So In Rise There’s A Small Running Gag Where Whenever One Of His Family Members Try To Assume What

“Ranboo: Tubbo and I don’t use pet names. Tommyinnit: I see. Hey, what do bees make? Ranboo: Honey? Tubbo: Yes, dear? Ranboo: Tommyinnit: Don’t ever lie to my face again.”

—

two: *constantly getting horribly injured*

the brigadier: oh dear. do not like this.

three: *constantly getting horribly injured, spent his first few days alive absolutely spaced out, really bad balance because he's not used to being 6'3"*

the brigadier: right. must have a doctor on hand.

four: *constantly getting horribly injured, spent his first few days alive absolutely spaced out*

the brigadier: aha! i know this one! here, doctor, have a doctor.

four: thanks, alistair! *steals him*

the brigadier: fuck.

i fucked around on a random incorrect quote generator but with sbi/bee duo/chuckle sammie

(made with this)

SBI

Phil: I think we're missing something.

Wilbur: Teamwork?

Techno: Cohesion?

Tommy: A general sense of what we’re doing?

-

(Phil's helping Wilbur out after they get injured, while the others are watching)

Techno: How does Wilbur look?

Tommy: A little better than you, actually.

-

Phil: Tonight, one of you will betray us.

Wilbur: Is it me, Phil?

Phil: No, it’s not you.

Techno: Is it me, Phil?

Phil: It’s not you either.

Tommy: Is it me, Phil?

Phil:

Phil, mockingly: Is IT mE Phil?

-

Phil: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Wilbur: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Techno: I personally was created in a lab.

Tommy: I just straight up spawned lol.

-

Phil: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Wilbur: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Techno: I got distracted about halfway through.

Tommy: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

-

Phil: Why is Wilbur so sad?

Techno: They took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes

Phil: And...?

Wilbur: I got Tommy.

-

Phil: You know those things will kill you, right?

Wilbur, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.

Techno, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.

Tommy: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*

-

Phil: *Gently taps table*

Wilbur: *Taps back*

Tommy: What are they doing?

Techno: Morse code.

Phil: *Aggressively taps table*

Wilbur: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

-

Phil: Can I be frank with you guys?

Wilbur: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.

Tommy: Can I still be Tommy?

Techno: Shh, let Frank speak.

-

Bee Dou

Tubbo, struggling to keep upright in their 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me

Ranboo, pointing at them and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.

-

Tubbo: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.

Ranboo: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

-

Tubbo: A theif.

Ranboo: Thief?

Tubbo: Theif.

Ranboo: I before E, except after C.

Tubbo: Thceif.

Ranboo: No.

-

Tubbo: I made tea.

Ranboo: I don’t want tea.

Tubbo: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Ranboo: Then why are you telling me?

Tubbo: It is a conversation starter.

Ranboo: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Tubbo: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

-

Tubbo: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*

Ranboo: What did you do?

Tubbo: Nobody died.

Ranboo: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

-

Tubbo: Ranboo and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's-

Ranboo: Sentences.

Tubbo: Don't interrupt me.

-

Tubbo: You often use humor to deflect trauma

Ranboo: Thank you

Tubbo: I didn't say that was a good thing

Ranboo: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny

-

Tubbo: Change is inedible.

Ranboo: Don't you mean inevitable?

Tubbo, spitting out coins: No, I did not.

-

Tubbo, talking to Ranboo on the phone: Did you preheat the oven like I told you to?

Ranboo: You bet!

Tubbo: At what temperature?

Ranboo: 535.

Tubbo: That's the clock.

Ranboo:

Tubbo:

Ranboo: 536.

-

Chuckle Sandwich

Charlie, whispering to Ted, who’s on the phone with Schlatt: Ask them something!

Ted: How are you feeling?

Schlatt: Fine.

Charlie: Something personal!

Ted: At what age did you first get your period?

-

(The squad is trying to con some random guy)

Charlie: Um, Ted, why are you pretending I'm this guy's family?

Ted: We need money!

Charlie: You're scamming him?

Ted: I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him?

Charlie: What?! No way!

Ted: Why not? We already stole Schlatt!

