Dick: I Wouldn’t Wish That Upon My Worst Enemy Unless Of Course We Are Talking About My Enemy Talia

imagine bludhaven and gotham having a custody battle over nightwing

Gotham citizen talking to a metropolis citizen: anyway we have a fuck ton of heroes, Batman, Batwoman, signal, red hood, Nightwing, robin

Bludhaven citizen eavesdropping: I’m sorry what the fuck did you say

Gotham: listen pal you got a problem with me??

Bludhaven: yeah asshole, you ain’t the only city in Jersey and every hero in Jersey don’t belong to you get nightwings name out your filthy mouse

Gotham: I’m sorry? Nightwing?? Aka a bat. Yeah no we got a copyright on that shit

Bludhaven: he ain’t a bat dipstick HES A BIRD it’s in the damn name

Gotham: BATS HAVE WINGS

They proceed to tackle each other

Metropolis: bad time to say this I’m sure but New York was where nightwing was first scene right?

New Yorker: don’t bring me into this

Kon: If I was gay, it'd be for Tim or Bart. Tim: If I was gay, it'd be for Bart or Kon. Bart: If I was gay, it'd be for Kon or Tim. Cassie: OH MY FUCKING GOD I HATE YOU ALL

if i had to explain what tumblr is like i’d only show this

I love those incorrect Wayne family posts where a baby bat (usually dick) calls Bruce to be like … so the house is on fire….

But what’s infinitely funnier

Is the fact that

Dicks house blew up, the circus was burned down, everyone he so much as brushed shoulders with on the street was being gunned down, his last link to learning his language lost.

He then finds out all of this happened due to a traffic jam, watched a man die in front of him, had a panic attack on a rooftop, had…stuff that’s less than savory and I will not discuss done to him on said rooftop by a former FBI agent who was sisters with the district attorney.

And he still didnt call Bruce.

Dick Grayson would rather commit suicide via radioactive city than ask Bruce Wayne for a dime.

and the best part is when its not Dick its Tim

the boy who invented a fake uncle so CPS couldn't fuck with him and he didn't wanna ask Bruce to adopt him

Bruce adopted Dick so that Tims fanboy instincts (I got adopted by one direction au except its the last survivor of a niche acrobat troupe you were obsessed with as pre-teen) would override his repulsion at asking Bruce for help.

Like Tim calls Dick for help with casework and goes "only bruce is free... guess ill just die then lol"

and when Dick needs help... he calls superman (not bruce) or the titans (who hate bruce) or he also goes "well Ive had a good run let me see if I can mask this attempt on my life as a last bid at heroics"

Bruce would cry tears of pure joy if Dick or Tim called him for help with anything ever. (after testing to see if the weren't replaced by clones and also half expecting this to be a case of being trapped in a dreamworld)

like the rest of the kids also wouldn't call Bruce but these two are the ones who like bruce (mostly in Tims case.... Occasionally in Dicks but yeah)

there's Cass but she fought Wonder Woman and broke into stephs, babs, dicks and Bruces places for shits and giggles she's not asking anyone for shit.

"Oh Bruce is a good dad if you think he's a bad dad you don't engage in canon"

YALL BE SO ASTRONOMICALLY FR.

like Bruce loves his weird collection of Bat themed children but ffs he is a C- at best.

Being a Bruce Wayne good dad truther is so hard when you love angst and also canon.

Bc I ignore bad canon

But the angst potential of RHAO? Of Tim’s 16th birthday? Of HOW HE SPOKE TO DAMIAN POST ALFRED? CAN I COME HOME BRUCE PLEASE? Dick and Bruce post Jays death “leave your keys with Alfred”

Yeah so so so so good I fear

So fun

Much pain

But also

I love Bruce so much and he loves his kids so so so much and so one part of me is ready to ignore it way I ignore nightwing cheating on Kori with babs, babs character during Devin Graysons run, Jason’s first costume and Tim’s cowl. By going MY BABY WOULD NEVER STOP TJE SLANDER

but also

It’s just

So good

I draw the line at Batman and Robin all star that shits just weird btw wtf was going on with Bruce that run??

Full on groomer allegations

hiii same anon who recommended that one fic ( i am really glad you liked it btw)

https://www.tumblr.com/theerurishipper/752161267004948480/twitter-au-masterpost

this one is not exactly a fic ( well it is on ao3 but there is not all the parts) it is a twitter au and i think you’d like dick’s characterization in this i really liked reading it ( it is a lot more lighthearted than the fic i sent obv 😭)

10/10 exactly the vibe I needed after the fuckfest today

I need about 40 more chapters

And yes I love My boy (also a big fan of the fact that he isn’t really on social media bc I love that for him)

Thank you so much anon it was lighthearted and funny and yeah a lil more on the batfamily fluff than I usually prefer but honestly I rlly enjoyed the character writing as well !!

Me with my female favorite characters: look at you my perfect perfect girl. I cannot say a single thing that may be misinterpreted so I will literally only say that you should be everyone’s favorite you can’t do anything wrong ever and I love you so much and you need more appreciation. Banned from my tags cuz if I have to read angst about you I will sob. And if you go through trauma in canon I will give you a story to healthily process these issues and learn and grow from them my darlings

Me with my male favorite characters: … you have so many issues already…. Give them more. I will find your worst moments and make sure everyone knows about them. Your least favorite trait of yourself is my favorite and I will use this to abuse you psychologically. Not only will I explicitly search for fiction that hurts you I will make it myself. I hate you (my beloved) you will never hear a compliment out of my you stupid stupid man I love you.

Dick and Jay

Dick: yeah I had a great night! Full eight hours

Jason: bullshit I saw you go to bed at 6 a.m

Dick: yep!

Jason: it’s 8 in the morning

Dick: yepp!! ❤️

Jason: wtf did you just talk out an emoji in real life

Dick: :D

Jason: …. Are you okay

Dick (got dosed with fear toxin and poisoned but is fine guys he checked the magic 8ball) Grayson: yep!!

Jason: *slowly backs out of the room*

Was I supposed to find out for myself that dazai and chuuya were just like that (tm)