"Hi Everyone, Today I Am Dming The Session From The Asylum So I Apologise In Advance For The Poor Quality

How did you discover you were a kingfisher?

Okay, that might sound a bit weird but even now I am questioning whether I truly am a Kingfisher.

I knew it was a bird because of small shifts and some habits of mine that can be interpreted as kin related. But that was step one.

Then (when I realised it was most probably therian related) I tried different types of birds : small birds or bigger ones, predator or not. So the steps were something like : "okay so I might be a hummingbird wait no more like a Pelican, no that's too big, oh ! Maybe it's an hawk !"

(To this day I still think that my theriotype is hawk (or related) and kingfisher)

Then I picked up a book about birds and looked at all of them, and did some research, then gave up.

A month later, I was chilling on my sofa, watching a documentary on the science chanel (as you do) and then a Kingfisher came on screen and as the voice was describing their habits and their habitat I was left wondering.

Am I just empathising with this bird in a "haha" way or am I empathising with them because not only we have a lot in common but because I have a sense of "kinship" towards them?

I picked up this idea and took it to my computer and resumed my researches.

There it was, small bird that lives near the water and who fish. Sounds like my dream life honestly.

But more seriously, it was trials and errors (I am still questioning my theriotype) and I feel comfortable with this identity but maybe that is just because I haven't found the exact bird yet. It takes time and I won't lie I was tempted to just give up and never acknowledge my needs and yearnings. But not only does it make sense (for the bird therian situation) but it also feels good to finally put explanations and names on quirks that you could never understand before.

I don't know if that is a satisfactory answer to your question but I found it nice to write about it fir you anon ! Have a great day and a merry Christmas or Hanukkah or any holiday you might celebrate!

Pilot part 4

Today was a rough day, I’m starting to think I’m just not meant to success. I had a test in italian and d*** ! I think I will have a 9/40 and I still believe I’m generous. There’s a thing with the teacher… I can’t stand her, her voice and how she act it’s like she was screaming “I’M AN HYPOCRITICAL !!!”, she sound fake and selfish, she just don’t care about teaching us anything and if you don’t understand it’s limit if she don’t insult you. I’m still trying my best but I feel like I’m unconsciously giving up a little more every times I go to her class.

Apart of that the day was really boring, like if I haven’t left for two weeks and only came back, the teachers, the lesson, the rythme, everything was so natural and yet so strange… 

I thought coming back would help me to quit this feeling of emptiness and loneliness but it didn’t work for long. I think I need a HUG from a friend, or at least an entire day to speak with them without being interrupted ! 

I need an exit door, I feel like starting a Kickstarter to raise enough money to be sure I have anything I need to open a portal to an other dimension. Maybe I will throw myself inside or maybe I will just watch things come from it and ruining everything. No I love you too much Earth to destroy you ! I will only open it and then close it as soon as I’m on the other side.

Should I try ? Ridiculous it wont work… unless ? No, I don’t think it will ever work so it don’t hurt to try, no ? I’ll try to find information about that, just for the joke and the science of course !

I want to draw space related stuff but I have to draw real things for my art class, raaaah ! I am never free ! 

I will stop complaining here, this one is shorter than the others but I don’t think I have anything else to say for today. Have a good day !

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Do you even read something so bad, or play a game with terrible script and worldbuilding that you think "I'm not even good at writing but even I would do a better job ?" Yep, that was me when I was 14 and today I just finished writing my first book. Keep your eyes peeled because I fully intend to publish it !

It's about how the universe always finds a way to exist despite destruction and that betrayal can only exist if there is love, and that loosing hope is the same as a betrayal and that inherently we all love ourselves just a bit because if we didn't we could not even be desperate

It's about breaking the narrative and finally accepting that love is necessary to exist and that your life is not a given but a gamble

And that ultimately, there is always calm, even in an ongoing explosion, because the universe refuse to not love itself and since you are a part of it so do you

Today I wrote a poem, there is no to a little rhymes but in a way it is one of the most beautiful I wrote.

It's a thousand or so words and it's about hope.

How I feel you !!!

New art challenge : use picture of crystals and other rocks under polarized light as colour palettes for your ocs.

I invite yall to go and look for more they can be breathtaking ! Also making two colour schemes for your ocs one from the u polarized light and one from the polarized light sounds amazing

The castle and the sea of cloud

To be completely honest this one was the first and I believed at that time it was just a dream and nothing more.

I was sitting under an arch on the side of a long open corridor, at one extremity there was a door, a monumental door, and on the other side it would simply connect with another corridor. I knew that if I went this way I would find a garden with apple trees with golden apples and blueberry bushes. The stone the pillars and the arch were made of was white stone which was lightly pink and golden due to the setting sun. My head was resting on the pillar and next to me was the empty of the sky. It was filled with clouds and I could almost touch them. 

Beyond the roof of the castle the sky was a light blue becoming purple and the moon was bigger and brighter.

I heard laughs echoes on the walls and two teenagers arrived running and laughing, they stopped at the door and tried to calm themselves before knocking on it. They didn’t see my but I was watching them smiling softly.

I turned back to the moon and sight before getting up. I was taller than I normally am, my skin was a deep blue-grey and my jet black hair were tickling my face in the lazy breeze.

Pilot

blog on hiatus?

Yes, um, hello everyone ! Finals are approaching and I am studying harder than ever to pass so everything is slow, dont worry the drawings are still something I wanna do its just...I aient got much time now...sorry

Pilot part 5

Hey, long time no see, it's like the hundreds time I try to post this, and I was so close twenty seconds before but it disappeared, I don't have the strength to write down everything again. I was talking about the places I wanted to be instead of my current location : the ocean, on a hill and in space watching a supernova. A friend of mine confess his feelings to me and it feels so wrong and weird. I feel sick and I want to cry ! Everybody keeps telling me I should be happy but I am NOT HAPPY! I feel bad, I don't like it,I am scared and I don't know what to say! I don't understand, I don't like it, I want to run away from my life! Be anyone else! Nobody will ever find this account, I know those things I post are supposed to be part of the pilot of the story I planned to write but I use them essentially as a diary. Goodbye

Thinking of making a weekly post about astrophysics and/or math and other subjects.

I'm in a science club in Uni and the people they bring are extremely knowledgeable and since they gave me their approval I'm thinking of publishing some of it here !