Thinking Of Making A Weekly Post About Astrophysics And/or Math And Other Subjects.

I got to hold a 500,000 year old hand axe at the museum today.

It's right-handed

I am right-handed

There are grooves for the thumb and knuckle to grip that fit my hand perfectly

I have calluses there from holding my stylus and pencils and the gardening tools.

There are sharper and blunter parts of the edge, for different types of cutting, as well as a point for piercing.

I know exactly how to use this to butcher a carcass.

A homo erectus made it

Some ancestor of mine, three species ago, made a tool that fits my hand perfectly, and that I still know how to use.

Who were you

A man? A woman? Did you even use those words?

Did you craft alone or were you with friends? Did you sing while you worked?

Did you find this stone yourself, or did you trade for it? Was it a gift?

Did you make it for yourself, or someone else, or does the distinction of personal property not really apply here?

Who were you?

What would you think today, seeing your descendant hold your tool and sob because it fits her hands as well?

What about your other descendant, the docent and caretaker of your tool, holding her hands under it the way you hold your hands under your baby's head when a stranger holds them.

Is it bizarre to you, that your most utilitarian object is now revered as holy?

Or has it always been divine?

Or is the divine in how I am watching videos on how to knap stone made by your other descendants, learning by example the way you did?

Tomorrow morning I am going to the local riverbed in search of the appropriate stones, and I will follow your example.

The first blood spilled on it will almost certainly be my own, as I learn the textures and rhythm of how it's done.

Did you have cuss words back then? Gods to blaspheme when the rock slips and you almost take your thumbnail off instead? Or did you just scream?

I'm not religious.

But if spilling my own blood to connect with a stranger who shared it isn't partaking in the divine

I don't know what is.

Pilote part 1

Sadly I didn’t knew how to escape my life. all I wanted was to have time for me to take care of myself, be able to go on a long walk on the sea coast, in the park… my life wasn’t complicated, it was the opposite, my life was boring af. Get up, go to school, don’t stop working, stay awake late you have Homework, stay concentrate on your lessons, don’t complain… Welcome in high school !

i was to young to just go outside when I was feeling like going swimming or just ride away on my bike. For me everything felt boring : school ? boring, weekend ? boring, summer ? boring, automne, winter, spring ? BoRIng ! LIFE ? BORING !!!

I couldn’t stay enough concentrate to read or draw, even music and video games were on the edge ! I felt like I was going to explode into tears and cry, scream and punch the wall or my italian teacher’s face, break my phone with my bare hands, running away from my house and my family, climb on the rooftop and live there all at the same time.

On the halloween break I realise that I will never have time for me because life those days is about earning as much as you can and if I had to explain life quickly I would say : when you are 3 and until you are 18 you have to go to school to learn the basics then you can go for more years of school to obtain one or more degrees on speciality. now you have to find a job and work as hard as you can because you need money to live, you will work until you are to old to continu and now you have to survive with the money you have left until the day you die. when I will die on the “game over” screen i will see “congratulation you are dead and you waste your time ! Yay !”.

I know I sound so cynical but, hey, that’s sadly true.

Pilot

How did you discover you were a kingfisher?

Okay, that might sound a bit weird but even now I am questioning whether I truly am a Kingfisher.

I knew it was a bird because of small shifts and some habits of mine that can be interpreted as kin related. But that was step one.

Then (when I realised it was most probably therian related) I tried different types of birds : small birds or bigger ones, predator or not. So the steps were something like : "okay so I might be a hummingbird wait no more like a Pelican, no that's too big, oh ! Maybe it's an hawk !"

(To this day I still think that my theriotype is hawk (or related) and kingfisher)

Then I picked up a book about birds and looked at all of them, and did some research, then gave up.

A month later, I was chilling on my sofa, watching a documentary on the science chanel (as you do) and then a Kingfisher came on screen and as the voice was describing their habits and their habitat I was left wondering.

Am I just empathising with this bird in a "haha" way or am I empathising with them because not only we have a lot in common but because I have a sense of "kinship" towards them?

I picked up this idea and took it to my computer and resumed my researches.

There it was, small bird that lives near the water and who fish. Sounds like my dream life honestly.

But more seriously, it was trials and errors (I am still questioning my theriotype) and I feel comfortable with this identity but maybe that is just because I haven't found the exact bird yet. It takes time and I won't lie I was tempted to just give up and never acknowledge my needs and yearnings. But not only does it make sense (for the bird therian situation) but it also feels good to finally put explanations and names on quirks that you could never understand before.

I don't know if that is a satisfactory answer to your question but I found it nice to write about it fir you anon ! Have a great day and a merry Christmas or Hanukkah or any holiday you might celebrate!

blog on hiatus?

Yes, um, hello everyone ! Finals are approaching and I am studying harder than ever to pass so everything is slow, dont worry the drawings are still something I wanna do its just...I aient got much time now...sorry

Fair enough lmao

Do you even read something so bad, or play a game with terrible script and worldbuilding that you think "I'm not even good at writing but even I would do a better job ?" Yep, that was me when I was 14 and today I just finished writing my first book. Keep your eyes peeled because I fully intend to publish it !

Prise flag but its just the Michel-Levy chart also called the Newton colour of interferences chart

Pilote part 2

I didn’t wanted to go back to school naturally but i knew I couldn’t runaway so packed my stuff and leave the house. It’s not like I dislike school in general but the only reason why I’m still going in class is that I don’t want to leave my friends and disappoint my parents. My friends are awesome, I missed them during break, they are so cool ! 

Léandre is the horror film fan, Lise is the pansexual meme lord with Ladia her best friend (she is strange but we love her equally as the others), Johan is the punk, sweet psycho that just look like a fan of Kurt Cobain, Katerina is the quiet girl that come from a other country but she’s great and have the same passion as Jo, Cassandre is the friend that seems to be quiet but is not and Nora is the mom friend. 

I, on the other hand is the conflicting child : pansexual, asexual genderfluid disaster with oblivious parents, with social anxiety but who is loud and make friends easily ( I’m sure I was supposed to be an extrovert but they messed up at last second), scared of what could hide in the shadows but loves being in the dark cuz find it calm and “safe”, I’m the cliché of a disaster teen.

I’m sure you wonder why I’m telling you that, well I don’t know I’ll find out why eventually, but for the moment let’s just continue to tell you my stupid story.

I miss the old blessed time were I was young and had no worries, when we didn’t care about gender, colors or sexual orientation, because we didn’t knew those were things. I remember friends that I make when I was abroad when I was young, I wont see them again but I cherish all the good memories I have. May you to have memories such a these to keep in your heart for the bad days who comes to everyone at one point or an other.

Now all that they care about is popularity, the physical appearance and the rumors. I tried to live like that but damn! it’s so much more complicated than I was expected ! Living like you are really is easier and for ounce I chose the easiest option. I wasn’t able to keep on lying because as an empath that made me feel sick. I know I sound like an arsehole but please don’t hate me for that… 

Happy birthday to me, love my friends that came to spend the day with me we will be playing just dance til' the sun rise again XD

Every time I log in.

If someone know the artist please let me know