Goldenboyrichards - Boys Don't Cry.

chancecunningham​:

WHO: @goldenboyrichards​ & chance cunningham WHERE: the hospital, specifically outside cole’s room WHEN: a day or two after the carnival tragedy

making the decision to come to the hospital after everything that went down at the carnival wasn’t easy. the last thing chance wanted to do was be faced with more trauma that he didn’t know how to process…but what choice did he have? he’d heard that steve was in intensive care because of the injuries he’d sustained, so obviously chance had to go see his friend…plus a few others. 

the first person chance visited was cole. it was no secret that the two boys had never gotten along much. but still. cole had offered chance his flask on the tunnel of love like an olive branch, so when chance found that same flask abandoned in the middle of the carnival after the explosives went off, something possessed him to grab it and return it to its rightful owner. 

chance’s meeting with cole had left him with a lot on his mind. were the two friends? far from it, but maybe they were on their way to something less tense. especially because they had a shared connection with— “adam,” chance said as he exited cole’s room and spotted his friend in a chair right outside the door, “he’s asleep.” chance shut the door gently and let out an exhausted sigh before he plopped down in a seat next to his best friend. 

where did he even begin? “what the fuck were you thinking back at the carnival, man?” he whispered, effectively forgetting half of what he’d just talked about with cole, “are you brainwashed?” chance had never been tactful when his emotions were heightened like this, “or…i mean…yeah, i don’t know, just…what the fuck?” it was high time chance and adam had a talk, and since he wasn’t sure when he’d have him alone again (save for a few nurses walking by), he seized the opportunity.

With how stressed out Adam had been about Cole and about what he’d done at the carnival, he had barely even thought about his other friends. The ones who’d been hurt the worst were in here anyway, and he could check on them and apologize for his fucked up part in everything. But people like Chance, Jack, and Chrissy had slipped his mind a bit. That made him feel like a sort of shitty friend, but he also had some pretty massive concerns here. Like...what if he blacked out again? What could he do to stop it?

After getting back from the cafeteria, he’d taken a break from Cole’s room for a bit, sitting out in the hallway while Cole had a visitor. He didn’t want to bother them. But when Chance exited the room, Adam perked up a bit. It was really nice of Chance to visit his friend while he was in here, in his opinion. “Chance,” Adam greeted back, nodding at the news that Cole had fallen asleep. Good, he needed the extra rest. After being so injured, it would be nice for him to be able to recover a bit while he slept.

Chance’s questions were valid, but Adam didn’t have any idea on how to answer them. What the fuck had he been thinking at the carnival? The truth was nothing. He couldn’t control himself at all. “I don’t know,” Adam admitted quietly, staring at the floor. “It wasn’t...I blacked out, Chance,” He told his best friend, worried he wouldn’t believe him. “I don’t know how, but I swear to God, I wasn’t in control back there.” Maybe he was brainwashed - how else could he explain the blackouts? Adam didn’t know. “I just remember getting off the Tunnel of Love and then waking up to Cole being put in the ambulance. Were you hurt at all?” Adam really hoped not.

kvrenwheeler​:

recently karen had been feeling like she had more mouths to feed right now than she did when all of her children were living at home permanently. with nancy having a friend over for the summer, and that boyfriend of hers in tow as well. then there was michael and his friends who often stayed for dinner too, and obviously ted and holly as well. it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but overwhelming since the majority she had to do herself. 

so the grocery shop was currently a lot more draining than usual, given the sheer amount of groceries was almost twice as much as usual. but it did give her time to herself, however short. 

abandoning the cart on the other side of the aisle, she moved over to grab a specific box of cereal at mike’s request of course. it was only when a loud crashing sound came from behind her, that the box fell from her hand and clattered to the ground as well. 

turning on her heel to locate the noise, she was met with a young man who had pushed his cart into hers. ah, that must have been it. “it’s no problem.” karen couldn’t help but notice that he seemed a little on edge. then came the brief recognition, which caused her to frown. “are you a friend of my son’s?” technically speaking he could also be a friend of nancy’s, she just couldn’t put her finger on it. 

