I Tried My Best To Put The Hat On Spamton, But Every Time He Just Emitted A Sound Like An Animal Screeching

Character flaws

Just gonna go on a tangent about this for a second, because like

Part 1: Why they don't work and never have

The number one piece of advice people get about writing is to give their characters flaws. Your characters can't be too perfect. Flaws will make them interesting, dynamic, compelling, more real! Flawed characters make for a perfect story! But then someone will ask how to give their characters flaws, and the response is almost invariably something along the lines of

"Just don't make them perfect. Give them a scar or a disability or something."

This is some of the worst writing advice I've ever heard, right up there with "NEVER use adjectives ever" and "Nahh, you don't need to make backups of your work, it'll totally be fine and nothing bad will happen." It's also the single most common piece of writing advice I've come across. This is bad advice.

Because like… Scars aren't a personality flaw. Disabilities especially are not a personality flaw. Both these things have their uses in writing characters, but they aren't flaws. Honestly it's a little shocking that people think it's okay to outright say they think a disability is a character flaw to begin with, because like. Excuse me?

The next problem with this is that, even if these were somehow character flaws, most people don't want to make literally all their characters scarred and disabled. That's like saying that good characters are required to have blonde hair and bushy eyebrows. A character or two with those traits isn't an issue, but telling someone all their characters need one or both of these two traits? That's incredibly limiting.

Lastly, it encourages people to think up a character and then tack on the 'flaws' after. It's why we ended up with an era of perfectly smart perfectly beautiful perfectly skilled characters that had a disproportionate amount of angst about some tiny barely noticeable scar on their back. It's how we get characters that are 'clumsy' (in no way that actually matters to the story), or who have the sole flaw of being too perfect.

People made characters they liked, and they liked them exactly that way. Then afterwards, they had to tack on some 'flaw' they didn't actually want to be part of the character. So they of course make that 'flaw' as small and unimportant as possible. To go back to the "all characters must be blonde with bushy eyebrows" comparison, it's the writer trying to work around this unwanted restriction by giving everyone rainbow hair dye and eyebrow trimmers.

So, how do we fix that?

Part 2: How to fix that

… Or one way, anyway. There are infinite ways to solve this problem, most of which start by completely throwing out the standard scar/disability advice. Everyone has their own way to write characters. But just saying "idk, everyone is different, there are lots of ways" is ridiculously unhelpful. So, here's one way to do it that I really like to use personally. You can use it too, if you want.

instead of a flaw, I like to give my characters an Unshakeable Trait.

What is an unshakeable trait? It's the term I like to use for something that will always be true about a character. Something core to them, something that will never leave them for as long as they live. It is, most importantly, not a flaw.

Let's come up with a quick character as an example. Meet Alaric, who always keeps his word. Anything Alaric says he will do, he will do it.

This is Alaric's greatest strength.

Alaric says he will save all the orphans from the burning orphanage. People doubt him, but he does it. He said he was going to do it, so there was nothing that could stop him from doing it.

Alaric says he will catch the thieves hiding in the mountains. Many have tried and failed to do this, but Alaric says he can do it. And thus, Alaric does it.

Alaric says he will move a mountain? He wouldn't say it unless he could and would make it true. We've seen him do amazing things before. We don't know how yet, but we know that mountain is about to move.

One day, Alaric says he will slay the dragon. We know, for certain, that nothing will stop him from slaying that dragon.

… Not even if it turns out the dragon wasn't really bothering anyone.

… Not even if something goes wrong and Alaric ends up without the important tools he'd prepared for this task.

… Not even if the battle is likely to kill his entire party. Not even if killing the dragon will only make way for more dangerous monsters to move in. Not even if his friends beg and plead with him, Alaric you must stop, this is a death sentence to us all!

Alaric said he would do this, and he will.

Because this isn't just Alaric's greatest strength. It's also his greatest weakness.

The hearts of the readers are heavy as they realize what is about to unfold, but they are not surprised. By now they know Alaric and they know who he is. They know the dragon will die, no matter the consequences.

In the battle, the entire town and all the people who once lived in it is burned to the ground. Every last one of Alaric's friends die in battle. When the dragon falls, only Alaric is left alive.

… And that makes for a really interesting story! Gosh darn! That's way more fun than a story where some cool guy just always solves everyone's problems all the time! And now that we've seen the terrible consequences of Alaric's actions, we can take it even further! How exactly does Alaric react to what he's done?

Is he unable to cope with his terrible mistake, and twists himself into something awful trying to justify his actions?

Does he plead with the ashes, begging the charred town for forgiveness he cannot have?

Does he vow to take back what he's done? Drive himself to madness in pursuit of an unobtainable goal, every action an even greater mistake than the last?

Does he grow, and change his ways? Because he absolutely can do that. An unshakeable trait is always there deep down inside a character, but it is possible for them to learn to overcome it. It will be a battle they'll fight every day for the rest of their lives, and it is a battle they will not always win, but it is possible. Filled with regret, there may be a day where Alaric says he will do something… and then consciously makes an incredible effort to avoid doing it, because he realized it would be a mistake. Today, he was able to overcome his weakness. That trait isn't going anywhere though, and tomorrow is still unsure.

That is my favorite way to write a flawed character.

The most fun part is, this unshakeable trait can be anything. It can be that they always finish things very quickly. It can be that they love their friends more than anything else in the universe. It can be that they're always multitasking. It can be their child-like wonder, or their scientific mind, or even something as silly as their love of sweet potatoes. When made central to their character and taken to extremes, absolutely anything can function as this dual greatest strength and greatest weakness.

That being said, this is again just one way to do it. To say this is the only way to write a flawed character brings us back to "but they must all be blonde and have bushy eyebrows." And sometimes? Sometimes you don't even want to write a flawed character. Sometimes you want an invincible Superman, and if that's what you want then go for it!

This is one place you could start if you're feeling lost or unsure, but at the end of the day it's just a tool in your pocket. It's up to you to choose your favorite tools for the job.

Writing should be fun! Write what you love. Write what interests you, most of all.

How do you have the willpower to not consume content from any of your other fandoms? I always get pulled in and out of the same ones and it stops me from getting projects done but I get so bored! Teach me your ways!

So the downside of ADHD is that it takes a ridiculously high amount of effort to push yourself to do things—even things you want to do and like doing—unless you put even more effort upfront into making it convenient for yourself.

But the upside is, if you know this about yourself, and if there's media you want to not be consuming, you just...... don't do anything to make it convenient to consume.

I don't have Amazon Prime. All I have to do is not bother to get Amazon Prime (easy!!) and not bother to hunt out a way to watch Hazbin some other way (also easy!!) and bam, I've got a 100% success rate of not watching it.

Do you know how many Transformers series I'm currently behind on? I sure don't! Because I haven't put the effort into looking it up! I can't be assed! There's like, at least three I think! Don't tell me, I'm not currently interested in finding out!! It would take work for me to figure it out; I can just go "work?? Naaah. Not doing that."

You can resist temptation by just being too lazy to pursue it! Make that ADHD work for YOU!

Caution: if you can't get yourself to put effort into doing anything that brings you pleasure, that's either Pretty Serious Depression or it's gonna cause Pretty Serious Depression and it's not good. However. If you master the art of ADHD, you can save up the effort you didn't put into distractions, and use it to put effort into different activities that also make you happy.

Last year I picked up a podcast about cults. It's all right. But because I'm already listening to it and spotify keeps pushing it to the top of my screen, when I need a low-effort audio distraction, it's easier for me to default to putting on the podcast about cults than it would be for me to, say, dig up The Magnus Protocol to start it. And bam! Now I'm doing more research that'll help me write about a cult leader, for free, by listening to a podcast I'm not at risk of hyperfixating on!

