Chancecunningham​:

new kind of guy who just really likes the first 30 minutes to an hour of horror movies thats just people doing regular things and turns it off as soon as the horror part starts to kick in

mmuscles​:

growing up, thad’s family had staff who did the trivial things for them like grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, so this little trip to the supermarket wasn’t exactly his idea of fun, or even necessary. his motel room was pathetically barren of anything other than a bottle of wine and some leftovers. he grew tired of having to mingle with townfolk at restaurants each and every time he got hungry, so here he was, begrudgingly picking up some stuff. thad didn’t even know how to cook. his cart was filled with an unappetizing assortment of junk foods and frozen meals. it was worth it to spend some with nancy, he figured. 

sighing, thad pulled his crumpled, chicken scratch grocery list out of his pocket and tried to locate what he had and hadn’t picked out. he was itching to get out of the place, especially after arguing with an employee about melvald’s limited stock. he didn’t understand why the store didn’t carry kale or pate. to him, that was like a bar not having beer. ridiculous. 

right as he was starting to get his bearings, a cart crashed into the back of his ankles, causing him to yelp and snap his head around. he looked at the other with utter disgust, “hey pal,” he began, “i’m trying to grocery shop? do you fucking mind?” he asked. the unaware stranger seemed to be just like everyone else in this town. stupid, reckless, etc. first that moron cole dented his car, then there was that freak on the street with the walkman, and now this wastoid? when was it going to end? he scoffed turning back around, “yeah, i’m sure you’re real fucking sorry…” thad shook his head, then looked back at his list. well, while the other was here, he figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask, “hey, do they sell like, caviar here?”

Adam flinched as he hit the other person, not usually so clumsy or careless. And typically it wouldn’t matter - the other person would forgive him and move on with their life. But not the guy in front of him. Instead, he seemed really and truly pissed, which Adam felt like was a bit of an overreaction. “I said I was sorry,” Adam repeated, eyebrows pulled together in a frustrated expression. He wasn’t used to this much hostility from anyone, let alone a stranger. 

Adam was ready to move around the guy and get the hell out of here, until he heard the stranger’s question. “What’s...what’s caviar?” He asked, confusion lacing his voice; Adam wasn’t sure he’d ever heard that word before, honestly. “Whatever it is, I doubt we have it here.” It wasn’t like there was another store in town he could suggest, so the guy would just have to suffer or drive up to Indianapolis or something. “But the ramen’s pretty good, not too hard to make or anything.” It was kind of the only thing Adam could successfully make without under or overcooking it. “I can show you were to find it, if you want?” 

mmuscles​:

WHO: thad bradshaw & @goldenboyrichards​

WHAT: gay hostility

WHERE: blue quarry mall

thad didn’t know much about this adam guy, but it seemed at every turn, he was there. with cole, near the keg, and sometimes he remembered jack would talk about him. lots of things bothered him about hawkins, but the latest grating factor was that he couldn’t figure out the appeal to this adam kid. he came off so…ugh? even after their run in at the grocery, before he had known that was adam, he felt sickened by the guy’s natural sweetness. thad wasn’t even sure why he was thinking about adam ( and by extent cole ) when he had a perfectly shitty mall in front of him to make fun of. he hadn’t come to buy anything, of course, he’d never stoop that low. but belittling things always seemed to make him feel better, so with nothing but time he’d come to the mall, only to find himself lost in a rare thought. 

as if he’d willed adam in front of him, thad immediately clocked the other as soon as he came out of a storefront, and before he could think about what he was doing, his feet were carrying him to adam. “hey man!” he called, trying to insure the other heard him. as he barreled his way over to the other, he hadn’t thought a lick about what he was going to say, and wound up standing there stupidly with his hands on his hips, “so…” he started pointedly, keeping the same force as he asked his question, “where’d you get that crewneck?”

Adam had never been the jealous type - at the risk of sounding conceded, he’d never really had any reason to be. Growing up, he had always been one of the best players on the field. Once he realized he was gay, he’d only ever been with Cole, who he knew was just as head-over-heels for him as Adam was for Cole. No, he’d never been jealous, even now. Adam wasn’t jealous of Thad. He just hated his attitude, hated the way he thought about Hawkins and about it’s people. He hated that he’d cheated on Nancy Wheeler with Cole. Adam wasn’t sure he was capable of hating a person, but if he could, then Thad would be second only to Tommy H.