Adam was thankful that he’d only crashed into the woman’s cart, at least. If he’d actually hurt her or knocked over a display or something, that would have been so embarrassing. He moved quickly around their carts to help grab the item she’d dropped, handing it back to her before returning. “Sorry, I need to pay more attention,” He apologized again, offering her a small, sheepish smile. 

At her question about her son, Adam frowned, trying to figure out who she was talking about. After a second, he realized she was Mrs. Wheeler, so she must have been talking about the nerdy kid who had a little friend group that he spent so much time with. Adam didn’t really know them, but he’d seen them a few times at the pool, he thought. “Oh, no,” He shook his head, smiling slightly. Adam did know that kid’s older sister, though. She’d been a year or two behind him in school, but she’d saved his science grade when he retook the class. “But Nancy used to be my lab partner! I think I came over once to study.” It wasn’t like they had been close or anything, and honestly ‘studying’ had been him staring at his textbook in confusion for two hours while Nancy made flash cards. Still, he remembered Mrs. Wheeler being nice when he’d come over, and he sort of remembered her coming to the pool a lot back when he’d been a lifeguard with Billy and Heather. “I’m Adam Richards, ma’am.” He told her with a small smile, holding a hand out for her to shake. 

new kind of guy who just really likes the first 30 minutes to an hour of horror movies thats just people doing regular things and turns it off as soon as the horror part starts to kick in

nilssen​:

𝐖𝐇𝐎: Peter Nilssen & @goldenboyrichards​​​​

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓: Peter’s in his shit, shit, shit era

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄: The Hospital, sorry :/

Shit, shit, shit. Peter was so fucked. He was so fucking fucked. He didn’t know if this was going to bite him in the ass later. It wasn’t his problem, was it? He was told to just keep the skeletons under control, which… he had totally failed at doing. Maybe he wasn’t as good at his job as he thought. Luckily, none of them had been hurt, but with one of their arrests it only seemed logical that someone at Hawkins P.D. would start piecing together that the rest were involved. He had to make sure that didn’t happen.

So, he went to the hospital. There were a million thoughts in his head. What was his purpose for going to the hospital? To find one of his skeletons? Convince them that the explosion wasn’t their fault? Probe them into giving him some sort of information. With a huff, he leaned against the receptionist’s desk, arms folded as he watched and waited for someone he knew to pass by. And then in a chance of luck, Adam Richards walked right past him. “Oh, Adam,” he sang in an attempt to get Adam’s attention. Once he had it, he used two fingers and waved at him with a come hither motion. “What brings you here?” He asked, tilting his head to the side. “You look rather…” he looked the guy up and down,” …Unscathed.”

After worrying for so long about Cole, and making sure he was okay and not in too much pain, Adam had nearly forgotten to check in with anyone else. He couldn’t help it - he had always been a nurturer, someone who took care of others. And now he was taking care of his boyfriend, who he loved very much, and who he had accidentally helped put in the hospital. He was still feeling immense grief about that, along with everything else that had happened at the carnival. 

He was so lost in his own head that as he passed Peter, he didn’t even look at him. Adam was on his way to buy a bottle of water from the vending machine when he heard Peter calling for him. “Oh,” He stopped, turning around and approaching the taller man. “Uh, hey, Peter,” Adam greeted him, trying to ignore the slightly unsettling feeling he had around the man. Peter was fine - nothing was wrong with him. He just knew so much about Adam, and Adam knew very little about the man who was in charge of helping the people of the commune fit back in to society. “I’m here checking on my...friend. Cole,” Adam supplied, lips pressed into a tight smile. “I wasn’t hurt,” He shrugged, not entirely understanding how he could have been near the blast and not felt a thing. It was confusing, but at least he was alive. “It’s really weird,” Adam admitted, brow furrowing in confusion. “I don’t really... remember it. Cole said we lit the explosions, and I heard Billy was arrested.” With a pang of guilt and worry, he looked up at Peter sharply. “Are the rest of us in trouble too?”

jackforeman​:

WHO: jack foreman & @goldenboyrichards WHERE: walking out of the hawkins forest lol

This wasn’t the first time that Jack and Adam had been together and not known where they were in the morning, but this time, it was different. This time, they were walking out of the fucking forest, and he had no clue where they were. It wasn’t easy to get lost in Hawkins, but something felt different, like he’d hit his head or suffered the worst hangover of his life. What the hell had they been doing, throwing a party in the woods? It wasn’t something that the two did often, not when they had each other’s houses to do that.

