Conrad Fisher | Tsitp 1.06

jackforeman​:

As the door closed behind them, Jack felt himself suck in an anxious breath, as though all of the air in Adam’s room filled his lungs. It hung still between them for a moment until Adam spoke, letting out the first apology of what was bound to be many. Jack felt sorry, too, even though he was the one who had died at the hands of his best friend, the same ones that were shoved in the pockets of the familiar sweatshirt. In a flash, they could have been coming toward him again, locking his wrists behind his back, leading him toward whatever that thing was in the warehouse. 

But that wasn’t the Adam he knew. It wasn’t the same person that stood before him in his childhood bedroom, where they used to play cards and talk about the girls Jack now knew Adam was never into. It was another secret, piled onto the heap that people had been keeping from him. Like the others, it wasn’t one he could blame Adam for. If he had shown up at his own doorstep, he would’ve lied to himself, too, like Steve and Julie had when they’d omitted the part where he had come back from the dead. He didn’t blame Jo, either, for claiming that the board in the basement wasn’t hers until they needed it. The culmination of being kept in such darkness after losing years of his life, though? Jack was coming close to breaking.

If his memory was correct, it was Adam who had been the one who took those years away from him. Maybe it wasn’t Adam at the wheel of his own free will, but deep down, there was a piece of his friend in there, in the dream. He wanted to be mad, to blame everything on Adam: it would’ve been easier that way. After the carnival, though, and recognizing the feeling of having no autonomy over his own body, Jack simply couldn’t. It looked like Adam was ready for him to kick the shit out of him, like he’d done to Steve, but this was his Adam, his best friend, and there was nothing inside of him that would let him willingly hurt him.

“I have a feeling I’m not safe to be around, either,” he said finally, his teeth digging into his bottom lip. “That’s what you were going to tell me, before the carnival, wasn’t it? That you–that I died.” The word still stung on his tongue; he couldn’t come to say it without wincing. “I know, it couldn’t have been you, if that wasn’t us at the carnival, either.” Jack paused, taking a small step forward, slow, so as to not scare Adam. “I don’t hate you. I could never.” Another step, before his arm was wrapped around Adam’s, the other coming around his shoulder, bringing Adam into his embrace. “I promise.” 

Adam was trying to keep his distance from Jack, not for his own safety, but in case it was true. In case he had killed his best friend. After what Jo had said, and what Adam knew from talking to Cole, it made sense. As much as Adam didn’t want to believe that he could be capable of that - even in the worst circumstances - he knew he wasn’t in control of his own body when he blacked out. Whatever he had done, he hadn’t decided to do it.

That didn’t fully absolve him of guilt, though. Adam knew he hadn’t chosen to hurt Jack, but that didn’t mean his body hadn’t been used as a weapon to kill. And no matter how much Adam wished he could, he couldn’t fix the damage he’d done three years ago. The worst part was, Adam didn’t even remember it. He didn’t remember doing whatever he had done to Jack - but Jack did. Jack had to live with that visual now, and all of the pain and terror that came with it. 

No part of Adam would have blamed Jack for showing up to kick his ass. He wouldn’t fight back at all, afraid of hurting Jack again in the process. Adam frowned at Jack’s confession, wanting to argue but he couldn’t. If what he’d heard about the carnival was true, maybe none of them ever would be safe to be around. Not while they were having the blackouts. “You didn’t kill anyone, though,” Adam said, pausing on the word kill. It still felt wrong to say, like the action itself. 

“...yes,” Adam admitted quietly, thinking back to that day in the Foreman’s basement. It felt like a lifetime ago - back when his biggest issue was whether or not he had really died. Adam knew the truth now; he knew that he had. He knew that Jack had. “Cole told me I’d died the first time I saw him after we got back. I didn’t... I didn’t believe him, at first. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want you to have to know that either, unless you wanted to.” Adam hadn’t wanted to force that truth on Jack. It had been impossible for Adam to process himself at first. “Not because of what I did to you. I wasn’t trying to hide that, because I don’t remember it. I just didn’t want to fuck up your life with news like that.” Because while Adam didn’t blame Cole for telling him... it had caused so much grief. So many nights lying awake, wondering why he hadn’t gone to Heaven or Hell. Wondering what he had done to deserve dying at nineteen years old, right in the prime of his life. Wondering how he had died, if he had died. Jack didn’t deserve to have those same thoughts. 

