Bethkrichards​:

loverboymontgomery​:

When Adam passed Cole his hoodie, he smiled. Though it was a cliche, he loved wearing Adam’s clothes– so much so that he’d periodically stolen dozens of shirts, hoodies, and jackets over the years. He brushed his hand against Adam’s and tugged the hoodie on, trying to act cool, calm, and collected when he was anything but. Both because he was freaking out about whatever had grabbed them in the lake and because Adam was here, looking at him with those eyes, and he wasn’t allowed to hold him.

“Kind of wish I did,” Cole said, with a sigh. He wished he had answers for Adam– or rather, that his answers made any fucking sense. When Max had told him about the Upside Down and the Mindflayer and the fucked up shit happening in Hawkins, it had actually made him feel better, for a while. He finally knew that Adam hadn’t died hating him, that he was… possessed. But when Adam showed back up with a completely different story, any comfort Cole took in the truth was long gone. 

I’m not going anywhere. Cole closed his eyes for a moment and willed himself to believe it. Only, Adam couldn’t guarantee that. Cole couldn’t guarantee that either. Adam coming back both gave Cole a future again and threatened his utter demise. Losing Adam once had already destroyed him, but the thought of losing him twice felt like a death sentence. He did his best to muster up a smile, so as not to worry his boyfriend, but Cole knew better. Adam was always able to tell when something was up. 

Cole knew Adam’s answer before he elaborated, just based on the way he said his name. He nodded profusely along as Adam spoke, as guilt settled into his stomach. Of course Adam couldn’t leave his family now. He’d just gotten caught up in the moment, in his own fears, and was desperately trying to find something to cling to. “Of course, love. Of course,” he murmured, squeezing Adam’s hand back. “I’m sorry, that was… I was being emotional. I don’t want you to leave your family.” If anything, Cole wanted to bring Adam’s family with them. “I understand how they feel. I’m so scared of losing you again,” he finally admitted, rubbing circles on Adam’s hand with his thumb. 

Their relationship had never gotten to look like a straight couple’s. In high school, Adam didn’t get to walk down the hall hand in hand with Cole, or kiss him when they got to their classroom door. Cole couldn’t show up to Adam’s games with Adam’s jersey number painted on his cheek. They couldn’t be out. That just wasn’t an option in Hawkins, Indiana. But they had always managed to find little ways of reclaiming the public displays of affection that they deserved. From sitting too close on the bus to away games to a casual arm thrown across the other’s shoulder, Adam and Cole had always tried to show how much they loved one another in their own way. Cole wearing Adam’s clothes was probably Adam’s favorite, though. He loved seeing the other in his hoodies or sweaters; he’d even given Cole his fucking letterman jacket in school, almost daring anyone to say something. So giving him another hoodie tonight was more than worth it if it warmed Cole up and brought a smile to his face after everything that had happened. 

“Yeah, me too,” Adam agreed, leaning back on the log. If only it was that simple. If only they’d had some sort of weird, freaky, shared nightmare or something. But something had happened, hadn’t it? Adam had felt it just as much as Cole. And that didn’t comfort him in the end. “But, we’re okay. Right? We both lived. We’re both here. We’ll get through this.” Maybe that was too optimistic, but Adam had always brought that to their relationship. Where Cole was more pragmatic, more understanding of the cruelties of the world, Adam was kind. He was gentle. He saw the best in all situations and people. And right now, they needed a little bit of optimism before they....well, before they drowned. 

It killed Adam to turn Cole down. If he could just go, he would in a heartbeat. That had always been the plan, after all - for them to leave, runaway together and move out to California. Somewhere where they could just be together. Where no one would hurt them for holding hands, or would look at them strangely for living together. And Adam had ruined that. Whether he meant to or not, Adam had kept them from leaving, and he was doing it again. It broke him to do that, but he couldn’t just leave his family. Not right now. “I’m so sorry, honey,” Adam told him, bringing Cole’s hand up to his mouth and kissing the back of it. If someone saw right now, Adam would say he was fucking kidding or something - but he needed to comfort Cole. “No, baby, it’s okay to be emotional.” Fuck, Adam was emotional. He felt sometimes like his heart was too big for his rib cage - it expanded out, bloody and raw for the world to see and judge and treat however it saw fit. He couldn’t hide a fucking emotion if he tried. “You won’t.” Adam swore. “I promise, Cole, I’m going to do everything that I can to be with you forever. Whatever happened before - we’ll just make sure it doesn’t happen again, okay? Together.” 