“Dude, what the fuck?” he asked as they stepped onto the road. His clothes looked like they’d been raked through the mud about ten times, and his legs felt like they hadn’t walked in years. He was sore, and it was like he’d just been beaten up. “Where the fuck are we?”

Jack turned toward Adam, who looked about the same that he did, and shook his head. Something had to be off. “I don’t have my car here, man, I don’t even know where it would be Did someone drop us off? Maybe we should head to Melvald’s and ask to use the phone or something. I don’t want to go to the police and get drug tested or something. I don’t know, you got any better ideas?”

Adam didn’t usually get this drunk. In fact, he couldn’t actually remember a time when he had blacked out completely like this, to the point where he didn’t even remember the last thing that he remembered. Every part of his body was sore, but maybe that was from sleeping in the forest? Or maybe he and Jack had truly done something stupid, like got dragged into a fight with other guys or something?

He had no clue, but at least he wasn’t alone. That might have been even more disorienting. His clothes were a mess, and he was pretty sure there were multiple leaves stuck in his hair, but at least he was mostly okay. “I have no clue, dude,” Adam shook his head at Jack’s question. “I don’t remember anything. Do you?” 

At the mention of a car, Adam’s face fell. Shit. If only one of them had driven here, but given the fact that neither of the cars were anywhere to be seen, it was unlikely. Walking all the way back would suck, but maybe it would give them time to remember something. “I guess? Must have, because I don’t think we would have walked all the way out here for a party.” Maybe Cole had, or one of the other guys from football. But then, why had they left them? Why not wait for them to wake up? “Who should we call?” He asked Jack, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t remember doing drugs, dude. Do you think we were drugged?” That worried him a lot, but it made more sense than straight laced, wholesome Adam Richards taking something stronger than weed. 

bethkrichards​:

WHO: beth & @goldenboyrichards​ WHERE: adam’s room

When he was still dead, Beth would go into Adam’s room sometimes just to feel his presence. She would raid his closet, find things that she didn’t even know he owned to keep for herself or give to Cole. Their mother had no idea that she did this, or else she would have thrown a fit that she was ransacking Adam’s things, but Beth couldn’t stand the thought of letting his things just sit there when she and Cole could carry a piece of him around with them when he wasn’t there any longer. Before she was thrust into the path toward dentistry, she painted in there, too, sometimes talked to Adam like he was still there. Now that he was back, it was still a bit of an adjustment to see her brother sitting on his bed like nothing had ever happened, but she and Cole had agreed: they weren’t going to question it. Adam was back, and they’d do everything they could to get it to stay that way.

“I thought I heard you come in,” she greeted, leaning against the doorframe. The two had been by Cole’s side for the past few days; Beth had only left the hospital when Adam needed something from home or when their parents needed someone to watch Cindy (even though they argued that she was perfectly fine to take care of herself). Now that Cole was home, though, she had to admit that it was nice to have her bed, shower, and non-hospital food back. “I have to admit, I like you a lot better when you don’t smell like …” death, she wanted to say, but the joke wasn’t that funny yet, not when she’d heard that something had happened to Adam at the carnival. “Like hospital, I guess. When are you going back over Cole’s house? I was hoping I could get, like, five minutes of you to myself before you left,” she teased, sitting beside him on the edge of his bed.

Coming home to find all of his hoodies missing had been a shock, but Adam understood once he’d heard who had them. Beth and Cole, the two people he loved the most in the world ( although Chrissy was a close third ). Even when he was alive, he found that a fair amount of his hoodies and shirts would go missing, with the pair of them usually to blame. He found it sweet, even if he did want them back - he appreciated that each of them just wanted a little piece of him to feel close to. Adam loved his little sister and his boyfriend so much, and he felt beyond lucky to have them. The fact that they’d had each other to lean on after whatever had happened to him three years ago made him feel a bit better about it in general.