Running into him at the mall was probably the last thing Adam wanted to do. If only he’d been able to tell Cindy no when she’d asked him to drive her here, to wait for her while she and her friend picked out things for some 4th of July party they were going to. But instead, he’d come inside and had even decided to go into a few stores himself, looking to update his wardrobe from three years ago a little bit. As much as Adam wanted to pretend he hadn’t seen Thad, he couldn’t ignore his loud greeting. “Oh, hey, dude,” He replied tightly, trying to still sound happy and carefree. Adam could totally be carefree. Cares? Please. He was free of them! “My...crewneck?” Adam asked, looking down at his shirt and studying it for a moment. If he was being honest, he hadn’t thought at all about his shirt before putting it on. Was something wrong with it? “The Gap, I guess?” Adam looked back up at Thad in confusion. “Why, were you looking to get one too?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. 

loverboymontgomery​:

The rush of tears made Cole feel lightheaded and, despite his frantic blinking, they spilled down his cheeks. It was him. Adam was okay. He knew it was his him when he heard the layers of guilt in his voice, when his boyfriend angled his head to the floor. Cole hated seeing him like this, maybe just as much as he hated seeing out-of-body Adam. “Sweetheart,” Cole cooed, attempting to make his brittle voice sound comforting.

“Of course… Of course I want you here. Will you come sit by me?” he asked gently, though internally he felt like he was twelve years old, begging his mother not to leave him at bedtime. He was afraid of what happened, of course. But more than he was afraid for his own safety, he was terrified of what all of this meant for Adam. A pang of guilt swirled amidst the fear; Cole should’ve told Adam everything he knew, right away.

As Adam sat next to him, still cautious, afraid of something, Cole reached out his arm, offered his hand. “I’m okay,” he promised. “I’ll be fine. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?” He searched Adam’s body for any sign of injury and met his eyes. Cole desperately wished that this was all they had to talk about, that Adam could climb into bed with him and things could be simple. But he knew better, and he wouldn’t leave Adam in the dark, not again.

Painfully, Cole twisted and picked up his water, needing some relief for his throat before he dared dive into this. “You don’t remember anything?” he asked, eyes lingering on the crease in Adam’s brow. He desperately wanted to shield Adam from this, to never tell him what horrible things had been done and said through his body.

Cole was crying again, in anticipation for how much this was going to hurt Adam. Adam, who couldn’t fathom hurting another person or letting someone down. Adam, who was always so good, who happily took on the burden of being the strong one, the shoulder to cry on. Adam, who deserved better than all of this. Cole bit down on his trembling lower lip, willing himself to keep it together, if only for Adam’s sake.

“Before you died,” he began cautiously, knowing that even saying that much was still shocking, “You were different. It wasn’t you. I didn’t know until later, but you were… possessed, I guess. By this thing they call the Mindflayer. It made you act different and then… it killed you. Or, it died and you died with it.” The whole thing still hurt his head, honestly, and there weren’t nearly enough answers. “I don’t know how or who or why but… you came back. And I think it’s happening again… it controlling you. I thought you were going to die again,” he choked back another influx of tears, remembering that horrifying moment at the carnival.

Cole had immediately recognized the similarities between Adam at the carnival and Adam the last day he saw him– the stiffness of his body, the coldness of his tone, the cruelty of his words. He hoped Adam never found out about that moment. Swiping at his cheek with the back of his hand, Cole met Adam’s eyes again and tried for an encouraging smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, and I’m sorry I don’t have more answers. But we’ll figure it out. Together, like you said.” He lifted Adam’s hand to his lips, ignoring the shooting pain from his ribcage. “I promise, love, we’ll figure it out.” He didn’t know what figuring it out meant, not even remotely, but he knew he wasn’t going anywhere until they did.

Adam wouldn’t have blamed him if Cole had told him to leave. Because Adam didn’t know what he had or hadn’t done - especially to Cole - but he knew it couldn’t be pretty. He was just so fucking worried that his nightmare really was a memory, that he’d said those things and shoved Cole up against a wall and nearly choked him. He wouldn’t be mad at Cole if he was scared of him, because until Adam got some answers, he was pretty scared of himself.

