Some Types Of People Can Deeply Bother Me,I Won't Talk About The Ones That Makes Me Feel Angry But Those

Excerpt from a poem by Patrick Hart

sick tricks

Gave me good feelings

“She was brave, my Mara.”

There’s some little aspects about myself that I am not quite sure about how they are configured. Are they a trace of being what is medically called ‘’being crazy’’ or are they just what we should all call ‘’having a different brain function’’? 

It is so hard to talk to people about it because I guess society is still working on the top of older parameters of judging and thinking. On my point of view, maybe we are all this time calling people “weird”, “crazy” or “mental” but in the end they are just bright and manage to see things on a different way. 

Think about how many myths around the functionality of our brain we are currently still spreading. For example, we don`t use only 10% of the brain, we also don’t have any evidence of the existence of right-brained or left-brained people. 

My point is: We are probably excluding some people from society based on how their thinking process is when they are probably very useful and might be able to do and see what is missing on this world.

There is a long time since the last time I did anything recklessly. Since I can remember I have something, some problem, some idea, anything that I might have to deal with, occupying my mind and taking me from the things I like to do. Hobbies, I mean.

However, lately, thanks to quarantine, I've been able to do this things. I've been watching many movies, which might seem normal but I didn't used to do as much since I was too worried about getting enough sleep, working out, going to college, getting my driver's license and all of those ordinary things. I have, also, started to read a book or two, didn't finish any - you see, reading on the internet era is a little bit complicated. I've been definitely taking better care of myself. My self-esteem, my health, my relation with my family.

I found myself to be so deeply immerse on my daily life problems that I forgot how to be a living been, I was so worried about being "healthy", getting good grades this semester and doing my best to eventually have a future that I forgot about the present.

This quarantine has been - at least for myself - quite good. I've been more self conscious, could realize how I was without knowing suffering from an ED, could realize how my mom can be here now but since she is older might not be in here for much longer (let's give some 25years), could realize how your plans for the future might not happen and how you should find a way to enjoy what you have and what you can for sure have. I don't know, even if everything changes somehow, even if my plans of 6 months ago don't happen, I know, today, that I can adapt, I can change the course of my life and always be a new and better me. All I need to do is stop and look at myself.

Long time no see

I'm on a point that I don't know if I'm struggling with quarantine or struggling with life itself.

I was planning on doing the aupair, found a family, they live in a nice place to study on the area I want to work on, it would be nice, go a year abroad, study on a foreign University, come back and have a nice curriculum to get a nice internship on my area.

However, like always, something needs too go wrong and here we Are with quarantine, I don't know if I will be able to get the visa, the driver license and go to do the program.

Here I am again, rebuilding everything from the scratches, thinking on an plane b, c or d because it is regular on my life to the first or the second plant don't work out. So, ok, the aupair might not work so I must find a way to improve my life in here or try a different program, there is many options honestly but we always choose to surrender to anxiety.