This Too.

Addiction ( in only friends ) and how it impedes your perception of the situations you are in

Never thought I needed to write this but I have been seeing so many posts blaming ray and I wanted to get it out. Later if I have time I would write a dissertation about this topic because it's extremely important.

Disclaimer : Know that I am not absolving ray of his wrongdoings nor am I blaming his behaviour on other characters but we know the root of his behaviour but it seems like there is a lack of understanding.

All this is from my observations with people I know who have addiction so this is my personal experience and not me telling everyone how they should act or feel.

.................

Ray is a selfish person. We all know that. But so is Boston , so is mew, so is cheum. So why is ray getting the most hate. Because he is a drunkard. During ep 3 or 4 , when we saw ray at his most vulnerable , everyone was going oh poor ray. And now everyone is telling the opposite. Now I see a lot of people asking why mew and the others not taking care of him, even me. But this is why. See how easy it was for a major part of the audience to forget his addiction and completely blame ray. Now imagine if you are the one who has to deal with ray on a daily basis for two long years. It's exhausting , overwhelming and frustrating and eventually you are going to form an antipathy. My drunkard friend is not going to listen to my well intentioned warnings so why should I care. You can see it clearly in mews behaviour. Mew has given up caring.

Loved ones start giving up , because the pain the addicted one causes is too much to bear. And that is the reality of addiction. This was most clearly shown through rue from euphoria. Her mother, friends, sister cared about her but you can see the toll it creates on everyone.

Addiction is a harmful disease and one of the reason why is that it morphs the user into someone unrecognisable. Look at sober ray, his moments with sand, he's adorable, fiesty, sassy and very charming. But what he becomes when he is drunk or high is a selfish guy who doesn't care about anyone but himself.

Once again I am not blaming the entire thing on alcohol, but trying to say how that much addiction can cause one to act in ways they won't normally wont when sober.

Alcohol and drugs is ray's escape from his inner thoughts and his shitty lonely life. But he's got so dependent on it and his pain is too much that he greatly needs that buzz of happiness that alcohol and drugs gives him. He's so dependent on it that he can't be happy without it. I know that most portrayel of alcoholics have them be absolutely useless and trashed. But ray is not like that, which is even more dangerous , because he is a functional alcoholic.

And it's dangerous because it won't be clear to a lot of people about how he needs help. And more importantly it won't be clear to him about how he needs help. When ray thinks to himself all he can focus on is that he can do chores, he can talk to people normally, he can walk in a straight line, he is not an alcoholic in the way we are always shown, but he is. He is seen with drinks almost all the time, he spends the most time in a bar , he is probably walking around conscious but still drunk. And as long as he is a functional alcoholic , ray would never go or ask for help.

When you are that dependent on this , any tiny problem would have you running to escape , because the escape as an option is easy then doing the messy work of knowing when you are wrong or wronged and dealing with the emotions that come with it. We have seen ray doing it, especially when paired with mew.

When you are that dependent you don't see that you need help. To ray he is having fun, he's not miserable when he is drunk or high , when he is in that state he gets everything. So what if he is called a burden, he is still on top of the world. So when people say to him that he is an alcoholic he's confused , because he is not an alcoholic. He's having fun.

Now during ep 8 we are actually seeing him being selfish and an asshole. During ep 6 we saw him very effectively damaging his relationships. The common point between these two eps is that he is under the influence. Those are his sober thoughts but he won't say it aloud when he is sober but when he's drunk he doesn't have any inhibitions so he says everything that comes to him. Combine that with the pain of being called a burden , of unrequited love and he tries to escape from the feelings by drinking again and it forms a vicious circle. It came to a point where he lashed out and as always hurt people under the influence of something can be destructive.