As Jack approached him, Adam wanted to take a step back. The more distance, the less likely it was that something bad could happen to either of them. But he stood his ground, taking in the words of forgiveness he didn’t feel he deserved. Not entirely, at least. I don’t hate you. I could never. The words made Adam’s eyes tear up, and he returned Jack’s embrace tightly. “I’m so sorry, Jack. I’m sorry.”

Sufjan Stevens | Fourth of July April Base Version

WHO: Adam & @sinclairss​

WHAT: What’s up Jock

WHERE: The park

After his trip to the hunting store with Chance, Max and Cole, life had finally slowed down a bit for Adam. There were still problems he’d have to deal with - whatever was going on with him and Cole, the fact that his best friend was looking for a way to restrain him, the fact that he’d killed his other best friend - but for now, Adam was trying to work on processing it. He’d been going to therapy twice a week now for a while now, and he really did think talking to Gabe about things was helping. Obviously he couldn’t talk about most of that shit, but he was learning how to cope properly. Adam had a long way to go, but he was starting to feel a little less lost.

Gabe had talked to him about hobbies - about finding things that he liked and doing them just for himself. Adam obviously loved sports, but he’d always stuck to football because it was what he was best at. He’d focused on it - trained during the off season still, making sure his arm was perfect and that he was still conditioning. He hadn’t considered basketball seriously in high school, but lately, he’d thought it might be fun to just play some pick up games. After his conversation in the hospital with Lucas, Adam had decided to ask him if he wanted to meet up. 

The park was mostly empty for an afternoon, which was nice. No one was on the basketball court when they got there, so they didn’t have to worry about being careful around kids or anything. “I haven’t played in forever, so don’t make fun of me too much,” Adam admitted, shooting Lucas a small smile as Adam retied his sneakers. “What are we playing?” He thought he’d leave it up to the actual basketball player to decide. Lucas would beat him either way, but that wasn’t what this was about. It was just for fun, something Adam had been missing lately. 

scribblcs​:

as adam tossed out gabe’s name like a question, he nodded, smiling encouragingly. it usually fell from people’s lips uncomfortably, like they were breaking some sort of rule by using his first name, but he was a therapist, not a teacher or a mayor. he didn’t see the purpose for formalities, he made that known by adding, “you can just call me gabe if that’s easier, too.” he already had a strong feeling that wouldn’t be the case. maybe he was jumping too many stones ahead, and gabe supposed he would figure out here shortly just who adam richards was, but at first glance, he already reminded gabe of his teenage self. he recalled the days when he did his best to be the perfect son, an upstanding citizen of his small town in illinois, to be kind, to put himself last, to follow rules and do the right thing. he’d come to shed some of it with age, but there were other traits that were immovable qualities of his personality, ones that he had learned to nurture and respect and understand. he was feeling very hopeful he could do the same for adam, but first, gabe had to take about five steps back and confirm his suspicions. like he hadn’t just gone on an entire contemplative hike mid-session, gabe nodded, “let me know if you change your mind at any time. the water isn’t going anywhere.” he assured, flashing another warm grin. 

when adam started talking about his day, gabe began furiously scratching words onto his notepad. by now, he’d mastered the art of taking notes and maintaining eye contact. so as he wrote with his pen, he simultaneously nodded at adam as he spoke. his thoughts came out onto the page, stiff. uncomfortable. family important to him? his scribbling stopped when adam asked him something. initially, he looked pleasantly surprised, but one could never be too cautious. on his paper he wrote, deflecting? then set his pen down and answered, “sure, if you want.” even if the sessions weren’t about gabe, he wanted to do what he could to ease adam this first go around, “it was pretty tame. i woke up, tended to my garden, did the crossword, ran errands, came here.” he intentionally matched adam’s tone, then flipped it back around on the other, “so if that was what you did today, is it fair to say that’s your everyday? or is your normal routine a little different?” he picked up his pen again. 

Being raised in a white, Catholic upper middle class family left Adam physically unable to call an adult by their first name, and at the suggestion, Adam couldn’t help but shoot Dr. Gabe a look of concern. He’d be keeping the title out of respect and he hoped Dr. Gabe understood that. “Oh, um, thank you. But is Dr. Gabe okay?” Adam asked hesitantly, stuffing his hands anxiously in his pockets. He was worried they’d start shaking if he didn’t get over these nerves soon. There wasn’t even a reason to be nervous - if this didn’t go well, Adam would just leave and make some excuse if he was asked about why he wouldn’t be coming back. He could get through one hour long session. After all, Adam had done a lot more difficult stuff than sitting on a couch and talking about himself for awhile. With that in mind, he squared his shoulders a bit, ready to at least try. 