Part of avoiding breaking your own hyperfixation is figuring out what media you enjoy, but don't hyperfixate on. Because you still need to, like, have fun. That's why you wanna watch The Things You Like, because it's fun. If you're not having fun you'll wanna go watch The Things You Like, and rightly so. So you've gotta make sure you're having enough fun with things you don't hyperfixate on.

Like, I know that when I watch Columbo or read Poirot, I find the detectives charming while I'm observing them, and then almost as soon as the mystery is over I stop thinking about them. They aren't the kind of characters that latch into my brain. I know they won't become blorbos. So I'm safe there. I know I enjoy horror movies but 99% of the time totally forget who the characters are, like if there's 2 white guys and 2 white girls it is guaranteed I won't be able to tell them apart, so they're safe to watch, I'm not gonna hyperfixate on them. I know that I enjoy nonfiction/educational books & podcasts, but I only hyperfixate on fiction, so it's safe for me to pick up nonfiction. If it's nonfiction that's somehow thematically relevant to whatever I'm currently hyperfixated on, it even helps feed the current hyperfixation.

And those are my "protect your hyperfixation" lifehacks.

On the other hand, if you, anon, don't personally have ADHD, then I can't help you. idk how people with executive function function.

Final advice: if you know you keep falling in and out of the same 3 or 4 fandoms, maybe try writing a crossover fic about all 3 or 4 fandoms at once. That way it won't matter which one you're currently into. You win no matter what. I've never actually tried this, don't trust this advice.

Imagine an Angels of Death and a Forest of Drizzling rain crossover- I think there's like one(?) official comic about that actually, but THAT ISN'T NEARLY ENOUGH.

Just like- Suga and Zack would totally hate each other guts. I can imagine some hilarious moments where Zack just yells at Suga for shoving memos in his face- and Suga has to resort to charades or something.

Shiori and Ray would literally be such a wholesome duo as well. Ray would also get along pretty nicely with Sakuma I think.

Ray would be an absolute pro at fishing because she just is, and Zack would just scare them all off.

If you don't mind my asking, what is your outlining process like? Is it a bulleted list of scenes, or paragraphs describing what you want to happen? How thorough is it, and how much do you just figure out as you go? I'm about to attempt to write a truly longform fanfic for the first time, and I've been a fan of yours long enough that I feel you probably have some sage wisdom on the matter.

You know what, I get this question with some regularity, so instead of trying to remember how I explained it last time, I'll just drop one of my outlines so I can link this the next time someone asks. Here's my full outline for chapters 33/34/35. Copy/pasted from my plotting sessions in discord with my writing buddies.

This is in two parts. The first part is my actual outline, which I ALWAYS had open while actually writing the chapters—I recommend open my outline and the finish chapters side-by-side so you can see just how closely the chapter follows the outline. My outline is VERY LONG and VERY DETAILED, down to exactly what happens in the conversations; this is because I've found that, for me, "write out THE ENTIRE chapter WITH all actions & dialogue (but writing it super badly)" + "writing the chapter well (but not needing to think about actions & dialogue AT ALL") is much, much faster than "do a simple outline (but figure out the action, dialogue, and how to write it well all at once)".

And the second part is a bunch of snippets from other plotting sessions where I was figuring out how to fit the tooth fairy arc into the whole fic, so you can see how I work on overarching plot lines.

Anywhere there's a "####" divider is a separation between different plotting sessions on different days. Anywhere text is in "[brackets]" it's either a paraphrase of something one of my writing buddies said (I don't post direct quotes publicly) or some kind of note to myself.

####

[This part is my actual outline I used to write the chapters]

So! Stan's having breakfast. Bill comes into the kitchen, plops down, "gooood morning—" "go away."

"Haha funny. Anyway! I need you to take me to your dentist." "No. I took you to the mall, you almost made my niece cry, my brother left a Shopliftaholics Anonymous flier on my bed, and all I got out of is was a crummy ring. You wanna go anywhere, talk to Soos."

Nope, it's gotta be Stan. (he doesn't wanna hang out with that loser Soos anyway.) Bill's trying to get fillings, and Stan's dentist does them for free.

Which is true, but it's weird that Bill knows that. Stan's dentist is some weirdo operating out of a back alley, with a weird pay structure. He charges normal dentist rates for regular dental maintenance, but he does gold fillings for free, and he'll pay YOU if he needs to pull your teeth. He's great! Stan hasn't had to pay for dental care in thirty years! Stan also wears dentures now, but hey, at least they were free.

So, since it's Stan's dentist, he's the only one who can take Bill. Stan sees where Bill's coming from; but he says no, because he doesn't wanna.

Okay, bill's gonna try another tact.

Stan, Bill is a simple creature. A simple creature who's used to being coated tip to base in a thin layer of pure, lustrous, 24 karat gold. Having skin makes his skin crawl. He doesn't *need* any dental work done, his teeth are fine, but he'd really, *really* like to have just a *bit* of gold, *somewhere* on his body, so he feels a *little* more like himself in his final days. (you're losing my sympathy by the second, cipher.) ... And then once he's dead, he supposes he'll be leaving behind a corpse with a mouthful of free gold that whoever's disposing of his remains can do whatever they want with, do you catch his meaning Stanley?

That's absolutely *disgusting.* ... But okay, he's bribed! ...... They're not telling Ford about this, right? Right. They're shaking on it. Agreed. They'll take this to their graves. ... Or to Bill's grave, anyway.

Hey, it's free gold that Bill is offering him totally voluntarily. After all the trouble this demon's brought into their lives, the LEAST Stan can get in return is a little financial compensation.

Great! Deal made! Time to go get the cursed friendship bracelets and then they can head out—

Ohhh no, Stan isn't trusting a bit of colored lace and some mystical hocus-pocus to keep Bill contained. They're doing this PROPERLY. He's gonna MAKE SURE Bill can't escape. They're going to Soos and getting the REAL, METAL handcuffs from him. Try to get out of THAT! Now... to the car!

... Bill's right wrist is cuffed to Stan's left wrist. This puts Bill on Stan's left side. How are they gonna get Stan in the driver's seat.

... Does Stan want Bill to drive— NO, no, NOPE, he is NOT letting Bill drive, under ANY circumstances, NOT a chance. Okay fine so how are they doing this.

Cue Stan driving with Bill cuddled up against his right side and Bill's right arm stretched across Stan's chest. It's very intimate. Very romantic. You can practically hear Unchained Melody playing in the background They are both so very very uncomfortable.

[imagine a gif from Ghost]

Exactly like that but imagine them grimacing in disgust the whole time

Definitely one of the worst experiences Stan has ever had handcuffed in a car.

So after a VERY unpleasant drive they park, get out—and immediately cross paths with Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland. Stan's like ah great, last thing they need, police nearby while they're doing something weird. Well, if they don't make eye contact and go about their way—

Bill waves like HI DARRYL, HI EDWIN, HOW'S IT GOING? WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING HAHA and they're like OH HEY GOLDIE HOW'VE YOU BEEN, DID YOU HAVE A NICE SUMMERWEEN and Stan is like "*Bill what do you think you're doing getting their attention, do you want them asking questions*" and Bill goes "🙂 I did not think this through 🙂"

Which is of course when they go "hey why are you handcuffed to Mr. Pines? You need some help there? I bet we've got a key that matches that handcuff model" and oh Stan BETS that Bill would LOVE to accept that offer and go traipsing off into town with the cops, so he goes "NOPE, that's fine, thank you officers, but we're keeping the handcuffs on. ... Because. They're necessary. ... For me. ... Because I'm old. ... It's to keep me from wandering into traffic."