Schlatt: Hey guys

Charlie: No, we didn't. Schlatt can think and talk for themself, they can do whatever they want!

Schlatt: I wanna steal

-

Charlie: You have to apologize to Ted

Schlatt: Fine.

Schlatt: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

-

Charlie: Hey Ted,

Ted: Yes?

Charlie: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?

Ted:

Ted: Where’s Schlatt?

-

Charlie: Are you sure this is the right direction?

Ted: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!

Schlatt: In that case, we're definitely lost.

-

Charlie: If you had to choose between Ted and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Schlatt: That depends, how much money are we talking about?

Ted: Schlatt!

Charlie: 63 cents.

Schlatt: I'll take the money.

Ted: SCHLATT!!!

-

Ted: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?

Schlatt: How am I supposed to know?

Charlie: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge.

Schlatt: *sighs*

Schlatt: You wouldn't be trapped.

-

Schlatt: Naturally, we are on the cutting edge of technology.

Ted, amazed: Wow...

Charlie, to Ted: Well what does that mean?

Ted: I don't know.

Ted, to Schlatt: What does that mean?

-

Ted: If Schlatt and I were drowning, who would you save?

Charlie: You two can’t swim?

Schlatt: It’s a hypothetical question, Charlie! who would you save?

Charlie: my time and effort.

-

Ted, driving Schlatt and Charlie: So how was your day?

Charlie: We almost got surprise adopted!

Ted: What?

Schlatt: We almost got kidnapped.

Ted: Oh, okay.

Ted: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

-

Ted: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Schlatt: The cow???

Ted: What?

Charlie: Schlatt, W H Y?

tommy: HELP! I TOLD PHIL I'D COOK TONIGHT BUT I CANT COOK FOR SHIT.

ranboo, pouring the milk into the cereal box: dont worry, my friend.

ranboo: you've come to the right person.

a father's love

More turtls for yall!! Mostly from the family au but also 2012 Donnie and Casey,

(lmk if yal like the big drawing posts, they come like once a week just with what I’ve recently done, or if I should post just once and more frequently))

Sam: (drunk) hey! You’re my favourite bitch

Gabriel: I… didn’t realize I was your bitch. Or that you had other bitches

Sam: your other personalities are also my bitches, but this one’s my favourite.

Gabriel: awwww…I think?

Cicero Headcanons

Yup. It’s time for dirty gremlin jester boi headcanons. Prepare thine bootyholes.

+ Very small lad. 5’ at most, and only 80 pounds when he first gets to Skyrim. He does gain a bit of weight as time goes on and he’s got access to food on a regular basis, but even then, he’s 100 pounds soaking wet. Very small boi.

+ Mid to late thirties, early forties at most. He’s been involved with the Brotherhood most all of his life. Was in the Bruma sanctuary first, and spent most of his twenties there until he was transferred to Cheydinhal. Spent the rest of his twenties and most of his thirties in Cheydinhal, then headed out to Skyrim. Only stayed in the Dawnstar Sanctuary for a couple of months before finally heading to Falkreath.

+ He does like his sweetrolls and carrots in particular, but more as a snack than a staple. He’s actually quite fond of a lot of food, and despite his tiny size, he can and will eat quite a bit! He didn’t have access to much of anything fresh during his time in Cheydinhal, and once he did, he garnered a new appreciation for his fruits and veggies. Hates mushrooms, though. Absolutely despises them if they’re cooked.

+ Is bi/pan, and demisexual. Before he came to Cheydinhal, he kind of took people for granted, in a sense. After contracts he would sometimes spend a bit of his money on some... rewards, shall we say. After everything that happens to him afterwards, however, he is FAR more grateful for good, genuine company. The lad needs a friend, and/or smooches. NSFW happenings aren’t completely off the table, but it takes a LOT of trust and reassurance on his end for him to want to get intimate with someone again. And I mean a lot.

+ He has a lot of tricks up his sleeves. Literally. His outfit is decked out with all sorts of secrets to give him an edge in a fight if he absolutely needs it. Steel toes at the ends of his boots, mini knife compartments also in boots and pretty much everywhere else on his person, knuckles in his gloves, and lots and lots of pockets.

