Piners Keep Winning

@bloogers-boogers @hatsunevitu (this is a joke about Cartman’s dad for anyone that didn't get it)

au about kyman entering the same university somewhere far away from south park, where not a single person knows what kind of reputation cartman had back in his native town.

so cartman decides it’s a chance for him to replay the game and change the way he is treated.

he acts nice, he makes wise decisions, he makes friends with those who can help him in future, he doesn’t break a single law and studies hard, he becomes a perfect version of eric cartman. and everyone falls for it, because he seems absolutely cool, funny and charismatic to them.

the only person who’s not buying it is kyle, who decides it’s his moral obligation to “expose” the true nature of eric cartman, so he tries to sabotage him in any way but fails every time eventually humiliating himself. by the end of the first term even the professors know that kyle broflovski is obsessed with fighting with cartman and most people assume that he’s either a simple fatphobic bully or is in love with cartman.

by that time kyle is considered to be a loser and is pretty much avoided by most of his peers meanwhile cartman is surrounded by people who love and admire him. so it happens that cartman is the only friend kyle’s got now hehe.

the whole first half of an au is basically kyle who’s trying to set cartman up so he can reveal his “evil side” but he ends up as an unbelievable piece of shit himself.

and kyle is pissed because how can’t anyone see the truth??

he complains about it to cartman because he doesnt have anyone else.

cartman, meeting kyle in the morning: Hey, so how will you try to set me up this time?

kyle: I am not “setting anyone up”. I simply want people to know the truth about who you really are.

cartman: Seem kinda obsessed with me, huh, Kahl?

kyle: Do not provoke me, Cartman.

cartman: I am not. Just… what’s the truth, tell me? Who am I, then? I seem to have forgotten it since everyone here thinks I’m great.

kyle, raising his voice: You’re an unbelievably psychotic fat ugly piece of shit and you do not deserve what you get, that’s who you are, you hear me, asshole?!

everyone in the class: …Woah, Broflovski. Nice job, jerk, now you made him upset. What’s even wrong with you?

cartman, raising voice so everyone hears him: Wow, Kyle, I guess you really haven’t changed since high school. And I was stupid enough to hope we could be friends here…

kyle, confused: Wait, that is not what… That’s… Fuck!! You planned it since the beginning, didn’t you?

imagine kyle who was DREAMING about his university life? he thought he’d be noticed because of how smart he is, he thought girls would love him because he’s intelligent and nice, he thought everything would be different. but instead his life was once again about cartman – and he couldn’t forgive him for ruining his life of dream.

kyle: Why on Earth would you do this? It was supposed to be the best year of my life, but you just had to show up and ruin everything!

cartman: I ruined everything?

kyle: Yes, you did! Why else would you go to the same university?!

cartman: I’m sorry, Kyle, I don’t quite get it. You think I went to this university just because of you? How highly do you think of yourself?

kyle: Why not? You’ve been obsessed with me the whole time!

cartman: I’m obsessed? Isn’t it you who devotes all his time in his first year of university trying to set me up? Tell me about being obsessed, Kyle!

kyle: What’s that supposed to mean?

cartman: I came here, to the university as far from South Park as possible, to start a new fucking page of my life without prejudice. Have you seen a single person here who would refer to me as “fatass” except for you?

kyle: Oh, don’t even start it with “fatphobic” shit, you can’t possibly be offended by this, that was just friendly bantering!

cartman: Was it? Was it, Kyle?

kyle: Well–

cartman: And even now that I’m here you still can’t let it go. You still can’t accept the tiny possibility that I might’ve changed. So you just have to go there and shout “hey, everyone, he’s a piece of shit, you should hate him with me”. Does that help your self-esteem?

kyle: I… ugh, I didn’t think it was like that…

cartman: I know you didn’t.

ive heard the new sp special finally came out i am SO excited to watch it HOPE IT’LL GIVE ME SOME KYMAN FOOD PLEASE

My half of an art trade with @bloogers-boogers that my dumbass forgot to post 😭

I drew their versions of the fuckers 😎🫵

They're arguing for the millionth time over something except this time it's actually hurtful - whoopsies

Since you guys liked my first k2 analysis so much, I've decided to make a second one and mainly focus on things that I mentioned in the last paragraph there: how I see their romantic relationship. This is probably going to be more headcanons than analysis but we'll see lol (it ended up not)

As I mentioned before, I don't really see k2 having some sort of special feelings for each other when they're young. Meanwhile it can kinda work with Kenny, it's probably won't work with Kyle: Kyle already has two strong sources of emotions. His bond with Stan and his sort of rivalry with Cartman clearly means more to him. And to get myself more clear: No, I do not erase everything I said in the previous post about their interactions, they're still very sweet and in my personal opinion important. But if we analyse Kyle's relationships with others and give everyone some sort of a status, Stan would be "best friend", Cartman would be "frienemy" (it's not so obvious when I say it like this but we all should agree that Kyle cares a lot about the shit Cartman says, not necessarily in a good way but it's still a huge source of emotions for him). And Kenny, as I believe, would be just "friend". Not much to add.

