Notes From The Past II

Yellow Paint

I’ve treaded these waters before

And I’ve learned how to swim after drowning—countless of times.

I know not to ask for more than what I am given.

To be satisfied with scraps that you are willing to share.

I need not to hear your heart

I just want to feel your skin against mine.

Take everything you want, use me to your hearts content

And afterwards, I need you to leave me.

Each time we move forwards I need you to pull back away.

I will not dedicate these poems to you,

The same way I wrote my love for him.

And I refuse to think of you when I hear the word “beloved”

But oh, so help me god, I think I’m starting to.

ARE YOU FUCKIN’ KIDDING ME?!!!!! Do you know just HOW long I’ve been waiting for David Henrie to say something like that and when he finally does it’s ON THE WRONG FUCKING SHOW!!

I stg if my mom dies i might just lose my remaining will to live

Saudade (A RAURA FANFIC) Part 4/6

"Do you like her?" Ross felt his whole body freeze. He lifts his head up to look at his older brother who was scribbling down on a music sheet. His heart rate picked up its pace. He knew who he was referring to, but he has to feign innocence or it would completely ruin everything. "Who?" The younger lynch casually asks, turning back into tuning his guitar. "You know," Riker answers, "Laura," I knew it. Ross smirked to himself. He had noticed the look on his older brother's face whenever Laura would come up to him, or when they would engage themselves in a conversation that often sent Laura tumbling over in laughter. Most especially when they would shoot scenes for Austin & Ally. Now that two protagonists have been dating for a while, Ross and Laura have had to act like lovers for the past few episodes. And Ross could see that every time a moment between "Austin" and "Ally" would come up, Riker would look away or make an excuse to leave the set. Yes, his expression was blank, and almost seemed emotionless. But there was always that something that Ross could clearly point out. It was inevitable, even Ross would get jealous if he sees another guy hugging, kissing, or even touching Laura. Not that he would admit that, of course. But Alas, he's taken up too much time, and a little bit more and Riker would confirm his silence as affirmation for his feelings for the said brunette. So Ross had to answer. "No," with a short laugh at the end. "Laura and I are just best friends, you know that." "So this song isn't about her?" Riker lifts the music sheet in his hand. "Who ever said it's about her?" He shrugs. "I don't know. I just assumed I guess," He notes down one more time before arranging the sheets that were scattered on the couch and his lap. "So who's this song about then?" "No one in particular," Ross responds as he hums to the music's melody. "Come on, bro." He nudged him on the shoulder. "You can't write a song as amazing as this and say that you didn't any inspiration from anyone at all." The younger lynch grins. "What can I say, I'm an awesome songwriter" he says smugly and the two shared a laugh. "Okay, so do you have any ideas for the title?" Ross smiles, "I want U bad" ##### Perhaps it was the liquor he was drinking. He had been emptying quite a few bottles and it hasn't even struck past midnight. Everyone around him was having fun, dancing to the loud music blastingthrough the huge speakers that were set out in their back yard, with Ryland serving as the DJ. Some were even skinny dipping in the pool, and some were just shamelessly making out. The party's getting wild and they were all getting drunk. The season finale had ended a couple days ago, wrapping up the whole series. It had been quite a journey for the cast, and the ending seemed to satisfy it's viewers. Austin and Ally got married and had two kids, what else could the fans ask for? And now they were celebrating with just some close friends because after a few days, the lynch's band, R5, was set to leave for another tour. Laura on the other hand, had just decided to focus on her career in music and she was already headed for a great start. Just a few more days and they'd be going separate ways. Just a few more days and he'd be apart from her, completely. Ross sat alone on a couch, watching a certain brunette as she swayed her hips to the music as she raises her hands in the air, her long tresses of dark brown hair bouncing with her every move that intoxicated him. Suddenly, everyone seemed to vanish and all that's left was her across him. Just a few steps for him to take, he could just grab her and take her out of the loud and overcrowded place, and just drive. Drive into nowhere, drive until they finally find solitude. They could get lost and call him cliche and hopeless romantic, but, he didn't mind. Just as long as she was beside him. He took another sip from his bottle. But of course, these were all just wishful thinking. He could never take her away from his own brother. Would she even be happy with him? He knows that she used to have feelings for him before, but that was a long time ago, two years perhaps? And now she was in love with someone else. And it was because he let it happen. He allowed her to slip from his grasp. He took another sip. Then, her eyes landed on him and she flashed him a bright smile. And as if all sanity had been sucked out of him, he strides towards her and almost grabbed her hands. Just... almost. Because before he could get to her, an arm had snaked around her waist and she spins to meet her boyfriend's gaze. And Ross just stood there, watching bitterly as the girl he likes kiss someone else. Thankfully the scene was interrupted, as someone accidentally spilled their drink on Laura's dress. Laura excused herself as Riker remained on the dance floor. He saw this as a chance. So Ross decided to follow her. He tried the rooms on the first floor but she was nowhere to be found. He tipsily headed upstairs as he took another sip from his bottle. He knocked on the door across Riker's room only to find out that it was unoccupied. "Where the heck is she?" He mumbled to himself, running his fingers through his blond hair, frustrated. Maybe it was better this way. He didn't even know what to say to her let alone why he went out to find her. It was just as if something was tugging him towards her. Or maybe I'm just losing my mind. He thought. Just as he was about to head for the bathroom to release