But his chest ached when Cole called him Sweetheart, voice rough but so Cole. That alone made him want to cry and hold him and tell him that he’d never ever ever want to do something to upset Cole again. And when Cole asked him to sit with him? Adam had no choice but to walk closer, sitting down gently on the edge of the bed, farther away from Cole than he would normally. As much as Adam wanted to seek comfort from his boyfriend, he didn’t want to jostle any of his injuries.

“Are you sure?” Adam asked urgently, blue eyes studying Cole closely. He knew he wasn’t physically okay - he had broken a rib. But how was he handling all of this emotionally? Cole had a tendency to be in denial of things, to want them to be perfect even when everything was falling apart around them. And Adam needed to know that he wasn’t doing that right now. “Baby, you have to tell me if you’re not okay. Please. I can’t,” He took a deep breath, pressing his lips into a thin line. “I can’t handle it if you’re not honest.”

He reflexively tried to reach for the water for Cole, to take care of him without even being asked. But Cole could do it himself. He didn’t need Adam to smother him right now, no matter how much Adam wanted to. He slowly lowered his hands back to his lap, clasping his knees tightly. “Not from the carnival,” Adam admitted sadly, biting his lip. “Just riding the Tunnel of Love, and then I woke up to you being put into an ambulance.” He finally let himself lean a little closer, needing physical contact to ground himself. His hand slipped into Cole’s, squeezing it gently.

Adam hated seeing Cole cry. If he could do something to make it better, to shield him from whatever pain he was facing, he would. Adam would shoulder any burden if it meant keeping Cole happy and healthy and safe. He would do anything in the world that Cole Montgomery asked him to do - something that had been true since they met in early high school. Gently, he leaned forward and wiped away Cole’s tears with his free hand, touch feather light against his skin.

And then Adam’s world collapsed.

“I…what?” He asked, confusion lacing his voice. That didn’t make any sense. He had been possessed? By…by a demon, or something like that? For one gut wrenching moment, Adam worried that maybe this was God’s way of punishing him for being who he was. For who he loved. But Cole called it the Mindflayer, and that didn’t sound like any demon he’d ever heard about in church on Sunday. “So I really died?” Adam begged Cole to lie, to tell him that he was kidding. But something in his eyes said that this was true. He didn’t even try to stop the tears that were flowing down his cheeks now, letting them hit the starched sheets of Cole’s hospital bed.

“What if I am?” He asked, lip trembling at the thought. Adam didn’t want to die. He was still so young - there was so much of the world he wanted to see. He wanted to live with and love Cole for as many years as possible, not die before he’d even turned 25. Right now, he needed to comfort Cole though, and he leaned forward to sob on his shoulder, free hand wrapping around his neck as gently as possible. In the nightmare he’d wanted to do that out of anger, but now the only thing Adam felt for Cole was love. Love and guilt for putting him through this.

“I do remember… something from before. Or maybe it isn’t a memory, maybe it was a - a nightmare, or something,” He rambled, tears continuing to fall as his thumb rubbed over the back of Cole’s neck from the uncomfortable position he was committing to. “I…or, it wasn’t me but it was me. It was my body. I was so mean to you, and I shoved you against a wall and told you to leave me alone. I thought I was going to kill you, Cole. But I…I stopped it. I don’t know what I did, but I stopped it.” Adam told him, sobbing into the space between Cole’s neck and shoulder. Maybe this wasn’t fair - maybe he shouldn’t be acting like this when it was Cole in the hospital, not him. But fuck, Adam needed comfort. Adam needed to know Cole was alive and that they could get through it together. That Cole didn’t hate him or blame him. “I love you.” He whispered when his tears felt like they might begin to subside. “I love you more than anything, Walden.”

mmuscles​:

WHO: thad bradshaw & @goldenboyrichards​ WHAT: thadam kisses at the vending machine (jk they hate each other, it’s Awkward) WHERE: thee hospital

because of nancy, thad had been camped out at the hospital since the night of the explosion. things were tense in the room between himself and nancy, but he figured that was true for everyone. wack times made people act wack, right? he chalked his own disjointed behavior up to that and nancy’s colder than usual disposition up to her injuries. it was comfortable, but thad was confident it would pass. he’d made it most of the summer by her side so far and before he knew it, they’d be back at emerson, back to themselves and away from all this shit. 

