I Don’t Know Why I Drink Vodka. I Dont Particularly Like How It Tastes Or The Smell It Leaves Behind

Loving someone with abandonment issues isn’t easy. Being in a relationship with someone who has abandonment issues isn’t easy. Be prepared for a lil confusion and heart break. Be prepared to put in hard work, have understanding and patience.

Relationships to people with abandonment issues commonly result these three ways:

- person with abandonment issues will either runaway/cut people off just as they start becoming attracted/attached to someone

- person with abandonment issues becomes too attached too quickly to people

- person with abandonment issues sabotages relationships even when it seems to be going well 

It’s common for people with abandonment issues to live in constant excruciating fear and anxiety about being with someone or not being with some (sometimes it can be both at the same time).

The core reason people with abandonment issues behave the way they do is an intense fear of rejection (which can be caused by multiple situations the person endured). 

***a lot of these behaviours are done through subconscious train of thought, it can be difficult to recognise you actually fear abandonment.***

“First time I knew that I was in love was when I realized nothing made me happier than seeing you happy. It was the little moments added up that mattered. It was the way you picked me up from class and the way you walked me home, the way you made me feel better when I was down, and the way you talked me to sleep every night. It was when I found that watching u nap on FaceTime more entertaining than kdramas, when my fingers knew how to call you and how to message you without me having to look at my phone, when you teased me because I liked watching you laugh, and when I knew I was the most comfortable sharing everything with you. I knew I loved you when I put you before my friends and myself. I knew I loved you when everything felt easier with you there. I knew i loved you when I was able to tell you that you were my forever. The small moments that made me love you were easy. Falling out of love with you was the opposite. Falling out of love with you was having to untangle memories from reality. It was wondering what went wrong, wondering what we could’ve done to make it work, wondering why I didn’t do more when in reality I did, and regretting the times I took you for granted. Falling out of love was trying to protect the good memories from being tainted as hurtful things were said to one another. Falling out of love was slowly letting go, learning to forgive, and still loving you for what you meant to me in those 2 years. You fall in and out of love one step at a time. I loved you the way a child would put a jigsaw puzzle together and I stopped the way a child would slowly take the puzzle apart. You were the best thing that happened to me for 2 years. But now the best thing that happened to me was us not working out. We changed and we wanted different things and that is ok. You’ll still always be my friend that I no longer talk to as much. And I know you still always have my back when I need you. im thankful our love story ended because i know myself more now and these past few months reminded me that I’m more than enough and that I’m worthy of being treated better and that there are other people who love me for me. That it was never just you.”

— Ivy X, instagram.com/poisonivayy

This post is made specifically to shame mothers who tried to convince their child that their abusive, cold, distant, aggressive, controlling, violent, you-are-never-good-enough-for-me father actually loves them. This is made to call out every single mom who sat their child down, and told them “Your father isn’t good at showing it, but he loves you.” Or any other complete, utter LIE. 

Because how could you fucking live with yourself after teaching your child to doubt their own senses when they’re being hurt and to call it love? How could you not drown in a pit of shame after telling your child to accept abuse as love! What do you think will happen when they get a spouse who abuses, neglects and hits them? How do you think they’ll feel when they hear your repeated words “they’re bad at showing it but they love you.” How could you take action to make SURE your child keeps living in abuse?! Your children are dead right to think they’re being despised and abused and you went and messed with their fucking sanity. This is unforgivable.

And I fucking know why you did it, you wanted your family to stay together, AT THE EXPENSE OF YOUR CHILD BEING ABUSED! Abusive families should NEVER STAY TOGETHER! Not at expense of any member! And especially not the most vulnerable, most defenseless human in it, who you were supposed to be protecting from abuse, not aiding abuser in brainwashing them! 

I will never forgive any one of you. You’re an adult and you stood there and watched your child be abused and took the abuser’s side. If you loved your child you’d be jumping out of your body to try to make sure they’re away and protected from all and any abuse. You all ain’t shit and you don’t deserve your children. Fuck you. 

And of course the child will latch to any hope that they can somehow earn their father’s love and they’ll be filled with completely false hope and then try harder and work harder to please their abusive dad which is exactly what he wants and then he will go and break their fucking hears over and over again because abusive dads are not capable of loving their children and they never fucking will be. Setting your child for even more pain than what they’ve already endured at the hands of their father is fucking evil. What you should be telling to your children is “That man is complete garbage and nothing he ever said about you is true, his approval isn’t worth shit, he is incapable of love, you go and live free of that bullshit, and never think that you’re not good enough because doesn’t know shit about who you are.”

Friend: I’m having a depressive episode right now

Me: please! Take! Care! Of! Your! Self!

Me: try not to hurt yourself!

Me: try to do what makes you happy!

Also me, having a depressive episode myself: *self-harms, cries, doesn’t tell anyone, keeps it all in, and pretends like everything is okay*

Me: positive vibes

“It’s okay to admit that he wasn’t half the man that you once thought he was. But that doesn’t make you wrong; it makes him wrong.”

— Poetry At Most

I want this.

I want us.

I want you.

Forever.

“Took a break to find myself, but instead I found you.”

— back and better than ever

Another night on my own, and you’d think after 6 years I’d be used to sleeping alone, but when I lay down my head, this house still feels like an empty home.

Poetry At Most

there’s something about you that makes me want to be better. i look at you working so hard and achieving all of your goals and it makes me want to do the same. i want to be the best version of myself for you because you look at me and i know i can be.

4am