But if we're looking a little bit further...Time skip for a few years. Or not a few. High-school maybe?? Or adults?? Whatever you prefer more

From this part it'll be mostly headcanons because different people can see the future relationship of the main four differently. I'll talk about my personal point of view here (I think it's the most popular one in the fandom anyways)

So this is where Kyle's previous sources of strong emotions are kind of fading away. With Stan...I'm almost sure that no one is going to argue with me for this. Stan, as a depressed individual, would probably at some point of his adulthood change his relationships with people. He'd cut contact with some and just sort of change his attitude to other. And although I believe Stan and Kyle would still be friends (close friends??) when they grow up...There's not going to be the "bond" as strong as it was before. This is debatable, but even if you don't agree with my statement: One source of strong emotions is definitely not enough.

With Cartman my point of view is much easier to explain: they're not kids anymore. I believe their rivalry won't dissappear, but. They're not kids and not gonna fight 24/7. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this properly, but I think it's just not gonna take all their time. So yeah. It's not enough

AND THAT'S WHERE WE FINALLY GO BACK TO K2. THANK GOD.

Kyle feels a bit more lonely. So he hangs out with Kenny, who pretty much feels the same. They spend time together, talk a lot, remember some things...And realize how similar they are to each other (this part is also analysis btw, I didn't come up with it from nothing). They realize that back then they both were trying to act kind to people around them, but no one seemed to appreciate it as much as they wanted. They were doing it differently and was getting treated differently, but in the end both ended up being lonely without much people around. You. You can feel my thought here. right

They realize how similar they feel, so they decide to try to help each other. Just make some company. It won't hurt, right?

It didn't. I see them a bit fast burn... They start to appreciate each other's company more. And more. They hang out in a lot of different places. Anywhere you can get your old buddy: like seeing some cool movies with him, taking him to restaurants so you can make sure he eats well, sometimes going to his ol' house with him to help his sister...At some point Kenny starts calling it "dates", and Kyle is extremely flustered about this.

Kyle falls first, but Kenny confesses first: so their relationship-thing happens not so long after that.

And yep. This is what I wanted to share from now. I really hope someone reads all that xD

Love k2, appreciate k2, enjoy k2, share k2. They're very lovable little guys!

(If this gets 100 likes AGAIN I will write k2 headcanons. Go)

thinking about kyle who somehow memorises every little detail about cartman’s life. he says he does it so he can use it against cartman in the future but honestly nobody believes him. every time stan and kyle go to the shop to buy something before cartman and kenny come to play xbox together, they’re like

stan, grabbing vanilla ice cream: Okay, and this one’s for Cartman.

kyle: Nah, he hates vanilla, I’d better choose this chocolate one, that’s his favorite, plus take marshmallows cuz he likes to add them to ice cream.

stan: …Tell me again why do you always remember Cartman’s taste?

kyle: What?! I don’t remember just his taste particularly, I have a good memory and accidentally remember other people’s preferences.

stan: Ok, so what’s my favorite ice cream?

kyle, confused: Uh… Strawberry?..

stan, betrayed: I don’t even eat ice cream! Ever! Dude!!!

kyle, embarrassed af: Can we just continue shopping PLEASE.

have you ever got that irresistible need to see a certain animatic you’ve created in your head

i’ve just watched “nerdy prudes must die” by starkid and GODDAMN “if i loved you” has such a strong kyman vibe it’s killing me i can’t draw it 😭

cartman uses voice messages all of the time. sometimes kyle gets tons of notifications to see that cartman has sent him, like, twenty voice messages, each is at least two minutes long, and there’s literally ZERO useful or even remooootely informative in them

and yes, kyle hates it, but he always listens to them anyway, sometimes he even gets distracted and listens to cartman’s voice for an hour while cleaning up his room or doing homework. he chuckles when cartman there says something funny, and rolls his eyes every time cartman says something dumb, though he rarely actually says anything back.

sometimes cartman mentions something serious or genuine, and it catches kyle off guard literally every damn time. cartman is like

“*ten minutes of absolutely horrific fucked up shit* Btw u sounded pretty kewl at school today at the history lesson lol i guess sometimes ur nerdiness can be an advantage. You’re pretty smart, I mean… *another ten minutes of meaningless bs*

and every time kyle gets surprised like

k: did u just compliment me?

c: what no i didnt

k: no u totally did! 8:46 see?? i even re-listened it!

c: DID U LISTEN TO IT TWICE??

k: I HAD TO MAKE SURE.

it’s not like i’m a cartman apologist but every time i see people genuinely hating this boy i want to write a MASSIVE essay explaining why he is the way he is

i love creekenny

imagine craig and kenny coming to tweak bros and ordering, like, a single cup of black coffee. they dont even drink it, they just sit there for two hours flirting with tweek when he passes by to give other customers their orders. tweek gets absolutely furious because of this.

kenny: Hey, sunshine, you’re as sweet as this coffee 😉

tweek: I didn’t put sugar into your cup.

kenny: Oh. Then, uh, my coffee is hot, but you’re hotter 😉

tweek: You ordered this two hours ago, it’s not hot anymore, and I fucking know you guys hate coffee!!

craig, in a monotonous manner: Just like my coffee, you keep me up at night?

tweek: gAH–

kenny: Heey, not bad, Tucker!!! You’re improving at this!

tweek: If you’re not gonna order anything else I’ll have to ask you to leave! You’re scaring the customers!

kenny: Sure. Bring us another cup of this black shit, coffee boy. Although I really better cut back on caffeine because my heart beats fast enough around you.

tweek: Out.