I am not saying that what he did was right or the pain he caused was justifiable or should be forgiven. They shouldn't but rays feeling shouldn't be minimised too. Addiction is complex and asking for help can be a hard task. And in the case of ray I don't think he realises that he needs help. That's the problem with addicts, they don't know that the thing that's giving them happiness is the same thing that's causing them harm. Or they know but they are far too gone that they don't care.

Be it smoking , drugs or alcohol or anything else , people use it for escape but the usage becomes too much that their entire day is only fulfilled , when they get their daily dose of happiness from it. Which changes their perception to accomodate one and only one thing , the next fix, the next drink. Which is why they become selfish cause their entire world is wrapped around that bottle and everything else comes secondary.

Addiction has the potential to completely change a person. You know the person you grew up with or you know personally is somewhere inside there but what you see when they are under the influence is someone you never dreamed your loved one's can be. And it's painfull.

Another way people with addiction is dehumanised is that everyone uses them. You want a drink ? that person will always have a bottle with them, you need a fix that guy knows a person , want to have fun that person will show you a good time . I think a lot of people have heard these phrases.

For most people it's harmless fun, for the addict it's an ego boost . And it encourages them to continue that lifestyle. Which is what happened with raymew and the entire friends group in general.

They use ray but they are willfully blind to the harm that causes him. Mew was the one who wanted to try smoking, coke and party, ray never forced him, because for ray that is his happy place. Substances is the one thing that gives him happiness, he does not have the capacity to stop or think of it as wrong.

To ray , mew has finally chosen him, he is finally doing the things he loves. He's not going to stop mew from doing anything when he thinks he finally getting what he always wanted. Ands it toxic and it's not right but that's the reality of an addict.

And he should be happy about it but he isn't because he needs sand. And that is what confused him to spiral further and ignore his emotions and snort coke. Because that's the best thing he can do, run away.

Why is sand so important to ray ? I said in an another post that sands generosity is out of the ordinary. He's mature for his age in a way that makes me feel like he has known an addict before.

And ray needs that. He doesn't need enablers. he needs someone to physically stop him from taking it. Or atleast make him realise that what he is doing is dangerous. And sand is the one who's going to do it.

Thing is it's not sand's job to do it. But till ep 8 he was choosing to be that person. Saying that ray is forcing sand to do something is just taking away the agency from sand. He's not a kid. He's making his own decisions.

And if he is helping him it won't be an easy journey. If they are bringing the addiction rehab plot line into the show then I could see a scene happening that is reminiscent of the car chase scene from euphoria.

To a thousand pieces, noooo

if you listen closely you can hear every sandray girlies heart shattering

~ via mignonettetakespictures ~

Completed tsats, in the middle of exam week, guess I have my priorities straight. Okay, let's get into the pro and con opinions of mine in this book.

Pros

1.Nico got over his trauma. Not completely of course, but he is on the right path. And the cocoa puffs are really cute ( send me fanart).

2.I am glad nico is more emotive in this. We saw him smile more, make jokes and generally be more optimistic then the other books. I felt like titan's curse nico is coming back and i love it. I love that nerdy side to him.

3.We see him cry it out. After so long of seeing him being described as emotionless, cold and scary, it was nice to see him letting out his emotions.

4. I love that he is so affectionate with will. We already know that nico is physically affectionate with the people he cares about, like hugging Jason, reyna, and kissing hazel on the cheek. It makes sense that he will be affectionate with his bf.

5. I love that the entire story revolves around how kind nico is. Like we knew that nico was the only one who saw and talked to hestia. His selflessness is the most important trait of his but also the most overlooked. But it's also the trait that got him in the most trouble. I am glad that he told nyx to f**k off, it means he is learning to prioritise himself and i am so glad for that. Also it felt so good to see people and deities acknowledge that, too the point that a primordial goddess was threatened by it. Listen up kids, KINDNESS IS YOUR BIGGEST STRENGTH NOT A WEAKNESS.

