Loverboymontgomery​:

sinclairss​:

who: lucas & @goldenboyrichards​ where: the hospital cafeteria what: comparing notes

hospital food sucked, but he hadn’t eaten yet today and while he’d snagged a bag of skittles from the vending machine near steve’s room earlier in the day, the rainbow candies weren’t sustaining him hours later. lucas wasn’t even really all that hungry, but he thought maybe some of his sluggishness was because all he’d consumed in the last 12 hours was that pack of skittles and three cups of coffee. he paid for a cardboard-looking slice of pizza and some rubbery french fries and turned around. 

it gave him a little sense of déjà vu, actually. suddenly, he was fourteen years old, scanning the hawkins high cafeteria for mike and dustin and wondering if things might be different for him this year. he was fifteen and anxious about splitting his time between the basketball team’s table and hellfire’s. he was sixteen and figured out he didn’t care and sat at a different table almost every day. and then he was eighteen, holding a tray of food after visiting his injured friend in the hospital. shaking off the thought, lucas found the first empty table he could and took a seat. he was halfway through the pizza when he glanced up and noticed someone he knew. well, knew of, more like. adam richards was the kind of jock lucas had idolized as a kid…and then he was gone. he’d come back recently and all lucas knew about him now was that he’d been at the forest commune and that he’d almost had to get between him and cole montgomery during the carnival fiasco…until that thing had attacked him. he lifted his hand in what he hoped was a welcoming kind of wave. “hey. need some company?” 

Cole was alive. He was going to be okay. Things would eventually go back to normal, right? So why did Adam still feel so fucking shitty?

Probably because Cole had told him about everything that he’d done. Only... it wasn’t Adam, was it? He had blacked out. He couldn’t remember any of it, and that was terrifying. To not be in control of your own body, making your own decisions and being made into a weapon? It horrified Adam. It devastated him. To think that he was responsible for so much death and destruction made him feel sick.

So sick that he had no appetite. He’d finally been forced to leave the room in order to eat something, but Adam couldn’t. He’d been playing with his Jello, scooping it up and letting it slide off of his fork back into the container. It was soothing, in a weird way, and Adam just had to waste enough time that it wouldn’t be suspicious when he returned. 

At the sound of a voice, he looked up with a confused expression. Oh, it was one of those kids from the carnival, Nancy’s brother’s friend. Adam offered him a small nod, kicking the chair across from him out for Lucas to take. “Uh, thanks,” He tried for a smile, but it felt fake even to him. “Lucas, right?” He asked, only vaguely aware of him. “You were.... you were there, right?” Adam asked, stuffing his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. “Were you hurt?” Did I hurt you? Adam was asking, begging for the answer to be no. 

“He used to think that he wanted to be good, he wanted to be kind, he wanted to be brave and wise, but it was all pretty difficult. He wanted to be loved, too, if he could fit it in.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender Is the Night (via 89words)

bethkrichards​:

Beth had never wanted to think about how her brother had acted in the week or so before he died. She and Cole had discussed what they thought had gone wrong, what could possibly be the reason why Adam had taken such a turn from himself to the exact opposite plenty of times. It was at rest, until now. She had come to accept that there was something, someone, controlling him, however that came to be. Beth didn’t want to think too much into it; she knew herself, and knew that she would wind up going down a rabbit hole of investigation if she kept thinking about it. There was already enough on her plate with trying to make up for being the only Richards child in college.

It was only a matter of time, though, before Adam remembered the way he was back then. It must have been Cole who had brought it up, after hearing that Adam had nearly choked him. Beth let out a sigh, taking ahold of her brother’s hand. “No, you didn’t hurt us,” she assured him. Biting her lip, she contemplated if she should keep going. “You were just … a little harsh. I don’t really know how to describe it. You were extra angry, and I’d assumed that there was something going on with Cole, but it wasn’t, and then you were just gone.” She stared down at the comforter, tracing the small blue squares with her fingers. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why. I should’ve tried to figure it out, but with school, and mom and dad, I just … couldn’t.”