“Oh, yeah,” Adam said, flushing slightly at getting caught sneaking back into his own room. Adam and Cole had done this countless times before, though. It was easier than explaining things to Rebecca or Jim Richards. And thankfully, Adam lived on the first floor and getting in and out of the window was easy. At her comment about his smell, Adam nodded, glad he didn’t smell like hospital either. The alcohol and antiseptic had been overwhelming, but at least it had helped to mask the smoke until he’d been able to shower. “Sorry,” Adam apologized, frowning as he sat down on his bed. “I’m just worried about him. And I...” felt guilty. Cole assured him that it wasn’t his fault, but Adam just couldn’t believe that. “I want to be there for him. “ He rubbed his eyes, unable to cry again if he tried. But they were dry and puffy and irritated from everything that had happened. “I won’t go back for a bit. He was sleeping anyway, and I left a note so he wouldn’t worry if I wasn’t there when I got back,” Adam knew Cole probably would anyway, but he did want to spend some time with his little sister. “What do you want to do, Lizzie?”

mmuscles​:

growing up, thad’s family had staff who did the trivial things for them like grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, so this little trip to the supermarket wasn’t exactly his idea of fun, or even necessary. his motel room was pathetically barren of anything other than a bottle of wine and some leftovers. he grew tired of having to mingle with townfolk at restaurants each and every time he got hungry, so here he was, begrudgingly picking up some stuff. thad didn’t even know how to cook. his cart was filled with an unappetizing assortment of junk foods and frozen meals. it was worth it to spend some with nancy, he figured. 

sighing, thad pulled his crumpled, chicken scratch grocery list out of his pocket and tried to locate what he had and hadn’t picked out. he was itching to get out of the place, especially after arguing with an employee about melvald’s limited stock. he didn’t understand why the store didn’t carry kale or pate. to him, that was like a bar not having beer. ridiculous. 

right as he was starting to get his bearings, a cart crashed into the back of his ankles, causing him to yelp and snap his head around. he looked at the other with utter disgust, “hey pal,” he began, “i’m trying to grocery shop? do you fucking mind?” he asked. the unaware stranger seemed to be just like everyone else in this town. stupid, reckless, etc. first that moron cole dented his car, then there was that freak on the street with the walkman, and now this wastoid? when was it going to end? he scoffed turning back around, “yeah, i’m sure you’re real fucking sorry…” thad shook his head, then looked back at his list. well, while the other was here, he figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask, “hey, do they sell like, caviar here?”

Adam flinched as he hit the other person, not usually so clumsy or careless. And typically it wouldn’t matter - the other person would forgive him and move on with their life. But not the guy in front of him. Instead, he seemed really and truly pissed, which Adam felt like was a bit of an overreaction. “I said I was sorry,” Adam repeated, eyebrows pulled together in a frustrated expression. He wasn’t used to this much hostility from anyone, let alone a stranger. 

Adam was ready to move around the guy and get the hell out of here, until he heard the stranger’s question. “What’s...what’s caviar?” He asked, confusion lacing his voice; Adam wasn’t sure he’d ever heard that word before, honestly. “Whatever it is, I doubt we have it here.” It wasn’t like there was another store in town he could suggest, so the guy would just have to suffer or drive up to Indianapolis or something. “But the ramen’s pretty good, not too hard to make or anything.” It was kind of the only thing Adam could successfully make without under or overcooking it. “I can show you were to find it, if you want?” 

zccming​:

max watched as adam danced around her and maybe it was untimely, but she laughed. it was a dry, hollow laugh, one that indicated that she didn’t find him funny, but his behavior ridiculous. from what she had heard about adam, she quickly made an assumption about what this was, and boldly told him, “i’m not afraid of you.” she said it casually, then was sure to let him know, “you don’t have to act like such a freak.” he probably felt guilty, which made sense. max didn’t think he had any reason to and truthfully she hoped her dismissiveness of his precaution would help him believe that. at least a little bit. 

