Hotch : Do You Want To Talk About Your Mental State, Prentiss ?

Unsub, wanting to mentally torture Reid : One of these glasses of water is poisoned, you have to drink one-

Reid : drinks one without hesitation

Unsub : Wha- How did you know it was the safe one ?!

Reid, visibly sad and disappointed : ..I kinda hoped it wasn't.

Reid : Will I end this case or will this case ends me ? Stay tuned

Reid : What doesn't kill me makes me wish it did

Emily, having a rampage : SAY THAT AGAIN-

JJ : Those red flags be heart shaped tho

Reid : "Once you've hit rock bottom the only place to go is up". You underestimate me, I've brought my pickaxe and I'm ready to dig.

Morgan : I'm not that stupid

Emily, sounding like a narrator : He was, in fact, that stupid.

Emily : I have an excellent memory ! Name one time I forgot something.

Morgan : You left me in a Walmart parking lot like, three weeks ago.

Emily : I did that on purpose, try again.

The BAU watching Encanto :

Reid : You know, Bruno and I have two things in common.

Emily : Please elaborate.

Reid: I can predict when any of your stupid asses are going to do something bad. And no one talks or gives a shit about Spencer.

Morgan : What's the word for when hands are bisexual ?

Reid : ...Do you mean ambidextrous ?

JJ : An apple a day keeps the doctor away

Emily : Slowly bites into an apple while menacingly looking at Reid

Reid :

Reid : Emily what the fuck