Severus: Don't Ask Me What I'm Talking About. I Don't Know, Okay? I'm Just The Vessel. The Message Has

More here u are.

none of it is mine, most of the art has the signature of the artist, I don't know who made them because I found them on google.

Bellatrix: No, I don't want to talk about physics! I don't know anything about the laws of physics because they are hard and boring. I simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! Is that really asking too much?

Severus: Yes, as a matter of fact, it is!

Bellatrix: Well, guess what? Science is stupid bullshit!!

Severus: You take that back!!!

Bellatrix: No. Magic is awesome. Science blows. The end.

Severus, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy.

Lily: I will short out the language centre of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.

He knows!

They're so cute! ❤❤❤

I can't wait till they finally get together!!!

Be safe my dears!! And always listen to your body! <3 <3

“Is it normal?” The binding edition

Yes:

Getting winded after walking quickly/upstairs with binder on, but able to catch breath

Chafing in the underarm areas

Soreness (during or after) in arms, shoulders, or back

Increased acne on chest or back

Mild anxiety about tightness

Chest sagging

No, take it off and rest, see a doctor if problem gets worse or doesn’t go away after taking the binder off (or after one week):

Nausea during or after binding, including nausea caused by pain

Bruising

Out of breath/can’t catch breath when not wearing binder

Skin rash

Sharp pains in ribs

Not able to cough or sneeze

Numbness in arms

Feeling too tired/sore to do everyday activities

Suddenly having any of the above symptoms even if you’ve been binding for years 

No, see a doctor ASAP, could be a sign of serious injury:

Anything from the above category if you can just tell/feel something is wrong, better safe than sorry

Extreme claustrophobia/panic attacks 

Sharp pain in chest/heart skipping beats or beating very fast

Not able to breathe  

Dizziness

Blueness in lips or fingertips

Change in shape of ribcage

Fainting

More incorrect quotes

{With some, they will be out of character}

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Regulus: What do you think Severus will do for a distraction?

Lucius: he’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Lucius: ... or he could do that.

**************************************

Regulus: Why are you on the floor?

Severus: I'm depressed.

Severus: Also I was stabbed, can you get Lucius, please.

*************************************

Lucius: Naturally, we are on the cutting edge of technology.

Severus, amazed: Wow...

Regulus, to Severus: Well what does that mean?

Severus: I don't know.

Severus, to Lucius: What does that mean?

************************************

Lucius: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Severus: I'm a knife.

Regulus, from across the room: He's the little spoon.

***********************************

Regulus: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.

Severus: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

Lucius: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

**********************************

Lucius: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

Regulus: The car takes a screenshot.

Severus: For the last time, get the fuck out.

*********************************

Sirius: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Severus does? I mean, what if he jumped off a cliff?

Remus: If Severus were to jump off a cliff, he would’ve done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Severus jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Sirius: You jump off a cliff!

Remus: Gladly. Provided Severus did first.

********************************

Sirius: I told Severus his ears flush when he lie's.

Remus: Why?

Sirius: Look.

Sirius: Hey Severus! Do you love us?

Severus, covering his ears: No.

Remus:

*******************************

Sirius: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Severus: The cow???

Sirius: What?

Remus: Severus, W H Y?

******************************

Sirius, at a restaurant: You guys should get the orange soda, it's amazing.

Severus: Okay

Waiter: Can I get you guys anything to drink?

Sirius: Orange soda, please!

Severus: I'll have the strawberry soda.

Remus: Me too, strawberry soda.

Sirius:

*****************************

Sirius, driving Severus and Remus: So how was your day?

Severus: We almost got surprise adopted!

Sirius: What?

Remus: We almost got kidnapped.

Sirius: Oh, okay.

Sirius: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

****************************

Severus, texting Sirius: Sirius! Help I’m being kidnapped

Remus: Where are you?

Severus: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help.

Sirius: I’ll call Remus.

Remus, answering their cell: Y’ello?

Sirius: Where’s Severus? He texted me that he was being kidnapped.

Remus: Severus? Whaddya mean, he's right next to me-

Remus:

Remus: I’ll call you back. *hangs up*

Remus: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD!

Severus: WHO ARE YOU?!

***************************

Severus, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him

Sirius: You did WHAT–

Remus: William Snakepeare

**************************

*The squad is having dinner together*

Sirius: Remus, can you pass the salt?

Remus: *Throws Severus across the table*

*************************

Sirius: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?

Severus: How am I supposed to know?

Remus: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.

Severus: *sighs*

Severus: You wouldn't be trapped.

************************

Severus: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life

Remus: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Severus: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Sirius: edible

***********************

Sirius: Hah! 69! You know what that means?

Remus: What?

Severus: That you're a child.

James: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?

**********************

Severus: Care for another sundae, weenie?

Remus: I am not a weenie!