inducting people in the hawkins shit show of supernatural nonsense weren’t exactly max’s favorite conversations, but she calmly, cooly answered any questions adam might have. she might know cole, but she didn’t know him, so even in the wake of tragedy, her walls were firmly up. “it’s probably something new. we’re calling it the doppelganger.” the name rolled of her tongue and left a bad taste in her mouth. if max wasn’t careful, she probably would’ve frowned at adam’s next question. he was so scared. max wished that nobody had to be scared about this shit anymore. “we’ve done it before…” she confirmed, then counted out on her fingers and held up four of them, “four times, but, i wasn’t here the first time. it’ll get taken care of.” it felt kind of wrong to say, she was making it sound too easy, but max was trying to mask her own fears and convince someone else it would be fine. how else was she supposed to do that without a little bit of dishonesty?

apparently i did stuff like this before. adam’s expression fell so far max bit back the urge to say i know. his request was a heavy one, but as her eyes flicked to cole in the hospital bed, max wasn’t sure how she could say no. and more importantly, she didn’t want to. if she had it her way, she’d be in cole’s spot right now. but like life had shown her time and time again, she wasn’t a person who got her way. not over the things that really mattered anyway. max looked back up to adam and nodded, “yeah…” she took a deep breath, “yeah, i got you, totally. you won’t.” the energy in the room was so tense at the possibility of push coming to shove, max tried to cut through it the best she knew how in the presence of a stranger and she made a joke, “i’ll kick your ass, richards. don’t have to ask me twice.” knowing that wasn’t exactly what he asked, max dropped her wall for a split second and offered a more sincere, “i’ll make sure he’s safe. won’t even tell him you asked me either.” she mimed a zipping over her lips, “our secret, if you want.”

Adam blinked in surprise when Max openly pointed out that she wasn’t afraid of him. He wasn’t used to people being so blunt - even Cole had been known to sugarcoat things for Adam from time to time. No one had ever looked Adam in the eyes and called him out on something like that before, and he wasn’t entirely sure how to respond. “Oh, um,” He nodded, brow furrowing in confusion slightly. “Good to know.” Adam didn’t know what Max had experienced before that made her not scared of him, considering how he’d acted at the carnival, and he was kind of worried to find out. Cole had mentioned she’d told him about the Mindflayer, so she had to know that that was what had turned him into this in the first place. At her calling him a freak, he frowned but said nothing. He’d been feeling a lot like one lately. 

Before Adam had found himself at the center of the fucked up stuff in Hawkins with the rest of the tree commune, he hadn’t paid much attention to it. Back when Cole’s previously unknown brother had gone missing, Adam had been concerned and had done his best to support Cole. It had been a scary time, but not too weird from an outside perspective. Not enough for Hawkins to really seem cursed or that fucked up. But now, Adam was wondering how deep all of this truly went. What had he missed out on over the years? “The Doppelganger?” Adam repeated, nose scrunching up at the name. What did that even mean? Where were they getting these names from? “It’s what controlled us at the carnival?” He asked Max, unsure of how much she knew about this thing. She seemed collected, confident - but he wasn’t sure if that was a façade or not. Four times made him feel better, honestly. That was a pretty decent track record. “Have you all ever lost before?” It was a fair question, all things considered. He wasn’t sure if it would piss Max off or not though. 

She didn’t seem shocked by his admittance; Cole must have told her either before he came back or after. He was just so scared of hurting Cole again, of not being able to stop himself like he had the last time. Adam didn’t even know how he had stopped himself, just that he hadn’t squeezed the life out of Cole despite the dark, twisted voice in his head telling him to. Maybe the next time that voice took control again, he wouldn’t be as strong or as lucky. “...thank you,” Adam told her quietly, looking sadly at Cole lying still in the hospital bed. His heart monitor was beating steadily, and that calmed Adam down a bit. “Yeah, good,” He laughed in surprise at Max threatening to kick his ass. “Just make sure he’s alright. And yeah, please don’t tell him I asked.” Adam glanced back over at the younger girl, glad she was offering not to tell Cole. Maybe they should - but Adam didn’t want him to be upset with either of them over the request. 

