Thequeenofhawkins​:

the theme that always resonates me the most in stories is “the world is cruel; therefore I won’t be.”

chancecunningham​:

WHO: @goldenboyrichards​ & chance cunningham WHERE: the hospital, specifically outside cole’s room WHEN: a day or two after the carnival tragedy

making the decision to come to the hospital after everything that went down at the carnival wasn’t easy. the last thing chance wanted to do was be faced with more trauma that he didn’t know how to process…but what choice did he have? he’d heard that steve was in intensive care because of the injuries he’d sustained, so obviously chance had to go see his friend…plus a few others. 

the first person chance visited was cole. it was no secret that the two boys had never gotten along much. but still. cole had offered chance his flask on the tunnel of love like an olive branch, so when chance found that same flask abandoned in the middle of the carnival after the explosives went off, something possessed him to grab it and return it to its rightful owner. 

chance’s meeting with cole had left him with a lot on his mind. were the two friends? far from it, but maybe they were on their way to something less tense. especially because they had a shared connection with— “adam,” chance said as he exited cole’s room and spotted his friend in a chair right outside the door, “he’s asleep.” chance shut the door gently and let out an exhausted sigh before he plopped down in a seat next to his best friend. 

where did he even begin? “what the fuck were you thinking back at the carnival, man?” he whispered, effectively forgetting half of what he’d just talked about with cole, “are you brainwashed?” chance had never been tactful when his emotions were heightened like this, “or…i mean…yeah, i don’t know, just…what the fuck?” it was high time chance and adam had a talk, and since he wasn’t sure when he’d have him alone again (save for a few nurses walking by), he seized the opportunity.

With how stressed out Adam had been about Cole and about what he’d done at the carnival, he had barely even thought about his other friends. The ones who’d been hurt the worst were in here anyway, and he could check on them and apologize for his fucked up part in everything. But people like Chance, Jack, and Chrissy had slipped his mind a bit. That made him feel like a sort of shitty friend, but he also had some pretty massive concerns here. Like...what if he blacked out again? What could he do to stop it?

After getting back from the cafeteria, he’d taken a break from Cole’s room for a bit, sitting out in the hallway while Cole had a visitor. He didn’t want to bother them. But when Chance exited the room, Adam perked up a bit. It was really nice of Chance to visit his friend while he was in here, in his opinion. “Chance,” Adam greeted back, nodding at the news that Cole had fallen asleep. Good, he needed the extra rest. After being so injured, it would be nice for him to be able to recover a bit while he slept.

Chance’s questions were valid, but Adam didn’t have any idea on how to answer them. What the fuck had he been thinking at the carnival? The truth was nothing. He couldn’t control himself at all. “I don’t know,” Adam admitted quietly, staring at the floor. “It wasn’t...I blacked out, Chance,” He told his best friend, worried he wouldn’t believe him. “I don’t know how, but I swear to God, I wasn’t in control back there.” Maybe he was brainwashed - how else could he explain the blackouts? Adam didn’t know. “I just remember getting off the Tunnel of Love and then waking up to Cole being put in the ambulance. Were you hurt at all?” Adam really hoped not.

new kind of guy who just really likes the first 30 minutes to an hour of horror movies thats just people doing regular things and turns it off as soon as the horror part starts to kick in

jackforeman​:

All Jack could offer Adam was a shrug of his shoulders about the whole thing. Weird was really the only way to describe anything these days. “Yeah, it was. I wasn’t hungover or anything when I got home, so I don’t know. Maybe there was something in what we drank? That couldn’t be right, though–it was all in cans.” None of it made sense, but that seemed to be something the two could agree on, besides that things definitely could have gone worse. Cole and Adam weren’t hurt, and that was all that mattered.