+ Very early riser. When it’s the designated day of the week for oiling mother, he wakes up as early as five in the morning. It’s a very time consuming process, and he likes to get it out of the way as soon as he can so he has time to do other things. Otherwise, he may sleep in till seven at the latest. That being said, if he is sharing his bed with someone, he’s incredibly careful to not wake them, and once he’s done and all cleaned up, he comes back to wake them for the day.

+ Before getting a bit more settled in Skyrim (kind of Falkreath, but more Dawnstar, should he be spared during the Cure for Madness), he had issues with not taking care of himself properly due to issues with disassociation caused by his time in Cheydinhal. Didn’t bathe regularly, didn’t eat regularly. It isn’t until he’s among the company of his family (and was likely fed up with getting shit talked, if I’m going to be honest) that he makes a bit more of an effort to care for himself. Having someone as kind and caring as the listener certainly helps, however.

+ He had some pretty greasy ass hair before he started bathing properly again (the hair we see him with in-game). Once it’s all nice and clean and brushed out, though? Floof. Big ol floofy mane of copper hair.

+ He’s very, very well read on the history of the Dark Brotherhood. Quite the fan of Lucien Lachance, funnily enough. (I’ll get into some headcanons about these two nerds in the future if anyone is interested).

+ Him switching to third person is a very telling sign if he’s having anxiety issues or is otherwise upset. People with mental problems similar to him often switch to third person as a way to comfort themselves. It allows them to disassociate a bit, to make it feel like whatever is happening to them isn’t actually happening to them.

+ That being said, Cicero’s madness is likely comprised of survivor’s guilt (kind of a given), PTSD, and potential issues with bipolar and/or multiple personality disorder. He can certainly be helped, and his past isolation is largely to blame and can assumably be combated against, but it will always leave a mark on his psyche.

+ His laughter can be used as a nervous tic. Not all the time, but sometimes.

+ Speaking of tics and stims, this lad. This boy right here. He jiggle he leggy. He taps his fingers on the table, or his thighs, or wherever his hands may be. Has a habit of feeling at his face whenever he’s thinking, and sometimes picks at it if he’s feeling really anxious. He can’t keep still to save his soul.

+ Has an odd but fitting habit of keeping everything very neat and tidy. During his time in Cheydinhal, he didn’t really have anything else to do when he wasn’t tending to mother, so he spent a lot of his time making everything spic and span, despite him being the only person living there. The place was found almost unnaturally clean when he left. And just like that, in Falkreath (and especially Dawnstar, as he prides that place as HIS sanctuary), he keeps everything very nice and clean to keep himself busy when he isn’t tending to mother.

+ Actually a way better singer than he lets on. A lot of the time, when he “sings”, he’s just screwing around, but when he actually tries? Surprisingly good.

+ When he and the Listener are traveling together, he likes doing a lot of riddles and stuff to keep both himself and his dear listener entertained. Makes I Spy With My Little Eye actually fun.

+ Speaking of him and his relations with the Listener... this lad? This tiny boio right here? Absolutely provides contract advice, as well as leadership advice should they need it (and chances are, they will). When he first brings up such things, he’s uncertain. A bit anxious, worried they may take offense to him providing such a thing despite his experience. But with enough encouragement, he breaks out of his shell and provides his thoughts much more regularly. This lad craves validation, especially when it comes to things like this. He’s very... creative.

+ Very, very appreciative of the outdoors when he comes to Skyrim. He gets cold hella easy, sure, and he hates being cold, but to see the sun again? To see the light glimmering off a lake or river? To see grass and tree branches bending in a gentle breeze? To feel rain on his face, and see lightning flash across the sky and thunder rumbling after it? To see the aurora borealis Skyrim’s night sky so readily offers? He would trade anything in the world to see it again.

+ Fascinated by all things shouts and dragons. He’s like the only person I know who actually comments positively on the Dragonborn shouting.

“For someone known as the Listener, you do an awful lot of shouting!”

“Oh! Hahaha! What a fun trick! Teach me, teach me!”

He never new dragons had actually existed until Skyrim, and while he is respectful of their power and rather wary of them, he still finds them immensely fascinating.

