I’m Bad At Love (But You Can’t Blame Me For Trying)

I’m Bad At Love (But You Can’t Blame Me For Trying)

A WinterIron plot bunny idea I had and wanted to get out because I’ve seen Hanahaki Disease floating around my dash for a bit, and I couldn’t give up a good idea what I had it. I don’t feel like it’s a fully fleshed out enough fic to post on AO3, but I just like the concept. Bad At Love by Halsey inspired the title because fuck Halsey and her feels. (the aesthetic is mine)

I’m Bad At Love (But You Can’t Blame Me For Trying)

Tony was four, the first time he caught Hanahaki. Four. And if that weren’t sad enough in concept, it was even worse knowing it was from his father.

Tony had just built his first circuit board. Worked on it for weeks, which to a four-year-old felt like a world of time and energy. But he’d finished it. And it worked. He’d shown Jarvis first, and the reaction from his caretaker had been one that lit up Tony’s world. Tony was sure, oh he was so sure, if Jarvis had loved it so much, his father would have at least liked it a little bit. Sure, he’d always been a bit distant with Tony, but Tony had worked so hard. He’d worked so hard.

But when his little hands thrust the circuit board toward his father, almost as if it were an offering, big brown eyes wide with hope, the only response he got was his father raising a hand to him, sending Tony and the circuit board down tumbling to the ground with one strike. It was then, lying on the ground at his father’s feet, Tony coughed up his first flower. He was too young to even understand what it was supposed to mean, he only knew that when his father crushed the flower with his foot as he walked away from Tony, Tony’s chest ached.

After that, Tony was conservative with his love. It took him even weeks to accept love from Jarvis, too afraid of being pushed away again. He eventually got over it, but he was still too skittish to love someone new, for the time being.

The first time it was a romantic love, was with Rhodey. Rhodey was amazing in every way, and Tony couldn’t help fall for him. And sure, Rhodey loved him back, he’d made that very clear, but the pinched look on his face the first time Tony coughed up flowers when Rhodey mentioned he was straight said it all. Platonic love wasn’t enough. At least, for Tony.

But Tony convinced Rhodey he’d be able to get over it, and he was, eventually. It took months, Tony even considered surgery, but eventually, he did really feel happy for Rhodey when he saw him with some girl and stopped coughing up those damned flowers.

At his parent’s funeral, someone had once asked Tony how he felt. His only response had been to stare at his mother’s gravestone with a heavy heart, then choke up a mouthful of flowers. It made sense, he guessed. She couldn’t love him if she was dead. There were good reasons Tony was an atheist. No one, not even his mother, could love him beyond the grave.

Tony wasn’t even surprised when it happened with Pepper. After Rhodey, Tony had given up on trying not to fall in love. Most of his crushes went as quick as they came, one of the main reasons they were never requited, Tony supposed. He was just bad at love. He couldn’t seem to make it last. Going back and forth between coughing up flowers and not; until Tony didn’t even bother paying attention to who was the cause. They wouldn’t matter in a few weeks.

But Pepper’s had lasted so achingly long. So long that Tony actually forced himself to go through with the surgery, only because he couldn’t handle the disapproving looks from Pepper every time he coughed up petals around her. It hurt, not only physically to have the flowers removed, but also emotionally. To have one of his most lasting loves ripped from his heart, just because he couldn’t contain himself.

He was just bad at love.

With Steve, it had been surprising. At least to Tony, anyway. Tony thought he hated Steve, detested every inch of his being. And Tony supposed he did, in some ways. But for reasons that couldn’t seem to stick. At least not the way his love did.

It had startled both of them when Tony started coughing up flowers when Steve had snapped out some insult at him. The look of disgust on Steve’s face somewhat reminded Tony of Howard’s reaction. It did, even more, when Steve stormed out of the room, crushing petals that had fallen to the ground with his step.

After Steve, Tony decided he would never fall in love again. It was a vain promise, sure, but Tony vowed to follow it, even if it led him to the grave. He didn’t want to ever have to deal with a mouthful of flowers again. To him, that’s all that love was.

Maybe that was the real reason it took him so long to realize he was in love with Bucky.

Sure, Tony hit it off with Bucky. More so than anyone had predicted they would, all things considered. The lingering touches, the flirtings, the inside jokes, the sweet laughter at two am.