6. I liked will's characterisation. He's exactly what I taught he will be, kind, daring, supportive and brave. And he learns, accepts his mistakes and meets nico in the middle, what more can i ask. ( I feel like a parent giving their blessings to their child's so)

7. Nyx felt threatening, way better then gaia. And I really liked the way the final battle was more psychological then physical. And the new development in wills powers, that's a head cannon that felt validated. He can use plague powers, powerfull sunshine boy, nico, powerful sunshine boy.

8.Bob and small bob, they are the best. And them being happy and enjoying their freedom, ah, I was crying. I love them.

9.The deities crying over solangelo. I get it, they are so cute. Kind of shows a human side to them. And that talk about lost souls with gorgyra, yeah, another scene that brought me too tears. The fact that they still have hope. Warmed my heart.

10.Loved the talk about change , and being true to yourself and having the option to choose. It read nicely and it's a great message for the kids out there, not just LGBTQ kids, to everyone. And even bitter adults can learn this lesson. So be open minded people.

As a literature student, I am done with all the nihilist, Existentionalist, tragic stories that I had to read. This was the cheesy, funny, pure, and sweet book that I wanted to get rid of all this stress. And that's what I want from a percy Jackson series book.

Cons

1.It was rushed. But I think I understand. I mean they had to put nico's solo tartarus plot, the actual plot of the story and also address their trauma, add fanservice, create a believable story for why nico had to go to tartarus again ( sideyes hades) , yeah way too much for a spinnoff.

2.I would have love to know more about will. Don't get me wrong, as I gushed about it, I really like their interactions. But it felt like he was made for those interactions, like will solace is still not an individual character but nico di angelo's boyfriend. To me it felt like Rick was telling," look at this sunshine boy, I would tell you why he is perfect for nico", hence the earlier blessing comment. ( you have my blessing will, you have my blessing). But I don't care about it much, for me I was looking forward to Nico's story and I got it so I am happy.

3.There were inconsistencies, like bianca and his mother. It felt like a retconn, but it's also a story about gods, so it makes sense that hades will do it.

4.The tartarus parts didn't hit as much as I thought it would, nicos past solo trip, that is. Maybe it's because the story was written by two authors. I cried but it didn't tear my heart out. Maybe because I know nico gets out. Hmmm, something to think about.

5.Please dont take this the wrong way, but I didn't like how they constantly kept saying boyfriend. Like I get it, I know you are a couple, I want you to be couple, but it felt like the authors didn't think they would come across as a couple and kept on reminding us. This is one nitpick I have in this book.

Oh another nitpick. I wanted to see the other characters, like hazel and reyna and how did I forgot apollo. I need more apollo. I really wanted to see nico's reaction to reyna joining the hunters. Not much just a tiny reference, like when they were talking to gorgyra, like she also abandoned me, something like that.

And that's it. I can't think about any more cons.

TLDR: This book left me feeling like a proud mama who's watching her son grow up to be a hero. And that's exactly what I wanted. So, this book is a 10/10 for me. Cherished forever.

As someone who does not like poetry, you have opened my eyes, this is beautiful.

i wrote a twin cinema poem about two gay soldiers in wwi

context: the two sides, read separately, are the two soldiers thinking about their futures with each other. when read together, it's a reflection of their final thoughts when they die together struck by bullets <3

I want bible in a comedy asap

Let me see the wound.

4 MINUTES (2024) - Episode 2

I’m both pro herbal medicine and pro vaccination because you can treat burns with aloe vera juice and sore throats with lavender infused honey but you can’t rid a country of polio with plants. 

The angstiest masterpost

angsty.

