He's Not Talking To Me. If He Went To Bed, He Didn't Say Goodnight. If He's Ignoring Me, He's Talking

I'm always the last option, aren't I?

He left. I now feel so empty and like I need to fill that void again. It's only a month until I see him again but it's gonna be a long month and I'm going to be in a mood about it the whole time. At least I'm covered in marks from him I guess.

Has been here a day and it's going well so far... keep it up guys

I'm not even gonna lie. I think kidnapping would fix us. Having someone else control everything again, being hurt, things done against my will, being treated as a lesser.

Tbh it doesn't even need to be kidnapping, just any kind of abuse/control hits (heh.) the spot, kidnapping is just the best possible outcome.

I can't even sleep right anymore because i need someone telling me what to do. If I knew how to seek it out, I would. We used to be able to find anyone like this but now we have no idea. Someone put me out of my misery.

Need someone who can treat me as a pathetic dog 24/7. Need someone who will tell me what to do. Need someone who makes decisions for me. Need someone who punishes me when I don't obey. Need someone who pushes me into dog headspace when I'm resilient and refusing. Need someone who can clicker train me.

I need to be someone's pet. I need to be able to be a dog around someone 24/7. I need to be owned.

Listening to Glitter Porn's Mind Sick transition to Clown Dreams is an ethereal experience tbh.

That explains why he wasn't talking to me last night. Or sleep call with me. Cuz he was sleep calling with another person. And it wasn't even his weird American friend thing. I'm going to do what he did last night and ignore the message. Purposefully ignore it so he knows I'm not happy. Is it so hard to communicate with me that you're going to be with someone else. Is it so hard to tell me what you're doing and what your plans are. Asshole.

I've got an odd feeling he's gonna do this again tonight. It wouldn't surprise me tbh. If he does, I'll be super mega upset tho.

No cuz I'm actually so pissed why didn't he tell me he wasn't gonna sleep call with me . Why didn't he say he was gonna be chilling out with someone else. I just want communication it's not fucking hard. I communicate everything to you and you don't communicate back. It's not fair.

if the cage is open why am i still trapped.

Sometimes being around him feels like being kicked around like an unwanted toy. Why would he send me this. This is how I feel around him. Why would he make me feel this way. "Dog becoming frantic any time he lays eyes on a new" he fucking knows what he's doing, he fucking knows.

Full disclosure: He does not abuse me. I am safe.