"Maybe They're Hoping The Cow Is In The Market For A Sugar Daddy"

"I'm so sad that sloths don't know how much I appreciate them..."

“Stop breaking this pencil! Do you know how expensive this was?!”

-Somebody with a cheap pencil they probably found on the floor

“Are you sure you’re a human being? You have no belly button.”

-My aunt to my grandma

“She’s come out the closet!”

-My grandma... when I told her I was vegetarian

“I’m still mad about the cheese...”

-Me, still mad about the cheese

“I’m as straight as this ruler!”

-Me, while snapping my ruler in half

"I'm not gonna finish that sentence for legal reasons."

“Why does February have, like, no days??”

-Someone I used to think was smart

“Stop sending me memes!”

-My very frustrated computing teacher, who was definitely regretting telling us we were allowed to make memes

"I can't breathe! I mean... I can, but why would I want to?"

-A very relatable girl in my drama class