Angsty family/platonic dialogue

Angsty question prompts #1

Angsty question prompts #2

Angsty question prompts #3

Angsty/fighting dialogue

Concerned/angsty question prompts 

Angsty starters

Angst prompts

Angsty sentence starters #1

Angsty sentence starters #2

Angsty sentence starters #3

Angsty sentence starters #4

Leaving dialogue

Reunion dialogue reactions

Unwilling goodbye + love confession prompts

Trying to make them stay dialogue

Sacrificing dialogue

Sacrificing prompts

Amnesia prompts

Amnesia dialogue

Bad luck prompts

Lover being hurt prompts

Break-up dialogue #1

Break-up dialogue #2

Unwanted attention dialogue

Unrequited love dialogue

Drama starting points

Conflict for couples #1

Conflict for couples #2

Conflict for couples #3

Betrayal dialogue

Hiding from horror dialogue

Finding out the truth dialogue

"I'm sorry…" apology starters

Saying I'm sorry…

Apologizing for emotional neglect

"I can't…"

Talking it out ideas

Keeping loved ones apart

Ending an argument

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What if Ray is the one who finds Mew's change problematic after he gets over Mew that is. right now he's too blind to see what's happening. ray didn't fall for this new, he fell for his mew, the one who saved him. This one looks like someone who will leave him to die after using him. Maybe this is what gives Ray an epiphany and he finally sees sand. but at that point sand is done with him , so ray goes after him but sand doesn't want to anything with him ( understandable) and then we get the line from the trailer. i am not going to let you go after you have come into my life.

maybe in the middle of this comes the boeing plot , ( that chekhovs gun has to fire sometime ) and ray getting jealous, and ray going berserk on sand, claiming ownership. and sand is like I can choose aka do you think I don't have any dignity ?

what if mew goes back to top and ray finds out, but he's not that mad as he taught he will be , hes mad but he's more mad when he sees sand with boring. hes mad, sad, confused and on top of that he's drunk and high, maybe this scenario could be what gives clarity to ray on who he actually likes. except this is going to happen towards the ned of the show and sand has moved on and we don't get a raysand ending, then what I am I going to do.

( i would be happy if ray goes to rehab instead and sand stays away but the heart wants what it wants)

Mew trying to become Ray let alone date him was not on my bingo card for this week but I'm no professional bingo card designer, let's talk about this anyway

We all went into this show knowing it was going to be messy, asking for it to be messy, we're all weak for SandRay so RayMew is upsetting because we want Ray with Sand, sure, but setting all of that aside, the thing that is really concerning to me about the fact that Mew is choosing to rebound with Ray is the fact that he is very creepily BECOMING RAY while doing it. He's putting on a persona to handle his life right now and it's really unhealthy and boy needs to cut it out and get some therapy. (they all need therapy.)

At the beginning of the episode, before the confrontation with Boston, Mew is dressed more or less as himself. He and Ray do dress similarly on a base level- they both wear a lot of patterned, unbuttoned shirts over a second shirt, but Mew normally wears stripes over tshirts, and mostly light colours with a lot of blues and greens. Ray wears a lot of darker colours and patterns with shapes and designs, with a lot of reds, tans, and oranges.

After blasting Boston into the pool and delivering one of the most satisfying kicks on television, before going for his confrontation with Nick, we get the creepy tub shot of Mew sinking into his misery and his upcoming revenge era-

To put on his Ray cosplay, he's gotta sink down into the deep. This isn't a rebirth or an emergence of a new, stronger version of himself; this is him descending, covering himself and his hurt with someone else's aura and attitude so that he can cope with the path he's decided he needs to go on to burn his enemies and get his revenge.

He tries it out when he goes to see Nick and it works for him-

This is his soft launch, where he's up against someone else who has, or feels he has, been done wrong by Boston and Top (and done wrong, obviously) but that Mew knows is vulnerable. Mew pushes on Nick to help getting his revenge on Boston, and Nick crumbles. Using this persona, this attitude, is working for him.

He uses it to hunt down Gap next, another trial run, that goes flawlessly for him as well.

He's got the black tank, the necklace, and a black, white, and grey shirt this time, another test of borrowed confidence. And he's successful: he pulls Gap with almost no effort, he gets the file, he's ready to go now. He's used the Ray based persona twice with people he doesn't know, his confidence is up, which means he's ready to use it on someone he does know.

