I Want Bart To Go Feral On His Family. I Want Him To Snap And Fight To Be Treated Better Than He Is Because

Friendly reminder that English wasn’t Bart’s first language.

Bart needs one of these shirts. Right sprocking now.

steph made the shirts for them <3

cass - batgirl (2000) #25 and 72, with a bonus near-death experience in #62

damian - batman inc. (2012) #8, robin: son of batman #5 and #13, teen titans (2016) #40/41, and robin (2021) #1

Okay but hear me out

Bart has perfect photographic memory, which means he remembers everything he hears, sees or reads exactly how it was. So, technically, if he were to read language translation books, he'd be able to understand every language. Pronounciation would be hard for him sure, but he could understand and write in any language if he had enough focus to read the scripts. I'm not crazy, he totally could be a human translator for everything. He'd be every language teachers favourite.

Blorbo meme

Bart: muttering interlac curses under his breath

Everyone else: what?? What the fuck?? Huh???

I'm writing Jaybart one-shots that absolutely none of you asked for but I'm going to post them soon anyways.

[ Concept: Bart uses the Camcorder Preston gave him to leave Preston a message vlog style that he’s given after his death, cause the concept was there but never touched and I want Preston to know his best friend didn’t just disappear. ]

Bart sets up the camcorder on the top book of the stack on his desk, angling it to face the chair he had sat in front of it. It was the one Preston gave to him, and he finally figured out what he wanted to record. A little memo for Preston to find.

He flips open the screen and presses the power button.

The video starts with Bart’s arm still outstretched to the camera, tongue stuck between his lips as he fiddles around with the controls. “Oh. The red means it’s on, right? Shoot!” The clip cuts to static for a few moments before it’s back again and this time he’s in his chair.

“Got it to work! Man, technology here is so confusing. Nothing like from my time.” He shakes his head. “Hey, Pres. you may know me as Bart, or daredevil Allen. If you’re seeing this, well, I’m guessing I’m not around anymore. But that’s okay! I probably went out super cool.”

“Man, where to start. I guess I wanted to tell you my secret but I didn’t know how. Max says I have to keep it hush hush but. I dunno, I don’t want to. Not from you.”

“Carol knows, though she kinda figured it out. It was an accident really, I ain’t never been too good at this secret identity stuff but here goes. I am Impulse.”

“Saying that finally is… wow. I’m sure you have a lot of questions so I’ll try to go over everything in this before i run out of space on this rinkidink camcorder you gave me. Er, no offense.”

“The Flash is my Grandpa and second Flash is my second cousin, once removed. I was born in the year 2980. Crazy, right? That will probably make some stuff I did or said make sense now, huh?”

It cuts again, this time to him upside down in the chair, back on the seat and feet kicked up in the air. “I want you to know you’re my best friend. Which is why I’m tellin you all this.”

“Max isn’t really my uncle, but he is my Guardian after Wally… anyways, he’s got superspeed too but he like, never uses it. Lame. He just coaches me on the sidelines. And Helen, she’s great! Like my big sister. She’s Max’s daughter but doesn’t have powers.”

“Oh! Y’know my dog, Dox? He’s got super intelligence! Not entirely sure how…”

“The first superhero I was friends with was Grant. Er- Damage. He’s cool, you’d like him a lot. I haven’t seen him much nowadays.”

“I’m on a new team now. ‘Young Justice’ they call us. Awful name, right? Like hellooo, we’re trying to get out of our mentors shadows. I’m not even a sidekick!”

“I met Rob on a skii trip before we met in the masks, can you believe that? He’s smart. Like Carol. I hope they never meet or we’d be doomed!”

“There’s superboy. He’s kinda like the block-head jocks at our school but he has moments where he’s okay.”

“Wondergirl is awesome! I saw her pick up a car a few days ago. Wish I got it on camera for you, you’d love it.”

“Secret and Empress are really cool as well. Secret is like, super nice and matches my energy. I don’t know if you’d know who Empress is, she just joined us, but she’s got a sword! Won’t let me use it…”

“There’s Slobo, he’s a pretty rock and roll kinda punk, pretty sure he’s goth or somethin. One of them head-whippin’ screamers we hear on the banned radio stations.”

“There’s this girl, Arrowette. She’s like, my superhero best friend. Or maybe I just befriend blondes.” He pauses a moment and looks up at the camera. “You’re still my number one, though.”

“Even with all these heroes and powers, you, Carol, and Roland are… different. I dunno how to describe it. It’s like… you’re normal, and treat me like I’m normal, y’know? We’re just kids when it’s us. No responsibilities.”

Bart goes quiet and the tape cuts again to him stacking cards into a tower. “I’m not really sure what I’m expecting to happen to me. Max says I’m ’danger deficit’, whatever that means. I just want you to know that.. I’m not really gone? If I have to go away for a mission somewhere far away or if I fall through a wormhole, you’re still my best friend.” He huffs a sigh, the breath knocking down his cards.

The next cut shows him juggling a rubix cube, bouncy ball, and boomerang. “Did you know I have a brother? Yeah, me neither. Remember that time my mom visit? Well, she’s from the future too, like me. She told me she had another son named Owen who’s in this century too. Think I’ll ever get to meet him?”

“I never met my dad but I heard lots bout him from Mom and future Grandma. He was killed right after I was born by my other grandpa. Sprocked up, huh?”

“There’s my cousin Jenni! You remember Jenni, right? She was my partner for the talent show last year. Her hero name is XS and she works with superheroes in space! It’s awesome, right?? That’s where I met Brainy too. He’s kinda mean but in a funny way.”

He’s back in his chair again, chin propped on both his palms and legs kicking out under him. “Grandpa says he doesn’t believe in me. Wally says I’m annoying and negligent. All I wanted..” he shakes his head and covers the camera with his hand.

He’s up again, this time wearing his Impulse suit, holding his arms out like he’s showing off. “Cool, huh? Batman named me Impulse, though he said it was a warning. He’s kinda a stick in the mud, but the whole ninja stuff is cool. Too strict for my taste though, I wonder how Rob puts up with it.”

“I guess I don’t have much else to say. I hope you get this someday and I’m not making a fool of myself, talking to a camera for nothing. Don’t tell Max. I’ll see you later, Pres.”

The video ends.

I just started headcanoning Traci, Jaime and Bart as the “bisexual disaster trio”. Who’s with me?

inaccurate Batfam quotes #20

The batfamily as romantic types...

Dick: The hopeless romantic and flirt, shameless, makes it known who he likes.

Jason: The confused about emotions but still making an effort; getting flowers that he probably just snatched from a feild, buying chocolates and gets embarassed about any positive feedback.

Tim: Border on stalking until he finds out what they like to use that as a tactical advantage, as well as over-analyzies every scenario.

Damian: Very foreward and very formal with everything, probably escort them to his Dads private yacht for a dinner date under candles and stars, being very serious the entire time.

Bruce: Emotionally constipated but sincere.

Barbra: Drops hints, but a lot of them. At once. Sometimes scares people but no one can turn her down, it's Barbra. Does not take no for an answer.

Cassandra: Very shy around them and makes casual comments; "You look nice today." etc.

Duke: Charming and patient, always there for his romantic interest as a friend first and lover second.

New JayBart oneshot posted!