Jack wasn’t really the most socially aware person on the planet, but he knew when something was up, especially when it was with Adam. He’d been so used to his ticks and tells when they played together, so much so that it was almost speechless. Jack knew from the way Adam looked (or even threw a football) how he was really doing. “Yeah, I kind of noticed. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, like, pry at anything when we were at the rock, it just … I know you, and I could tell there was something up between you guys.” Maybe it was the discussion about how they’d left for the woods that set Adam in a bad mood. He’d said that it was something about when they were gone, after all. Did he want to know, though? The word we meant that Cole did know something when he was at Melvald’s, but hadn’t said anything. Maybe that was the reason for Jo and Julie acting so strange, too. “I don’t know, do I want to know?” he asked, letting out a shaky laugh. “Not that you really had a choice, if Cole had told you, but … do you wish you didn’t? If that makes sense.”

Adam frowned at Jack not being hungover and them all drinking from cans. So maybe they could rule drugs out. “This whole thing is so confusing,” Adam replied, rubbing at his forehead with the heel of his hand. He was just glad they’d all made it safely, though and that nothing worse had happened. Adam didn’t think he could process any more bad shit right now, honestly. 

Playing together for years in high school left Adam and Jack very well acquainted. Jack knew Adam, and Adam knew him - he knew that Jack was a good guy, one of the best honestly. And he hadn’t told Jack about Cole before not because he didn’t trust him specifically, just...being open in Indiana wasn’t easy. Adam couldn’t be sure which of his jock friends might turn on him, hurting him or Cole for their relationship. But... Adam and Jack were bonded for life now by whatever had happened to them three years ago. There was no going back from that. “Yeah...there was. There is.” Adam corrected, staring down at his hands in his lap to avoid looking directly at his friend. “We’re...together,” He admitted quietly, having told a grand total of two people that he was gay before now. Cole and Chrissy. It never felt easier to expose that part of himself - but loving Cole was the easiest thing Adam had ever done. He just always had to remember that part when telling someone, to make the confession itself not seem so big. “I wish...” Adam sighed, sitting up straighter and leaning back in his chair. “Honestly, dude, I wish I didn’t know. I wish Cole hadn’t told me,” He admitted finally, not wanting to blame Cole. It wasn’t his fault. The thought itself was just so unthinkable to Adam, and he wished he could have lived in ignorance for longer. “But it’s your choice to make, man. I can’t make it for you.” 

scribblcs​:

from the moment a client walked in the room, gabe was on, eyes fixed, watching, and scribbling on his notepad without tearing his gentle gaze away from whoever he was seeing. today? it was adam richards, star football player, golden boy, and recently returned from a forest commune he disappeared into three years ago. he looked antsy, which was expected from small town folk like these. where adam smiled tightly, gabe grinned back warm and open. “good afternoon.” he met him, “i’m dr.gabe, as i’m sure you were told.” he dropped his pen and folded his hands over the notepad. he chuckled softly, “do you want to lay down?” he asked adam, looking around his office. “help yourself to any spot or trinkets around here, you’re welcome to smoke if that’s your sort of thing, i have waters in the other room. don’t hesitate to let me know if you need anything, okay?”

he had spent two days sprucing up the place to make it look comfortable, more like a home than an office. there were bean bags and pillows on the floor, a chair, and a large cushioned couch. scattered around the room were plants, quirky incense holders, bookshelves, and a motown record played softly from somewhere in the corner. the floor was covered up with a couple of rugs layered over one another and the blinds were low so to keep the lights from the scattered lamps soft and inviting. gabe took adam’s hand and made a mental note of just how the kid greeted him, “nice to meet you.” he smiled again, then waited for the other to sit down. when he finally looked comfortable, gabe started, “so, adam, how was your day? what did you get up to?” he’d start it off easy, like always.

Mandated therapy to help those who’d been in the ‘forest commune’ adjust felt like a good idea in theory, but bad in practice. After all, who liked being forced to talk about their feelings? Not Adam, at least not with strangers. There was just so much that he knew by now he was supposed to keep to himself. His sexuality, for one thing. But beyond just that, Adam knew that men weren’t supposed to talk about their feelings. He had struggled with that a lot growing up considering how much he wore his heart on his sleeve, but sports had reinforced the idea a lot. Talking about emotions was reserved for Cole, Chrissy or Beth, not a stranger in a doctor’s office in downtown Hawkins. 