Dr. Gabe’s writing was a bit distracting - Adam couldn’t help but wonder what about his day was that interesting. Spending time with his family was normal, right? Helping his mom with his siblings had always been something Adam had done, and no one had ever questioned it before. Maybe it had made him give up hanging out with Cole or Chrissy in the past, but it wasn’t like he couldn’t reschedule. He was the oldest, and his mother had always counted on him to be the responsible one. Adam hadn’t minded that duty before. “Gardening seems cool,” He nodded, glancing around the room at the plants again. Plants always seemed to brighten a room, in Adam’s opinion. He’d loved it growing up when his mother had had fresh flowers around, especially when his dad had bought them for her. Adam had done that for Cole a few times in high school too - not because he felt like he was supposed to, but because he’d liked picking out a bouquet that he knew Cole would like. 

“Oh, um,” Adam blinked as he was questioned again, not used to someone wanting to hear from him this much. “I guess it’s pretty normal?” Adam said, crossing his legs to keep his knee from bouncing with nerves. “Most days I hang out with my mom and sisters or with Cole.” He shrugged. “He’s my best friend,” The lie rolled off his tongue with ease now from years of pretending like they were just really close friends. It never felt better though, or made Adam happy. “I run or workout some too.” An old habit from his football days that Adam had never dropped. Honestly, he didn’t really want to, though - he liked the endorphins he got from it, and it felt good having a routine like that. It provided him structure, a reason to get out of bed now that he was back. 

jofcreman​:

what happened? the way he opened the door, so non-chalantly, the way his brows drew together in worry, surely feigned concern for her brother, made jo’s blood boil. she flexed her hands, stopping herself short of letting her palm meet his cheek. no, the neighbourhood thought she was insane enough as is. truly, it was only her position at the post that spared her from their neighbour’s open ridicule. because a girl scoring a job like that, she had to have at least an ounce of sanity in her, right? even if she dressed like that and talked like that and behaved like that.  but god, adam richards’ face did look extremely punchable right about then.

her judgement was clouded heavily by red hot rage, jo exhaled deeply through her mouth a couple of times to ground herself. countine one, two, three in her head. as much as she wanted to end him right then and there, she needed to get to the bottom of this. if not for her sake then for jack’s. “jack’s okay. considering.” brows still drawn together, jo scrunched up her nose in disgust. considering she was standing in front of his best friend and presumed murderer. considering he had died at the hands of who he’d trusted most. this wasn’t right. “we need to talk, richards. alone.” and, with her voice lowered and leaning in, she added:  “about the summer of ‘85. remember? when you killed my brother?”

Jo seemed.... angry. With him. And Adam wasn’t sure why. What had he done to Jack? The last time they’d talked had been at the carnival, when Adam had beaten him at Down a Clown, but this was definitely unrelated to that. Before that, it had been when Adam had come out to Jack and told him about dating Cole - but Jack had seemed fine with it! So Adam couldn’t understand what he had done to piss Jo off in the last few days. 

“Considering?” Adam repeated, raising an eyebrow in confusion. Consider the carnival? He hadn’t thought Jack got hurt - he hadn’t seen him in the hospital. But maybe he had been? Maybe Jack and Jo were made that Adam hadn’t come to see him? “Did he get hurt or something?” He asked. And then he got his answer on why Jo was upset with him. 

“I...killed Jack?” Adam repeated, freezing where he stood on the front porch. “No, I didn’t. No,” He shook his head, taking a step back and running into the door. “No, because I wouldn’t...” No, Adam wouldn’t do that. He would never, ever lay a finger on his best friend. But Adam wasn’t Adam when he blacked out, was he? And there was a whole week of his life in 1985 that Adam had no memory of, except for the time he’d nearly strangled Cole. If he had almost done that to the love of his life, what was he capable of doing to his best friend? “Oh my god...” Adam slumped backwards into the house, leaving the door open for Jo to follow. Without being able to stop himself, Adam doubled over the trashcan, throwing up the contents of his stomach at the thought of killing his best friend. His teammate. The guy he’d spent countless nights hanging out with in high school, the boy who’d come over and watch movies with him or join him at parties. The man he trusted more than almost anyone else, and who should have been able to trust Adam too. 