jofcreman​:

where: the richards residence

what: adam richards, watch your back.

who: @goldenboyrichards​ + jo.

following the incredibly awkward and horrifying talk the three foreman siblings had had in their basement, jo had wasted no time, grabbing her bag and booking it to where she remembered adam to live. her sister’s words rung in her ears, jack’s mortified face a constant image in the back of her head. ‘adam richards killed you?’ echoing through her skull, the source of a newly surfaced pounding migraine. ‘he said it would be ‘all over soon’.’ 

it was as if she couldn’t tell left from right, right from wrong anymore. she didn’t understand - but then again, maybe it wasn’t for her to understand. all that she knew for sure was that three years ago her brother had died. and now he was back from the dead, claiming that adam had killed him. god, she felt stupid. how she, for years, had discarded all the clues people called into the post pointing towards something supernatural happening in town. as it turned out, it was true - hawkins was cursed.

and jo felt posessed with rage and anger as she stormed up the stairs to the front door, knocking furiously. “adam richards!”, she called out between knocks, chest heaving. “you’ve got some fucking explaining to do, shitbird!”

Adam had gotten home from the hospital not long ago, assuring his mom that he was fine and that Cole and Chrissy were fine ( Chrissy hadn’t even been there, not that his mom cared ). In truth, Adam wasn’t doing so great right now, but he didn’t really think he had a reason to complain. After all, he’d been part of the people who had caused the destruction. He’d helped Billy, Melissa and Heather with the explosives, even if he hadn’t lit the match. Even if he had blacked out - it had been his body doing the task. 

The worst part was the not knowing. Not knowing when the blackouts might come back, not knowing what was causing them. Not knowing what he had done to deserve becoming this. 

He’d switched off shifts at the hospital with Beth, and Cindy was at a friend’s house, so there was no one to complain when he hogged the shower after his parents left to go grocery shopping. Adam smelled like smoke, sweat, alcohol, and antiseptic, a disgusting combination that he was ready to be rid of. He wasn’t sure he ever would be, though; the scent felt ingrained in his memory. Once he’d finally gotten out and thrown on a shirt and athletic shorts, he heard frantic knocking on the front door. 

Adam Richards. He knew that voice - one of Jack’s sisters. Shit, had something happened to Jack? Adam wrenched the door open, stepping back in case she reached up to knock on it again. “What happened?” He asked, looking to see if Jack or the other Foreman sister was with her too. “Is Jack okay? Did he throw up the black stuff again?” Was Jack in danger? Adam was worried about his best friend, worried that maybe he had blacked out again and done something crazy. 

jackforeman​:

“Wait–what?” Jack asked, shaking his head in confusion. “You’re telling me there’s something in the water now? Fuck, man. I’m glad you guys are okay, though.” Maybe going to the cabin hadn’t been such a baad idea after all. He still didn’t really know what had gone on in there, but at least no one had really gotten injured. At least, not beyond some glass being on the floor, which he thought he could recall from earlier in the evening. “It was pretty weird on a few levels. First, the kids wanted to play spin-the-bottle, which got kind of awkward, and then … I think the bottle must’ve broken, because I remember someone trying to clean up glass. Then, we left the room, and there was–I think there was another room that had more furniture and shit in it, but I can’t really remember. Maybe I drank too much beer, or something,” he said with a shrug. That, or he had an issue with memory loss, between not remembering the commune or the cabin too clearly.

Honestly, Jack wasn’t really sure how he was doing. Everything had felt so strange since he’d been back. Between having to see Steve again and how his sisters had reacted to his homecoming, Jack wasn’t sure what to think, or feel. He didn’t even have much time to process it. “I guess as okay as I can be, you know? I’m just glad to be home. It’s just so weird, I’m trying to piece together what happened to us.” No one would really tell him anything, just that they thought he’d joined a cult-like group and he was gone. “Did you, like, happen to ask anyone for any information, or anything like that? I ran into Cole at Melvald’s and he said you guys had hung out, so I don’t know if he remembered anything. Steve was kind of weird about it, and Jo just won’t shut up asking about what kind of shit happened there.”

