“An Honest Examination Of Your Beliefs Is A Lot Like Cleaning House (I’m Using Creative Imagination

This is worth doing, no matter what outwardly-visible, culturally-acknowledged things I do or don’t achieve.

This is worth doing just for me.

I’ve been trying this out and it’s been quite helpful 🤗

PsychologyDaily.com ➤ Sleep App ➤ Google Play: https://ift.tt/2Oplarb

drive-by advice: find ways to recharge your extrovert batteries without draining your avoidant ones!

here’s a shortcut – 

is there stuff that doesn’t involve direct socializing at all, but still lets you extrovert and absorb experiences?

for example

going to a music concert or festival

a sports game

a flea market or farmer’s market

traveling

visiting a public park

eating at a restaurant

driving in traffic

walking through the city

hiking

spending time with animals/pets

expressing yourself creatively

people-watching

reading forums or nonfiction books

and under the readmore, I’ll throw in some questions that might be helpful to think about~ good luck!

try and figure out what types of socializing you like, and what you don’t like. think about the people involved, and the level of personal interactivity:

how many people you’re with

how well you know them

the location

any distracting activities you’re doing

whether you’re doing the activities together (like playing video games against each other) or individually (like studying), interacting actively or passively

is there a pre-decided/built in time limit?

and (very important)

the level of personal connection / vulnerability / visibility while you’re with them

as an extrovert, what makes you feel better? what kind of interactions seem really satisfying to you? (there are different shades of extroversion; there’s no right or wrong answers, the important thing is to figure out what works for you and what you need)

do you need to have a personal discussion with someone in order to feel content? or just talk about random (impersonal) stuff? or casually bump into each other throughout the day? or hang out quietly in the same space?

(also consider, who qualifies? if there’s more than one person, what common traits do they have? how do they make you feel? can you generalize what it is about them that makes them good to spend time with? + who else do you know that fits those traits?)

and with your AvPD:

what kind of stuff makes you super avoidant? (this is hard to think about, but try, even tiny clues are helpful!)

what type of interaction do you really dread? try and identify what aspects of it are contributing: is it being around too many people at one time? too few? people you know very well, or not well enough? the environment – in public vs. semi-public vs. private? settings that discourage talking (movie theater, library) vs. encouraging it (eating a meal together)? what about when you’re at home vs other places?

okay, one more point:

if you don’t currently have anyone to interact with in positive ways, or if meeting people is one of your biggest problems right now, still think about this stuff. try and imagine your ideal situation to socialize in, with all these variables. really picture what you’d enjoy!

and then if possible, go do those things, even if you do them alone. 

why? because the kind of person you want to hang out with is gonna be drawn to the same places & activities as you. you don’t even have to “be friends” with them if that’s not what you’re looking for; you can just meet up to {play pool, video games, chess, basketball} or be workout buddies or watch new films or whatever you’ve figured out is what you want. especially if you want someone who’s not invested in forming a Close Emotional Attachment – then you’re basically looking for a person who cares more about {whatever activity}, and they’re probably already there.

plus, even if you don’t (or don’t want to) meet anyone, you still get to do fun stuff that you enjoy! and that generally makes life a little better :>

if you DO want to really make friends with someone -- in the typical sense, with mutual support and trust and sharing feelings -- you can still do it that way! though there are other ways to meet people as well.

but you see it all depends on how you want to connect with people. that’s why, in any scenario, it’s important to figure out what you want and need :)

being extroverted and avoidant fucking sucks

I don’t have personal experience with this, but I’m sure it is and I’m sorry that you’re struggling. And I’m also sure that plenty of others are dealing with the same thing, so know that you’re not alone. I wish you the best!

- Shinji

a healthy habit I’ve adopted recently is asking myself “how is this serving me”. I take this approach mostly when I’m scrolling through social media but it works for me in other aspects of life as well, such as when staying up late reading. Or what I’m feeding myself, sometimes it IS having that butter & honey on my fruit toast or having those cookies if it nourishes my soul. But having that question “how is this serving me” also lets me be conscious of how I am spending my time & resources. It allows me to tune into my goals and each step that either brings me closer or further from these

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact it may be necessary to encounter defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.

Maya Angelou (via recoveryisbeautiful)

“Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to. Our anger may be a message that we are being hurt, that our rights are being violated, that our needs or wants are not being adequately met, or simply that something is not right. Our anger may tell us that we are not addressing an important emotional issue in our lives, or that too much of our self–our belief, values, desires, or ambitions–is being compromised in a relationship. Our anger may be a signal that we are doing more and giving more than we can comfortably do or give. Or our anger may warn us that others are doing too much for us, at the expense of our own competence and growth. Just as physical pain tells us to take our hand off the hot stove, the pain of our anger preserves the very integrity of our self. Our anger can motivate us to say “no” to the ways in which we are defined by others and “yes” to the dictates of our inner self."

-Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Anger

your bare minimum isn’t actually that bare or minimum. my dad once told me that there’s nothing in this world that’s easy and that’s true tbh. everything we do takes energy, time, and effort. even the little things. if you feel like you’re not doing enough please try to think about your circumstances and what’s currently available to you: chances are, there’s something that’s diverting or otherwise draining you. and to pull away from that and get something done regardless? well, i think that’s really admirable! please try to take pride in the things you do accomplish in a day, no matter how small or trifling you perceive them to be. you can’t be proud of your growth if you don’t notice where you already are!

Georgia Voters *who voted in the November 2020 Election* are finding themselves PURGED from voter records.

This video explains how to check this and how to re-register

Deadline to re-register is Dec 7th