“Dr. Gabe?” He repeated, mentally making a note that that must be his first name. Got it. “Oh, um... I guess not?” Adam shrugged. The list of things Gabe was fine with him doing was a little overwhelming at first, but Adam appreciated it. Smoking appealed to him briefly, but he didn’t have any with him. And besides, being an athlete, it wasn’t a good habit anyway. “I think I’m okay. Thank you.” 

The room felt very comfortable, which did ease some of Adam’s concerns. It wasn’t sterile and white like the doctor’s offices he was used to, and there were plants everywhere. His eyes lingered on one near him for a minute - it wasn’t something he was familiar with, but then again, he’d never been a gardener. His mom took care of the flowers at their house. After shaking Gabe’s hand, Adam awkwardly sat down on the couch. He stuck close to the edge, ready to stand back up and make his way back to the door if things got overwhelming. “Um, my day was okay,” He started, glancing at Gabe briefly. “I ran some errands with my mom and took my little sister Cindy to the mall for a bit. Then I came here.” Adam didn’t mind helping his parents out. They were busy, and he liked spending time with Cindy. It meant getting up early, though, and Adam was still tired from spending several days sleeping at the hospital. “How was your day? Am I allowed to ask that?” Adam asked after a second, not wanting to overstep a boundary if it wasn’t okay to ask about Gabe’s life too. 

jackforeman​:

“Wait–what?” Jack asked, shaking his head in confusion. “You’re telling me there’s something in the water now? Fuck, man. I’m glad you guys are okay, though.” Maybe going to the cabin hadn’t been such a baad idea after all. He still didn’t really know what had gone on in there, but at least no one had really gotten injured. At least, not beyond some glass being on the floor, which he thought he could recall from earlier in the evening. “It was pretty weird on a few levels. First, the kids wanted to play spin-the-bottle, which got kind of awkward, and then … I think the bottle must’ve broken, because I remember someone trying to clean up glass. Then, we left the room, and there was–I think there was another room that had more furniture and shit in it, but I can’t really remember. Maybe I drank too much beer, or something,” he said with a shrug. That, or he had an issue with memory loss, between not remembering the commune or the cabin too clearly.

Honestly, Jack wasn’t really sure how he was doing. Everything had felt so strange since he’d been back. Between having to see Steve again and how his sisters had reacted to his homecoming, Jack wasn’t sure what to think, or feel. He didn’t even have much time to process it. “I guess as okay as I can be, you know? I’m just glad to be home. It’s just so weird, I’m trying to piece together what happened to us.” No one would really tell him anything, just that they thought he’d joined a cult-like group and he was gone. “Did you, like, happen to ask anyone for any information, or anything like that? I ran into Cole at Melvald’s and he said you guys had hung out, so I don’t know if he remembered anything. Steve was kind of weird about it, and Jo just won’t shut up asking about what kind of shit happened there.”

Adam nodded solemnly, shooting Jack a grateful smile. “Thanks, dude. I don’t know what it was. Like, one second something had us, the next it was gone.” He didn’t know what sort of stuff lived in Lovers’ Lake, or if it was just some algae or something, like someone else had suggested. “All of this shit is so weird.” None of it made any since to Adam - nothing did since he had gotten back. Everything was just so damn confusing. As he listened to Jack talk about the cabin, his brow furrowed further. “You okay?” He asked him, concerned about the memory loss. Maybe Jack had drunken too much. “The cabin sounds weird, too, dude.” 

As okay as I can be. Yeah, Adam did know. He knew that all too well. He didn’t feel like he was doing a great job of processing all of this, but at least he was trying to move forward and keep going. If he let himself focus on all of it for too long, he thought he might just explode. Sitting up straighter at the mention of Cole, Adam avoided Jack’s eyes. He wasn’t really sure if he should tell Jack about what Cole had told him or not - Adam sure didn’t want to know. But maybe....maybe Jack deserved an explanation of some sort. “Yeah, Cole’s been coming by a lot,” Adam admitted, biting his lip. He’d never told Jack about his relationship with Cole, and honestly, he wasn’t sure if he should or not. Jack wasn’t a dick, but being gay in Indiana would make anyone hesitant to come out to a jock. “You know, we’re really close,” He finally settled on, neutrally; if Jack wanted to ask, then Adam was ready for it. “....he said something pretty weird about.... about how we left.” He told Jack, finally looking at him. “If you want to know, I’ll tell you. But it’s fucked up. Once you know, it’s not really something you can un-know. You know?” Adam rambled, probably not making much sense. 

adam jacob richards & walden cole montgomery

“he was my north, my south, my east and west, my working week and my sunday rest, my noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; i thought that love would last for ever: i was wrong.”

