“Don’t Use Your Mental Illness As An Excuse” Means “Change Your Behavior, Apologize, And Do

“Perhaps the Saddest Thing of All, is that losing you, was like finally facing an addiction. Your smile was my liquor, your words were like my cocaine, and you embrace was like a shot of morphine. But the fact that you’re gone, means that I’m finally getting better.”

— Excerpt from a Book I’ll Never Write, Perhaps the Saddest Thing

Me: FP texted yesterday things are cool

Me 2 hours later: FP texted yesterday but not today what if things aren't cool

Me 5 hours later: FP hates me and is never speaking to me again!!

Me 7 hours later: i want to die my life is over i'm never leaving my bed again

10 hours later: *FP calls*

Favorite Person: just wanted to say goodnight

Me that night: i'm sleeping on air i've never been so happy i will never feel sad again i am cured and whole and well and life is the most perfect thing there ever was

Abusive parents don’t ALWAYS seem abusive. Sometimes they can be sweet.

You need to remember that just because they were sweet once they aren’t good people.

They still hurt you. They still did awful things, said awful things.

Your abuse is no less valid because your abuser can seem nice from time to time.

i know i was treated wrongly. hell, every trait about me is a product of abuse. the way i cry when i get yelled at, no matter who it is or the situation. how i see myself as worthless, despite my achievements and talents. how i tear up and hyperventilate when im frustrated and how my anger is becoming uncontrollable, and im scared to have kids because what if i become just like my parents? and despite all that i always think. it could be worse. this is not abuse. im just dramatic. nothings wrong

Abuser: Yells at me about how I’m immature or “too old” to be doing x thing

Me: But it’s okay for you, a grown adult, to throw tantrums, slam things, and yell at me about stupid and miniscule bullshit?

“well I met your (abusive) family and they seemed nice to me”  well, yeah, that’s how they get away with abusing their kids

You are my person. You will always be my person.

Grey’s Anatomy (via ummpleasee)

It’s my fault I’m traumatized? Do you realize just how much work goes into traumatizing a person to this level? Can you imagine how much lies and gaslighting it took for me to start doubting my memory and start asking myself if I was insane? Do you understand what amount of violence it took to make me flinch at every movement, expecting a blow? Do you get how many insults and screaming it took to make me believe that everything was my fault, that I was less than a human being, irredeemable and worthless to the core? Do you understand how much humiliation, hatred and threats it takes to make someone this terrified and isolated? This was years and years of hard work! I could never take the credit, for once I lack the dedication, I would yell at myself maybe once and then go “meh lets leave it at that”. I would never have the energy to do this to myself! All the credit goes to my parents, they fought tirelessly to make me this exhausted, terrified, panicked mess overridden with grief and rage, they really put in the effort, and made it all possible.

I think that people only like me when they’re sad. I listen. I’m empathic. They realize that I’m not a “fun” person. I’m upfront about my emotions. They leave. They always leave. God fucking dammit.

You might miss them right now, but I promise one day you are going to meet someone far better. Someone who fills your heart full of a light you couldn’t find anywhere else. It will all be clear as to why this had to work out the way it has.