Bill's a quick liar, he goes haha yep that's true!! This guy's cataracts are so bad, sometimes he asks us if he's dying because all he can see is a white light at the end of a dark tunnel. And the way his mind's going, woof—" "(all right you don't have to lay it on so thick)" "—he's so addled it's like he's completely forgotten the last century of transportation advancements, he'll just walk right off the curb and expect the horse-drawn carriages to stop for him—" "Hahaaa, but we won't bore you with my medical history! *C'mon,* Goldie, you're gonna make me *late* to my *heart doctor appointment.* You don't want my life on your hands, do you." "(You know, I think I kind of do.)"

The cops are like, you can't see? didn't we just see you get out of the driver's seat of your car? and they're like ......... Goldie's giving him directions. 😃

Oh! That makes sense. Okay. They'll let them get to their doctor's appointment. They wander off like y'know i think Goldie's a step up from that seeing-eye bear

They look at each other like, all right, good improv, you're not bad. They can respect each other for that. Stan thinks Bill wouldn't be bad to run a con with if he were literally anybody other than who he is. Okay, on to the dentist.

So the dentist's office is a little garden shed around back behind some other totally unrelated business. Whatever business I can think of that would be funniest. It's a ramshackle nightmare. The dentist, also, is a ramshackle nightmare.

[candy store]

He's surprised to see Stan there, on account of the fact that Stan has no teeth. Because the dentist pulled them all. ... he's not mad is he

No, no, the dentures are great! They're lower maintenance! Sort of. In a way. Anyway, he's here to refer a new customer! ... does he get any kind of referral bonus or

Yeah have a uhhh gold coin or something, here. Okay! New customer! What can he do you for?

Fillings! Okay, on which teeth? Whichever he thinks would look best with some! Dealer's choice! Bill's leaving it in his hands! All that matters is that currently Bill's teeth do *not* have any gold in them, and he'd like that to change by the time he leaves.

The dentist gives Stan a look like "is this freak serious" and Stan sorta shrug nods like "yeah he's serious" and the dentist is like okay!!! Super! This'll be fun! Let's see what he has to work with.

The dentist is amazed at Bill's teeth. Wow. So clean. Perfectly white. Did you just get these cleaned, where'd you get it done at? No? Well, looks amazing. And no wear at all, remarkable... Do you mind if he takes a few pictures? Have you ever considered having any of these pulled?

Stan's like yeesh, he forgot how creepy this guy is. He's like a serial killer crossed with a nerd with a tooth fetish.

Well, the dentist is sorry to say that all of these are pristine. Not a hint of cavities—not even plaque. It'd be a shame to drill them. You *sure* you don't want one pulled...?

Stan is 😬 but Bill is handling this like it's a totally normal question for him to be getting. Y'know what, just the fillings today—but who knows, maybe he'll feel naughty and be back in a couple of weeks haha. Just pick a couple of your least favorite teeth to drill into!

Okay, suit yourself. Let's gas you up and get drilling.

This is the first time Stan's had an opportunity to watch the dentist at work. Which is how he learns for the first time that he saves all the little tooth dust & shards off his drill in a tiny Petri dish. Yeesh. He's an even bigger creep than Stan thought.

Bill doesn't handle the gas well. It's not that it makes him sick or anything. He just forgets how to human. The dentist tells him to hold his mouth open and he holds his eyes open until they water. He keeps forgetting his mouth is occupied and talking to the dentist while he trying to drill. When he's let go, he heaves himself off the chair and immediately falls on the ground because he expected to float. Stan has to support him to the door and he keeps trying to walk sideways. Bill doesn't mind, he feels great! Waves at the dentist as they leave. Thanks for the gold, Atlantis is rising as we speak, you have seven years to prepare for the plague, tell the little lady he said hi! Byyye! Stan is desperately trying to drag him out the door, he turns to Stan like "I made up the bit about Atlantis" "okay now shut up and stop saying weird things"

But not the plague part

The fic *does* take place in 2013

They're driving home. Smushed together all intimate-like. You can almost hear Careless Whisper playing. Except this time Bill is loudly and terribly singing along. He keeps trying to take the steering wheel and turn it like a kid playing in a toy car and Stan has to keep swatting his hand away. Bill's like "I can't feel my tongue at all! I bet I can chew it off!" "Don't do that." "The last time my mouth was this numb, my girlfriend had just gotten done with me, haha. I was almost blind for the next hour from all the spores—" "I swear if you don't shut up—" "I just realized I haven't gotten any action since I died. Wow. This isn't a weird time to bring that up, is it?" "Bill if you say ONE MORE weird thing you're riding home on the roof of the car."

Bill is quiet for three seconds. "Your arm's really beefy! What's your favorite flavor of cancer?"

Mabel: "why are you on top of the car?"

Bill, eyes wide, hair disheveled, one arm hanging through the driver's door, sprawled out desperately clinging to the roof like his life depends on it: "I don't know, it's all a blur." (Note to self, mention Mabel and dipper are heading out for a sleepover or something)

Well, *that* was fun! 🙂 Bill thinks it was fun, anyway. Stan doesn't agree. Anyway, where's Soos? They need the key to the handcuffs.

Soos is having dinner with Melody's family this evening. They call him to ask where the key is. Haha, sorry dudes! He totally forgot he still had it. Yeah, it's on his keyring. Is that, like, gonna be a problem, or...

Well—pff—when are you gonna be back?? Uhhh he's not sure, kinda late maybe. Well, can he duck out and bring them the key? Uhhhh he WOULD but, he's REALLY worried about impressing Melody's parents, and the casserole's about to come out, and he thinks they might judge him if he leaves, and it would probably ruin dinner... Okay FINE, then what if they drive over to get the key? ("STAN CAN I DRIVE THIS TIME—" "ABSOLUTELY NOT") Oh sure, they can drive over if they want—anyway Melody's parents' place is in Portland.

Which is waaaay outside the barrier around Gravity Falls

Welp. That ain't happening. Looks like they're stuck.

... They could call Blubs and Durland—?

NOPE Stan is NOT calling the cops for help NUH UH, he'll WAIT ALL NIGHT if he has to. ... so. What do they do until then.

Cue them grumpily watching a game show together. Bill refuses to sit in the living room with Stan so Stan's on the couch and Bill's sitting in the entryway on the stairs and their handcuffs are strung through the doorway. Hey Stan, still glad you went with the handcuffs instead of the friendship bracelets? Shut up.

Bill's shouting out the answers to every question on the show almost sooner than they're displayed and eventually Stan is like, man, we'd clean up if we put you on this show. No one would ever figure out how you're cheating. And Bill's like HA, listen to you!! If you were Ford you'd be mad that I'm giving away all the answers before you can guess!! That's the great thing about you, Stan, you don't get irritated at Bill for stupid little reasons, you're more fun. HEY FORD DID YOU HEAR THAT, STAN'S THE FUN TWIN— And Stan's like shut up you idiot ford's in the basement he can't hear you. And what are you talking about, you irritate me all the time. I'm constantly infuriated by you. And Bill's like, oh, well, i guess i just don't care when you're irritated then lmao.

Stan's like what's with you anyway, why are you so obsessed with Stan's brother. And bill says SDFHFJF?? DSFKLGLJ??? FLKJFHGD???? EXCUSE M. EXCUSE ME?? OBSESSED??? MOI???? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

Is it OBSESSION to SOMETIMES PAY ATTENTION to the one person in the house he HAPPENS to know best and to whom he HAPPENS to be a teacher and muse and friend— and Stan's like oh that's a load of bull, you're not ANY of those things to him. Friend?? Friend???? HE WANTS YOU DEAD and Bill's like WELL IF THAT'S *SO* then doesn't it also make plenty of sense to keep an eye on, you know, THE GUY THAT *KILLED* HIM, like there's nothing mysterious about why he'd focus a *little* on that person—

THAT'S IT, THAT'S JUST IT!!!! There are TWO people who killed Bill, remember? That was a two-man con he fell for! But he keeps treating Ford like he was the only one there! If Ford's in the room, he's the only person Bill talks to, and if he ISN'T in the room then Bill's yelling across the house for him, and Ford wants less to do with him than anyone else, what the heck, it's creepy—

Only *one* person killed Bill. Stan's not the man who killed him; he's just the place where Bill was killed.