+ That being said, the whole notion of dragons coming back to life, along with the civil war breaking out among Skyrim’s people, really does set him on edge. He’s seen and known enough war, and prospect of even MAYBE having to deal with more stresses him out.

+ He needs to have some form of background noise when he sleeps. Otherwise it gets far too quiet, and it makes him very anxious.

+ As I had stated in a previous artwork post of mine, if he’s in the sanctuary and the listener is away, he spends a lot of his time in the torture chamber if he’s got nothing else to do. While he’s no longer able to fulfill his own contracts, it doesn’t mean he’s entirely forbidden to kill. Besides, he’s got lots of time and subjects, willing or not, to test out all sorts of wonderful, twisted little ideas on. More than likely excitedly shows the Listener what he’s been up to while they were gone.

+ Very heavy drinker. Has had to cope with a ton of shit, and while he knows, deep down, it’s not the right way to deal with things... no one really wanted to talk to him. Hear about his problems. He could rant to mother all he wanted, sure, but... it just wasn’t the same. That’s not to say mother doesn’t care; without a doubt, she does, but for him, not having any kind of response makes it all the more frustrating.

+ That being said, his go-to drink is usually wine. And he tends to get very moody on wine. Be careful. You might get an earful.

Aight folks, this is about all I have on general/main Cicero headcanons. If y’all want me to do more on specific things, like romance, NSFW happenings, or interactions between him and certain canon characters (or my own, if/when I get to introducing them properly here), y’all lemme know. I hope you enjoy! :D

Wholesome Cicero Being Sick Headcanons

So i saw this headcanon post floating around about how Cicero would handle the Listener being sick, and today I figured “okay, buuut… what if Cicero was sick instead?” :0

Since he was likely horrendously malnourished during and after his time in Cheydinhal, and because he’s moving to a new province full of different strains of illness, Cicero gets sick. A lot. 

He hides it as best he can as he continues to do the Keeper boogaloo unbeknownst to his family, often to the point where he overworks himself and everyone is freaking out because he’s passed out on the floor again

Tries really hard to make it seem like he’s fine, especially when the Listener isn’t around at the time, because he doesn’t want to feel like a burden to anyone 

meanwhile he’s somehow paler than he already is and his skin is literally on fire

Sore throats are almost a guarantee because of how much he talks, and he hates whenever he gets them 

There have definitely been times where he’s worked his voice so raw to the point where he just physically can’t speak, and it’s torturous for him. How can he jest in a timely manner if he has to write down his jokes?!

Him being cared for is absolutely torturous for him, too

He’s used to being the one doing all the caring, and having it the other way around really throws him for a loop

Lowkey feels like he doesn’t deserve the care, honestly

He gets oddly shy asking for stuff, even if the person he asked was the one who offered in the first place, especially if it’s someone other than his Listener 

He just feels like he’s on thin ice with most, if not all of the family for how he’s acted in the past, and being in such a vulnerable state where he kinda HAS to ask makes him really uncomfortable

He swears, though, if he has to drink another one of Babette’s disgusting potions that’ll supposedly make him feel better, he will scream 

Just tiny ol Cicero all bundled up in a cocoon of blankets, holdin a bowl of soup

He tends to eat very little when he’s sick

He’s very antsy about getting back to work and usually insists he’s fine and can get back to what he’s doing, but if he’s severely ill and he knows? He generally won’t push it. But he has to be like… actually bedridden for him to get to that point.

If you thought he was cold before… buddy, buddy ol pal,,, this bitch freezin

it is the one thing he will complain about consistently when he’s sick

you could probably throw him in the fire place and he would still be cold 

Both loves and hates taking baths when he’s sick - loves it because guaranteed quality warm and temporarily unstuffed nose. Hates it because he knows he’s eventually going to have to get out at some point, and it’s gonna be Cold. Very Fucking Cold. 

Definitely doesn’t sleep well at all when he’s sick 

Like even shittier than he already does, unless he gets something from Babette to put him to sleep 

just a very restless boi 

Brynjolf: Alright lass, as a member of the the thieves guild, you can’t kill anyone.

Dragonborn: *is leader of the Dark Brotherhood* Okay, got it.

Cicero: *loudly* LET’S KILL SOMEONE!!! :D