scribblcs​:

in most instances, gabe preferred to show his hand, and adam was no exception. he smiled, clearly amused with his apprehension. he didn’t think it unwarranted, or strange, but it was mildly entertaining to see him twist himself in knots over something as simple as his name. while it was endearing in a way, it was also sad. they hadn’t even dug that deep and gabe already had an inkling that adam was in for a brutal awakening once he learned words like self awareness and setting boundaries. so, sure, it was somewhat funny to watch him squirm, but more than anything, gabe knew a warm smile could do wonders, and he hoped if anything it would help adam feel at ease. “dr.gabe is fine.” he said finally, “whatever makes you most comfortable, adam.” he said it in a way where he hoped adam knew that went for anything that went down in his office. 

“gardening is the grooviest.” gabe agreed with adam, watching the wheels turn behind his eyes. he was thinking. he knew that sharing didn’t come naturally to some people, most people, actually, so he bluntly prompted adam to share with the class, “what are you thinking about?” he asked, then followed it up with, “i saw you go somewhere.” he drew a line from his own eyes, straight up to the clouds. he couldn’t be clear enough and reminded adam, “that’s not a demand or an order, just if you feel like it.” if all of his hunches about adam were correct, it would probably be very easy to pressure him into sharing information and that wouldn’t make this process effective at all. it had to come organically. 

he set his pen down, nodding as adam explained that this was his standard day. this cole being up in the ranks with adam’s mother and sisters had gabe raising a brow as he proceeded to prompt him, “oh? tell me about cole.” he picked up his pen again, curiously, but didn’t bring it to paper quite yet. when adam finished disclosing his morning routine, gabe let that hang in the air for a minute before he looked at him very seriously and asked, “so what do you do for yourself? in your day to day?” 

Adam tried to relax as he sat on the couch stiffly. Adults usually weren’t a problem for him - Adam had always been charming. With a sweet smile, good manners, and genuine kindness, adults tended to love him. Adam didn’t need Gabe to love him - or like him even; he just needed to get through this hour without feeling too judged. Right now, he didn’t feel too bad about the experience, but it was early. “Okay,” Adam nodded, biting his lip as he stuffed his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie. Whatever made him the most comfortable. In most situations, Adam didn’t know what that was, but at least this was a good baby step. As they went throughout the session, Adam could figure out what else he was comfortable with. 

Wrinkling his nose at the word grooviest, Adam laughed before he could stop himself. Yeah, this guy was old. Younger than Adam’s dad, but still middle aged. Still someone who used words like groovy. As he was called out for not sharing, Adam turned to look at Gabe guiltily. He relaxed slightly when Gabe assured him he didn’t have to tell him where he’d gone, though. “Just thinking about flowers.” He shrugged, since it wasn’t a lie. Specifically, he’d been thinking about Cole and flowers, but Adam wasn’t sure he could trust Gabe with the fact that he had a boyfriend. Adam didn’t know him, but he did know that men of his generation - hell, even men of Adam’s generation - could handle the news that someone was gay poorly. “And about your writing,” He nodded towards the notebook in Gabe’s hand. “Did I say something wrong?” Dr. Gabe probably wouldn’t tell him, since it was about him, but Adam just didn’t understand what about his day was so interesting that it deserved a note. 

When Dr. Gabe asked to hear more about Cole, Adam fidgeted in his seat. It wasn’t that Adam didn’t want to talk about Cole - he would love to. He just didn’t want Dr. Gabe to tell his parents about it, or someone in town or something. “We’ve been really close since high school,” Adam said honestly, not defining the nature of their relationship. “Uh, he’s really smart. He used to be my tutor, actually. We’ve always hung out a lot, especially since I got back.” If Adam were being honest, they’d been sort of attached at the hip since Adam’s sophomore year. He couldn’t imagine life without Cole - he’d changed every single thing about Adam’s life in the best possible way. At Gabe’s question about what Adam did for himself, Adam paused. It...felt like a trick question. What did he do for himself? He sat in silence for a minute, thinking about the answer before glancing back up at Dr. Gabe. “I don’t... I don’t know. Hang out with friends?” He offered, wondering if that was a good enough answer. 

jackforeman​:

Though Adam was right, that he hadn’t killed anyone, either, that didn’t absolve him of the guilt from hurting Steve. In truth, he probably could have killed him, if what he’d heard was true and that he’d kicked the living daylights out of someone who was supposed to be one of his best friends. For what, though? Jack had no idea. Maybe to set off explosive fireworks, but those hadn’t even been his, and he and Adam would never intentionally do something to hurt people like that. They just wouldn’t.