And that baffles Stan into shutting up a second.

Bill's like, do you even remember what happened in your brain?? and Stan's like :/ so Bill's like LMAO!! We were both trapped in there when Ford fired the gun. Completely powerless. Stan was weeping and begging for a way out even, but there was nothing Bill could do by then— and Stan's like all right I KNOW that THAT didn't happen! so Bill's like fine fine okay all right you got me, we actually had this big psychic laser fight, imagining up all sorts of fantastical weapons. And Stan's like, ehhhh, all right, that sounds more like me. And bill says but it was all IMAGINARY, it was a vast illusion, at that point there was nothing I could do to you and nothing you could do to me. We were just two victims locked inside a burning house as it came down around us. YOU didn't kill me, you didn't have the POWER to kill me. And Stan just, gives him this discontented look. Hm.

Oh, oh wow, okay, Bill sees what's going on. Stan's jealous, isn't he. He thought offering up his body to be the scene of a murder finally made him a co-star instead of a sidekick. All their lives, Ford got more attention from daddy, more attention from the teachers, more attention from the WHOLE WORLD—and Stan finally thought he'd at least get a little attention from the big bad living nightmare. Just because he let his brother shoot him in the head. You weren't special enough for anyone else, why do you think you're special enough for Bill?

Oh yeah?? Well he bets he's special enough to break Bill's face— jerks him by the chain into the living room, fist raised; and Bill immediately pulls back as far as he can and tries to shield his face.

As a helpful reminder, Bill's death actually went like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0D3adyJQDqI so 1) he is VERY much lying to Stan, and 2) getting punched in the eye by Stan in the living room is still echoing in his nightmares.

So there's a split second where Bill is absolutely blind with terror, gets out a strangled "NO—!" and then they both freeze and stare at each other. Stan knows what just happened. And Bill knows Stan knows. And Stan knows Bill knows Stan knows.

Bill immediately plays it off, "come on, I just got all this dental work done, at least give me a couple days to enjoy it before you pound it in. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mine having a flatter face, all these bones and cartilage jutting out never did feel right—"

Stan feigns a punch. Bill flinches. Stan laughs at him.

And what's Bill gonna do? Fight him? He is not trained in 3D brawling. He tries, very hard, to explode Stan with his brain. This usually works on people who are annoying him. But alas. "If I had one billion-billionth of my power back I'd have already destroyed you—!" "But you DON'T, sucker!!" Bill screams in frustration and stomps off to go sulk somewhere

Aaand is immediately jerked back because of the handcuffs. Whoops.

"... Whatever I don't even care about your stupid aggressive mammal posturing. It's fine. It doesn't bother me. I'm calm. You're just making yourself look stupid. ... I wanna go to bed."

####

So!! Attempting plotting. When we left off, Bill wanted to go to bed. Which is a problem since he's still handcuffed to Stan

Cue Ford going "Bill. Why are you sleeping on the floor in front of my bedroom door."

Well you see, STAN got them handcuffed together until morning, and Bill tried to be accommodating, but Stan doesn't want to sleep in the attic and won't let Bill sleep in the guest room— (Stan yelling "and Mr. Accommodating here refuses to sleep in the living room") —so the best compromise they've got is sleeping on the floor with the handcuff chain strung under the guest room door, see. Does Ford want in? It'll take a little coordination to get the door open but they've done this once before—

Ford's not messing with this. He's sleeping in the basement. Good night.

At some point in this I've gotta establish that Mabel and Dipper are out of the house for the night. Maybe they're just leaving as Stan and Bill get home. Anyway the point is Bill and Stan are effectively at home alone for the night. Maybe Soos's grandma is still there, she's a little old lady, she wouldn't be much help in a fight

So. Somehow I've gotta get them from being asleep to getting woken up by the dentist being in the house, with the tooth fairy. There's some transitional material I'm missing that I've gotta fill in later.

Maybe Bill wakes up with the dentist's tools already in his mouth, ready to pull. Waking up at 2 am to invasive dental surgery. Bill's like, hello, very forward of you.

[horrified face]

That WOULD be a more appropriate reaction, if Bill weren't so weird.

Bangs on the door to wake up Stan, WE HAVE VISITORS, WAKE UP

Dentist realizes that Bill is stuck in place with the chain, pins him against the wall, and tries to go for his teeth. STAN SURE IS TAKING HIS TIME— Stan gets the door open just in time, Bill tumbles into the guest room, Stan goes wtf why is the dentist here?

The dentist goes uhhhh he just wanted to check on Bill's fillings, yeah, he thought one of them might be a little loose— Bill's like cut the crap, your boss put you up to this, what the heck does the little lady want with his mouth?

Stan's like what? What "little lady," this guy is self employed, what are you talking about— and Bill goes the TOOTH FAIRY, genius, why did you think your dentist pays YOU to pull your teeth! Who'd you think was funding him?! And, well, Stan can't say he ever put much thought into it. He just sort of took this whole thing at face value. But like the tooth fairy is fake right, like that's just stupid—

Which is when a fairy wearing baby teeth jewelry pops her head out of the dentist's bag. Stan's like oh well never mind, just one more crazy thing happening in this town. And Bill's like oh shit she's actually HERE, the situation just escalated significantly.

I've decided the tooth fairy's name is Pearl E. White.

Bill skips straight to addressing her by first name, which disconcerts everybody, not least of which is the tooth fairy herself. Lady, if you were toeing the line of your treaty any harder, you'd be tripping across it. What are you doing here and what do you want?

She's WELL within the bounds of the treaty, she hasn't laid a hand on Bill and she's not about to start, and she's been offering MORE than adequate financial compensation— Bill's like oh yeah I bet the queen would have something to say about you ordering your helper to rip out someone's teeth in the dead of night— and Stan's like hi, question, what the Fuck are you all talking about

Oh Bill can explain, Bill knows lots of things! So this fairy here has a *thing* for teeth. To the extent that she got into a habit of stealing them straight out of humans' mouths! And went so crazy over it that she actually dragged a fairy court into a war with humans over her teeth-stealing habits! Currently, she's only allowed to accept *already freed* teeth that are *voluntarily* offered to her by the owner, which is why she started bribing kids with money.

She starts getting into a gray area working with hired dentists—once a tooth has been handed over to a dentist, that dentist becomes its "owner," and can give that tooth to the tooth fairy—buuut the fact that he *extracted* the tooth puts it on shaky legal ground. Really, Bill thinks the only reason she's been getting away with THAT racket so long is because nobody's raised a legal challenge to it yet. Probably because most humans don't know it's even happening. And with the price of dental work being what it is, yeesh. But—by *any* reading of the treaty, hiring a human to nonconsensually rip out teeth on her behalf is beyond the pale. So she'd better have a good explanation for this!

Yeah, she does have a good explanation for this. SHE WANTS BILL'S TEETH! She'd do ANYTHING for one of his teeth! They're the most amazing teeth she's ever seen!!!

The dentist is like, holding her back from lunging at Bill's face

Okay, great! Fantastic! Bill's not above a little bargaining and he's not too attached to this body—so how much gold you got on you, kid?

Oh no, she's not bargaining. Bill already knows too much, she's NOT about to get blackmailed by a human, and she's not going back to fairy jail. So here's what she's gonna do: she's gonna have her guy rip out every one of Bill's teeth, and then rip his head apart to destroy the witness, and the only negotiating Bill gets to do is on whether or not her guy uses the local anesthetic. What's it gonna be?