Adam nodded solemnly, shooting Jack a grateful smile. “Thanks, dude. I don’t know what it was. Like, one second something had us, the next it was gone.” He didn’t know what sort of stuff lived in Lovers’ Lake, or if it was just some algae or something, like someone else had suggested. “All of this shit is so weird.” None of it made any since to Adam - nothing did since he had gotten back. Everything was just so damn confusing. As he listened to Jack talk about the cabin, his brow furrowed further. “You okay?” He asked him, concerned about the memory loss. Maybe Jack had drunken too much. “The cabin sounds weird, too, dude.” 

As okay as I can be. Yeah, Adam did know. He knew that all too well. He didn’t feel like he was doing a great job of processing all of this, but at least he was trying to move forward and keep going. If he let himself focus on all of it for too long, he thought he might just explode. Sitting up straighter at the mention of Cole, Adam avoided Jack’s eyes. He wasn’t really sure if he should tell Jack about what Cole had told him or not - Adam sure didn’t want to know. But maybe....maybe Jack deserved an explanation of some sort. “Yeah, Cole’s been coming by a lot,” Adam admitted, biting his lip. He’d never told Jack about his relationship with Cole, and honestly, he wasn’t sure if he should or not. Jack wasn’t a dick, but being gay in Indiana would make anyone hesitant to come out to a jock. “You know, we’re really close,” He finally settled on, neutrally; if Jack wanted to ask, then Adam was ready for it. “....he said something pretty weird about.... about how we left.” He told Jack, finally looking at him. “If you want to know, I’ll tell you. But it’s fucked up. Once you know, it’s not really something you can un-know. You know?” Adam rambled, probably not making much sense. 

kvrenwheeler​:

recently karen had been feeling like she had more mouths to feed right now than she did when all of her children were living at home permanently. with nancy having a friend over for the summer, and that boyfriend of hers in tow as well. then there was michael and his friends who often stayed for dinner too, and obviously ted and holly as well. it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but overwhelming since the majority she had to do herself. 

so the grocery shop was currently a lot more draining than usual, given the sheer amount of groceries was almost twice as much as usual. but it did give her time to herself, however short. 

abandoning the cart on the other side of the aisle, she moved over to grab a specific box of cereal at mike’s request of course. it was only when a loud crashing sound came from behind her, that the box fell from her hand and clattered to the ground as well. 

turning on her heel to locate the noise, she was met with a young man who had pushed his cart into hers. ah, that must have been it. “it’s no problem.” karen couldn’t help but notice that he seemed a little on edge. then came the brief recognition, which caused her to frown. “are you a friend of my son’s?” technically speaking he could also be a friend of nancy’s, she just couldn’t put her finger on it. 

Adam was thankful that he’d only crashed into the woman’s cart, at least. If he’d actually hurt her or knocked over a display or something, that would have been so embarrassing. He moved quickly around their carts to help grab the item she’d dropped, handing it back to her before returning. “Sorry, I need to pay more attention,” He apologized again, offering her a small, sheepish smile. 

At her question about her son, Adam frowned, trying to figure out who she was talking about. After a second, he realized she was Mrs. Wheeler, so she must have been talking about the nerdy kid who had a little friend group that he spent so much time with. Adam didn’t really know them, but he’d seen them a few times at the pool, he thought. “Oh, no,” He shook his head, smiling slightly. Adam did know that kid’s older sister, though. She’d been a year or two behind him in school, but she’d saved his science grade when he retook the class. “But Nancy used to be my lab partner! I think I came over once to study.” It wasn’t like they had been close or anything, and honestly ‘studying’ had been him staring at his textbook in confusion for two hours while Nancy made flash cards. Still, he remembered Mrs. Wheeler being nice when he’d come over, and he sort of remembered her coming to the pool a lot back when he’d been a lifeguard with Billy and Heather. “I’m Adam Richards, ma’am.” He told her with a small smile, holding a hand out for her to shake. 