James: Relax, you’re among friends. *raises his drink*

Remus: My friends don’t hang out at Weenie Hut Jr’s.

Sirius: You tell ‘em, Remus! *sips their drink*

Remus: Sirius, what’re you doing here?

Sirius: I’m always here on Double Weenie Wednesdays.

*********************

Severus: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Remus:

James:

Sirius:

Everyone Else At Severus’s Surprise Birthday Party:

Remus: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

********************

Lucius: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Severus: 'Prettiest Smile'

Regulus: 'Nicest Personality'

James: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Sirius: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

*******************

Sirius: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi??

Severus: So fuck oxygen, I guess.

******************

Severus: ...This is one of those moments where it doesn't really matter what I have to say, isn't it?

*****************

Regulus: This is horrible! This is the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me!

Severus: Oh-? Even more humiliating than-

Regulus: We are not doing this!

****************

Lucius: Come on Severus, do it for our friendship. You can't put a price on that...

Severus: Yes I can, dear. Fifty Galleons.

***************

Professor: Your child was in a fight.

Remus: Oh no, that’s terrible!

Severus: Did they win?

**************

Severus: I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I'm under.

*************

Severus: You gave me up, you let me down, you turned around, and deserted me.

Remus: But did I make you cry?

Severus: *cries on the spot*

Remus: ...Shit.

************

Severus: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

***********

Remus: Are you really planning to shoot the demon?

Severus: Don't worry, it's a holy gun.

Remus: How so?

Severus: It makes holes.

**********

*James holding their baby*

Severus: Oh God, I can’t believe one of us actually has one of these.

Sirius: I know, I still am one of these.

*********

Severus: Some people are like slinkies.

Remus: What?

Severus: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

Remus:

Remus: Please don't push James down the stairs.

Severus, pushing James down the stairs: Too late.

********

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-

Severus: No returns.

Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

*******

Sirius: Guys, I didn’t memorize my lines!

Severus: Just use your lack of common sense! Everyone knows the characters in plays are dumb as fuck!

*During the play*

James: Hey! You finally made it! Did you get the donuts?

Sirius: W-what’re donuts?

******

Sirius: Let me copy your homework.

James: I was gonna copy yours.

Sirius: Well, shit.

James: Guess I'm not doing it.

*****

Severus: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!

Lucius: It's kind of complicated, but Regulus-

Severus: Got it. Forget I asked.

Severus: Time sensitive question how flirt boy.

Regulus: Throw rocks at he.

Sirius: Hot Dogs.

Remus: Kill him.

Severus: Thanks guys.

****

James: I want to kiss you.

Severus, not paying attention: What?

James: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

***

James: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?

Severus: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.

**

Sirius: Severus, my old friend!

Severus: I think you tried to kill me at some point.

Sirius: That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.

*

I'm gonna start posting one quote at a time instead of doing this

This time I used

perchance.org

Incorrect Quote Generator

Bellatrix, writing in a letter: "I'm going to kick.. your... ass."

Bellatrix: THERE. Now send it.

Severus:: Dude, your handwriting's terrible, are you sure you want to-

Bellatrix: JUST DO IT!

later

Remus: So what does it say?

James, reading the letter: They say they're going to "lick my...."

Remus:

James:

Remus: Gross-

* this one ⤵ Generated first and I also find it funny*

Bellatrix, writing in a letter: "I'm going to kick.. your... ass."

Bellatrix: THERE. Now send it.

Lucius: Dude, your handwriting's terrible, are you sure you want to-

Bellatrix: JUST DO IT!

later

Regulus: So what does it say?

Severus, reading the letter: They say they're going to "lick my...."

Regulus:

Severus:

Regulus: Gross-

Please this is such a cute mental image 😭

7 year old snape: physically, i’m here. mentally, i'm lost in a thick forest, collecting mushrooms in a basket and carrying a tiny frog around in my pocket.

¡Help please! 😫🙏

So I found this fic on AO3 where Severus meets and gets sorta adopted by his grandparents (on Eileen's side) I can't remember their names but they were both males and I think one was a male-carrier, Eileen wasn't nice in this one, something happened and James sent an owl to several and decided to follow it, he found out sev was being abused and took him back to Potter manor, the healer recognized Severus and contacted his grandfather's, Lucius was a good friend and kept checking on sev, Remus's father was not that great but having met a werewolf auror who helped him with fixing his relationship with his son and understanding werewolves better, they fall in love, Lily's a bitch who was stealing her parents money and sneaking out and bullying petunia, I think it's snames or maybe snupin I can't remember. Or marauders X Severus I really don't know

OH! and the marauders (except Peter) start working at a potion shop!

¡Someone please help me find it!

Sirius: I mean. Severus's just standing there now.

Sirius: Waiting for me, I guess.

Sirius: But it's okay, I think he's pretty much settled down.

Remus: Settled down?

Sirius: Well, he only stabbed me once.