No. The Village Matchmaker Knows And Helps Make Little Dates

Me: I have common sense. I kinda have to since I'll get killed if I don't

You are the sole superhero without powers to have lived longer than ten years. An old friend with powers asks how.

And don't bury the treasure you find either. You need it to buy supplies. And have a water purifer, but if you can't find one, get booze. Water can and will go bad, so these things will save you from dehydration

I've been seeing a lot of posts about piracy lately and in light of this i do need to say something because I've been seeing a lot of misinformation.

anti-viruses, vpns, ad-blockers- none of these are going to help you here.

the first thing you're going to need is a good solid boat (preferably oak wood). you will also want some cannons and a plank depending on the sort of shenanigans you plan on getting into.

Also! Not once have i seen any of you talking about the importance of citrus fruits and vitamin C. antivirus doesn't prevent scurvy. come on you should know this by now.

this sort of misinformation is wildly dangerous and irresponsible.

OMG!! I NEED TO SEE HOW THE OTHERS LOOK! MOSTLY THE TWINS!!!!

concept: a fantasy cowboy who rides a dragon instead of a horse

Can I have some doritos? The normal kind please. And chocolate....

I'm clipping out of bounds does anyone need anything

I know someone who would love these... and he's 2-D! It's..... Warumono-san from Mr. Villain's day off!!!!

Panda Éclair / Panda Roll Cake

"You think I don't know that? Foolish child. I kidnapped you so that I could meet your older brothers for ummm..... reasons"

The abductors looked at their young captive, astonished at their calm, almost pitying, expression. “I have 15 siblings. I am the youngest, and the only girl. You have absolutely no concept of how fucked you are.”

The princess who's a bade cook: "I would offer the muffins I made but....." *shows something that looks like if toxic waste and diarriha had a baby* . . . I don't think these are safe to eat, like, at all

"….Okay, are any of the dishes not poisoned?! Is there anyone at this feast who did not poison anything?!"

OKAY MOTHERFUCKER NOW YOU GOT MY ATTENTION! *kills the threat*

You are a literal god who pretends to be a d-list superhero. You’ve grown extremely attached to the people of the village you protect. You get news that an epic battle is taking place near your village and would most likely destroy it…

If this happens, shame the person who started it. And if you know the person who started it IRL.... yell at them like an angry Mexican mom.... they're scary...

Kidnapper: I thought you were the man.... Me: That's because my hair is out of my face. I look more feminie with it down. NOW HIDE ME!!!!!

Reader: Please... Just put a bullet between my eyes now.

Kidnapper: Relax. If your family loves you, they'll pay the ransom

Reader: I'm not worried about you. My wife is a retired assassin and if I'm late to dinner one more time I'll lose my outside privileges for a year.

Kidnapper: You really expect me to believe that? I'm sure your wife's crying her eyes out to police right now.

Reader: Who said I was married to a woman?

[Knock- Knock- Knock]

Femboy Housewife Yan: Helloooo in there~ Has anyone in there seen my darling dearest spouse around? It's casserole night and they promised they wouldn't be late this evening. If it's your fault they're not at the dinner table right now [giggles] Well.... It's probably best if you open the door now than later...

Reader, squirming in their chains: Hide me!