PARKS AND RECREATION — 4.05 “Meet n Greet”

colemontgomeryx​:

who: cole & @goldenboyrichards​

where: the Richards’ house

Since Adam died, Cole had made it a habit to check on his sisters at least once a week. He’d been quite close to them when Adam was alive, as he went over to the Richards house once or twice a week for English tutoring. Mrs. Richards, particularly, loved Cole for ensuring her son passed English, and always had some sort of baked good in the oven on tutoring days. He’d loved coming over to the Richards’, to get a glimpse of a functional family and a father who was fairly involved with his children. Besides, Cole had always wanted a big family, so he was never annoyed by the girls’ footsteps and giggling filling the hallways.

Now, though, the energy in the household was different. For the first few months after the fire, Cole almost dreaded going over– it broke his heart to see the family so devastated. But in the last year or so, it had gotten easier; they’d sort of mutually decided that remembering Adam together was better than suffering alone. It was a somber occasion, still, but bearable. 

Today, Cole had picked up Dirty Dancing at Family Video, because Cindy had been talking about it lately and he figured he’d give it a shot. He always had a soft spot for Cindy (and Patrick Swayze). Cole approached the familiar house on his skateboard and stopped short by the curb, glancing at a guy around his age sitting on the porch. Had they invited cousins into town he didn’t know about? Or maybe it was the neighbor?

Untucking the VHS from his arm, Cole walked up the steps and tried to get a closer look at the guy without seeming weird. He immediately recognized Adam’s old hat– the beat-up Notre Dame logo, with bleach spots from a botched wash, was unmistakable. “Hey, man,” Cole said, trying to get his attention. “I don’t know if you’re a guest or whatever, but you shouldn’t touch Adam’s stuff,” he said, trying to keep the resentment out of his voice. What kind of asshole just helped himself to a dead guy’s belongings? Cole wanted to snatch the hat off of the guy’s head, but he resisted.

Home had always been a safe place for Adam. It was a place full of laughter, of love, a place where he could mostly be himself. Even once Adam had realized he was gay, home hadn’t felt scary or unfamiliar. He hadn’t told his parents or sisters - although, he was pretty sure at least Beth knew - but he hadn’t felt weird about bringing Cole around, either. They were friends first, Cole was technically even Adam’s tutor, so it was never weird having him around. He’d fit into their family seamlessly, almost. Adam could even pretend that it would still be like that if his family fully knew the truth. 

Come home after.... whatever had happened to him over the last three years was the first time things felt off. Something had shifted within the Richards’ household once he had left, something he never could have anticipated. Adam knew that when he and Cole ran away, his family would be hurt. But then Adam hadn’t run away with Cole - he’d gone to live in the forest around Hawkins, apparently. And while he was gone, his family had fractured in small ways. Like the result of an earthquake, the foundation had cracked and changed, and the happy family of five was now a sad family of four. 

Now they were a family of five again, if Adam could just figure out how he fit into the new picture. But it felt like maybe he was too jagged now; his pieces didn’t fit anymore. 

Going out in public seemed too scary these days. Everyone knew his face, knew his name, knew the golden boy he’d been before. And they all wanted to know just what the hell would make someone like him, someone seemingly perfect, disappear for three years. And the worst thing was, Adam had no answers. He didn’t know. Because he just couldn’t wrap his brain around the idea that he would run away and leave Cole behind. 

He sat on his front porch, baseball cap pulled low and sunglasses on to hide his face from prying neighbors. If Mrs. Sanders asked one more fucking time how he was feeling, he might actually explode. As someone approached the front door, Adam was ready to bolt back inside, warm weather be damned, when he heard a voice he knew as well as his own.

“Cole?” He asked, looking up at him to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. But standing there in the flesh was Cole Montgomery. Adam’s heart fluttered at the sight of him standing there with his skateboard, exactly as Adam remembered him. 