With how the conversation had taken a turn, Beth figured she probably shouldn’t be seen in public about to burst into tears thinking about Adam’s death. “Let’s take the basement,” she decided, giving Adam’s hand a light squeeze and flashing a small smile. “I think it’s the time for The Price is Right.” Before he passed, she and Adam had made it a summer ritual to watch the show nearly every day, seeing if they could guess the prices better than the contestants. Beth hadn’t watched it much since, but now that Adam was back, she supposed their traditions could be, too.

Adam didn’t keep secrets from Beth - not really. The closest he’d come was Cole, and even then she’d found out pretty soon after they’d gotten together. She was one of the people he was closest to in the world. So it felt odd to not talk to her about his death, about whatever the Mindflayer was. Beth deserved to know. While Adam liked protecting her from things thanks to their two year age gap, when he’d come back, he’d had to face the fact that she was an adult now. She had grown up, and she could handle news like this. 

She didn’t seemed too surprised by the question, which worried him. Beth must have noticed he was different that week, or maybe Cole had let it slip that Adam had tried to hurt him? The thought made Adam’s chest tight. What had he done to his sisters? “Thank God,” He choked out, relief flooding through him immediately. If he had done anything to Beth, or God forbid, Cindy, then Adam would have never forgiven himself. “Lizzie, I’m so sorry,” He apologized immediately, squeezing her hand tightly. “I know you couldn’t have solved it. That wasn’t your job, Beth. You don’t always have to try to fix things,” Adam told her gently, not even slightly blaming her for not realizing he had been controlled that last week. His death had forced her to take on all of the responsibility he’d left behind - he could see that now. And that thought made him want to cry; Beth didn’t deserve that. 

He smiled at the mention of their old favorite show, remembering how competitive they’d gotten about guessing the prices. Any time Adam had gone to Melvald’s with his mom after that, he’s scoped out all the usual items to make sure he would be able to beat her in the future. “Yeah, let’s do it.” Adam nodded, standing up and heading down to the basement. Claiming his usual spot at the end of the couch, he reached for the remote and turned the TV on. Once they were settled in and Bob Barker’s voice was filling the room, he turned back to Beth. “Cole explained what happened to me, kind of.” He told her, unsure what she had been told about it all. “He said it was called the Mindflayer. He didn’t really know much about it, just some stuff he’d heard from Max. Apparently it possessed me.” Adam told her quietly, eyes avoiding her as he repeated what he’d learned from Cole. The thought of being possessed still freaked him out, but he thought Beth should know in case anything ever happened again. 

CHRISTOPHER BRINEY, CIS MALE, HE/HIM | who’s that? oh it’s ADAM RICHARDS. i hear they’re 22 and are known as THE GOLDEN BOY around THE FOOTBALL FIELD. they’re known to be COMPASSIONATE AND SELFLESS and CLOSED OFF AND GULLIBLE. some people say they remind them of THE SMELL OF FRESHLY CUT GRASS MIXED WITH DRYING PAINT, THE ROAR OF A CROWD AT THE FINAL WHISTLE, SNEAKING KISSES AT A RED LIGHT AT THREE IN THE MORNING, A SHEEP IN WOLF’S CLOTHING, EVERYONE IN TOWN KNOWING YOUR NAME. they DO NOT believe they died.

THE BASICS

FULL NAME: adam jacob richards

NICKNAME(S): richards, quarterback

AGE: twenty-two

DATE OF BIRTH: october 3rd

HOMETOWN: hawkins, indiana

CURRENT LOCATION: tree commune hawkins, indiana

GENDER: cis male

PRONOUNS: he / him

ORIENTATION: homosexual ( only known by cole and maybe a small amount of other people he trusted ? )

OCCUPATION: former lifeguard at the hawkins pool

THE FACTS

Adam has the most apple pie backstory you can imagine. The eldest of three, he’s always been the dependable golden child. His father is a dentist, a steady job that keeps them on the well-off side of town. His mother was originally his receptionist, but gave that up when she had Adam. For as long as Adam can remember, his mom had been around to take care of him and his little sisters. She was always there to pick him up when he fell, or hold him after a nightmare. He was closer to her than his father, although they had a fine relationship too. His memories of home are happy, filled with family dinners around the kitchen table, singing along to the radio as they drove to church on Sundays, and his family cheering him on every Friday night. Adam loved his family so much.