― w.h. auden, stop all the clocks

“come then, put away your sword in its sheath, and let us two go up into my bed so that, lying together in the bed of love, we may then have faith and trust in each other.”

― homer, the odyssey

“so excuse me forgetting, but these things i do. you see, i've forgotten if they're green or they're blue. anyway, the thing is, what i really mean, yours are the sweetest eyes i've ever seen.”

― elton john, your song

“whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” 

― emily bronte, wurthing heights

“he said, "let's get out of this town, drive out of the city, away from the crowds." i thought, heaven can't help me now. nothing lasts forever, but this is gonna take me down. he's so tall and handsome as hell. he's so bad, but he does it so well. i can see the end as it begins, my one condition is: say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset, babe. red lips and rosy cheeks, say you'll see me again. even if it's just in your wildest dreams.”

― taylor swift, wildest dreams

"he smiled understandingly — much more than understandingly. it was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you might come across four or five times in your life. it faced — or seemed to face — the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. it understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey."

― f. scott fitzgerald, the great gatsby

“you do not have to be good. you do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. tell me about despair, yours, and i will tell you mine. meanwhile the world goes on.”

― mary oliver, wild geese

Sufjan Stevens | Fourth of July April Base Version

mmuscles​:

WHO: thad bradshaw & @goldenboyrichards​ WHAT: thadam kisses at the vending machine (jk they hate each other, it’s Awkward) WHERE: thee hospital

because of nancy, thad had been camped out at the hospital since the night of the explosion. things were tense in the room between himself and nancy, but he figured that was true for everyone. wack times made people act wack, right? he chalked his own disjointed behavior up to that and nancy’s colder than usual disposition up to her injuries. it was comfortable, but thad was confident it would pass. he’d made it most of the summer by her side so far and before he knew it, they’d be back at emerson, back to themselves and away from all this shit. 

still, he needed breathers at times. the energy in the room between nancy and himself could morph into something so biting at times, he didn’t mind taking a break to lurk at the vending machine. purposefully taking a long time, he stared at the options, thinking about how not a single one of them looked appetizing. thad was mid head scratch when the immediately recognizable adam richards towered beside him. expression souring a little, thad punched in some random numbers, just so he had something to look at other than the options in the machine. after he picked, he assumed adam would be preoccupied with the other machine, so thad dared to look over. a lump instantly formed in his throat. he’d heard about cole, and maybe it wasn’t appropriate to ask, but when had thad ever cared about being sensitive? especially at a time like this, that went out the window. “so, uh…” thad crouched down, grabbing his chips from out of the slot. still looking at adam, he as casually as possible asked, “how’s the pretty boy?” yes, he was genuinely curious, but thad would also be lying if it wasn’t satisfying to gauge adam’s reaction to his bold inquiry.

Adam hadn’t left Cole’s side much since he’d woken up, preferring instead to sit and hold his hand. He felt so guilty that he was a portion of the reason why Cole was in here in the first place. The explosion had hurt him. Adam had helped to cause it, not striking the final match like Billy had, but still actively being shitty towards Cole apparently. He’d even done this before, way back right before... before the commune or his death or whatever the fuck had happened. Adam had told Cole to fucking leave him alone, if his nightmare was accurate, and he’d almost strangled him. If he’d been successful? 

Adam couldn’t think about that.

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t even realize that Thad Bradshaw was also at the vending machine when he arrived for a snack for Cole. As much as Adam wanted to turn around and walk right back inside Cole’s room, he knew that that would be stupid and childish. So, he stood beside the shorter man wordlessly, inserting his dollar and picking out a Reese’s for his boyfriend when Thad finally spoke. 

