"I've Been Having Horse Flashbacks..."

“Need I remind you of your grandmother’s murderous intentions?”

-Me, probably about to get murdered by one of my friends grandmas

"Kill him, lesbians!"

There is literally no difference between 4 and 3. You stop these lies

“Smells like science...”

-A girl, with a great sense of smell, literally walking into the science lab

"I can't breathe! I mean... I can, but why would I want to?"

-A very relatable girl in my drama class

“Actually I’m Captain America.”

-My science teacher

I should probably clarify that this was in a game

Convesation between my mum and brother

Brother: He was in the way so we killed him

Mum: You killed your friend in his sleep?

B: It gets worse…

M: …

B: …

M: …

B: We skinned him.

M: …

B: We needed the leather!

“He’s not Year 7 stupid, he’s Year 9 stupid.”

-My friend, describing her brother in Year 7

"Insulin is the hormone equivalent of 'not like other girls'"

"I'm not gonna finish that sentence for legal reasons."