Natasha was the person to bring it up to Tony.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” She asked one night over coffee when it was much too late for either of them to be drinking coffee.

Tony glanced up. “Nat, I’ve been over Steve for almost a year now.”

She rolled her eyes. “Not Steve. Bucky.”

Tony frowned. “Haven’t been puking up any petunias lately, so nope, don’t think so.”

“You’d only have Hanahaki if it was unrequited, Tony.” She sipped her coffee.

“I-what?” Tony paused, staring at her. “I don’t-James doesn’t-”

“Tony.” Natasha cut him off. “You’re the only person in this Tower who calls him by his first name, and I’m positive he’d punch anyone else who tried. And same goes for him calling you Anthony. You look at him like he’s your moon, he looks at you like your his sun. It’s ridiculous how sappy you both are.”

Tony stared at her. “I don’t…”

“Hush.” Natasha flicked his head. “Ask him out for coffee sometime.”

“I can’t do that.” Tony stared at her with impossibly wide eyes.

“Why not?”

Tony blinked. He supposed she had a point. But grasping the idea that he had a crush on Bucky was… it felt impossible. Tony was so used to love and Hanahaki being bound together for him, one couldn’t exist without the other. The idea that he loved Bucky was barely overshadowed by the realization that Bucky loved him back.

Bucky loved him. Someone loved Tony. For once in Tony’s life, someone returned the affection he was so used to burning and withering away inside of him.

For that reason, Tony was terrified. Terrified he might get over this crush on Bucky as quickly as he had his previous crushes, and he’d leave Bucky just as hurt as others had left him. Tony couldn’t do that to someone else. He just couldn’t. Maybe Tony was bad at love, but he had to try.

“Okay. I’ll ask him out for coffee sometime.”

More Posts from Everything-tony-feared and Others

So I Finally Graduated High School And Now I’ve Been Accepted Into Going To The University Of Performing

So I finally graduated high school and now i’ve been accepted into going to the university of performing arts in New Zealand. Im very greatful for all the things I have accomplished and i’d like to thank Sebastian Stan. I’ve looked up to him as an inspiration to follow my dreams into becoming an actor and I think he’s a really great talented actor who deserves an Oscar.

Woohoo goodbye 13 years of schooling and hello to the adult world😌🏫📓

Could I use this as a fic prompt?

Bucky rolls over to lay on top of you in the mornings to make sure you don't try and get up

and when you do it to him he pretends that he can’t get up even though you weigh like a feather to him 

Fluffy Friday™ 

Reblog if you want a cute lil love letter from a fictional character or actor from your blog. I’ll write every one and put it in your ask box.

Auld Lang Syne

summary: biker!bucky and reader realise they both don’t like new year’s. word count: 1.385 note: so this is my first time writing biker!bucky so please please please tell me how it is and what i could do better masterlist

Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky could see someone pacing and kicking the dirt up and muttering to themselves just outside the bar’s entrance.

“Not a crowd person?” Bucky called out, flicking his cigarette before placing it in his mouth again. You stopped pacing and turned your head in the direction of the voice, heart almost coming to a complete stop as you made eye contact with the leader of the motorcycle club that owned the bar. He looked like a sin, leaning back against his black motorcycle, feet crossed and muscles just begging to be released from the confines of his plaid shirt. You watched as he threw his cigarette to the ground and toed it out with his dirty brown boots and god did he look good doing that.

“You gonna answer me, sweetheart?” Bucky asked as he wiped his hands on his jeans.

“Uh, yeah, yeah,” you muttered, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks.

“So?”

“So what?” You asked as you cautiously walked closer to him.

Bucky let out a chuckle and began to roll up his sleeves, showing off his incredibly toned arms which made it even harder to focus.

“I asked ya if you weren’t a crowd person.”

“Oh yeah, no, not really. Well, I don’t really mind but I prefer to not be in a crowd, so really yeah I’m not a crowd person,” you rambled on. Bucky just nodded and you could hear someone yell something inside of the bar causing a loud combined laughter to erupt, filling the silence that had washed over the two of you. You couldn’t help but smile at hearing everyone’s laugh and knowing they were having a good time. Bucky looked down at you and smiled because of how infectious your smile was.