Stan cuts in like hi, hey, listen, he'd love to see Bill's head get ripped apart, but—crazy thing—it turns out there's 50/50 odds that killing him will lead to the end of the world, so maybe let's talk this out—

Tooth fairy points at Stan like he's got nothing left of interest to me. He's a witness. Kill him too.

Right, cool cool cool, hey Stan you know that spell Ford's got on Bill? Well if Bill casts it on the dentist, can Stan handle things from there?

Yeah, Stan sees where Bill is going with this. The dentist & fairy don't expect Bill and Stan to lunge for them; Bill casts the can't-use-doors spell on the dentist, Stan drags Bill with him into the hallway, Stan slams shut the door, and now the fairy's bellowing OPEN THE DOOR YOU IDIOT and the dentist is yelling HOW????

They retreat to the entryway. From there they can go out the front door, into the kitchen, into the living room, or upstairs. I need to keep them from just going out the front door, I'll need to think up an excuse for that later. Something magic maybe idk. I also need to keep them out of the kitchen, but that's a likely dead end unless they feel like climbing over the kitchen table to break a window. Basically, I need them to be limited to the living room or upstairs.

The living room is the better option—it has a door to the gift shop, and the gift shop has a door straight outside, as well as doors to the mystery shack museum & the hidden elevator to the basement, lots of great options in there. But Bill drags them upstairs instead. Bill you idiot what are you doing, this is obviously the worse direction??

Shut up we're going this way and Bill doesn't care what Stan thinks about it.

Why are we going this way?? How the heck do you expect to get out of here from up in the attic?! Bill doesn't know, it just seemed like a better idea! There should be a ladder in the storage over the kids' room, maybe they can take that and get down out a window, come on

Meanwhile the fairy is hollering about how YOU DON'T DESERVE THOSE TEETH, THEY'RE TOO GOOD FOR YOU! They're the most beautiful, pristine, unblemished, perfect teeth she's ever seen in her life. (Bill's like "are they really that great?" and Stan's like "eh, a little asymmetrical, honestly.") She's NEVER seen adult teeth so pure and HE'S RUINING THEM by carving out chunks of PERFECT TOOTH to put in unnecessary fillings! He doesn't have the right to those teeth, she deserves them! ("Hey Bill so you knew my dentist was working for the tooth fairy?" "Yes." "And you knew she goes crazy for nice teeth." "Yes." "And it didn't occur to you that she'd be outraged by you carving up your new teeth." "It's in the past, Stanley, focus on the present.")

—and she doesn't even KNOW how he got MAGIC TEETH! Fully adult teeth in a fully adult mouth but SOMEHOW they're barely a month old! It's unbelievable! She couldn't believe it herself until she saw his mouth with her own two eyes! She MUST have those teeth, as soon as possible, so she can preserve them like this, who knows if she'll ever find such a novelty again— Ahhh, so THAT'S what's motivating her. Welp, nope, sorry, Bill didn't see that one coming at all.

... hey, she's been buzzing around shouting at them but they don't hear her trying to help her dentist OR coming after them directly, what's she up to? Stan leans out the door to look into the main attic.

Huh, weird. She's just flying in a circle with what looks like a container of veggies from the fridge?? He thinks it's the sliced portobello mushrooms

WHAT!! OH THAT LITTLE CHEATER IS MAKING A FAIRY RING, THAT'S NOT FAIR—

Aaand poof, the dentist appears in the ring. The fairy must have already made the matching ring downstairs.

The dentist still needs a dumb name

[Drilliam]

Dr. Illiam. It was william but the W fell off his sign

[any relation to dr acula]

Went to dental school together. Dr. Acula kept mislabeling teeth, he always thinks the canines should be longer

He switched career tracks and became a phlebotomist

and speaking of drills — Fairy yells GET THEM, the dentist reaches into his dental tool bag, and pulls out a drill. Not a dental drill. A drill.

They slam the door. The dentist goes AW, F— AGAIN??? The tooth fairy's like JUST BREAK THROUGH IT, YOU HAVE POWER TOOLS

Bill has an idea. Stan, open the window, Bill's tying bedsheets (from Dipper's bed) together. Bill doesn't expect them to climb out that window, does he? No, he expects the *fairy* to think they went out that way, and they can hide in the closet until the fairy and dentist are past them so they can run downstairs.

Stan doesn't like the idea of hiding like cowards instead of fighting. Bill's like I can see a dozen futures that end with our brains splattered across Mabel's dolls you do NOT want to fight against power tools now COME ON

So they hide in the closet. It's uncomfortable in here. They're trying to stay quiet and listening to the dentist mauling his way through the door. Okay smart guy now what? What'll they do when they get downstairs?

Whispering at each other, "Why that way? Why not the living room, it's a lot faster to get out through the gift shop." "... Yeah. Fine—" "What's the matter, Bill, you got a problem with the living room?" "What? No, I SAID fine. It's fine." "It took you a long time." "I was trying to figure out if that was the fastest way out—" "Oh, really??? You sure you aren't SCARED to go in there with me? You think I haven't noticed how you bolt out of the living room any time I come in? Or how you flinch every time I raise my hand?" "... I don't know what you're talking about." "Do you REALLY think I don't remember how you died." "..." "As if I could forget the best moment of my life. Watching you on your knees, begging for mercy, while I put my fist through your face like a cheap mirror—" "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" "ADMIT IT! ADMIT THAT I KILLED YOU TOO! I PLAYED JUST AS MUCH A PART IN IT AS HE DID!" "YOU DID *NOT* KILL ME, YOU *COULDN'T* HAVE KILLED ME, I'M NOT *CAPABLE* OF BEING KILLED BY SOMEONE LIKE YOU!" "*THEN WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF ME!*" "*I'M NOT AFRAID—*"

Unsurprisingly, the dentist puts a drill through the closet door.

####

For now though: Drilliam is drilling. Bill and Stan are screaming. Bill's shouting IS THIS WORTH IT?? WAS GETTING YOUR DENTAL SCHOOL LOANS PAID OFF WORTH THIS?? DO YOU WANNA BE A MURDERER MAN and he's sobbing I CAN'T STOP NOW, I'M IN TOO DEEP this man is having the worst night, like sure he's obeying the tooth fairy but it's clear she's the bloodthirsty one here

Okay count of three Stan and Bill are kicking the door open. Bill falls flat on his ass and has to scramble back up but they manage to wedge the dentist behind the door in a corner with his drill stuck in the door. Waving at their faces, menacingly. Stupid cordless magic-powered drill. The fairy's buzzing in their faces making them swat at her, the dentist starts to wiggle out, they give the door one last hard shove to knock him off balance and then run for the stairs.

And, of course, they continue the most important discussion as they go. "WHY DOES IT MATTER to you so much whether Ford killed you or Ford *and me* killed you? Why is it SO hard to admit that I threw a punch that took you down?!" "You DIDN'T kill me, you CAN'T have killed me because YOU DON'T MATTER. YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT." "Dsklfslkjf NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO *KILL* YOU?! HOW DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE?!"

And Bill senses he's found a weakness he can needle. "It's true! I've looked into countless universes and you just don't matter! No matter where you go or what you do, you just AREN'T IMPORTANT! If *anything*, all you ever do is make things *worse.* You know, I first tried to work with Ford in a universe where *you don't exist*? And I couldn't do it! He wouldn't give me a chance! Because YOU weren't there to ruin his life and make him desperate enough to turn to an alien, and YOU hadn't spent your whole childhood *training* him to put up with a manipulative con artist's lies—so he'd be *ready* when he met me. Isn't that funny, Stanley?"