the vomit that he had been holding, the door behind him suddenly opens revealing the brunette that he was desperately looking for. The vomit can wait later. He thought. "Lau-" he stops and quickly turns to shove his head on the toilet and emptied his stomach. "Oh my gosh, are you okay?" Laura asks, rubbing his back as he continued to gag. Worry was strewn across her face as she sees her best friend's state. He stops for a moment and wipes his mouth. "Yeah, I'm fine." He stands up. "Just had a few drinks I guess," he picks up his bottle and waved it in front of her. "I'm not sure that's a few," Laura's face scrunched and waved her hands in front of her as she inhaled the scent of beer and vomit evident in his breath. "Come on, why don't you lay down for a minute?" She took his arms over her shoulder and guided him to the closest room and dropped him on the bed. "I'm sure Riker wouldn't mind you staying here for a bit, right?" She says. "Just don't throw up and make a mess or anything, alright?" She scowls as she see's him drink from his beer. "And stop drinking," "You're not my mom," Ross sluggishly murmured and lets out a laugh. Laura glares at him and he held his hands up. "Alright, just one last bottle," Laura rolls her eyes. "Whatever, i'm going back there. Can't keep Riker waiting," she smiles before making her way towards the door. "Don't go," She halts. His words were so sudden that she wondered if she had heard him correctly. She turns to see her best friend seated at the edge of the bed, looking up at her with eyes like that of a child. "What?" She asks with nervous chuckle, hoping that she misheard him, or was just toying with her. "I said don't go," He repeats. "Stay with me," His words had rendered her speechless, and she just stood there with her mouth slightly open as she tried to process his words into her brain. A few seconds passed and she finally forced a laugh, "You're drunk Ross, just go get some rest" He watched as she took steps away from him. Just a few more and she's out of the doorway and back downstairs. Out of Ross's reach and into Riker's arms. No. He chugs the remaining liquor in his bottle and threw it mindlessly on the floor. Though it didn't break, the rattling sound it made caused the brunette to stop and turn just in time for him to close the gap between them and clashed his lips on hers. He pushed her until her back hit the door, closing it with a loud bang and she let out a soft mewl between the kiss which awoken something inside of him. She protested and tried to pull away, hitting his shoulders as hard as she could but his grip on her wrist was so tight with his body pressed against her that she was unable to move at all. Yet she doesn't feel trapped. If she were to be honest, she felt as if a huge part of her had been freed. His kiss made her feel as if for the first time in years she could breathe again. A feeling was resurfacing. And that was what she feared most. Fear that she could mess things up. Both her relationship with Riker and Ross. But as he continues to ravish her lips her worries were gradually washed away. She stops resisting eventually and became more responsive to the kiss. As soon as he found an opening, he shoved his tongue in, tasting every last bit of her sweet mouth. Her knees buckled and her arms had to hold on to him for support. They were making out in Riker's room. They should be ashamed but that thought only made things even intense. The thought of possibly getting caught heated them both even more. The kiss wasn't like the ones they did for the show. It was hurried and rougher as if they both knew that their time was only limited. It was as if they were both drowning with desire and the only thing that could save them was for them to have a taste of the other. "Laura?" Now their time was over. Though Ross didn't stop, so Laura tried her best once more to push him away. "Ross stop, Riker's here." she hissed. "I don't care," he whispered breathily in her ear then resumed in placing kisses on her neck. "Ross stop it!" With all the strength she could muster, Laura pushed him away that it sent him on the floor with a loud thud. "Laura? Babe? Are you in here?" As Riker opened the door to his room, he saw his girlfriend standing beside his bed, looking like child caught doing something wrong. Or perhaps it was just his eyes playing tricks on him. The room wasn't well lit anyway. Besides he knew Laura wouldn't do anything that would hurt him. So he just smiles, as he was glad to finally find her. "There you are, I've been looking everywhere for you." He says. He then noticed that her gaze kept shifting between him and the person seated on the floor with a hand on his head. Only then he noticed his younger brother. "Ross?" Riker immediately went beside his brother and helped him up. "What happened to you?" He looks up at her girlfriend, waiting to hear an explanation. If there was one thing Laura wasn't good at. It was lying. And Ross knew that if she does try, she'd only stammer, making it even more dubious. "I'm drunk and practically throwing up my insides when Laura saw me, so she took me here to get some rest," Ross explains before Laura could even utter a single word. "We we're just outside your room. It was the closest so," "What about the your head?" Riker asks. "Oh, well it seems that Laura's noodle arms really can't hold much weight so she basically just dropped me off the floor and I hit my head on the frame of your bed," He says with a chuckle. "Is that true?" Riker asks his girlfriend with a smile on his face, clearly amused. "W-well I didn't drop him," Laura retorted, laughing awkwardly. "He kinda fell off of me." "I'm fine though, I think I just need to lay down for a bit." Ross says as he lets himself drop back on his brother's bed. Riker chuckles and moves towards the brunette, wrapping an arm around her. "Well, you can stay here until your well enough to walk back to your room. Just try not to throw up on my bed, or anywhere for that matter." Ross nods and the couple went back to the party downstairs leaving him with only his thoughts. It's true he wanted to have her for himself. Still, Ross didn't want to sabotage his brother and best friend's relationship. No matter how much it silently destroys him. Besides, that was the least of his concerns now. He kissed her. He kissed his best friend. He kissed Laura. And, She kissed him back.