Keep reading

Hint.

image

You are a dying star.

Peom by Steeb.

Oh god I wrote a thing:

my name is Steeb and wen is night wen Avengers sleeping tite Hawkeye snorin in his nest wif teddy snuggled to his chest Widow in her webby place Bruce is somwher out in space

Tony werkin on his soots an Vision doin teh computes even Wanda disnt see or Sam when he get up to pee Thor he is not evn heer (probly on asgard drinkin beer) I sneek down to tha hangar bay an get in quinjet on my way

to Wakanda I will fly peopl no the reason why no one sees me i am lucky

i pres defrost i kis the Bucky

Matt Murdock Knows What’s Up.

Matt Murdock knows what’s up.

Truth Hurts

Part One?

Bucky x Reader Angsty Short

A/N: Wrote this on a whim (hence why it’s so short) and might write a second part (because I have a backstory already thought out). Don’t know yet…

You sat motionlessly in the modern chair. You matched the stillness of your surroundings, remaining hidden in the shadows of the dark room. Footsteps echoed in the hallway and your eyes studied the closed door. Each and every scenario played out in your head. Your mind fixated on the worst, however you knew that wasn’t the case. No matter the man’s skills, you were better. You were faster. You lacked morality. You had to.

The footsteps paused for a brief moment before the door swung open. The lights switched on as the man entered his room and to the untrained eye, a knife magically appeared in his hand. You fought off a smirk knowing he had been carrying it around with him all day. A sense of assertion wanted you to laugh and steal the knife away, but you couldn’t. No emotions. Not with him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Confusion, anger, and pain were noticeable in his voice.

“Steve called me.” You remained still. “We need to talk.”

“About what?” He set the knife down; your eyes caught a faint glisten of metal under a midnight colored glove. 

“Moving on.” Your chest tightened and you adjusted your wording. “You’re not the Winter Soldier anymore, that’s behind you.”

“But-”

“No.” You sat forward. You knew every word you were going to say would rip and tear and shred yourself in his eyes, and in yours. But Steve asked you to do this, you were the only one who could. “You’re James Buchanan Barnes.”

“That’s not who I am anymore.” Bucky whispered.

“Get over it.” Your hands instinctively tightened around the armrests and your nails indented the plastic. “You killed people, so what? Yeah, that sucks, but they’re dead. They’re dead, James, you couldn’t stop it and you can’t change it. They’re gone, they can’t be brought back.”

His eyes were trained on the ground. He opened his mouth to speak but you beat him to it.

“And don’t give me that ‘but I did it, I killed them’ bullshit. Yeah, you did. You can’t change that, James! It happened, all you can do now is move forward. Because if you hadn’t killed them, we both know damn well someone else from Hydra would have.”

Tears formed in his eyes and you begged yourself to stop but you couldn’t. Sometimes you had to break a person to fix them.

“And you know what, you’re right. Everything, everything, that has happened is because of you. Hydra becoming what they did and infiltrating SHIELD? That’s because of you, that’s because of the Winter Soldier and everything you did as him. Howard’s death? You. The entire fall of SHIELD? You. Breaking apart the team and Steve losing his shield? You. This all happened because of you. Everything.” You shoved yourself up from the chair and walked towards the door. 

Bucky sat slumped over in his. His breathing was uneven and his hands covered his face. A few tears fell to the floor before he could stop them. His body shook as he took in another breath. An ache as sharp as a knife plunged into your chest and raced down into your stomach. Spots filled your vision and nausea swirled your mind. You stopped before leaving and steadied your voice before speaking the words that you had been waiting to say, ones that you knew would help him. 

“But without you…what exists now, what we all have now, happiness, admiration, teamwork, friendship, love…it wouldn’t exist. Without you, we’d be nothing.” 

image

Long may she reign. 

Bucky Barnes mannerisms, habits (sad+humorous) x reader

Whenever he gets food, he inspects it from all sides. Mushing it together, pulling it apart, sniffing it, squishing it. He thinks you don’t see him do it.