Bill's dragged them to a stop now so he can rip into Stan: "You were stillborn in that universe. Your brother had to grow up without a twin watching over him—so he actually learned how to make friends. Your mother was DEVASTATED that she'd lost you—but you know what's funny? I think your family loved that dead baby you more than they EVER liked the disappointment you turned out to be—"

And That's When Stan Punches Bill As Hard As He Can

Bill goes DOWN. There is blood everywhere. Oh shit Stan didn't mean to do that much damage are you okay?

And THAT'S when Stan realizes that they're in the living room. Right where Bill died. Bill goaded him into it

And Bill holds up a tooth, like, thanks for the tooth fairy bait. (Staring Stan dead in the eye with this look like, SCARED OF YOU, AM I?? WHO'S SCARED NOW)

And Stan... Stan is really big on macho, "face your fears," "stand up for yourself," "fight back" displays of masculinity. Stan's figured out Bill isn't much of a physical fighter. He might never be able to throw a punch. He's got tiny little baby hands. But—but—if his response to "I think you're scared" is plunging himself directly into the situation he's scared of, making it as terrifying as possible, and taking it without flinching... Stan, grudgingly, has to respect that. He doesn't WANT to respect that. But it's the kind of thing he respects. [when it comes to fighting, he might be able to dish it; but he can take it]

So now he kinda sorta grudgingly respects Bill. ... But also kind of feels bad for Bill? for reasons he can't quite specify. (Because it's the kind of desperate-to-prove-himself stunt that a younger Stan would have pulled, when he was scared and alone and homeless and trying to earn his fortune and a macho mask was the ONLY thing he had going for him. And he's never seen Bill like that before—all he ever saw was Mr. Big Shot Triangle who always had everything under control up until he was tricked into dying. It's never occurred to him that Bill is scrambling too. That Bill might also be lost.)

(It doesn't escape Stan that, in Bill's efforts to get under Stan's skin, Bill slipped up and called *himself* a manipulative con artist.)

But no time to wax poetic, Stan's not an introspective guy. Tooth fairy bait! A whole entire tooth! What are they gonna do with it?

I still need to figure out this part. They've gotta set a trap to catch a fairy, they've gotta separate her from the dentist, and they've got to do it extremely fast, because being stuck behind a door in the attic isn't gonna hold the dentist for THAT long

What kinda stuff traps fairies. My initial thought was "salt rings" but no i think that's demons. Not sure that works on fairies too

[iron. Not a clothes iron]

idk, chucking an iron at a fairy's head...

Like that post that's like "i know traditionally it takes a wooden stake to the heart to kill a vampire, but i think we oughta give hitting them with a pickup a shot"

It'll probably be something in the gift shop, since they're getting corralled that way. Stan hears them coming and shoves Bill through the door and follows after him. This is a very baffling experience for Bill, as the door was previously closed, and Stan didn't open it, and yet Bill is going through it, and he does not understand enough about doors to make sense of this. (It's a swinging door, it doesn't lock or latch.) The dentist is coming at the door ready to drill it (he doesn't understand swinging doors either) and obviously if he tried to hit the door it'd just swing open which would be bad news for them so Stan is like HOLD IT, that door is LOAD BEARING, if you start hacking holes in it the WHOLE SHACK COULD COME DOWN ON US! And the dentist pauses like. Now that doesn't sound right, but i don't know enough about doors to dispute it.

A load bearing door. ... that swings.

The fairy's like WHAT ARE YOU STOPPING FOR YOU IDIOT, HE'S LYING, DOORS DON'T WORK LIKE THAT— and Bill's like HEY CHECK THIS OUT. Waving his tooth around. YOU WANT THIS???

She's so outraged, YOU KNOCKED IT OUT, what if you CHIPPED IT, she's zooming for it

And Bill chucks it in... something. Undecided. Maybe I'll decide what it is later and then cleverly find a way to foreshadow it earlier in the chapter. Anyway it's totally an effective fairy trap, possibly made out of iron.

BAM, now she's TRAPPED. The dentist is dropped down on the ground to peer through the gap under the door (there's like a three inch gap at the bottom of the door) and goes NO and pounds the door. It swings a few inches open. He stares in bafflement. It swings back and hits him in the forehead. At least Bill's no longer alone in his suffering re: the mystery of doors.

Right! Looks like they've got a proper hostage situation here, don't they! If Drilliam would please drop the power tools and back away from the door. Very good. Stan picks up his bag, holds the dentist at drill point, and tells him to get walking, he'll escort him outside. Stan doesn't trust Bill with power tools, so he can stand guard over the fairy.

... which means Bill is alone with the fairy.

*So*. Bill believes they were negotiating? 🙂

She's not negotiating ANYTHING with him. Look at what he did to this poor tooth. She's hugging it.

SHE'S obeyed the letter of her treaty, even if not the spirit, and when the fairy court hears tell of this they'll back her up and come free her, and oh, THEN Bill and Stan will be in trouble—

WAIT I JUST REALIZED. HOW CAN STAN LEAVE IF HE"S HANDCUFFED TO BILL.......................

See this is wh. This is why i outline. This is. The reason i do it. Invaluable process.

Maybe the handcuff broke when Stan punched Bill. Turned out it was a cheapo flimsy chain. Maybe they're still handcuffed together and I'm just gonna have to dial back how much Bill can say to the fairy because he knows Stan is listening.

I feel like separating Stan & Bill's cuffs would be a cop out, unless I can make it a really good moment

You know what, if bill had an opportunity to talk to the fairy alone, he would've tried to rope her into getting him some help that i do NOT know how to pay off. I was gonna have him promise a tooth off of his stone corpse in return for Assistance (As Yet Undecided), but i feel like giving Bill an in with some nebulous organization of fairies might be giving him too much power too soon?? Like, "what COULD he do with a huge favor from a fairy" versus "what do I want him to currently be ABLE to do" + "what do I want people to THINK he can do," a fairy favor might be too much??

I'll try rolling with them still being chained together, see how i like that. Okay so ignore what i just said, Bill is going WITH Stan to kick out the dentist—they just shove him out the gift shop door and he stands out there making sad puppy eyes at them—and then go back to negotiate with the fairy.

And her buddies are gonna be mad when they come to get her!

Bill's like, but that's assuming they come for her, which they might just not, once they hear where she is. IF they hear where she is. She DOES know where she is, right? (Sure she does, this is the Mystery Shack.) And she does know who owns it, right? (Sure she does, he's right there—) Who REALLY owns it? (...) Are you *sure* they'll come for you here?

It doesn't matter who owns this place, HE'S been gone for decades— Oh, has he? You sure about that? You didn't think it strange that an odd person with magical teeth and weird eyes—a real bonafide freak—happens to be in this shack, getting escorted around by handcuffs? That didn't make you ask any questions?

Stan puts a threatening hand on Bill's shoulder like *hey, easy how much you spill*—most people don't notice Bill doesn't look quite human until he points it out—and seeing *that* gesture terrifies the fairy more than anything else Bill said, like oh shit, he's not bluffing, she's been hunting somebody else's prisoner.

So how about this. If *she* promises to leave and never harass them again, *they* promise not to wake up the jailer and ask how he wants to deal with her. Because Bill just wants to be left alone, and he assumes Stan just wants to go back to bed—but *him,* oh, he wouldn't hesitate to pin her wings to a board. Sound fair?

Yes, yes, it's fair, she'll leave them alone! Just let her go!

Great. 🙂 Oh, and one more thing. His payment for that tooth?

She gives Bill a gold tooth. 😠 And they let her go. She's a fairy, her word's as good as law. If she promised not to bother them again then she won't. Can't lie.

... so. What was all that about the true owner of the shack?

Oh haha yeah! Fordsy's got a bit of a reputation around the town's paranormal community. He actually wasn't much more personable with the freaks he was studying than he was with the other humans in town—he had a tendency to catch, study, release. One or two times he *didn't* release. Rumors grow with time. And well, if it's useful to pretend to be one of his specimens...