There’s only one thing that could make him want to leave them behind, and that’s the knowledge that he could never fully be himself in Hawkins. Adam didn’t realize that he was gay until he was in high school - he just thought that maybe the attraction guys described feeling for girls was overexaggerated. Once he met Cole Montgomery, though, everything changed. He pestered Cole to help him with English, relishing their weekly study sessions until things shifted and they began seeing one another romantically. Being with Cole made Adam feel more like himself than anything else in the world did. And while Adam adored his family, he needed to get out of Hawkins in order to be truly happy.

Cole wasn’t the only thing that made Adam want to leave, though. Hawkins itself came with a sort of pressure. Here, he was the Boy Next Door. The Hometown Hero. Every Friday night, Adam was expected to put on his jersey and play his part as the star quarterback, beloved by all who attended their games. And at times, Adam felt suffocated by that. There were so many rules and expectations he had to follow in order to just exist in Hawkins. In order to play sports and be accepted - which Adam wanted - he had to behave and act a certain way. Which is why Adam knew that once Cole graduated, he had to leave with him and go somewhere where no one expected anything from him.

And that was the plan, until the summer of 1985. Things were good, stable, until suddenly Adam was being controlled by the Mind Flayer and was killed at the Starcourt Mall. Adam doesn’t really remember this time; he doesn’t know that he died. It’s all really hazy, honestly. But now that he’s back and people are claiming that he joined a commune in the woods for three years…well, Adam doesn’t know what to think.

THE HEADCANONS

Adam’s always fully embraced his role as a big brother to his younger sisters. He loves them both dearly. While he’s closer to the middle sister just due to their ages (she’s around 18-20), he also loves Cindy, who’s 16 now. He feels bad that he missed out on their lives for the last three years for sure. 

He loves football and sports in general. The comradery of a team, the thrill of people depending on you - that’s so special to Adam. The only part of it he hated was the pressure and expectation to be someone that he wasn’t. He hated the toxicity that could exist in that world, especially the casual misogyny and homophobia. That’s why he always tried to rise above it while still working the system? Like, he couldn’t step too far out of line or call too many things out, but he always tried to stand up against bullying in his own way. 

Adam is just... a very genuine person. He’s absolutely a himbo who takes a lot at face value. He’s never understood why people can’t just mean what they say, or have good intentions. Like this man is a Lawful Good through and through. 

School wasn’t easy for this man. He did okay in some classes, but really struggled in others. In order to keep him on the football team, though, I imagine he had tutors in several of his classes. 

Literally he did not know he was gay until he was like 15-16 years old, he just thought that his friends were exaggerating when they talked about girls. Like, he was like “They’re nice. Fine, even. Pretty, I guess.” and then he met Cole and was like “Ohhhh I get it now.” 

He had a girlfriend when he met Cole, and once he realized he liked Cole and wanted to date him, he felt intense guilt at the thoughts of cheating on her. So, either 1) he broke up with her or 2) he kept dating her but told her everything, and she was willing to be his beard. If someone wants that connection, PLEASE lmk because I would love to see either option. 

Truly he always tries to see the best in people. Even those who don’t deserve it. 

He fully had plans with Cole to run away after Cole graduated and Adam 100% was going to follow through. He didn’t love the idea of leaving his family behind, but he needed to be himself and not the town’s Golden Boy. Unfortunately, Adam got flayed by Billy, who he used to work with.

He wasn’t himself the few days before he died. He was a lot meaner and angrier than anyone had seen him before, so that might have raised some red flags for people. Adam was eventually killed at the mall.

