27th August 2020, 10.39pm

I need a father. I need a mother. I need some older, wiser being to cry to. I talk to God, but the sky is empty.

Sylvia Plath

"This Jesus of Nazareth, as the embodiment of the gospel of love, this 'redeemer' bringing salvation and victory to the poor, the sick, to sinners - was he not seduction in its most sinister and irresistible form...?"

- Friedrich Nietzsche, On the Genealogy of Morality, First Essay:'Good and Evil', 'Good and Bad'

Franz Wright, from God's Silence; "Why Is the Winter Light"

[Text ID: Empty me of the bitterness and disappointment of being nothing but myself]

02/28/2021

A person’s actions may be a result of careful thinking;

they may be a wim based on precursor principles and ideas,

although they might just as well be without a meaning.

A shell.Or not?

A wall.Or not?

Ensuring the groundwork behind every action should be the first priority.

None can be commenced whenever it is missing the meaning that should be conveyed.

However fundamental I regard this notion to be,not many do so nowadays.

Therefore I am left wandering about whether the meaning I see is real or made-up by my own beliefs,thoughts and needs.

Humans can be rather imaginative when it comes to deciphering the smallest of actions.

Nothing is almost ever delivered in its integrity,

May it be for fear of giving away the true meaning and reason they formed in their minds;

Or for a specifically intended reason,which,for all intents and purposes,is intangible.

Do you know what I mean when I say that sometimes I don’t have any feelings or emotions? I’m not in a good mood, or a bad mood. I just sit there, by myself, and think. I over think sometimes. I think about what has happened, what will happen, and what could have happened. I think about you, I think about what’s wrong in my life, I think about how I can get myself out of this stage, I think about why I got here in the first place. I think about everything and anything.

The fact that you can feel so strongly for someone but they never have to feel the same. The fact that you can love and want only one person and they don’t have to feel the same. The fact that you can miss someone so much your heart aches for them, yet they can be fine without you

I think it’s one thing to be born a pessimist and have heartbreaking experiences that confirm your doubts.

I think it’s a second thing to be born a realist and have heartbreaking experiences that hurt, but not in ways that aren’t foreseen.

I think the it’s a much different thing to be born an optimist and to have heartbreaking experiences that tear down your hope and alter your expectations.

I think the pessimist comes out, not much different, but with better understanding of the world and its cruel sentences.

I think the realist comes out a little different, with cosmic changes in strength and compassion.

I think the optimist, most of the time, is broken into an entirely new human being.

damn baby you are beyond mortal comprehension, wanna make me insane?

"Un solo sguardo e tutto è finito lí"

~Lacrime dal Cielo

There are two thing you can't fake or hide: the look in your eyes and your heartbeat.

May it be because they are connected to your spiritual self or because of a scientifically proven phenomenon,the true you knows that they will always be true.

They are truths that do not need to be proven.

They can't be concealed and you can't stop them from being conveyed to others.

It flows through that thin connection that surrounds us all and does not pass unobserved.

This allows you to let your trust reside in someone.

To let your emotions run freely.

To give it your all.

People are not made up of only one self,unfortunately.

As much as those things are true,they reflect the true essence and feelings of only one of their selves.

Their others selves are not obliged to uphold those truths.

Believe in them and believe in yourself as well. Good will surely come from it.

2021/08/01

“I’ve got nothing to say but it’s okay.”

— The Beatles, Good Morning, Good Morning