“I don’t remember doing that,” Adam sunk to the floor in his kitchen, tone almost a whisper despite them being alone now. Head in his hands, Adam pulled at his own hair. “I love Jack. He’s my best friend. How could I... how could I do that?” He asked, knowing Jo wouldn’t have an answer. 

loverboymontgomery​:

When Adam passed Cole his hoodie, he smiled. Though it was a cliche, he loved wearing Adam’s clothes– so much so that he’d periodically stolen dozens of shirts, hoodies, and jackets over the years. He brushed his hand against Adam’s and tugged the hoodie on, trying to act cool, calm, and collected when he was anything but. Both because he was freaking out about whatever had grabbed them in the lake and because Adam was here, looking at him with those eyes, and he wasn’t allowed to hold him.

“Kind of wish I did,” Cole said, with a sigh. He wished he had answers for Adam– or rather, that his answers made any fucking sense. When Max had told him about the Upside Down and the Mindflayer and the fucked up shit happening in Hawkins, it had actually made him feel better, for a while. He finally knew that Adam hadn’t died hating him, that he was… possessed. But when Adam showed back up with a completely different story, any comfort Cole took in the truth was long gone. 

I’m not going anywhere. Cole closed his eyes for a moment and willed himself to believe it. Only, Adam couldn’t guarantee that. Cole couldn’t guarantee that either. Adam coming back both gave Cole a future again and threatened his utter demise. Losing Adam once had already destroyed him, but the thought of losing him twice felt like a death sentence. He did his best to muster up a smile, so as not to worry his boyfriend, but Cole knew better. Adam was always able to tell when something was up. 

Cole knew Adam’s answer before he elaborated, just based on the way he said his name. He nodded profusely along as Adam spoke, as guilt settled into his stomach. Of course Adam couldn’t leave his family now. He’d just gotten caught up in the moment, in his own fears, and was desperately trying to find something to cling to. “Of course, love. Of course,” he murmured, squeezing Adam’s hand back. “I’m sorry, that was… I was being emotional. I don’t want you to leave your family.” If anything, Cole wanted to bring Adam’s family with them. “I understand how they feel. I’m so scared of losing you again,” he finally admitted, rubbing circles on Adam’s hand with his thumb. 

Their relationship had never gotten to look like a straight couple’s. In high school, Adam didn’t get to walk down the hall hand in hand with Cole, or kiss him when they got to their classroom door. Cole couldn’t show up to Adam’s games with Adam’s jersey number painted on his cheek. They couldn’t be out. That just wasn’t an option in Hawkins, Indiana. But they had always managed to find little ways of reclaiming the public displays of affection that they deserved. From sitting too close on the bus to away games to a casual arm thrown across the other’s shoulder, Adam and Cole had always tried to show how much they loved one another in their own way. Cole wearing Adam’s clothes was probably Adam’s favorite, though. He loved seeing the other in his hoodies or sweaters; he’d even given Cole his fucking letterman jacket in school, almost daring anyone to say something. So giving him another hoodie tonight was more than worth it if it warmed Cole up and brought a smile to his face after everything that had happened. 

“Yeah, me too,” Adam agreed, leaning back on the log. If only it was that simple. If only they’d had some sort of weird, freaky, shared nightmare or something. But something had happened, hadn’t it? Adam had felt it just as much as Cole. And that didn’t comfort him in the end. “But, we’re okay. Right? We both lived. We’re both here. We’ll get through this.” Maybe that was too optimistic, but Adam had always brought that to their relationship. Where Cole was more pragmatic, more understanding of the cruelties of the world, Adam was kind. He was gentle. He saw the best in all situations and people. And right now, they needed a little bit of optimism before they....well, before they drowned. 

It killed Adam to turn Cole down. If he could just go, he would in a heartbeat. That had always been the plan, after all - for them to leave, runaway together and move out to California. Somewhere where they could just be together. Where no one would hurt them for holding hands, or would look at them strangely for living together. And Adam had ruined that. Whether he meant to or not, Adam had kept them from leaving, and he was doing it again. It broke him to do that, but he couldn’t just leave his family. Not right now. “I’m so sorry, honey,” Adam told him, bringing Cole’s hand up to his mouth and kissing the back of it. If someone saw right now, Adam would say he was fucking kidding or something - but he needed to comfort Cole. “No, baby, it’s okay to be emotional.” Fuck, Adam was emotional. He felt sometimes like his heart was too big for his rib cage - it expanded out, bloody and raw for the world to see and judge and treat however it saw fit. He couldn’t hide a fucking emotion if he tried. “You won’t.” Adam swore. “I promise, Cole, I’m going to do everything that I can to be with you forever. Whatever happened before - we’ll just make sure it doesn’t happen again, okay? Together.” 