While Adam doesn’t think that he died, he does find the commune idea suspicious. After all, he did want to run away, but with Cole. He’s so confused by the idea that he would have left him behind, so part of him is worried that maybe he was brainwashed or kidnapped? He has no clue what to believe when it comes to that, honestly. 

scribblcs​:

as adam tossed out gabe’s name like a question, he nodded, smiling encouragingly. it usually fell from people’s lips uncomfortably, like they were breaking some sort of rule by using his first name, but he was a therapist, not a teacher or a mayor. he didn’t see the purpose for formalities, he made that known by adding, “you can just call me gabe if that’s easier, too.” he already had a strong feeling that wouldn’t be the case. maybe he was jumping too many stones ahead, and gabe supposed he would figure out here shortly just who adam richards was, but at first glance, he already reminded gabe of his teenage self. he recalled the days when he did his best to be the perfect son, an upstanding citizen of his small town in illinois, to be kind, to put himself last, to follow rules and do the right thing. he’d come to shed some of it with age, but there were other traits that were immovable qualities of his personality, ones that he had learned to nurture and respect and understand. he was feeling very hopeful he could do the same for adam, but first, gabe had to take about five steps back and confirm his suspicions. like he hadn’t just gone on an entire contemplative hike mid-session, gabe nodded, “let me know if you change your mind at any time. the water isn’t going anywhere.” he assured, flashing another warm grin. 

when adam started talking about his day, gabe began furiously scratching words onto his notepad. by now, he’d mastered the art of taking notes and maintaining eye contact. so as he wrote with his pen, he simultaneously nodded at adam as he spoke. his thoughts came out onto the page, stiff. uncomfortable. family important to him? his scribbling stopped when adam asked him something. initially, he looked pleasantly surprised, but one could never be too cautious. on his paper he wrote, deflecting? then set his pen down and answered, “sure, if you want.” even if the sessions weren’t about gabe, he wanted to do what he could to ease adam this first go around, “it was pretty tame. i woke up, tended to my garden, did the crossword, ran errands, came here.” he intentionally matched adam’s tone, then flipped it back around on the other, “so if that was what you did today, is it fair to say that’s your everyday? or is your normal routine a little different?” he picked up his pen again. 

Being raised in a white, Catholic upper middle class family left Adam physically unable to call an adult by their first name, and at the suggestion, Adam couldn’t help but shoot Dr. Gabe a look of concern. He’d be keeping the title out of respect and he hoped Dr. Gabe understood that. “Oh, um, thank you. But is Dr. Gabe okay?” Adam asked hesitantly, stuffing his hands anxiously in his pockets. He was worried they’d start shaking if he didn’t get over these nerves soon. There wasn’t even a reason to be nervous - if this didn’t go well, Adam would just leave and make some excuse if he was asked about why he wouldn’t be coming back. He could get through one hour long session. After all, Adam had done a lot more difficult stuff than sitting on a couch and talking about himself for awhile. With that in mind, he squared his shoulders a bit, ready to at least try. 

Dr. Gabe’s writing was a bit distracting - Adam couldn’t help but wonder what about his day was that interesting. Spending time with his family was normal, right? Helping his mom with his siblings had always been something Adam had done, and no one had ever questioned it before. Maybe it had made him give up hanging out with Cole or Chrissy in the past, but it wasn’t like he couldn’t reschedule. He was the oldest, and his mother had always counted on him to be the responsible one. Adam hadn’t minded that duty before. “Gardening seems cool,” He nodded, glancing around the room at the plants again. Plants always seemed to brighten a room, in Adam’s opinion. He’d loved it growing up when his mother had had fresh flowers around, especially when his dad had bought them for her. Adam had done that for Cole a few times in high school too - not because he felt like he was supposed to, but because he’d liked picking out a bouquet that he knew Cole would like. 

