Dazai: Wow, You’re So Short. You Want Me To Put A Few Inches In You, Slug?

Nero: I'd give my right arm to find out who my parents really are

Vergil: Wish granted

Vergil: *rips off Nero's right arm*

Vergil: I'm your father

Sigma: I wanted one thing in life. A place to call home. Instead I’m forced to live with a pigeon and his pet anemic rat.

Nikolai: You forgot the anemic rat is immortal.

Fyodor: The devil has a restraining order against me I guess.

Ango: The horrible things you do are starting to make me believe you are the spawn of the devil, Dazai.

Dazai: I mean there was that time I got itchy near a crucifix…

Ango:….

Oda: That was when you had bed bugs.

I'm surprised I'm not dead for going against him.

Have any of the others like Regis, Gladio, or Ignis thought of sedating him? (I.e. Sleeper hold, a tranquilizer, or a straitjacket like Hannibal Lector style)

Gladiolus: *covers face with hands and groans*

Clarus: *scowls* You fool! You think we haven’t?!

Gladiolus: I lost count of how many times I shot him with a tranquilizer or used the sleeper hold on him. I know for a fact that he purposely pushed me to doing it so he could call me ‘the sandman’.

Clarus: Therapy is completely useless since he’s able to brainwash the weak-minded fools!

Gladiolus: Straitjackets? He knows how to escape them and has a collection. And Iggy? Regis practically made him royalty with how much power he has.

Clarus: And all to keep that son of his from destroying the city! It’s a miracle young Scientia is not a mad man like Noctis.

Gladiolus: If you have any suggestions, we’re willing to hear a few.

Clarus: I’ll give you my wealth and soul if you can stop that boy.

Noctis: *shows up* Yo, Clarinet. I sensed you were talking about me so I came over.

Gladiolus: speak of the devil.

Noctis: I’m human.

Clarus: *hisses* Lies! *points to the door* AND GET OUT.

Ignis: Prompto please promise me you and Noct will not do anything illegal while I'm gone.

Prompto: don't worry Iggy. I promise we will be on our best behavior.

*five minutes later*

Prompto: Wanna go trash Ardyn's car?

Noctis: hell yeah

Funny and/or creepy things Noctis has said.

I should do more funny creepy dialogue more often.

—

Noctis: Oh my god, my dad is coming. Everyone T-pose!

Ignis: Noct-

Noctis: NOW.

—

Noctis: Goddamnit.

Prompto: What?

Noctis: It’s Monday.

—-

Noctis: In this world, it’s fish or be fished.

Ignis: That doesn’t make sense.

Noctis: Fishes like you shouldn’t speak to fisherman like me!

Ignis: Noct.

Noctis: Begone Fishnis! Fishermoctis is on the hunt for Promfish!

Prompto: I’m confused, amused, and a bit unnerved?

—

Noctis: Since you’re all meat and not fat, does that mean if I cut you into thin slices I would feast for weeks?

Gladiolus: Please get that sword away from me.

—

Noctis: Nyx can I eat your hands?

Nyx: Um, no?

Noctis: Fine, your legs. Not like you need them.

Nyx: Uumm, I do?

Noctis: Fine, Earlobe.

Nyx: N- …let me think.

Crowe/Libertus: Nyx!

Nyx: What?

Noctis: Can I eat it or what?

Nyx: Ye- wait, uh No!

Noctis: Assholes.

—

Noctis: Are finger foods made out of fingers?

Ignis: Please put the knife down.

—

Prompto: So Behemoths eat people, so does that mean we’re eating people when we’re eating Behemoths?

Gladiolus: No.

Noctis: Yes.

Gladiolus: Noct, no.

Noctis: Noct, Yes.

Gladiolus: No damnit!

Ignis: Actually, Noctis is correct.

Gladiolus: What?!

Noctis: Told you.

—-

Noctis: I don’t like eyeballs, tastes too squishy.

Ignis: Please tell me you’re talking about grapes.

Noctis: What else would I be talking about?

Gladiolus: Stop calling them eyeballs.

Noctis: They look like them so no.

Gladiolus: Good grief.

Noctis: Also because Ignis won’t let me have real eyeballs so grapes at the closest thing I can have.

Gladiolus: What?!

Noctis: Give me eyes.

Ignis: Again, no.

—-

Noctis: Ignis is my impulse control, so I’m gonna eat your fingers while he’s gone.

Libertus: I don’t know how I got here but somebody untie me!!

—-

Reblog!

I am afraid to write. I feel like I will do an injustice.

Ardyn: I came here to have a good time and honestly I'm feeling attacked.

Noctis: YOUR GOOD TIME WAS ATTACKING US

Noctis: I will literally suplex Ravus just to take a nap right now.

Ravus: I'll knock you the **** out before you can even touch me.

Prompto: never a dull day with them around

This is the FFXV Cinnamon Bun of Happiness; reblog in 15 seconds and everlasting peace will befall you. Ignore for 10 years of darkness.