If Adam had already been holding the candy, he would have dropped it. What fucking right did Thad have to call Cole Pretty Boy? Why right now, when Adam was at one of the lowest points in his life, did he think it was okay to call Adam’s boyfriend pretty? “Don’t fucking call him that,” Adam snapped, jaw tightening in frustration. This was the first time he could remember ever being this angry. “Don’t fucking call him that anymore. Just shut up, Thad.” 

loverboymontgomery​:

who: Cole & @goldenboyrichards​​

where: Cole’s hospital room :’) 

Everything hurt: his head, his abdomen, his shoulder, his throat. He blinked, but his eyes were heavy and hard to open. What the fuck had happened? His head felt foggy, and his memories were short and senseless. He saw a flash of the Tunnel of Love ride, some unidentified black goo, an explosion, and… Adam looking angry. At him. Adam shoving him away, telling Cole to ‘leave him the fuck alone.’ 

Cole tried to turn onto his side, to hide his teary eyes from the door, in case anyone walked in. Only, moving was no longer simple– he must’ve broken a rib or two, because the pain that lit up Cole’s body was almost strong enough to knock him out. “Fuck,” he exclaimed, brows knit together and stars in his eyes. If he could keep his eyes open long enough to look around, he might have seen Steve in the bed across the room or the figure entering the room and nearing his bed.

Lifting his hands to his face, Cole shielded his eyes from the fluorescent lights. “Why are the lights so fucking bright,” he grumbled to no one in particular. He was about to complain about the bed being angled too high when he locked eyes with him. 

His stomach did a backflip and Cole’s mouth dropped open. He desperately searched Adam’s eyes, trying to decipher who he was right now– his Adam or… whatever he’d been at the carnival? 

“Hey,” he managed, after a beat of silence. Cole desperately wanted to be held, to have some confirmation that Adam was himself again, to push the memories of anyone else to the edge of his mind. 

After getting off of the Tunnel of Love, Adam couldn’t remember a single thing until he woke up surrounded by ash and smoke. Hours of his life were just missing, gone completely as if he’d fallen asleep and woken up. Adam had been popular in high school - he wasn’t unknown at parties. But even back then, he had never truly gotten so drunk that he blacked out. Whatever had happened to him at the carnival was something else entirely, something much more confusing. 

But when he’d come to? All Adam had seen was carnage. People injured, people dead, and Cole being loaded into a fucking ambulance. Adam had been too dazed to follow; he needed a minute to breath and figure out what had even happened. Because he just didn’t know - but there were several people glaring at him like he was responsible for this. Not solely, the others from the forest commune had helped, it seemed. But.... what had they done? And why?

Once he had fully come back into his own body, he remembered the nightmare he’d had. Or maybe it was a memory? But... but Adam would never hurt Cole. Even nightmare Adam hadn’t wanted to. But the thought of shoving him, pinning him against a wall and telling him to ‘fucking leave me alone already’ made Adam’s chest ache. 

As he caught a ride with someone to the hospital, he couldn’t help the tears that collected in his eyes. Just the thought that there was maybe a chance that he’d actually done that made Adam feel like he was going to throw up. 

Adam had waited while Cole lay on a bed, resting after breaking his rib. He couldn’t imagine that he was comfortable - that it didn’t hurt him. Adam would do anything in the world to take the pain from him, add it to his body instead of Cole’s. But there was nothing he could do but watch as his chest rose and fell, steady with the beeping of the heart monitor he was hooked up to. 

When Cole finally came to and asked about the lights, Adam leapt up immediately, reaching over to flick one set of fluorescents off. He thought about turning both off, but... well, what if Cole didn’t want to be in the dark? What if he was scared of Adam? His worst fear was seemingly confirmed when Cole stared at him, studying Adam’s eyes. 

Arms wrapping around him to hold himself together, Adam met his gaze sheepishly. Not because he wanted to, but because Cole deserved to see that it was him standing in front of him.  “Hey,” He replied, feeling far too casual given every fucking thing the two of them had been through. He kept his distance, standing by the light switch near the doorway. “Are you.... is it okay that I’m here?” Adam asked quietly, looking down at the floor. “I was worried about you. I don’t... I don’t know what happened. I don’t remember anything.”