colemontgomeryx​:

Suddenly, unexplainably, Cole had a future again. Since Adam died, he had been aimless and drifting; obviously, he’d moved on in the literal sense– he’d gone to college, gotten promoted, made new friends– but he had not goals or ambition. All of his plans were tied to Adam; he would take whatever job, move to whatever state necessary just to be with him. Losing that felt like losing part of himself. More than he was confused, Cole was elated and relieved. He felt muscles unclench that must’ve been taut for the last three years. Finally, he was whole again. The closest he’d gotten for the last three years was talking about Adam with Max. 

He had so many questions: how was Adam alive? Did he remember the Mindflayer? Why did he think he’d been in a commune? But Adam’s embrace was intoxicating, the feeling of his face in Cole’s hair was bliss– Cole didn’t want to ruin the moment with questions, because what if questioning it made Adam disappear? What if this wasn’t real?

Cole laughed, too; It was classic Adam to crack a joke at a time like this. Cole’s brows furrowed together at Adam’s apologies; he really seemed to believe the commune thing, and Cole hated seeing him so wrecked with guilt. “Adam, no… you didn’t run away. You were dead,” he said, his tone gentle. “And I don’t know how you’re back, but you are.”

Tears pricked up in Cole’s eyes again at the thought of Adam gone, but he pushed the thought aside for now. “And can we worry about the details later?” he asked, meeting Adam’s eyes and pushing hair out of his face like he always used to. Tenderly, Cole cupped Adam’s face and pressed their lips together. Somehow, every kiss with Adam felt like magic– sloppy drunk kisses and rushed kisses in hidden corners alike felt like coming home, and now was no different. Cole leaned into the kiss, holding onto Adam like he was afraid he’d disappear if he let go. He paused, resting his forehead against Adam’s, and breathed: “I missed you so fucking much.”

Adam couldn’t wrap his brain around Cole’s words. There was no way. No way he had... because how could he be here now? If that had happened, why didn’t his family say anything? How could they just not remember? 

They had left his room exactly the same, down to the dirty clothes littering the floor and the half-drunk can of New Coke on his bedside table. At first, when he’d come home and seen that, he’d felt odd about it. Like he was a ghost, returning to the place he’d felt most comfortable haunting. Maybe... maybe there had been some truth to that feeling. But that was just impossible. Right? How could someone be dead for three years, then just come back like nothing had happened? 

Adam stopped that train of thought in it’s tracks. “No, I... no.” He said more firmly, shaking his head again. His hands let go of Cole briefly, only for his balled up fists to scrub at his eyes. “I didn’t die, Cole. I didn’t...” Adam repeated, voice pleading with Cole. Because he didn’t die. He couldn’t. What did that mean if he did? And what did it mean if he didn’t? “I left. I was in a commune. I’m sorry.” Adam repeated, voice breaking on his apology. 

And then Cole was kissing him, and the distress he’d just felt melted away slightly. It wasn’t gone. It was just shoved away to the back of his mind, deep in a dark place where Adam could hold on to it until he felt ready to process something that huge. Adam’s arms returned to Cole, wrapping around him and pulling him close. For the first time ever, Adam didn’t really care that they were in a semi-public place. Mrs. Sanders be damned. He kissed Cole sweetly, making up for the three years they’d been apart as best as he could. Adam ached for that time back, but he would take what he could get now. As they pulled away, Adam leaned his forehead against Cole’s, sighing at how right it felt. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” 

sinclairss​:

basketball had been an opportunity for lucas in high school, aa doorway into the popular crowd he so envied in middle school. he’d tried out for the team after his freshman year peer mentor, one of a handful of black boys in the entire school, took him under his wing and asked him to join the team. lucas probably only made the team because he had some natural athleticism…and because he was one of a handful of black boys in the entire school, too, and everyone assumed kids like him were just going to be automatically good at basketball. it had taken a lot of time and practice, but with the help of jay, patrick, and steve, lucas had become a pretty decent point guard.