So when he gets ready to confront Boston, we get a whole sequence of him preparing for the battle, and checking all the details. There's a lot of very close up shots of his face and eyes here that I left out of the gifs because this scene was already long, and a lot of focus on each detail.

The necklace like Ray wears, a tanktop like Ray wears (but black! because this is Mew in his angsty villain era!), a patterned button up shirt like Ray wears, check the hair and go. Armored with this other persona, he's ready to handle Boston, and he does. Much, much better than Ray himself, mind you, compared to when Ray went and confronted Boston in the last episode.

The next big outfit switch we get for Mew in this episode (I'm not counting the whole big Top punching Mew confrontation since Mew and Ray are both just wearing their school clothes there) is Top's daydream about dancing with Mew. This whole sequence is so soft focus and Top looks so sad and there's no one else there which implies to me he's imagining this and it's not an actual memory, but either way we're back to Mew in stripes, with Top in stripes as well.

What's different about Mew and Top matching versus Mew matching himself to Ray? Mew and Top don't really MATCH so much as coordinate. They're often in different colours, different styles, different material shirts, etc. Like here, Mew is wearing an unbuttoned dress shirt with vertical stripes over a tshirt, while Top is wearing a collared polo shirt with horizontal stripes, AND they're wearing different colours. They work together without fully matching, and they're distinct to the characters as well. Even when their styles get a little closer, like Top wearing some solid colour button up shirts in episode 6 instead of polo shirts, he styles them differently than Mew does and I at least can't really picture them switching clothes and having the outfits really look right.

Meanwhile, the last scene of the episode, with Mew dancing with Ray, we get this-

Mew is dressed as Ray again, even shifting into Ray's common colour schemes with the flowers on this one. His first outfit when he went to see Nick was a trial and the pattern still had a lot of blues in it, but he's been shifting into darker colours with the tans and oranges we see Ray in pretty often with this.

(Ray, meanwhile, is wearing a shirt that looks like something Sand would have chosen for him, of course.)

Ray is reckless, Ray is fearless, Ray is bold, Ray is confident, Ray is wild and sometimes unpredictable, or he at least seems to be to the much more conservative Mew, so slipping into Ray's clothes and taking on what he thinks is Ray's persona is a way for Mew to push himself in ways he hasn't before. There's no way Mew could have handled his whole spy mission to get the video file from Gap as himself the way he has been; that's not in his wheelhouse.

From the preview for next week it looks like Mew is sliding into more of Ray's persona with the partying behaviors, and I don't think it's going to end well for him. But being with Top has taught him that trying to get someone to change is useless because they're still the same mess on the inside, so his decision to slide down the same path as Ray and let go of his inhibitions instead of trying to fix Ray is as unsurprising as it is self-destructive.

Seeing Mew take some kind of power over his life should have been satisfying, and in some ways it definitely was, like watching him burn the notebook page and try to put his foot down with Top, but then seeing him do it while spiraling mentally and slowly covering himself with Ray's outward persona at the same time was incredibly unnerving. Adding in him deciding to get involved with Ray romantically and it just speed ratchets up the unhealthy factor by a million miles a minute.

It also shows how well Mew actually knows Ray now compared to how well he thinks he knows Ray and who and what he thinks Ray is, that he could send himself down this path without seeing the writing on the wall about who Ray is trying to be and what Ray is trying to deal with behind Ray's substance abuse problems and everything else, but I imagine that will be part of the inevitable explosion that THIS impending disaster will also turn into, potentially very soon.

You can't fix your problems by pretending to be someone that you're not, especially if who you're trying to be is someone you know who is incredibly problematic and unhealthy themselves. It's a whole toxic situation even BEFORE you start trying to DATE THEM AT THE SAME TIME.

We wanted a mess and boy are we getting it.