Pulling the sunglasses off, Adam tossed them aside carelessly to show Cole that it was him. “Cole, I’m so sorry.” He apologized, slowly standing up and taking a cautious step towards him. Adam didn’t know how upset Cole might be with him; he’d just abandoned him for three years, after all. But... if he was mad at Adam, why was he visiting Adam’s house? “I swear, I don’t know what happened. I didn’t mean to just leave you. I’m so sorry.” 

jackforeman​:

Though Adam was right, that he hadn’t killed anyone, either, that didn’t absolve him of the guilt from hurting Steve. In truth, he probably could have killed him, if what he’d heard was true and that he’d kicked the living daylights out of someone who was supposed to be one of his best friends. For what, though? Jack had no idea. Maybe to set off explosive fireworks, but those hadn’t even been his, and he and Adam would never intentionally do something to hurt people like that. They just wouldn’t.

Jack watched Adam’s face grow colorless, as though he’d seen the ghost of himself in Jack’s own eyes as he recounted what had happened. Adam had died, too? His mind raced like the red string on Jo’s board. Adam had known for weeks that he’d been dead, even from the first day that they’d come back from the commune. The forest community that they’d apparently been sent to, but in reality, they’d both come out of the forest rising from the dead. It made absolutely no sense. 

“Hold on,” he said slowly, pulling away from Adam to place his hands on his friend’s shoulders. “You’re telling me that we came out of the commune,” he lifted a hand, flexing his fingers in air quotes, “right, but we’d both been actually dead the entire time. So, the commune … it couldn’t have existed, did it?” It sounded insane, but it was the only thing that made sense, at least right now. “Because … you were there, and I was there, but we actually weren’t. Did it not actually exist at all, or were there just some people there, and they grouped us in with them?” The questions he had were all rhetorical, all ones that neither Jack nor Adam could answer right now, but he at least knew someone who could attempt to tackle the unanswerable. “Jo has this board, this … it’s a murder board, but she doesn’t call it that. But, whatever. Not the point. There has to be something on there that would help us figure this shit out.”

Jack pulled his hands from Adam’s shoulders, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. “I know. I’m sorry, too. I had no idea … I didn’t know that you, you know, died, too. I’m just glad that we have each other.” He paused, turning toward him. “Do you remember anything, at all? Like, about the afterlife? Because I can’t remember shit. It’s like it never happened.”

Neither of them had chosen to commit the actions that they had, Adam understood that. But he was struggling with forgiving himself, even now. He might not have made the decisions, but it had been him doing it regardless. While he could understand logically that he wasn’t responsible, it would take him some time to process the fact that he wasn’t guilty. That he hadn’t killed anyone - the Mindflayer had. The...Doppelganger had, if Max was right. But it was hard to believe that when those things sounded so insane. He had never heard of anything like that before, and Adam tried to be a pretty level-headed guy. Believing in outlandish stuff just wasn’t something that worked for him, usually. But he knew now that he needed to try to believe in it if he wanted a shot at forgiving himself for the things his body had done. 

As Jack put his hands on Adam’s shoulders, Adam looked at him in confusion. He could tell Jack was putting something together, realizing some truth about their situation. “...I don’t know,” He admitted, shaking his head. “I think it had to, right? Why else would Peter be around? Why would they want us to be going to therapy?” How could all of that just... be a coverup? And what were they covering up, if that was what it was? It made Adam’s head hurt to think about, and he just wasn’t sure he could believe all of that. “Not everyone could have died! How would...how could that many people just... come back?” None of this made any sense. Why them? What had Adam ever done to deserve being resurrected? “We just... maybe we came back, and it was around the time they found everyone else, and so they lumped us together?” He shook his head again, not being able to rationalize all of this. “We should talk to Peter. He would know. Right?” 

At the mention of Jo’s murder board, Adam bit his lip. He wasn’t exactly excited by the idea of going over to Jack’s house and seeing his sisters, if he was being honest. Jo hadn’t kicked his ass last time, but what if she’d changed her mind since? Or what if Julie did? 