The idea of keeping a person (a person!) prisoner to study does Not sit well with Stan. "You're *not* one of his specimens." "No? Has he been studying me?" "Of COURSE not" but now he's thinking about it.

... Well. Back to sleep? ("Are you gonna let me sleep in the guest room now?" "*No.*" "Aww, I thought we'd bonded a little!" "After all the horrible shit you said earlier??" "Haha you're too sensitive.")

......... WAS the horrible shit Bill said true? Or did he just say it to get a rise out of Stan.

Naaah, he just thought it would be funny to make Stan mad. He never saw a universe where Stan and Ford weren't inseparable as kids. But then he never dug that hard. It wasn't one of his priorities.

Stan doesn't think Bill's telling the truth now; but Stan doesn't think Bill was telling the truth earlier, either. Bill's not telling Stan what the multiverse is like; Bill's telling Stan how he wants Stan to feel. Bill *could* have said everything he'd said was true, but he didn't.

"You're not a half bad liar, Cipher. It's too bad you're a lousy dirtbag bent on world domination, or you could've made a decent partner-in-crime." "Yeah? Well, my schedule's clear, I'm bored, and running a two-man con sounds fun. Let me know." "Don't count on it."

The end.

Epilogue: next morning Ford goes "did you two sleep well?" (He's not actually asking Bill he's just asking Stan. He hopes Bill got an annoying crick in his neck that'll never go away.) "Oh yeah, no problem. Got comfortable and didn't move all night." "We barely even noticed the handcuffs. Slept like babies." Well, Ford's relieved nothing weird happened last night.

There's a knock at the door. He'll get that.

It's a very sad and bedraggled dentist. Can he please have his ability to open doors back? He had to sleep outside last night. 8,C

... only the person who cast the spell can lift it. Hey Bill, get in here. "Slept like babies," huh?

The end end

####

[everything after this is various points in other conversations where I was discussing the where & how the tooth fairy arc would fit with the overall story, to show you what kind of plotting-over-time I do for the big elements of a story.]

You know what I'm gonna go with a tooth fairy. The show's featured gnomes, mermaids, subterranean dinosaurs preserved in tree sap, and Cupid. A tooth fairy works.

A dentist who worships the tooth fairy. The fairy gets a glimpse of Bill and goes "WOW I've never had ALIEN TEETH before! *Bring them to me.*"

[hell yeah alien teeth]

####

And probably the chapter after that is gonna be Stan Takes Bill To The Dentist. Where Bill goes "you don't have to worry about me running off, we can use the friendship bracelets." "Oh ill friendship bracelet YOU. And I'll do it WITHOUT MAGIC." *slaps actual real handcuffs on himself and Bill. Loses the key.*

####

He played himself. I think I'm gonna have them be handcuffed through the ENTIRE tooth fairy arc. I think it would be really funny.

Ford like "Bill, why are you sitting in the hallway outside my guest room."

"Because SOMEBODY decided to HANDCUFF US TOGETHER and then LOST THE KEY so I have to SLEEP IN THE HALLWAY with the HANDCUFF CHAIN STRUNG UNDER THE DOOR. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, *STANLEY.*"

"Right. ... I'm going to sleep in my lab tonight."

####

Things going on:

- Stan unwillingly getting dragged into his "befriending the evil triangle" arc. Woe, friendship be upon ye.

- Bill copes with traumas by setting himself up to relive them until they stop hurting. Burning down your dimension devastated you? Become a serial arsonist, stare into the flames over and over again! Flinch every time the guy they punched you to death raises a fist? Goad him into following through, now it's not scary anymore!

####

Where I am right now: Mabel has just won Bill's loyalty forever. Where I need to get to: the next "episode," which is *probably* gonna be Stan taking Bill to the dentist and getting tangled up with the tooth fairy, unless I come up with another plot I think might be more appropriate to come first. I feel like I can't just hop straight into the next episode, because Mabel's JUST befriended Bill, so I need to spend a little time showing them BEING friends so that that convincingly sticks. And I can't "just" show them hanging out coloring pictures or whatever, I've gotta have something, like, *happen.*

####

Today's mission: figure out how to jigsaw in all the plot points I need to establish before the season one finale (when [SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS].)

I've made a list of all the things I'm pretty sure need to happen:

- Bill makes progress on lucid dreaming 

- Stan emotionally invests in Bill

--- ( this will be the Tooth fairy arc)

- Ford decides Bill isn't gonna kill them

--- the eclipse

- Ford likes Bill a tiny bit

- Dipper decides Bill is harmless

--- (I'm planning a gag where bill gets accidentally locked in the bathroom all day, this'll achieve that)

- Dipper decides Bill might be useful

--- (The eclipse)

- Bill makes contact with cultists

--- (cultist visits shack looking for bill)

- Bill finds a way to sneak outside

- conversation with dipper about the third dimension

- Fiddleford finishes the gun

--- (this will probably necessitate another Fiddleford visit)

This isn't everything that COULD happen before the season 1 finale, but it's the BARE MINIMUM everything that needs to get done.

####

There's plenty of other things that could happen before or after this, but i might need a better idea of how I want to shape season 2 before I can decide what to put before and what to put after

Like, the monster truck plot. I'm toying with whether I want it before the s1 finale (which would mean Bill can use Gideon to make contact with his cultists) or after (which would mean [SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS])

Somebody else put this together into a coherent plot arc for me o|-<

I keep pushing back writing the tooth fairy arc because i keep going "no wait, i thought of something else i need to do first—" and part of that is because, i feel like, once the tooth fairy arc happens, that kicks in gear Bill interacting with Gideon (because then he's got a gold tooth), which naturally leads to the monster truck arc, which is a big event, so anything that needs to happen "early" in the fic needs to happen before then—but if i do decide to push the monster truck arc to later on, that's less of a concern. Instead I could spend more time on foreshadowing Bill messing with Gideon.

[vote push it back]

you may have a point. The main thing is if i push it back, it would make the most sense to go in season 2 (when [SPOILERS SPOILERS]), BUT: one of the things I'd *like* to do with the finale is [SPOILERS SPOILERS x100] which needs Gideon. (Alternatively, I could make up some new, lower-key method for Bill to get Gideon under his thumb without meeting him at the monster truck rally—but I'd have to think up some Whole New Plot that's Interesting enough for that.)

####

Okay so i think my rough roadmap is. Tooth fairy plot -> Gideon chapter -> the axolotl eclipse -> the season finale. These four events contain most of my "MUST be done before the finale" events

####

I think the "makes progress on lucid dreaming" can be achieved during the Gideon chapter. I can bookend the chapter with a couple of his efforts, to show how he progresses over the chapter. *Maybe* I can shove one into the tooth fairy chapter, have a dream be interrupted by the dentist waking him

Yeah, there are two dreams I know I want to happen; a replay of Bill's mom dying where he "remembers"/admits that when he realized he hurt his mom, he *kept on pushing*; and a second replay where he seizes control of the dream and rewrites it so that it's like a big fun gory game (and thus re-burying the traumatic reality of what happened). I can put those at the beginning and end of Gideon's chapter.

####

Okay I think my current road map is:

tooth fairy -> bill figures out how to sneak out/dipper finds bill locked in the bathroom -> Gideon (+lucid dreaming) -> (Bill talks to Dipper about how he perceived the universe, leading to) The Eclipse -> Ford brings home a copy of Flatworld, letting the kids learn more about Bill's backstory/Fiddleford tells Ford the gun is ready, leading to -> the season one finale.

We're in the final stretch! No more random diversions, probably!

####

The Blind Nun

The Sacrifice Files

Case: The Blind Nun

This is a short story from the Satsuriku no Tenshi Fanbook.

