“She Was Brave, My Mara.”

I'm on a point that I don't know if I'm struggling with quarantine or struggling with life itself.

I was planning on doing the aupair, found a family, they live in a nice place to study on the area I want to work on, it would be nice, go a year abroad, study on a foreign University, come back and have a nice curriculum to get a nice internship on my area.

However, like always, something needs too go wrong and here we Are with quarantine, I don't know if I will be able to get the visa, the driver license and go to do the program.

Here I am again, rebuilding everything from the scratches, thinking on an plane b, c or d because it is regular on my life to the first or the second plant don't work out. So, ok, the aupair might not work so I must find a way to improve my life in here or try a different program, there is many options honestly but we always choose to surrender to anxiety.

//end

On my studies this week my mentor said I should never write negative things, or things that might bring bad emotions or thoughts to people. Therefore, I deleted a bunch of my posts. Happens that I can be very negative when I am sad or tired. I guess it is human to have negative emotions from time to time, specially when the circumstances you are at, are no the best as possible. Thinking on that and putting that together with many other small conversations I had with people during this time, I decided to change, to go after things I should’ve gone way before and to try to be better at the same time as a person, but not only better to other people, but to myself. I need to be kinder to myself, more comprehensive with my emotions and limits. And I honestly think everybody else should too.

ive been trying to get a job for months now but things are really bad in my city covid wise so ive got nowhere to really look to anymore. 

so hi im a 19 year old nb trans person and ive been getting psychiatric help for my bipolar disorder and managing my money has been very difficult, my bills are constantly overdrafting me every month and i had to drop out to take care of myself mentally. anything will help at this point, and will be greatly appreciated!! i can also do tattoo flashes for people who donate 10+ dollars. just dm me and we can work something out!

my paypal is peachybirdo@gmail.com 

✧・ﾟ:*Today’s magical girl of the morning is: Hiyo from Project Tokyo Dolls!✧・ﾟ:*

Chotronette ‘Riz à l’impératrice’ & ‘Forest Fondant’ Haute Couture Gowns

Joana: This is crazy!!

Rodrigo: Nothing is really crazy. Some things are just different.

Charlotte: Well, there must be some standard for what is crazy and what is normal,, like, how can we know what is right and what is not?

Rodrigo: Maybe we just created those ideas, maybe everything can be ok in a different circumstance, maybe what we judge as a polite or nice conversation can be annoying on another point of view or time.

Joana: WHAT?

Rodrigo: Think at this like what we consider wrong today or what we consider normal now days. Would you say it was always wrong or normal? During the history of modern society, was everything normal all the time?

Joana: Of course not!

Charlotte: Most definitely not, some things are just insane today or used to be at some point.

Rodrigo: That's my point. Nothing is crazy because the idea of crazy is always linked to the idea of normal,, and what's normal today might not be tomorrow and what we consider a crazy person may become what we consider a bright or extremely intelligent person in the future. Just think about it next time you think a idea is crazy.

“We are a way for the Cosmos to know itself”

Some relaxing short videos I took to help with sleep or calming ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ☆彡

Sometimes miss Eurydice sings and it’s perfect

I decided it was about time for me to write online about eating disorders and what it takes to truly recover from it.

How to do it? I don't know - yet.

I found myself again undereating And overexercising and somehow I found it to be disturbing. It wasn't my first time doing it, it was definitely not the worst I got. However this time I was older, not a teenager anymore, not as emotional about it and for my luck, I had Instagram.

Might be a good question to ask, how Instagram helped me? Showed me - since I was for a long time searching about diets and exercises- some bloggers defending something called 'intuitive eating'. And what is this? It is basically some women that, tired of suffering during their entire life from undereating and fighting eating disorders caused by what they called the "diet culture", decided to study about nutrition, most of them are professionals of the area, and then decided to speak to other woman about how society has convinced them to be under their set-point weight all for the sake of the "perfect female's body".

Most of them suffered, as I do, of anorex1a nervosa and put their bodies under an extreme stress. All the idea behind what they defend is not that complicated but I can't say I truly absorb it. I am indeed still trying to recover, still trying to eat what I want, to not worry about how fit I look and all that :good: stuff everybody already knows about.

One thing however, I found to be the most important point I got from them: society does tell woman to undereat, it does convince us that if we are not skinny and fit we are not -truly- enough, it does makes us believe there is the ideal body, the ideal BMI - this last one has a dark history on my point of view - and it does for sure put in our minds some crazy productivity standards when it is up to working out. At least, now, I know it is not ok to eat less than 1000 kcal, workout twice a day for 2h straight and weight myself almost everyday.

And that is might point about what it takes to recover from a eating disorder: recognize it, study about it and work on how you see and deal with food and your own body, accept and start to listen to yourself, not to the calorie's app or the fitness blogger that has an intense workout routine while eating only protein shakes and bars. You know what you need, honor yourself and your body. It is all a process but I am happy that I started it and I have people by my side that care and are helping me with it.