I've Got An Odd Feeling He's Gonna Do This Again Tonight. It Wouldn't Surprise Me Tbh. If He Does, I'll

He left. I now feel so empty and like I need to fill that void again. It's only a month until I see him again but it's gonna be a long month and I'm going to be in a mood about it the whole time. At least I'm covered in marks from him I guess.

Crazy to me that I don't allow myself to be happy (without actively trying) because I'm not supposed to feel human feelings. It's become natural to act like a dog. Something euphoric about that.

I'm having a freak out. Idk if I'm splitting or what but I'm freaking out. And I'm purposefully ignoring him. I need to. I can't fucking deal with him right now. Not because of anything he's done I just. I can't do it. But I need him. I need him to feel stable. Fucking kayemess. I need more people to talk to. I need more people that can be there for me. I hate being in servers where I try so hard to be active and make friends, then vent my feelings and nobody fucking says anything. They just blank me. I'm so fucking close to the edge. I hate this.

if the cage is open why am i still trapped.

We r drinking and having a good time and he's soured it by telling me that his American friend was sending him posts. I'm going to crash out istg.

He doesn't know he's mine. He really doesn't have a clue. Keeps talking about how he keeps flirting with people, but he won't get anywhere with all that. It's a futile attempt to get away. He's stuck with me, and I don't think he'll ever figure it out :3

I always come first, puppy. Always.

are people aware i have serious abandonment issues or

the only way to cure me is decapitation

Need someone to force alcohol down my throat when I don't want to drink.

"Aw, you were doing so well staying sober whilst in this headspace, puppy. How about a little treat? No? Refusing a gift? That's not very good of you, dog." And then they hold my mouth open and pour the hardest shit into my mouth and make me swallow.

...Right now. I need this right now.

Did not drink. Need to drink if we get like this again. And it will be blackout drunk. I can't handle him even saying that thing's name.