“Oh, um,” Adam blinked as he was questioned again, not used to someone wanting to hear from him this much. “I guess it’s pretty normal?” Adam said, crossing his legs to keep his knee from bouncing with nerves. “Most days I hang out with my mom and sisters or with Cole.” He shrugged. “He’s my best friend,” The lie rolled off his tongue with ease now from years of pretending like they were just really close friends. It never felt better though, or made Adam happy. “I run or workout some too.” An old habit from his football days that Adam had never dropped. Honestly, he didn’t really want to, though - he liked the endorphins he got from it, and it felt good having a routine like that. It provided him structure, a reason to get out of bed now that he was back. 

jackforeman​:

WHO: jack foreman & @goldenboyrichards WHERE: walking out of the hawkins forest lol

This wasn’t the first time that Jack and Adam had been together and not known where they were in the morning, but this time, it was different. This time, they were walking out of the fucking forest, and he had no clue where they were. It wasn’t easy to get lost in Hawkins, but something felt different, like he’d hit his head or suffered the worst hangover of his life. What the hell had they been doing, throwing a party in the woods? It wasn’t something that the two did often, not when they had each other’s houses to do that.

“Dude, what the fuck?” he asked as they stepped onto the road. His clothes looked like they’d been raked through the mud about ten times, and his legs felt like they hadn’t walked in years. He was sore, and it was like he’d just been beaten up. “Where the fuck are we?”

Jack turned toward Adam, who looked about the same that he did, and shook his head. Something had to be off. “I don’t have my car here, man, I don’t even know where it would be Did someone drop us off? Maybe we should head to Melvald’s and ask to use the phone or something. I don’t want to go to the police and get drug tested or something. I don’t know, you got any better ideas?”

Adam didn’t usually get this drunk. In fact, he couldn’t actually remember a time when he had blacked out completely like this, to the point where he didn’t even remember the last thing that he remembered. Every part of his body was sore, but maybe that was from sleeping in the forest? Or maybe he and Jack had truly done something stupid, like got dragged into a fight with other guys or something?

He had no clue, but at least he wasn’t alone. That might have been even more disorienting. His clothes were a mess, and he was pretty sure there were multiple leaves stuck in his hair, but at least he was mostly okay. “I have no clue, dude,” Adam shook his head at Jack’s question. “I don’t remember anything. Do you?” 

At the mention of a car, Adam’s face fell. Shit. If only one of them had driven here, but given the fact that neither of the cars were anywhere to be seen, it was unlikely. Walking all the way back would suck, but maybe it would give them time to remember something. “I guess? Must have, because I don’t think we would have walked all the way out here for a party.” Maybe Cole had, or one of the other guys from football. But then, why had they left them? Why not wait for them to wake up? “Who should we call?” He asked Jack, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t remember doing drugs, dude. Do you think we were drugged?” That worried him a lot, but it made more sense than straight laced, wholesome Adam Richards taking something stronger than weed. 

new kind of guy who just really likes the first 30 minutes to an hour of horror movies thats just people doing regular things and turns it off as soon as the horror part starts to kick in

loverboymontgomery​:

Cole never could’ve imagined this– any of this– when Adam Richards had approached him to be his English tutor freshman year. He’d known who Adam was, of course, because everyone did. It was normal to have a crush on the hot and funny and sweet quarterback, as evidenced by the conversations he had with the cheerleaders, except for the fact that Cole was a boy, too. He’d made peace with it, figured it would pass when Adam graduated and Cole would hear about his engagement to Chrissy Cunningham one day from some nosy mom in the Melvald’s checkout line. That was how things were supposed to be. But then, one night in February after a few hours of studying for an English test, Adam had kissed Cole.

Everything changed that day, and Adam quickly became the subject of all of Cole’s thoughts. They were inseparable for three years, and those were easily the best three years of Cole’s life. In every way, Adam was Cole’s balance: where Cole was shut off and withdrawn, Adam was open and giving, where Cole was book smart, Adam was emotionally intelligent, where Cole was cautious, Adam was trusting. Cole wasn’t religious at all, but he truly believed they were meant to find each other, and he never hesitated to tell Adam as much. So when Adam died in the ‘freak accident’ just before they were going to run away together, Cole’s life halted. Since then, he’d felt like he was a ghost, moving through the motions of life despite being completely detached. He didn’t really care what happened to him, not if it was without Adam. And when Adam came back? It was supposed to be good, and easy, and they were supposed to move on. It was still good, Adam was still Adam, but it was impossible to ignore the reality of the situation: that Adam had died and come back, and there were side effects.