still, he needed breathers at times. the energy in the room between nancy and himself could morph into something so biting at times, he didn’t mind taking a break to lurk at the vending machine. purposefully taking a long time, he stared at the options, thinking about how not a single one of them looked appetizing. thad was mid head scratch when the immediately recognizable adam richards towered beside him. expression souring a little, thad punched in some random numbers, just so he had something to look at other than the options in the machine. after he picked, he assumed adam would be preoccupied with the other machine, so thad dared to look over. a lump instantly formed in his throat. he’d heard about cole, and maybe it wasn’t appropriate to ask, but when had thad ever cared about being sensitive? especially at a time like this, that went out the window. “so, uh…” thad crouched down, grabbing his chips from out of the slot. still looking at adam, he as casually as possible asked, “how’s the pretty boy?” yes, he was genuinely curious, but thad would also be lying if it wasn’t satisfying to gauge adam’s reaction to his bold inquiry.

Adam hadn’t left Cole’s side much since he’d woken up, preferring instead to sit and hold his hand. He felt so guilty that he was a portion of the reason why Cole was in here in the first place. The explosion had hurt him. Adam had helped to cause it, not striking the final match like Billy had, but still actively being shitty towards Cole apparently. He’d even done this before, way back right before... before the commune or his death or whatever the fuck had happened. Adam had told Cole to fucking leave him alone, if his nightmare was accurate, and he’d almost strangled him. If he’d been successful? 

Adam couldn’t think about that.

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t even realize that Thad Bradshaw was also at the vending machine when he arrived for a snack for Cole. As much as Adam wanted to turn around and walk right back inside Cole’s room, he knew that that would be stupid and childish. So, he stood beside the shorter man wordlessly, inserting his dollar and picking out a Reese’s for his boyfriend when Thad finally spoke. 

If Adam had already been holding the candy, he would have dropped it. What fucking right did Thad have to call Cole Pretty Boy? Why right now, when Adam was at one of the lowest points in his life, did he think it was okay to call Adam’s boyfriend pretty? “Don’t fucking call him that,” Adam snapped, jaw tightening in frustration. This was the first time he could remember ever being this angry. “Don’t fucking call him that anymore. Just shut up, Thad.” 

jackforeman​:

Though Adam was right, that he hadn’t killed anyone, either, that didn’t absolve him of the guilt from hurting Steve. In truth, he probably could have killed him, if what he’d heard was true and that he’d kicked the living daylights out of someone who was supposed to be one of his best friends. For what, though? Jack had no idea. Maybe to set off explosive fireworks, but those hadn’t even been his, and he and Adam would never intentionally do something to hurt people like that. They just wouldn’t.

Jack watched Adam’s face grow colorless, as though he’d seen the ghost of himself in Jack’s own eyes as he recounted what had happened. Adam had died, too? His mind raced like the red string on Jo’s board. Adam had known for weeks that he’d been dead, even from the first day that they’d come back from the commune. The forest community that they’d apparently been sent to, but in reality, they’d both come out of the forest rising from the dead. It made absolutely no sense. 

“Hold on,” he said slowly, pulling away from Adam to place his hands on his friend’s shoulders. “You’re telling me that we came out of the commune,” he lifted a hand, flexing his fingers in air quotes, “right, but we’d both been actually dead the entire time. So, the commune … it couldn’t have existed, did it?” It sounded insane, but it was the only thing that made sense, at least right now. “Because … you were there, and I was there, but we actually weren’t. Did it not actually exist at all, or were there just some people there, and they grouped us in with them?” The questions he had were all rhetorical, all ones that neither Jack nor Adam could answer right now, but he at least knew someone who could attempt to tackle the unanswerable. “Jo has this board, this … it’s a murder board, but she doesn’t call it that. But, whatever. Not the point. There has to be something on there that would help us figure this shit out.”

