces are shown to be rather lonely which was sort of the case on my walk. Just occasional car would pass by. Now I’m thinking about liminal rooms with a rain landscapes. That sounds cool.
I started to notice on my walk there are only specific types of people that really take walks on the rain:
Big Dog Walkers
Smokers
The Mentally Ill Like Me
The Occasional Avid Elderly Walker
Of course they all make perfect sense for different reasons, but if there’s anyone I’d prefer the pass it’s the smoker as they always have a unique sense of style. The smoker I passed had a striped shirt and green hair. Kinda like that one Danganronpa character whose name I can’t remember.
And another great thing about walks in the rain is you’ll find little friends on the sidewalk as pictured below:
Pictured are Mx. Snail and the Earthworm. Couldn’t find the earthworm on my second loop around so I hope they’re okay. The Snail went to hide in their shell and I respect that. Some people are just camera shy and you can’t change that.
Well, that’s all I have left to say on the matter. I’ll probably take another walk tomorrow, been wanting to explore this canyon.
Allow me to provide a song recc from my playlist. Lemme know if you have any you’d like to give me for my playlist!
Being queer means that the only time I’ve ever felt good about myself in photos is when I dressed up as a clown for my sister’s photography assignment where my clownsona (Gigatron AKA Giggles AKA Trap K$ng G) climbs the clown corporate ladder to become clown of the month
I use this photo every time I have to use a photo of myself for something (including a name placard for a research conference) and I have no regrets
i was drawing while looking completely normal; hunched, bended towards table and had a calm, focused expression on my face. but inside, i was losing my mind. i was pulling a whole ass yotaro "im actually scared of drawing" panel. but i looked normal. it's so weird to me that i can lose my mind while sitting there and doing something i don't even have to. i was lying in my bed carefree and i chose to lose my freaking mind and be scared over some pen and paper. casually, of course. i lost my mind so casually even i was amazed by it.
i can't express how much i love them enough. i can't
The veteran trio official arts 🤍
Tuesday, Nov. 1st, 2022
4:35pm
Dear Me,
I’m at the Brookside Market today, and there’s so much on my mind. First, when I woke up this morning, Angel (oldest sister) was in a bad mood and wanted the apartment to herself. I didn’t know what to do with myself because I needed the space too, simple as that. The apartment is a safe space that shelters me from the outside, from New York City, while I am still struggling. It concerned me that she was feeling bad and I wanted to give her space, but I also wanted to talk too, we haven’t talked one-on-one much at all.
I ended up just staying to myself and offering to make her breakfast, to which she turned down. After I ate, she talked to me about me about my spending impulses after the heels I bought as a birthday present for myself arrived. She wants me to stop being so impulsive with “indulging” myself and stop spending my money carelessly. I told her that I never learned what it means to be responsible with money and practically took advantage of the money available. She was extremely frustrated and abrasive, and went towards assuming that I expect for money to always be there. That I expect people to cover my needs while I indulge in what I want. She’s right? I guess?
Despite whatever negative consequences come, I just move forward with asking for more money when I’m in hot water, just to put myself in the same situation over and over again. I want to be smarter with money, not only for the purpose of learning, but to be successful with the life I want to live. I just need to be more conscious of how I spend. I need to think about the bigger problems more, and really use my money for my needs, instead of thinking about my immediate wants. I need to be more forward-thinking with my money WHILE using my money to provide for myself independently, starting now. All of my basic needs are being covered, but they won’t anymore.
She decided that she and Gem are no longer giving me money, so I have to change and provide for myself. BUT, this is not to say that I want to rely on them or take advantage of them, ever (I haven’t even been spending their money when I’m “indulging”). I still feel really bad about my actions in response to them helping me, and I don’t want to continue those actions. To Angel and Gem, I’m so sorry for unintentionally hurting you and spending money that I have and that you gave me on unnecessary things, rather than saving towards my potential apartment or my subway card. It was not smart nor respectful to do so, and I promise to take this information (even with the nasty delivery) and be smarter with my money, and to learn from this and grow from this point onward.
Part 2 Part 3
Save me ZoLu save me…
Better quality/individuals under cut!
me declaring my love for ding-ding. I love ding-ding. so. much.
husband dump
Dear reader
What, pray tell, may I ask, mayhap you guess, is the song stuck in my head at this, yes THIS, very instant?!
Consider, before you guess, that I:
A: slept nary a wink last night,
B: am still recovering from the nastiest cold I've been cursed to endure in many a moon and I am possessed of a certain sensitivity to Dayquil that makes me think entirely too much,
C: am in the midst of a life-changing depressive episode, triggered by a multitude of small, yet unbearable happenings in my life, that my self-aggrandizing, dramatic ass has decided shall be the crucible that will forge me into something stronger or
BREAK ME UPON THE ROCKS OF MY INNER TEMPEST, LEAVING NOTHING BUT AN EMPTY HUSK OF A PERSON WHO ONCE DREAMED AND NOW MERELY SURVIVES FOR DIRTY FILTHY MONEY?!
WELL??
I hope you enjoyed my Romanticynicyst humor that mask my inner pain.
I KNOW you enjoyed the cat. Share as you see fit.
See, you have Jack “on the verge of death, but everyone else’s health and safety are more important than mine lol” Kelly and David “I love my friends but I need to stay healthy too because I deserve it” Jacobs and they are in love if you even care.
I don't like ES season 2 and 3 but I can't stop thinking about this episode 😔
A certain defense attorney
Okay tumblr it’s your turn
so this is how it went right?
This is how that scene went right
!!TW BLOOD!!
Wanted to finish this animation for halloween but oh well Huge thanks to my classmate David Rhombus on youtube for helping me get started on After Effects Enjoy
do you understand my vision
2014, 2024, I get two nickels
The Rumor Come Out: Does The Taggerung is Gay ?
this except i hateee not knowing and it actually eats me alive, i hate uncertainty
jesus christ val.. are you- are you okay?
Rick.
He told me to stop using the device he made me to hide everything I didn’t like about myself. Sure, it didn’t hide everything, but it hid most things…
but..
I argued with him about it.
I told him no.
He said I shouldn’t care about what other people think, and he loved me no matter what.
But, I wanna be normal.
I care what people think.
He took it from me.
Now I have to stare at the monster that I never wanted to see again..
Myself.
((Boom, big reveal!
Well, now you guys know what’s under the mask! feel free to ask Val about it!))