Always keeps he door and all windows in sight

If you’re with him in public he’s always behind you with an arm around your waist

He shrinks himself when among the Avengers but in public he makes sure to use his presence to intimidate his way through groups 

Avoids his reflection 

Is always playing with your hair

Doesn’t speak much but when he’s alone with Steve he’s really sarcastic

Doesn’t fidget 

Keeps his eyes lowered unless staring down someone who is looking at you 

Keeps his metal arm covered at all times, has a habit of pulling the sleeve down 

Compulsively checks his guns each morning and night 

Plays with a knife nearly constantly 

Doesn’t really smile but his lips quirk at Tony’s dumb comments

Fucks with people’s day to day life- nobody knows

Turns the toaster setting up so Clint’s toast is always black 

Rearranges furniture knowing it’ll get to Sam, but Sam doesn’t know what’s wrong with the room 

Gives DUM-E expired food to put in Tony’s shakes. Tells him its healthy.

Has an anonymous instagram blog he set up with FRIDAY. FRIDAY hides it from Tony. Takes photos of them out in New York, in the lobby, anywhere public. Has the Avengers thinking they have stalkers. 

Takes his coffee with five sugars, creamer, and cinnamon. 

Swaps the salt and sugar at irregular intervals, making everyone paranoid. 

Has really mannish behavior when alone with you or Steve 

Burps really loudly 

Slouches on the couch

Drinks a lot of beer but never gets drunk

Thought the Superbowl was a cooking show

Thinks cheerleaders are gymnasts 

Does not understand the concept of professional cheering

Is convinced you are lying and every event with cheerleaders is also a gymnast competition

Takes up two seats on the couch forcing Peter to sit next to Natasha

Peter is very, very afraid of Natasha

Tweets photos of Steve’s butt on the official Avenger’s account

Tweets photos of Tony falling, getting stuck

Tweeted photos of Natasha’s bed hair. Only once. Never again.

Swapped Clint’s explosive arrows for glitter filled ones

Casually appears out of nowhere to startle the team 

Suspects Pepper is actually a robot 

Thinks Vision is related to Thor and Loki 

Enjoy’s Thor’s company, but pretends he doesn’t 

Is amused by Loki

Hates licorice

Is deathly afraid of the dentist, so brushes his teeth three times a day

Stares at you. Constantly. He can’t stop looking at you. 

Never engages in PDA

Never shows his affection for you around the other Avengers 

Not because he doesn’t want them to know but knows it could put you in danger 

They know anyway 

When you’re alone he sits close to you but won’t touch you 

Has a full on school boy crush on you 

Watches your favourite movies whenever you want, even though he really, really hates this Sebastian Stan guy 

Thinks Sebastian looks like a mutt 

Is offended when you remark they look alike

But wait

You like Stan, do you like Bucky?

??

Things to think about 

Wants a dog 

Likes cats but is weary of them 

Your cat attacked his hair once 

Is not sure if they are good or evil 

Has a pet fish 

His name is Brook 

Brook has a fishmate 

Fishmate is called Lyn 

Sometimes his accent gets really thick 

It just comes out of nowhere

One day he accidentally called you doll 

He ran away 

It’s Feb 14th 

Bucky doesn’t realise it’s Valentines Day until he sees Steve’s newspaper 

Is conflicted and anxious 

Decides to get you some flowers and chocolates 

But he can’t just give them to you 

So he leaves them outside your door 

But DUM-E takes them and tells Tony he got them for Tony 

Tony knows this isn’t true but can’t stop laughing and now he’s crying

Maybe kill Tony Stark maybe not ??

Goes out and gets more flowers

Decides to give them to you but can’t find you 

Waits all day and finally you come home late

He goes to you when you’re on the balcony and stutters out something incomprehensible 

You just stare at him wondering what the fuck “you’re flowers are really chocolate” means 

He ends up throwing the flowers at you and shouting-

“I FUCKING LIKE YOU” 

Tony tweets the cctv footage 


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everything-tony-feared - "You don't think I would cut the wire?"
"You don't think I would cut the wire?"

_astrid_ • bucky • tony • I write Y/N fanfictions for the Avengers. For info on the series Ready, Aim, Fire - Y/N dynamic visit the Y/N page in the navi quicklinks. Feel free to request something or send in prompts. I can't guarantee when or if they'll be used but leave a name or come off anon to be credited. I am also active on Archive of Our Own, see my bio or the MASTERLIST for info **I am apparently incapable of making a mobile masterlist**

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