I'm Always The Last Option, Aren't I?

His puppy. His puppy. Butterflies in my stomach.

A part of me thinks "let's see how long that lasts" but idc I'm euphoric rn. And sobering up too but euphoric mostly.

i dont even necessarily need sex, i just really need to be submissive to someone. just to let them tell me what to do so i can switch off my stupid puppy brain for a while, just for them.

to be there on my knees while they do work, not even fully paying attention to my pathetic whines as i solely focus on them and them alone. a rough fucking would be appreciated but i dont need it. being on my knees is enough.

No cuz I'm actually so pissed why didn't he tell me he wasn't gonna sleep call with me . Why didn't he say he was gonna be chilling out with someone else. I just want communication it's not fucking hard. I communicate everything to you and you don't communicate back. It's not fair.

I should speak to puppy's American friend. Maybe it would make me feel less anxious and like this. Maybe even make me feel more calm.

Fractured. I’m about to kms and I’m so close to being serious.

Everything was so fine until right now.

I’m going to drink so hard to forget it and try to ignore it.

Things r so good so far this week.. waiting for the inevitable fracturing. Though, if that can happen AFTER next week once he's visited me (a SUPER recent development. I'm so excited.), I'd be very grateful. World, hear my plea.

Crazy to me that I don't allow myself to be happy (without actively trying) because I'm not supposed to feel human feelings. It's become natural to act like a dog. Something euphoric about that.

I hate having dreams. Why did I have a dream about him telling me he wants to know what I'm into so he knows how to play with me and him saying that he loves me and that he's attracted to me and wants to be with me forever. My head is fucking evil.

I love needing to be dehumanised and needing to not have free will sooo much that it makes me want to end myself. It feels so wrong to be human, to do things without true purpose, to be able to go anywhere, make my own choices. I wish people understood this and would be willing to treat others in a way that's "unacceptable" in a societal aspect. Need to not be in control.

Drawing based on things that happened this weekend... I love putting myself into source things instead of source me in source things.