Still, it was worth it to try– to push it to the side for a few hours at least. When Adam offered to plan a date, Cole was elated. When he showed up at Cole’s door with their usual from Benny’s, Cole had wanted to cry. He had longed for this for so long. He’d gathered a few things in a bag of his own– his dusty copy of The Odyssey, a chapstick, his house key, a few rogue pens and highlighters, and at the very bottom of the bag, his flask. Just in case things went South, not that they would, he just didn’t really go anywhere without it these days. Cole left the bag on the floorboards of the passenger seat and climbed into the truck bed with Adam. Like it was the most natural thing in the world, Cole scooted closer to him and nestled into his chest, angling his face to the sky to look at the stars like they’d done dozens of times before. “Mhmm,” he hummed contentedly, smiling at the memory. “We were so worried someone would find us,” he chuckled. “Worth the risk.” All of it was worth the risk– Cole would always choose Adam, always. Cole shoved Adam away jokingly, “In my defense, what the fuck are jumper cables?” He laughed, though, unable to resist Adam with that grin. As they shifted and Adam leaned against Cole, he ran his fingers through the other’s hair gently. Everything about this felt so right, and Cole felt completely at peace. As Adam kissed his cheek, Cole caught his chin and lifted it so their lips met. “I love you,” he responded, feeling pressure building behind his eyelids. Not tonight, surely he could go one night without crying. “Thank you for this,” he said, kissing Adam’s forehead with a smile. 

Adam hadn’t known how much his life would change when he asked Cole Montgomery to be his English tutor. He thought they’d become friends maybe, if everything went well. He’d never imagined that they might end up here, together, after so many years. Dating Cole had been a wonderful, amazing surprise that had completely changed the entire trajectory of his life. Without that one kiss in February his sophomore year of high school, Adam would have never become the person he was today. Walden Cole Montgomery had never been part of his plan. But in the end, Adam was so fucking happy and grateful for the years they had had together. 

Dying had thrown a massive wrench into the life plans they had made together. Before whatever had happened to Adam during the summer of 1985, he was going to run away with Cole. They’d planned it all out - wait until Cole left for college in California, and then Adam would go with him. He’d turned down offers to play football at three different colleges, something his parents had thought he was insane for, in order to wait an extra year on Cole. And at the time, it had all seemed so worth it. They would get to be happy and themselves together in San Francisco, and that mattered more than being Mr. Quarterback at Purdue or Ball State. The fights with his dad didn’t matter - not if it meant getting to be who he really was. And everything had been going according to plan that summer; everything had been perfect. Until... until whatever had happened to him. Adam wished he could just remember, that he knew why he’d done all of those things and why he had died.

But he probably never would get that closure. And maybe he would just have to learn to live with that. 

Right now, he was more concerned about whatever was going on with Cole. There was so much that Adam just didn’t know how to ask or how to talk about. How could he bring up his own death and it’s affect on Cole? How could he ask about the extra drinks he’d seen him having lately and why he felt like he needed them? Adam wanted to understand, he wanted to be there for Cole. But he also wished that things could just be simple, like they used to be. That for five minutes, he could forget about dying and the way it had hurt everyone around him. So, he wrapped an arm around Cole, laughing into his curls at the mention of being scared of getting caught. “I know, I drove down the road with the headlights completely turned off. We’re lucky I didn’t hit a tree,” He murmured. Back then, their biggest fear had been the wrong people finding out. It was almost laughable now. “Spending time with you was always worth the risk,” Adam agreed immediately. “Being alone with you was always the best part of my day.” He had needed that alone time away from the prying eyes of their classmates or families. Chrissy and Beth had known, of course, but they’d needed to hide from everyone else. Getting to drop the act of being straight and just be himself with Cole had always been such a relief. 