I love him. I shouldn’t, but I do. It’s not shaking hands or stuttering just with hello. It’s not short skirts or red lips. It’s jeans and a t-shirt with bare skin. Its finding him in a crowd and not wanting to change who I am. It’s wanting to know what he wanted to be as a kid and what his greatest fear is. It’s wanting to know his mistakes and looking past all the things “wrong” with him. It’s small smiles at my shoes and glances towards him. Its wanting him to be happy whether I am part of that happiness or not.

-c.t//excerpt from a book I won’t write (via iwontwrite)

I want out

The pinnacle of giving everything up,

was not something that I thought I would ever reach.

The pain and frustration had exceeded its threshold that the thought of my efforts be put into waste

I no longer deemed regretful.

It was a mistake to have you know that the limit of my patience was non existent

For it gave you the sense of security that I would always take you back.

And so, it became an endless cycle.

Our happiness fluctuated ever so often.

Eventually it started to wear me out.

The fire within me started to fade.

So you began to ruin yourself again.

You made the rain and thunder of your storms much stronger

The noise you had inside your head became louder and intolerable

You cut yourself bleeding just because you know were going to lose me.

And by doing so, you know I would come back.

For I have always been drawn to those broken souls.

And I have always saved you from all the chaos you started

But love, I hope you know that each time you lose me,

I’m not the same person who comes back.

And time will come when all the love in me

would become nothing but pity.

How do you say you don’t want to live anymore without sounding suicidal?

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