more importantly, though? lucas found something he loved doing. he felt the same rush making the game-winning shot as he did when he and the rest of the party teamed up to take down eddie’s latest final monster or when he beat dustin or max’s high scores at the arcade. after freshman year, it went from something he did because it helped him gain popularity to something he did because he had fun doing it. sure, the teammates, friends, and attention from cheerleaders helped, but it was nothing compared to seeking out his friends in the crowd after a big win and seeing all of them screaming their heads off for him. 

but even without the crowds and the team, lucas had fun playing. he spent many a free afternoon at the neighborhood court, practicing his layups and free throws, sometimes trying trick shots just for the hell of it. occasionally, he could drag one of his friends along and it was fun, too, but in a different sort of way than it was with one of the guys from the team. now that he’d graduated, lucas didn’t get to practice with the guys anymore, so when adam asked if he’d like to play, he’d leaped at the chance. adam was athletic even if he’d never played on the school’s basketball team, so he figured he’d put up a little bit more of a fight than max, dustin, or mike would in a pickup match.

he stood at the free throw line dribbling the ball between his legs and behind his back, testing his weight on his bad knee every now and then. “can’t make any promises, man,” he replied with a smile as he pulled up to take a fadeaway shot from the line. it sailed through, rattling the chain in the basket. lucas went to retrieve the ball and tossed it to adam once he was on his feet. “you know HORSE, right?” lucas said, folding his hand behind his head. “you take a shot from anywhere and if you make it, i have to make the same shot or i get a letter. if you miss, i get to pick where to shoot and if i make it, you have to duplicate it. first person to spell HORSE loses.” he bit the inside of his cheek to bite back a smirk. “unless you’re chicken?” 

Adam had never tried out for a sport besides football in high school, though he often thought about it now. Back then, it just seemed like he was The Quarterback. That was his brand, what he was known for - trying something new had seemed a little scary. What if he wasn’t good at it? What if he showed up and everyone expected him to be the star of that sport too, and he’d let them down? It had been easier sticking to what he was sure he was good at, and spending the rest of his time with Cole. Now a days, it seemed like a good idea to branch out and try all of the things he’d been too scared of before. Life wasn’t guaranteed - that was a lesson he’d obviously learned the hard way. Now that he had a second change? Well, Adam was starting to think that maybe it was time to stop giving as many fucks about what people expected of him. 

Lucas seemed nice, and a lot less stressful to be around than some of the other jocks Adam knew. He wasn’t sure if that was just who Lucas was, or if it was because they didn’t have any sort of history with one another. As much as Adam loved Chance and Jack, there were complicated feelings now attached with both of them. Lucas was a blank slate - someone who seemed kind, and who hadn’t been upset with him or blamed him for what had happened at the carnival. That already made him an appealing person to goof off and practice shooting hoops with. 

Adam laughed at Lucas’ words, rolling his eyes at the lack of a promise. Alright, fair enough. Adam could handle some friendly joking on the court; it wasn’t anything he wasn’t used to after four years of being part of the Tigers’ football team. “I think I can handle that, yeah,” Adam replied, snorting at the idea of being too chicken for a game of HORSE. “So I have a fighting chance, mind if I go first?” He asked, grabbing the ball from Lucas and picking a spot towards the left side of the court, near the three point line, Adam dribbled a few times. He picked up the ball, tucked his elbows in and shot it at the hoop, pleased to see it go in. Not the greatest shot in the world, but he’d take it. “Alright, dude. Show me how it’s done.” He wasn’t kidding himself - he knew Lucas could make it easily. 

thequeenofhawkins​:

There were only a handful of people that made Chrissy feel truly safe or like herself. At the top of that list rested Adam Richards. Childhood best friend. Ex-boyfriend. Closest friend. She felt like there was no one she knew better. Cut from the same cloth, some would say. They both ticked off that boy-next-door/girl-next-door behavior and both deserved more than what they were dealt from life. Namely? Death. 

Chrissy shut the door behind her, given Adam’s permission. She let out a soft laugh. If anything, Adam’s mom would probably leap with joy knowing they were in his bedroom with the door shut. She knew their parents hoped that it would be Chrissy and Adam that ended up together in the end, which would never happen in a million years. “Tell me about it. My mom wanted to get me drug tested when I came back home,” and Laura Cunningham had drug tested her daughter, only for the test to come back negative. 