Jack sat down, and Adam hesitantly followed. Perching on the bed beside him, he kept some distance between the two even now. “Jack, you have nothing to be sorry about.” Adam told him seriously. He was glad to have Jack too, in a way, but that seemed horrifying to admit considering Adam had been the one to kill him. He let out a shaky breath at the mention of an afterlife, hand subconsciously coming up to touch the crucifix that still hung around his neck even after all this time. “...no.” Adam admitted quietly. “There wasn’t anything. Just nothing, and then us waking up in the woods.” 

zccming​:

max watched as adam danced around her and maybe it was untimely, but she laughed. it was a dry, hollow laugh, one that indicated that she didn’t find him funny, but his behavior ridiculous. from what she had heard about adam, she quickly made an assumption about what this was, and boldly told him, “i’m not afraid of you.” she said it casually, then was sure to let him know, “you don’t have to act like such a freak.” he probably felt guilty, which made sense. max didn’t think he had any reason to and truthfully she hoped her dismissiveness of his precaution would help him believe that. at least a little bit. 

inducting people in the hawkins shit show of supernatural nonsense weren’t exactly max’s favorite conversations, but she calmly, cooly answered any questions adam might have. she might know cole, but she didn’t know him, so even in the wake of tragedy, her walls were firmly up. “it’s probably something new. we’re calling it the doppelganger.” the name rolled of her tongue and left a bad taste in her mouth. if max wasn’t careful, she probably would’ve frowned at adam’s next question. he was so scared. max wished that nobody had to be scared about this shit anymore. “we’ve done it before…” she confirmed, then counted out on her fingers and held up four of them, “four times, but, i wasn’t here the first time. it’ll get taken care of.” it felt kind of wrong to say, she was making it sound too easy, but max was trying to mask her own fears and convince someone else it would be fine. how else was she supposed to do that without a little bit of dishonesty?

apparently i did stuff like this before. adam’s expression fell so far max bit back the urge to say i know. his request was a heavy one, but as her eyes flicked to cole in the hospital bed, max wasn’t sure how she could say no. and more importantly, she didn’t want to. if she had it her way, she’d be in cole’s spot right now. but like life had shown her time and time again, she wasn’t a person who got her way. not over the things that really mattered anyway. max looked back up to adam and nodded, “yeah…” she took a deep breath, “yeah, i got you, totally. you won’t.” the energy in the room was so tense at the possibility of push coming to shove, max tried to cut through it the best she knew how in the presence of a stranger and she made a joke, “i’ll kick your ass, richards. don’t have to ask me twice.” knowing that wasn’t exactly what he asked, max dropped her wall for a split second and offered a more sincere, “i’ll make sure he’s safe. won’t even tell him you asked me either.” she mimed a zipping over her lips, “our secret, if you want.”

Adam blinked in surprise when Max openly pointed out that she wasn’t afraid of him. He wasn’t used to people being so blunt - even Cole had been known to sugarcoat things for Adam from time to time. No one had ever looked Adam in the eyes and called him out on something like that before, and he wasn’t entirely sure how to respond. “Oh, um,” He nodded, brow furrowing in confusion slightly. “Good to know.” Adam didn’t know what Max had experienced before that made her not scared of him, considering how he’d acted at the carnival, and he was kind of worried to find out. Cole had mentioned she’d told him about the Mindflayer, so she had to know that that was what had turned him into this in the first place. At her calling him a freak, he frowned but said nothing. He’d been feeling a lot like one lately. 

Before Adam had found himself at the center of the fucked up stuff in Hawkins with the rest of the tree commune, he hadn’t paid much attention to it. Back when Cole’s previously unknown brother had gone missing, Adam had been concerned and had done his best to support Cole. It had been a scary time, but not too weird from an outside perspective. Not enough for Hawkins to really seem cursed or that fucked up. But now, Adam was wondering how deep all of this truly went. What had he missed out on over the years? “The Doppelganger?” Adam repeated, nose scrunching up at the name. What did that even mean? Where were they getting these names from? “It’s what controlled us at the carnival?” He asked Max, unsure of how much she knew about this thing. She seemed collected, confident - but he wasn’t sure if that was a façade or not. Four times made him feel better, honestly. That was a pretty decent track record. “Have you all ever lost before?” It was a fair question, all things considered. He wasn’t sure if it would piss Max off or not though. 

