Emily : Unfortunately For Everyone, I Will Keep Doing Whatever The Fuck I Want

Therapist, on a meeting with Reid : And what do we do when we are sad ?

Reid : Get a new PhD.

Therapist : No-

Morgan : Flirt with cute girls.

Therapist : ...What ? Wait, where did you come from ?

Garcia : Buy way too much cute stuff to forget.

Hotch : Work way too much.

Rossi : Hyper focus and be paranoid about killers.

Therapist, clearly not ready for this, or for people popping out of nowhere : Wait-

Emily : Fake death while getting high.

JJ : Close up and be completely silent.

Therapist :

Therapist, throwing their files on the ground : ...Nope. I quit.

Emily : If I ever opened up to you, I was just joking

Morgan, minding is business at 7am :

Hotch, having in his office one "depressive thought jar" and one "threat jar"

Rossi, first coming at the BAU : You have very specific swear jar

Hotch, pointing to Emily and Reid : I have very specific children.

Emily : Don't come on a case thinking it's going to be easy, we dig through the ditches and burn through the bitches in here

The team, vibing in the jet :

Garcia : Is it depression ?

JJ : Is it anxiety ?

Reid : Do I have ADHD ?

Emily : Am I just lazy ?

Hotch : Am I burnt out ?

Morgan : What the fuck is wrong with me ?

While discussing a case :

Rossi : Well, in my experience over the years..

Emily : Rossi, the most experienced things you have is to get on my nerves. And cook pasta.

Emily : I just want someone to take me out

Spencer : Like on a date or with a sniper ?

Emily : Surprise me.

The BAU having therapy. The psy's reaction :

To Reid : Calls two other psy, and ordered anti-d for himself.

To Morgan : Questions the existence of self-conservation.

To Garcia : Fills adoption papers.

To Hotch : Questions the existence of emotions and humour.

To JJ : Learn that someone can be a mother to the entire civilization.

To Emily : Calls the police.

Unsub, wanting to mentally torture Reid : One of these glasses of water is poisoned, you have to drink one-

Reid : drinks one without hesitation

Unsub : Wha- How did you know it was the safe one ?!

Reid, visibly sad and disappointed : ..I kinda hoped it wasn't.

Garcia, trying to stop the unsub : Killing someone is really weird, like no one will like you if you do that