Me: FP Texted Yesterday Things Are Cool

Do you ever just lay on the bathroom floor crying your eyes out because you just can't handle anything anymore and everything feels like it's crashing down

Yeah me too

“you fall in love too quickly and with the wrong people”

—

Just a friendly reminder that the brain of those who have suffered trauma is physically different than a “normal brain”. Trauma and abuse has a severe, long-term psychological and neurological effect. This is why you have difficulty concentrating, why you have trouble sleeping, why you can’t seem to stay focused, why you cry at the drop of the hat, why you’re not satisfied with yourself, why you think everything is your fault, why you think you’re toxic, why you’re full of regret and you don’t know why.

And get this. When you experienced this trauma, no matter how long it happened or how many times, your brain instantaneously made judgments about the world, your sense of self, and others. This is why you’re paranoid. Why you trust no one. Why you perceive things to exist that aren’t true in reality. It’s why people say you’re crazy, over-dramatic, or too emotional.

You may not heal in a day, but know this: it is not your fault. Your brain is responding to trauma.

symptoms of trauma are proof of abuse. if you’re struggling with anxiety, self doubt, self hate, low confidence, trauma symptoms, flashbacks, nightmares, paranoia, panic and severe emotional injuries, those are proof enough that you’ve been subjected to torture. your feelings aren’t fooling you, they’re consequences of abuse.

Gaps in memory.

Losing memories of traumatic events is a strange experience. Instead of scenes, the memory turns into a feeling.

An instinct.

It’s like an involuntary survival tactic; planting a fear so intense that even the thought of a certain person makes me start shaking.

For such an enormous fear, it’s almost surreal being unable to pinpoint exactly what happened.

Sometimes I wish I could remember, if only to ease my own doubts. But I think my body’s trying to tell me something without overwhelming me with why.

I’m not afraid to get in anyone else’s car.

I’m not terrified of being alone with other people.

My body remembers, and that says enough.

“I want to tell him that I don’t know what I feel. I want him but I’m frightened to want him. I don’t want my happiness to be entirely dependent on somebody else’s…”

— Jojo Moyes

Friend: I’m having a depressive episode right now

Me: please! Take! Care! Of! Your! Self!

Me: try not to hurt yourself!

Me: try to do what makes you happy!

Also me, having a depressive episode myself: *self-harms, cries, doesn’t tell anyone, keeps it all in, and pretends like everything is okay*

Me: positive vibes

Old people can"t understand when younger people are willing to cut a whole relative off. They have lived their entire lives in guilt or based on some sense of loyalty to someone based on blood. People will abuse you betting on that fact, just because ya’ll are blood that means you have to accept it. No, you don’t.

STOP! TELLING! PEOPLE! THAT! NO! ONE! WILL! LOVE! THEM! UNTIL! THEY! LOVE! THEMSELVES! STOP! PLANTING! THE! IDEA! IN! PEOPLES! BRAINS! THAT! THEY! ARE! UNWORTHY! OF! LOVE! BECAUSE! OF! THEIR! OWN! STRUGGLE!

there’s something about you that makes me want to be better. i look at you working so hard and achieving all of your goals and it makes me want to do the same. i want to be the best version of myself for you because you look at me and i know i can be.

4am