“The same,” she answered, vaguely. Whenever Chrissy thought back to her time on the commune, she couldn’t remember anything. If she tried hard enough she could remember being in Eddie’s trailer, then in the forest, and then back home, but any memory of the forest just felt like a memory that wasn’t hers. Like, they belonged to someone else or… they weren’t entirely real at all. “What do you mean?” She asked, turning her head towards him. The more she thought about it, Chrissy was able to convince herself that she had willingly gone, even through all the fallacies. “Like, that we were never there?”

Chrissy was probably his closest friend besides Cole. She knew so much about him; so many small personal details she’d accumulated over the years of them being family friends, then awkward boyfriend/girlfriend, and finally actual friends. Being around her had become so much easier once he had come out - he felt like she really understood him. She had seen the bad with the good, and accepted him because of who he was. In Adam’s eyes, there was no one in the world with a better heart that Chrissy Cunningham.

Rebecca Richards had always wanted them to end up together - she had taken their breakup worse than anyone else. Adam had had to assure her multiple times that they weren’t getting back together, no matter how perfect they seemed for one another. They were better off as friends. And though he couldn’t tell her this - Adam was gay. If he could fall in love with a girl, it would be someone like Chrissy, but he just wasn’t interested. He hadn’t been since the moment he met Cole Montgomery and he realized that he could only ever love him. “Thank god mine didn’t. Although, maybe we should have,” He said, brow furrowing in thought. After all, Adam thought there was a good chance that maybe they had been drugged with something unless Cole was right about everything.

Adam was terrified about what not remembering meant. If there was nothing to remember, and he had died, did that mean he hadn’t gone to Heaven or Hell? It had been years since Adam had really felt like he belonged in church, and he really didn’t know if he could believe in a God that hated him for being in love with Cole, but..... he just couldn’t believe that he’d gone no where. Adam really didn’t like thinking about that. “No, I mean...well, maybe?” Adam shrugged. “Maybe we were drugged and taken there or something.” He proposed, preferring to believe that rather than the possibility that he had died. 

loverboymontgomery​:

The rush of tears made Cole feel lightheaded and, despite his frantic blinking, they spilled down his cheeks. It was him. Adam was okay. He knew it was his him when he heard the layers of guilt in his voice, when his boyfriend angled his head to the floor. Cole hated seeing him like this, maybe just as much as he hated seeing out-of-body Adam. “Sweetheart,” Cole cooed, attempting to make his brittle voice sound comforting.

“Of course… Of course I want you here. Will you come sit by me?” he asked gently, though internally he felt like he was twelve years old, begging his mother not to leave him at bedtime. He was afraid of what happened, of course. But more than he was afraid for his own safety, he was terrified of what all of this meant for Adam. A pang of guilt swirled amidst the fear; Cole should’ve told Adam everything he knew, right away.

As Adam sat next to him, still cautious, afraid of something, Cole reached out his arm, offered his hand. “I’m okay,” he promised. “I’ll be fine. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?” He searched Adam’s body for any sign of injury and met his eyes. Cole desperately wished that this was all they had to talk about, that Adam could climb into bed with him and things could be simple. But he knew better, and he wouldn’t leave Adam in the dark, not again.

Painfully, Cole twisted and picked up his water, needing some relief for his throat before he dared dive into this. “You don’t remember anything?” he asked, eyes lingering on the crease in Adam’s brow. He desperately wanted to shield Adam from this, to never tell him what horrible things had been done and said through his body.

Cole was crying again, in anticipation for how much this was going to hurt Adam. Adam, who couldn’t fathom hurting another person or letting someone down. Adam, who was always so good, who happily took on the burden of being the strong one, the shoulder to cry on. Adam, who deserved better than all of this. Cole bit down on his trembling lower lip, willing himself to keep it together, if only for Adam’s sake.

“Before you died,” he began cautiously, knowing that even saying that much was still shocking, “You were different. It wasn’t you. I didn’t know until later, but you were… possessed, I guess. By this thing they call the Mindflayer. It made you act different and then… it killed you. Or, it died and you died with it.” The whole thing still hurt his head, honestly, and there weren’t nearly enough answers. “I don’t know how or who or why but… you came back. And I think it’s happening again… it controlling you. I thought you were going to die again,” he choked back another influx of tears, remembering that horrifying moment at the carnival.