Jack pulled his hands from Adam’s shoulders, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. “I know. I’m sorry, too. I had no idea … I didn’t know that you, you know, died, too. I’m just glad that we have each other.” He paused, turning toward him. “Do you remember anything, at all? Like, about the afterlife? Because I can’t remember shit. It’s like it never happened.”

Neither of them had chosen to commit the actions that they had, Adam understood that. But he was struggling with forgiving himself, even now. He might not have made the decisions, but it had been him doing it regardless. While he could understand logically that he wasn’t responsible, it would take him some time to process the fact that he wasn’t guilty. That he hadn’t killed anyone - the Mindflayer had. The...Doppelganger had, if Max was right. But it was hard to believe that when those things sounded so insane. He had never heard of anything like that before, and Adam tried to be a pretty level-headed guy. Believing in outlandish stuff just wasn’t something that worked for him, usually. But he knew now that he needed to try to believe in it if he wanted a shot at forgiving himself for the things his body had done. 

As Jack put his hands on Adam’s shoulders, Adam looked at him in confusion. He could tell Jack was putting something together, realizing some truth about their situation. “...I don’t know,” He admitted, shaking his head. “I think it had to, right? Why else would Peter be around? Why would they want us to be going to therapy?” How could all of that just... be a coverup? And what were they covering up, if that was what it was? It made Adam’s head hurt to think about, and he just wasn’t sure he could believe all of that. “Not everyone could have died! How would...how could that many people just... come back?” None of this made any sense. Why them? What had Adam ever done to deserve being resurrected? “We just... maybe we came back, and it was around the time they found everyone else, and so they lumped us together?” He shook his head again, not being able to rationalize all of this. “We should talk to Peter. He would know. Right?” 

At the mention of Jo’s murder board, Adam bit his lip. He wasn’t exactly excited by the idea of going over to Jack’s house and seeing his sisters, if he was being honest. Jo hadn’t kicked his ass last time, but what if she’d changed her mind since? Or what if Julie did? 

Jack sat down, and Adam hesitantly followed. Perching on the bed beside him, he kept some distance between the two even now. “Jack, you have nothing to be sorry about.” Adam told him seriously. He was glad to have Jack too, in a way, but that seemed horrifying to admit considering Adam had been the one to kill him. He let out a shaky breath at the mention of an afterlife, hand subconsciously coming up to touch the crucifix that still hung around his neck even after all this time. “...no.” Adam admitted quietly. “There wasn’t anything. Just nothing, and then us waking up in the woods.” 

kvrenwheeler​:

recently karen had been feeling like she had more mouths to feed right now than she did when all of her children were living at home permanently. with nancy having a friend over for the summer, and that boyfriend of hers in tow as well. then there was michael and his friends who often stayed for dinner too, and obviously ted and holly as well. it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but overwhelming since the majority she had to do herself. 

so the grocery shop was currently a lot more draining than usual, given the sheer amount of groceries was almost twice as much as usual. but it did give her time to herself, however short. 

abandoning the cart on the other side of the aisle, she moved over to grab a specific box of cereal at mike’s request of course. it was only when a loud crashing sound came from behind her, that the box fell from her hand and clattered to the ground as well. 

turning on her heel to locate the noise, she was met with a young man who had pushed his cart into hers. ah, that must have been it. “it’s no problem.” karen couldn’t help but notice that he seemed a little on edge. then came the brief recognition, which caused her to frown. “are you a friend of my son’s?” technically speaking he could also be a friend of nancy’s, she just couldn’t put her finger on it. 

Adam was thankful that he’d only crashed into the woman’s cart, at least. If he’d actually hurt her or knocked over a display or something, that would have been so embarrassing. He moved quickly around their carts to help grab the item she’d dropped, handing it back to her before returning. “Sorry, I need to pay more attention,” He apologized again, offering her a small, sheepish smile. 