She didn’t seem shocked by his admittance; Cole must have told her either before he came back or after. He was just so scared of hurting Cole again, of not being able to stop himself like he had the last time. Adam didn’t even know how he had stopped himself, just that he hadn’t squeezed the life out of Cole despite the dark, twisted voice in his head telling him to. Maybe the next time that voice took control again, he wouldn’t be as strong or as lucky. “...thank you,” Adam told her quietly, looking sadly at Cole lying still in the hospital bed. His heart monitor was beating steadily, and that calmed Adam down a bit. “Yeah, good,” He laughed in surprise at Max threatening to kick his ass. “Just make sure he’s alright. And yeah, please don’t tell him I asked.” Adam glanced back over at the younger girl, glad she was offering not to tell Cole. Maybe they should - but Adam didn’t want him to be upset with either of them over the request. 

jackforeman​:

As the door closed behind them, Jack felt himself suck in an anxious breath, as though all of the air in Adam’s room filled his lungs. It hung still between them for a moment until Adam spoke, letting out the first apology of what was bound to be many. Jack felt sorry, too, even though he was the one who had died at the hands of his best friend, the same ones that were shoved in the pockets of the familiar sweatshirt. In a flash, they could have been coming toward him again, locking his wrists behind his back, leading him toward whatever that thing was in the warehouse. 

But that wasn’t the Adam he knew. It wasn’t the same person that stood before him in his childhood bedroom, where they used to play cards and talk about the girls Jack now knew Adam was never into. It was another secret, piled onto the heap that people had been keeping from him. Like the others, it wasn’t one he could blame Adam for. If he had shown up at his own doorstep, he would’ve lied to himself, too, like Steve and Julie had when they’d omitted the part where he had come back from the dead. He didn’t blame Jo, either, for claiming that the board in the basement wasn’t hers until they needed it. The culmination of being kept in such darkness after losing years of his life, though? Jack was coming close to breaking.

If his memory was correct, it was Adam who had been the one who took those years away from him. Maybe it wasn’t Adam at the wheel of his own free will, but deep down, there was a piece of his friend in there, in the dream. He wanted to be mad, to blame everything on Adam: it would’ve been easier that way. After the carnival, though, and recognizing the feeling of having no autonomy over his own body, Jack simply couldn’t. It looked like Adam was ready for him to kick the shit out of him, like he’d done to Steve, but this was his Adam, his best friend, and there was nothing inside of him that would let him willingly hurt him.

“I have a feeling I’m not safe to be around, either,” he said finally, his teeth digging into his bottom lip. “That’s what you were going to tell me, before the carnival, wasn’t it? That you–that I died.” The word still stung on his tongue; he couldn’t come to say it without wincing. “I know, it couldn’t have been you, if that wasn’t us at the carnival, either.” Jack paused, taking a small step forward, slow, so as to not scare Adam. “I don’t hate you. I could never.” Another step, before his arm was wrapped around Adam’s, the other coming around his shoulder, bringing Adam into his embrace. “I promise.” 

Adam was trying to keep his distance from Jack, not for his own safety, but in case it was true. In case he had killed his best friend. After what Jo had said, and what Adam knew from talking to Cole, it made sense. As much as Adam didn’t want to believe that he could be capable of that - even in the worst circumstances - he knew he wasn’t in control of his own body when he blacked out. Whatever he had done, he hadn’t decided to do it.

That didn’t fully absolve him of guilt, though. Adam knew he hadn’t chosen to hurt Jack, but that didn’t mean his body hadn’t been used as a weapon to kill. And no matter how much Adam wished he could, he couldn’t fix the damage he’d done three years ago. The worst part was, Adam didn’t even remember it. He didn’t remember doing whatever he had done to Jack - but Jack did. Jack had to live with that visual now, and all of the pain and terror that came with it. 

No part of Adam would have blamed Jack for showing up to kick his ass. He wouldn’t fight back at all, afraid of hurting Jack again in the process. Adam frowned at Jack’s confession, wanting to argue but he couldn’t. If what he’d heard about the carnival was true, maybe none of them ever would be safe to be around. Not while they were having the blackouts. “You didn’t kill anyone, though,” Adam said, pausing on the word kill. It still felt wrong to say, like the action itself. 