Cole had immediately recognized the similarities between Adam at the carnival and Adam the last day he saw him– the stiffness of his body, the coldness of his tone, the cruelty of his words. He hoped Adam never found out about that moment. Swiping at his cheek with the back of his hand, Cole met Adam’s eyes again and tried for an encouraging smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, and I’m sorry I don’t have more answers. But we’ll figure it out. Together, like you said.” He lifted Adam’s hand to his lips, ignoring the shooting pain from his ribcage. “I promise, love, we’ll figure it out.” He didn’t know what figuring it out meant, not even remotely, but he knew he wasn’t going anywhere until they did.

Adam wouldn’t have blamed him if Cole had told him to leave. Because Adam didn’t know what he had or hadn’t done - especially to Cole - but he knew it couldn’t be pretty. He was just so fucking worried that his nightmare really was a memory, that he’d said those things and shoved Cole up against a wall and nearly choked him. He wouldn’t be mad at Cole if he was scared of him, because until Adam got some answers, he was pretty scared of himself.

But his chest ached when Cole called him Sweetheart, voice rough but so Cole. That alone made him want to cry and hold him and tell him that he’d never ever ever want to do something to upset Cole again. And when Cole asked him to sit with him? Adam had no choice but to walk closer, sitting down gently on the edge of the bed, farther away from Cole than he would normally. As much as Adam wanted to seek comfort from his boyfriend, he didn’t want to jostle any of his injuries.

“Are you sure?” Adam asked urgently, blue eyes studying Cole closely. He knew he wasn’t physically okay - he had broken a rib. But how was he handling all of this emotionally? Cole had a tendency to be in denial of things, to want them to be perfect even when everything was falling apart around them. And Adam needed to know that he wasn’t doing that right now. “Baby, you have to tell me if you’re not okay. Please. I can’t,” He took a deep breath, pressing his lips into a thin line. “I can’t handle it if you’re not honest.”

He reflexively tried to reach for the water for Cole, to take care of him without even being asked. But Cole could do it himself. He didn’t need Adam to smother him right now, no matter how much Adam wanted to. He slowly lowered his hands back to his lap, clasping his knees tightly. “Not from the carnival,” Adam admitted sadly, biting his lip. “Just riding the Tunnel of Love, and then I woke up to you being put into an ambulance.” He finally let himself lean a little closer, needing physical contact to ground himself. His hand slipped into Cole’s, squeezing it gently.

Adam hated seeing Cole cry. If he could do something to make it better, to shield him from whatever pain he was facing, he would. Adam would shoulder any burden if it meant keeping Cole happy and healthy and safe. He would do anything in the world that Cole Montgomery asked him to do - something that had been true since they met in early high school. Gently, he leaned forward and wiped away Cole’s tears with his free hand, touch feather light against his skin.

And then Adam’s world collapsed.

“I…what?” He asked, confusion lacing his voice. That didn’t make any sense. He had been possessed? By…by a demon, or something like that? For one gut wrenching moment, Adam worried that maybe this was God’s way of punishing him for being who he was. For who he loved. But Cole called it the Mindflayer, and that didn’t sound like any demon he’d ever heard about in church on Sunday. “So I really died?” Adam begged Cole to lie, to tell him that he was kidding. But something in his eyes said that this was true. He didn’t even try to stop the tears that were flowing down his cheeks now, letting them hit the starched sheets of Cole’s hospital bed.

“What if I am?” He asked, lip trembling at the thought. Adam didn’t want to die. He was still so young - there was so much of the world he wanted to see. He wanted to live with and love Cole for as many years as possible, not die before he’d even turned 25. Right now, he needed to comfort Cole though, and he leaned forward to sob on his shoulder, free hand wrapping around his neck as gently as possible. In the nightmare he’d wanted to do that out of anger, but now the only thing Adam felt for Cole was love. Love and guilt for putting him through this.

“I do remember… something from before. Or maybe it isn’t a memory, maybe it was a - a nightmare, or something,” He rambled, tears continuing to fall as his thumb rubbed over the back of Cole’s neck from the uncomfortable position he was committing to. “I…or, it wasn’t me but it was me. It was my body. I was so mean to you, and I shoved you against a wall and told you to leave me alone. I thought I was going to kill you, Cole. But I…I stopped it. I don’t know what I did, but I stopped it.” Adam told him, sobbing into the space between Cole’s neck and shoulder. Maybe this wasn’t fair - maybe he shouldn’t be acting like this when it was Cole in the hospital, not him. But fuck, Adam needed comfort. Adam needed to know Cole was alive and that they could get through it together. That Cole didn’t hate him or blame him. “I love you.” He whispered when his tears felt like they might begin to subside. “I love you more than anything, Walden.”