At her question about her son, Adam frowned, trying to figure out who she was talking about. After a second, he realized she was Mrs. Wheeler, so she must have been talking about the nerdy kid who had a little friend group that he spent so much time with. Adam didn’t really know them, but he’d seen them a few times at the pool, he thought. “Oh, no,” He shook his head, smiling slightly. Adam did know that kid’s older sister, though. She’d been a year or two behind him in school, but she’d saved his science grade when he retook the class. “But Nancy used to be my lab partner! I think I came over once to study.” It wasn’t like they had been close or anything, and honestly ‘studying’ had been him staring at his textbook in confusion for two hours while Nancy made flash cards. Still, he remembered Mrs. Wheeler being nice when he’d come over, and he sort of remembered her coming to the pool a lot back when he’d been a lifeguard with Billy and Heather. “I’m Adam Richards, ma’am.” He told her with a small smile, holding a hand out for her to shake. 

mmuscles​:

at first, thad was satisfied. he had so clearly gotten under adam’s skin with the first comment, and that was his goal. he continued looking smug, coolly propped against the vending machine. nothing adam could say or do would bother him. he had the high ground so to speak, and he was basking in it. 

in truth, it wasn’t like adam had ever done anything to him other than beat him in a game of beer pong and be overall annoying, but at his core, thad knew about adam and cole, which was enough to put a target on their backs. it was a true moment of weakness when thad kissed cole, the guy had pissed him off so bad, he didn’t know what to do other than that. it was frustrating, it was scary. even though cole had no intentions of sharing what had happened with the class, it was abundantly apparent adam knew, and that had to be why they had this weird rivalry. at least, that was what made sense in thad’s head. to him, all of the pointed comments and agitating behavior on his own end were warranted, adam knew something, something that nobody else could ever know. and if thad fucked with him enough? maybe he’d keep it to himself, too. but beyond that, beneath layers and layers thad had yet to pull back he was jealous. not necessarily because adam was with cole, or cole was with adam, but because they were together, so disgustingly in love, and it didn’t feel fair that something he struggled with so deeply came so apparently natural to others, to them. 

right when thad became comfortable with the notion he might be sitting pretty for the rest of this conversation, adam snapped. with fear, his eyes widened and he immediately stood up off the vending machine, hands helplessly flailing into the air, “shut up, man!” it was thad’s turn to say. between bringing up the kiss and telling him to get lost, thad had it. he panicked, but this time he wasn’t going to kiss some guy in the middle of a hospital hallway. instead, he lunged for adam, “don’t say shit like that!” he tried to sound tough, intimidating, but if anything it came out as a plea as he tried to slap his hand over adam’s mouth while he hurled one last insult, “if you could pull your head out of your ass dude, you’d realize you’re the one acting jealous and crazy right now! maybe if you didn’t have this…this…freak side to you, that would’ve never happened with your boyfriend and i!” 

Adam wasn’t used to hating people. In his life, the list of people he’d truly disliked had only really included Tommy Hagan and Carol Perkins, and that felt well-deserved considering the cruelty they’d leveled at the kids at their school deemed unpopular. He preferred neutrality to distaste, but there were just some people he couldn’t feel neutral about. And Thad Bradshaw was one of them.

This animosity between them had been growing since their very first interaction in Hawkins. It had been building, the tension between them growing stronger and stronger each time Thad called Cole ‘Pretty Boy,’ or each time Adam had felt the need to beat him at something. They were just such opposites at their core; two people who likely could never have gotten along, even if Thad hadn’t kissed Cole weeks ago. They were too different to ever see eye to eye - and not just because Thad was a good seven inches shorter than him. 

He gritted his teeth when Thad went on the defensive, Adam’s comment about him kissing Cole evidently being a sensitive subject. In another situation, Adam would have apologized. Even if he had never really felt the effects of internalized homophobia before, he knew it was a sensitive subject, especially for guys like Thad who always felt like that had something to prove. But Adam wouldn’t apologize. No, he opened his mouth to continue when suddenly, Thad was smacking at it. Adam’s eyes widened, his hands tensing as Thad lunged at him. “What the fuck, Thad?” He snapped, slapping Thad’s hand away. 

Although his blood was boiling over the entire interaction, he was still ready to walk away. He was better than this; Adam didn’t fight people unless they threatened someone he cared about. But then Thad landed the final blow and Adam felt all of his composure snap. 

If you didn’t have this…this…freak side to you, that would’ve never happened with your boyfriend and I!

He felt like he could throw up. White hot rage coursed through his body, his hands coming up before he could stop them. But the thing was...Adam didn’t want to stop himself. He didn’t want to walk away. Thad had crossed a line, and all of their interactions had been leading to this anyway, right? Implying that it was Adam’s fault that Cole and Thad had kissed - that Adam had had any control over any of this shit that he’d been going through - made him see red. 