Jack watched Adam’s face grow colorless, as though he’d seen the ghost of himself in Jack’s own eyes as he recounted what had happened. Adam had died, too? His mind raced like the red string on Jo’s board. Adam had known for weeks that he’d been dead, even from the first day that they’d come back from the commune. The forest community that they’d apparently been sent to, but in reality, they’d both come out of the forest rising from the dead. It made absolutely no sense. 

“Hold on,” he said slowly, pulling away from Adam to place his hands on his friend’s shoulders. “You’re telling me that we came out of the commune,” he lifted a hand, flexing his fingers in air quotes, “right, but we’d both been actually dead the entire time. So, the commune … it couldn’t have existed, did it?” It sounded insane, but it was the only thing that made sense, at least right now. “Because … you were there, and I was there, but we actually weren’t. Did it not actually exist at all, or were there just some people there, and they grouped us in with them?” The questions he had were all rhetorical, all ones that neither Jack nor Adam could answer right now, but he at least knew someone who could attempt to tackle the unanswerable. “Jo has this board, this … it’s a murder board, but she doesn’t call it that. But, whatever. Not the point. There has to be something on there that would help us figure this shit out.”

Jack pulled his hands from Adam’s shoulders, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. “I know. I’m sorry, too. I had no idea … I didn’t know that you, you know, died, too. I’m just glad that we have each other.” He paused, turning toward him. “Do you remember anything, at all? Like, about the afterlife? Because I can’t remember shit. It’s like it never happened.”

Neither of them had chosen to commit the actions that they had, Adam understood that. But he was struggling with forgiving himself, even now. He might not have made the decisions, but it had been him doing it regardless. While he could understand logically that he wasn’t responsible, it would take him some time to process the fact that he wasn’t guilty. That he hadn’t killed anyone - the Mindflayer had. The...Doppelganger had, if Max was right. But it was hard to believe that when those things sounded so insane. He had never heard of anything like that before, and Adam tried to be a pretty level-headed guy. Believing in outlandish stuff just wasn’t something that worked for him, usually. But he knew now that he needed to try to believe in it if he wanted a shot at forgiving himself for the things his body had done. 

As Jack put his hands on Adam’s shoulders, Adam looked at him in confusion. He could tell Jack was putting something together, realizing some truth about their situation. “...I don’t know,” He admitted, shaking his head. “I think it had to, right? Why else would Peter be around? Why would they want us to be going to therapy?” How could all of that just... be a coverup? And what were they covering up, if that was what it was? It made Adam’s head hurt to think about, and he just wasn’t sure he could believe all of that. “Not everyone could have died! How would...how could that many people just... come back?” None of this made any sense. Why them? What had Adam ever done to deserve being resurrected? “We just... maybe we came back, and it was around the time they found everyone else, and so they lumped us together?” He shook his head again, not being able to rationalize all of this. “We should talk to Peter. He would know. Right?” 

At the mention of Jo’s murder board, Adam bit his lip. He wasn’t exactly excited by the idea of going over to Jack’s house and seeing his sisters, if he was being honest. Jo hadn’t kicked his ass last time, but what if she’d changed her mind since? Or what if Julie did? 

Jack sat down, and Adam hesitantly followed. Perching on the bed beside him, he kept some distance between the two even now. “Jack, you have nothing to be sorry about.” Adam told him seriously. He was glad to have Jack too, in a way, but that seemed horrifying to admit considering Adam had been the one to kill him. He let out a shaky breath at the mention of an afterlife, hand subconsciously coming up to touch the crucifix that still hung around his neck even after all this time. “...no.” Adam admitted quietly. “There wasn’t anything. Just nothing, and then us waking up in the woods.”