As Cole shoved him, Adam chuckled, grabbing his wrists and tugging him closer to kiss him once. “You’re hopeless,” He teased, laughing against Cole’s lips, pressing his own more firmly against them again. “How would you jump start your car without me around? What happens if I can’t come help you out? You need to learn some basic mechanics, baby.” As Cole began to play with his hair, Adam sighed, feeling more relaxed than he had the entire time he’d been back. This was perfect. Tonight was perfect. His relationship with Cole Montgomery was perfect, even if there were cracks in it. Nothing was broken that couldn’t be repaired with some glue, some love and attention. As Cole pulled him back in for a gentle kiss, Adam felt his face warm at the softness of him kissing his forehead. “Any time.” Adam replied, pulling Cole closer to him so that Cole was laying back on his chest again. “Are you okay?” He asked him softly, not wanting to break the wordless agreement of keeping things lighter between them, but also needing to know. “You know I’m here for you, right? I always will be.” 

Maybe that wasn’t true. Maybe that was a promise Adam couldn’t make Cole, but he wanted it to be true, and that had to count for something, right?

conrad fisher | tsitp 1.06

jackforeman​:

WHO: jack foreman & @goldenboyrichards​ </33 WHERE: the richards’ residence

All that Jack could think about on his drive over to Adam’s house was that he had killed him. Probably with his bare hands, too, or whatever that black thing was that he saw in his head. He didn’t know what to think, or how to feel except betrayal and confusion. This was his best friend, someone he’d gone through hell and back with, and it was Adam’s fault that he had missed three years of his life. Three years of not being with his sisters, of being beside them while they mourned him, no matter where they thought he went. He gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were as white as the hood of his car, his breathing heavy but shaky as he made his way the few blocks to Adam’s house.

He’d waited to do this until Cole was out of the hospital, now knowing what he knew about the two. The past few days had been spent locked in his room with the occasional visit from Jo or Julie until he’d gotten the call from Adam’s sister that he was back at home. There were more important things than demanding answers about something that had happened years ago, especially when it concerned someone who Adam loved.

Jack’s heart was in his throat as he got out of the car, needing a moment to catch his breath before he rang the doorbell to see Adam’s face. It was a sight he hadn’t seen in the flesh since being in the Tunnel of Love despite replaying in his mind, plaguing his dreams since then. The look of determination before Adam had taken him into the warehouse was etched into his memory now, forever. As Adam opened the door, Jack took a step back, forcing a pained smile as he greeted him. “Hey, I heard you were home. Could I, uh … do you have a second? Can I come in?”

Some people were scared of spiders, some were scared of heights. Adam Richards was scared of letting down the people he loved the most. He always had been. Being a people pleaser was in his DNA, constructed out of the burden of being the only son and eldest child in the family. A duty to protect others, keep them safe, had long since been ingrained in him. Hurting someone? Hurting someone went against everything that Adam stood for. In his core, his very being, Adam was destroyed by the thought of hurting another person. It was unthinkable.

Killing Jack? He couldn’t fathom it.

After Jo had gone home a few days ago, Adam had barely left his room. He had known that the blackouts were bad, that they were something he should be scared of. His body wasn’t his when they happened - because Adam would never, ever hurt someone he cared about. But did that really matter? Because Adam had done it. It didn’t matter that it hadn’t been his decision; he had still killed his best friend. His body was more than capable of murder, even if it wasn’t Adam calling the shots. 

When his mom told him that Jack was here to see him, Adam felt nauseous, like he truly might throw up. How could Adam even look at Jack right now? But... how could he not? Jack had every fucking right to hate him - Adam hated himself for what he’d done while blacked out. And if Jack wanted to confront him, then Adam couldn’t and wouldn’t stop it. He shakily walked to the door, opening it and peering at Jack sadly. 

“Yeah, man. Of course,” Adam said, opening it wider and leading the way towards his bedroom. He didn’t want his parents to overhear what he had done. “Jack, I - I’m so sorry. I don’t remember... doing that. And you can say or do whatever you want to me,” He told him after he closed the door behind Jack, nervously stuffing his hands into the pocket of one of the few hoodies Cole and Beth hadn’t stolen from him. “I get it. I’m not really safe to be around right now.”