And so he shoved Thad as hard as he could into the vending machine, not even flinching when he heard the other’s body hit it. 

Adam wasn’t an angry person; he didn’t like violence. But Thad had it coming, and Adam could make his peace with that. 

loverboymontgomery​:

Of course Cole wasn’t okay. How could he be? His broken rib was nothing compared to the way his heart was splintering and cracking with every tear Adam shed. Losing him had been the worst pain Cole had ever felt, but sitting next to him and watching him break was a close second. The confusion and fear in Adam’s eyes, while expected and completely understandable, made Cole want to take it all back– say it was just a joke– beg for forgiveness. 

But now, Cole couldn’t avoid it. He couldn’t avoid the truth, and Adam wasn’t going to let him avoid his feelings. Since Adam came back, Cole felt like he was walking around with a bomb strapped to his chest– like it was only a matter of time before he’d be destroyed again. As if he hadn’t cried enough, Cole’s eyes welled up in response to Adam’s urgent tone, the way he was peering into his soul.

“No,” he choked out, wrapping Adam’s hand into both of his. “I thought I was going to lose you again.” Cole’s voice was barely above a whisper, and his hot tears fell onto their hands. Saying it out loud took Cole back to that place– the moment at the carnival when Adam started acting different. The terror in his chest at the thought of attending another funeral for the love of his life. Cole didn’t realize he was having trouble breathing until he felt Adam’s hands on his shoulders, willing Cole’s chest to stop constricting. “I’ve never been more afraid of anything in my life. I can’t do this– life– without you… that’s the truth,” he lifted his gaze to Adam’s face and squeezed Adam’s hand tight, as if a tight enough grip would save him.

They shared a contemplative silence, and Adam finally moved closer to Cole. Relieved, he shifted his legs over to give Adam space to occupy, a way to feel his closeness. Cole’s chest felt heavy in an entirely different way than his head; he knew loving someone this completely was the greatest risk he could take. He always knew it would hurt somehow, but never anticipated this– the way his entire life lost meaning when Adam died. The way he didn’t feel like himself, much less like a person, without Adam Richards to look at him with a knowing smile or wrap him up in a hug or laugh at jokes that went over his head. 

As Adam wiped away Cole’s tears, Cole leaned his head against the other’s hand, held him there for a second. He knew with more certainty than he knew anything else that if, when he met Adam Richards for the first time, he could see the future– all the love and all the pain– he would choose him again. 

When Adam started crying, processing the information Cole had dumped on him, Cole instinctively pulled him closer and rubbed circles in his back. He hated that there was nothing he could say to make this better; he hated feeling powerless to help. At Adam’s question, Cole met his eyes and nodded once, confirming Adam’s fears. Cole carded his fingers through Adam’s hair as the other cried into his shoulder. “You won’t. I won’t let anything bad happen,” Cole whispered into his boyfriend’s hair. 

Cole’s stomach dropped; the one thing he wanted to keep from Adam, the moment he wanted to take to the grave, had somehow resurfaced in his memory. For a beat, he considered denying it, but he’d never been able to lie to Adam. Adam always knew. Cole’s hold on Adam tensed and he pressed his lips to Adam’s temple a few times. “I know, baby,” he murmured, “That was before. Right before you died… I know it wasn’t you.” Cole’s eyes welled up at what Adam was saying. “You stopped it from hurting me. You stopped it.”

Gently, Cole cupped Adam’s face and angled him up, so Cole could see him. He couldn’t stop the smile pushing up his lips when Adam called him Walden. In Adam’s eyes, all of Cole’s fear melted into tenderness and he felt his body relax. It was going to be okay. They would get through it together. “I know you do. And I love you more than anything, Adam Richards. I’ll love you forever.” 

Adam had spent his entire life trying to be good and kind and helpful. He tried to be the perfect son, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect Catholic, the perfect teammates - just perfect. He had made starting quarterback as a sophomore, and that came with expectations and pressure from the town, from his coaches, from his teammates, from everyone. Adam had always done his best to live up to the image that had been created of him after his picture had been in the paper after the first football game he’d helped the Tigers win years ago. 