“...yes,” Adam admitted quietly, thinking back to that day in the Foreman’s basement. It felt like a lifetime ago - back when his biggest issue was whether or not he had really died. Adam knew the truth now; he knew that he had. He knew that Jack had. “Cole told me I’d died the first time I saw him after we got back. I didn’t... I didn’t believe him, at first. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want you to have to know that either, unless you wanted to.” Adam hadn’t wanted to force that truth on Jack. It had been impossible for Adam to process himself at first. “Not because of what I did to you. I wasn’t trying to hide that, because I don’t remember it. I just didn’t want to fuck up your life with news like that.” Because while Adam didn’t blame Cole for telling him... it had caused so much grief. So many nights lying awake, wondering why he hadn’t gone to Heaven or Hell. Wondering what he had done to deserve dying at nineteen years old, right in the prime of his life. Wondering how he had died, if he had died. Jack didn’t deserve to have those same thoughts. 

As Jack approached him, Adam wanted to take a step back. The more distance, the less likely it was that something bad could happen to either of them. But he stood his ground, taking in the words of forgiveness he didn’t feel he deserved. Not entirely, at least. I don’t hate you. I could never. The words made Adam’s eyes tear up, and he returned Jack’s embrace tightly. “I’m so sorry, Jack. I’m sorry.”

thequeenofhawkins​:

𝐖𝐇𝐎: Chrissy Cunningham & @goldenboyrichards​

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓: Just ur annual skeletons talking about their time at the commune!

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄: The Richards Residence

Chrissy had been home for less than a week. Five days. Five miserable days back at home. It almost reminded her of why she had left already. In her head, Chrissy had always planned her grand escape, but that involved a cheer scholarship to Purdue, not getting high in a commune for the last two years. Two years she could barely remember. The memories were fuzzy, as if they weren’t actually her own. It was after breakfast, and a few choice words from Laura Cunningham, that Chrissy ran upstairs to her room and called the Richards landline. 

Thirty minutes later, she was walking up to the Richards house, and heading up straight to Adam’s room. “Your mom isn’t going to kill me if I close the door, is she?” Chrissy asked. She felt silly. She was a twenty year old woman, but she still felt like that 17 year old girl. As if she hadn’t really grown in all this time. 

If there was one constant in Chrissy’s life, it was Adam Richards. Childhood friend, Hawkins Middle Snowball date, ex-boyfriend. He ticked it all off. And somehow, they had even ended up in that commune together. She flopped down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. “Can I ask you something? Do you… Do you remember anything from the commune?” Then she flipped on her side to look at him, asking what she deemed the most unfortunate question ever. “Was I really high the entire time?”

Being home was an adjustment. It had to be for all of them, Adam was sure. After all, reentering life in Hawkins after two or three years away was so confusing. So many things had stayed exactly the same, but there were little differences here and there, just enough to make home feel like a strange new world. 

That was why Adam had been happy to hear from Chrissy. If there was one person in this world besides Cole who made him feel completely at peace, it was Chrissy Cunningham. Although they’d never worked out romantically for some very obvious reasons, she’d always showed him nothing but kindness and acceptance. She was one of the sweetest people he’d ever met, and he was glad that they’d stayed friends over the years. When he’d found out she’d been gone too, it had made him sad. Adam had always hoped Chrissy of all people would get to make her escape from Hawkins. 

At Chrissy’s question, Adam shrugged. “Probably not? She’s just glad I’m home. I think she’d more worried about what I’ve done the last three years than you being in my room alone with me.” Mrs. Richards had taken it hard when he and Chrissy had “broken up,” but she still adored Chrissy and thought the world of her. Adam doubted she’d care about them being alone together with the door closed. 

Adam frowned, faltering at the mention of the commune as he laid down on the bed. “I don’t.” He admitted quietly. There was just...nothing. He didn’t remember anyone or anything the last three years, no pain or happiness or anything. That was the scariest part of it all, to him; especially after Cole told him that he’d...that he’d died. Because if that were the case, what did that mean about Adam’s lack of anything? That was part of why Adam couldn’t - and wouldn’t - accept that that might be what happened. Not yet. “I get flashes of the week or so before I must have left, but nothing after. What about you?” He turned to look at her, propping himself up on an elbow. “I don’t know, Chrissy. I don’t think I would have done that. But maybe something happened to us?”