Written by Makoto Sanada, translated by me.

Keep reading

When violent characters are gentle and tender & when gentle characters are violent and unhinged

Could we get some tips on finishing fics or chapters? Because like whenever I open the docs, I always end up writing down only 2 sentences and wasting all my time on those or getting stuck on a perpetual loop of editing, how do you do it???

oh that one's super easy.

🔥🔥🔥 DON'T EDIT 🔥🔥🔥

I can't find the original post (if anyone knows it, please link) but there's something I've heard called the 100 page curse: you get 100 pages into a novel, figured out how it oughta be written, go back to read it from the start, edit it... get back to 100 pages in, have an even better idea how to write it, go back to read it from the start, edit it... get back to 100 pages in, have an even better idea—

A lot of aspiring writers never make it past 100 pages into their novel.

It doesn't have to be 100 pages, that's just common. It can kick in at 200 pages, 10 pages, half a page, wherever you get stuck.

So if you get stuck editing, don't edit. If you realize "oh man but I should take out the entire subplot with the cactus, I can't keep writing until I do because Bongo's entire mood would be different if the cactus thing never happened," insert a note to yourself like "(*remove the subplot with the cactus later)," just start writing Bongo's mood the way it should be as if you'd been writing him that way all along, and KEEP GOING.

If the urge to fiddle around editing is holding you back, you're not allowed to edit until you finish.

Ok, so, aparentlly, if you open the game on the RPG Maker program, like to translate or change something, you can see alternate conversations and rooms that were made, but never used in the came.

When Rachel and Zack are on the elevator heading to B1, this was an alternate conversation:

This is interesting, so i wanted to show you.

@marsupials-of-mars submitted:

I was planning to do maybe a fic and more doodles of this but now I'm busy with school so I might as well show what I did do!

Based on how the goldilocks fic seems to posit that Bill at his best is a silly professor who loves to teach his own way

Introducing Professor Locke!

Things about this idea:

-post redemption, however that will go. I'm calling it an AU because I imagine it is not your plan for what happens after lol, but currently canon-compliant.

-Bill is at first not very on board with the idea of working in the higher education system. It's a scam and it's dumb that they tell adult people how to think.

-He's eventually convinced to bless Backupsmore with his tutelage, on the grounds that they're less stuck up there, they seem to care about giving their students opportunities despite their backgrounds, and the kids there care about learning rather than going to college just because their parents said they should.

-Ford uses his academic connections to vouch for Bill even though he is very mysterious and has no academic records. This is another reason why they picked Backupsmore: i's a little more lax when presented with a shockingly smart mystery professor. Bill gets an interview and charms the pants off the university president.

-He teaches "astrophysics" in theory (that's the job description) but he ends up teaching a little bit of everything.

-He's one of those professors you either adore or despise. He's very loud, often outright mean, and if you're too shy to speak up in class he does not give a SHIT about you. You gotta want it!

-However, his class is notoriously easy. He thinks homework and tests are facist, but he's required to have a curriculum, so his "quizzes" are like a few true or false questions and then a short answer where he asks something he thinks would be funny or wants to hear about, like "what's the dumbest thing another student has said in class since the last test and why was it dumb" or "fashion advice: what's the coolest thing I wore this last week? Extra credit: draw something cooler I SHOULD wear."

-as a result, students who have completely unrelated majors will take his class. If they end up being interested, he deems them worthy. If they're just there to be lazy, he will bully them into dropping out.

-Mabel buys him stickers to put on people's tests when they pass, or to just hand out when they something he likes. He gets along most with the college kids who know how to appreciate a classic gold star.

-He really wanted a big pretty lecture hall, where his voice would echo and he could point at a big chalkboard. But all Backupsmore could provide was a cinderblock and linoleum basement classroom. The lights buzz very loudly and it smells musty. They have stools and folding tables. Bill finds he enjoys the more intimate environment where he can walk between the tables and also sneak up on people.

-He's broken multiple folding tables by trying to do the cool professor thing where you hop up onto your desk and cross your legs and talk all casual. He is able to do this on his own desk thankfully. It's aluminum.

-Ford gets a bit nervous if he did the right thing when bill tells his school stories at the dinner table, so he finds an excuse to accompany Bill to a campus event where he can meet some of his students.

-His fears are quickly assuaged when he sees how beloved Bill is and how well he gets along with the kids. When he eventually joins in on one of these conversations, one of the students asks if he's Sixer. The students are excited by this. Bill tries to shut them up, to partial success.

OK I guess I just ended up writing the fic more or less so enjoy I guess lol.

Aww, this is adorable! Thank you! (And the fact that you're imagining a future for Bill makes me so happy.) He's absolutely be the weirdest professor in the school and he'd ADORE having a crowd full of trusting impressional minds whose parents are paying him to change the way they think. Talk about playing to his strengths.

Your idea is so wholesome, meanwhile the moment I saw "Professor Bill" I went,

I need to know: how you think bill would be in chat if he ever got the priviledge to get a phone or use a PC?What social networks would he use?

Types in all caps at all times. Punctuation optional. If someone asks him to turn off caps he instead doubles the font size. He can do this even on sites/apps that don't allow you to change the size. He won't say how.

Considering this is 2013? He's probably a pioneer in spreading misinformation and bullshit on twitter. He's one of those "MANIFEST LOVE and $$$ get your DREAM JOB through the POWER of the LAW OF ATTRACTION" cultish New Age grifters making money off a website selling self help PDFs. He's building an internet cult.

Anyone who knows him IRL gets to hear him laughing about how stupid his followers are. However it sounds like he kind of buys some of his own New Age BS to a degree that worries people.

He gets in stupid drama and then spends all night digging up something to cancel his opponent over and sic his followers on them, not because he thinks he's justified, but sheerly for the thrill of the hunt. It makes him feel powerful. His twitter has been banned four times. People run webpages dedicated to documenting his heinous bullshit. He reads them regularly.

He's waiting til 2014 when bitcoin prices drop to like $50, buying as much as he can, spending six years waiting, and selling them in 2020 for like $69,000. He runs a blog telling people to buy crypto. He can actually foresee when the prices are going to peak and fall. He doesn't share this info. He makes bank himself and gleefully ruins everyone else's finances with no regrets. (He would encourage Mabel to buy and tell her exactly what day to sell.) (He would not tell Dipper when to sell.)

He hangs out in doomsday prepper forums so that he can make up new conspiracies and see if he can make everyone even more paranoid.

He's got a youtube channel that's a mix of all of the above BS. New Age self-help buy-crypto buy-gold our-universe-isn't-real access-the-higher-planes doomsday conspiracy mishmash. You can imagine the viewers he attracts. He disdains them all and tries to make them worse on purpose. Never shows his face, every video is a slideshow of psychedelic & pseudo-religious art (mostly stolen) with a voiceover and mystical-sounding music.

Mabel gets him on tumblr, because if Mabel has any social media of course it'd be 2013 tumblr, and probably a deviantart. She's posting her art and really badly photoshopped gif edits of her favorite cartoons and musicians, and generally acts like a normal person online.

Bill's tumblr is completely divorced from all his other horrible online activity. All he posts is cryptic rhyming couplets and terrible local photos of things that fascinate him. The photos could be anything from a car with a really sweet flaming paint job to a stunningly beautiful double rainbow over pine-covered mountains to a literal pile of dog shit because he thought it was interesting how it was drying out unevenly. Once he gets investigated for arson because he posted a picture of the house in flames within three hours of the crime. (He was, in fact, guilty, but he wheedled an alibi out of friends before they knew what he was being investigated for.)

He has like eight followers. The only content he reblogs is Eye of Providence images and pyramid images, which he tags #LITERALLY ME and thinks he's hilarious for; and also every single thing Mabel posts without exception until the end of time.