But somewhere along the way, he must have done something wrong, something worth damning him to being a weapon for someone else. Adam wasn’t allowed to feel sorry for himself, though, not when he was the one doing the hurting. Those who were guilty didn’t deserve pity - the lives they had destroyed did. Five people were dead and countless were hurt, and the forest commune were the cause even if they hadn’t meant to be. Adam shouldered the guilt of what they had done, adding it to all the weight he carried there already. He was a modern day Atlas, it was so deep in his DNA that Adam was afraid he couldn’t stop if he tried. 

But hearing Cole admit he wasn’t okay? That was the hardest thing he had ever listened to. If Adam hadn’t already been crying, that would have made him start. He had always cried when Cole cried, devastated by seeing the scars Cole still bared from losing Adam three years ago. “Baby, I’m so sorry,” He told him. The moment Cole’s breathing starting getting uneven, Adam immediately squeezed his hand to try to reassure him. He felt powerless watching Cole right now; seeing how deeply affected he was by the thought of Adam dying again. “I know,” Adam cried, wiping his tears with the back of his free hand. His heart broke for Cole, because Adam couldn’t promise that he would be okay. He couldn’t swear to still be here with the dust settled. Because if he had learned anything from the last few hours, it was that he had no control over his own life anymore. 

As Adam shifted closer to Cole, he sat in stiff silence. His death had shaped Cole so much more than Adam even realized before now. Of course he knew Cole had missed him - obviously, he did. But the fact that Cole couldn’t live without him? It felt like someone had taken Adam’s heart in their hands, wrapping it tightly in their fists and squeezed it until it stopped beating all together. Cole had to be okay without him; not because Adam planned on dying or leaving any time soon, but because it would kill Adam to know that if something did happen to him, Cole wouldn’t be able to keep going. Adam needed him to, because if anyone deserved a happy, loving life, it was Cole Montgomery. Adam wanted him to find a job he loved, buy a house somewhere pretty and warm, just like they had always talked about. He wanted him to find someone who could make Cole just as happy as Adam did. If Adam couldn’t grow old with Cole, he wanted someone else who would treat him perfectly to get that experience, because Cole deserved a happy ending.

 And as much as Adam wanted it to be him beside Cole, holding Cole’s hand on a porch while they talked to their grandkids, he couldn’t promise him that. Not right now. 

As Cole leaned into Adam’s touch, the grip on Adam’s heart gave one final squeeze. No one in the world deserved the love Cole Montgomery gave to him, that he’d given him since they were in high school. Tears fell from Adam’s eyes as he thought about how much good Cole had done for Adam over the years. If they had never met, Adam didn’t know who he would have even become. Every part of his life had been shaped by Cole Montgomery, and he knew Cole felt the same. 

He cried harder at the love he felt from Cole rubbing his back, thinking about how much he didn’t want to lose this. If he had to, he didn’t want Cole to be alone and broken without him, but... at the end of the day, Adam was still so young. There were so many things he’d never gotten to do. Dying at nineteen meant that he’d lost so much, and maybe coming back now was a blessing. Adam just wished it didn’t come with the condition that he might black out at any time and become a monster hellbent on hurting others. “You can’t control this,” Adam said tearfully, shaking his head at Cole insisting he wouldn’t let anything happen to Adam. 

Adam cried as Cole confirmed that it had happened, that Adam had been horrible to Cole right before he died. He had nearly killed him - he might have, if he hadn’t momentarily been able to stop himself. He pulled Cole closer, tucking his face into the space between Cole’s neck and shoulder. “But what if I can’t again? What if I’m not strong enough? Cole, I don’t want this,” Adam gasped, shoulders shaking from the sobs racking his body. “I don’t want to do this, be this. I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially you.”

Adam couldn’t control this any more than Cole could. Neither of them could guarantee that this wouldn’t end in tears, with one or both of them dead. But for a moment, Adam let himself believe that maybe they could face anything as long as they were together. Maybe they could figure this out, stop whatever was controlling Adam. Maybe it would be alright in the end. “I’ll love you forever too, Cole Montgomery,” Adam whispered, kissing Cole’s cheek feather light, so gently he couldn’t possibly hurt any bruising there.