Maybe I Do Need To Chill Out

Wrote this last spring, but I’ve been feeling similarly lately so I thought a repost was due.

“No-one will love you exactly the way you want them to. You just have to let them do their best.”

— Unknown

girl you have to stop mythologizing that one really good few months

I’LL MISS THE COMFORT OF THE WORLD OF MY MOTHER AND THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD / LOVE MUST BE FORGOTTEN LIFE CAN ALWAYS START UP ANEW

RAGGHGHHGGGHBBHHHHH

I’m beginning to understand the grinch on a personal level I fear

Hi guys

One day,

I will have an apartment with one bedroom, decorated with my memories. I will have thrifted furniture, with old pictures and posters from my youth plastered on the walls. I will have a cat, or perhaps a dog, or perhaps both, and I will be with someone I love. I will sit with my lover and share ice cream while watching cheugy reality tv, and our laughter with ring through our home like a symphony of love. We will stay up late talking about nothing, or watching our comfort movies, and we will wake up enveloped in each other (we both prefer sharing the same bed). We will go to work, and talk about our days when we come home. And life will be gentle and quiet.

And if I do not have a lover, I will spend as much time as I can with my friends. I will host sleepovers well into my twenties, and we will laugh and cry, just as we always have. We will get lunch on weekends, and call to vent about our long days. And when I go home, I will not feel the absence of romantic love, but rather the abundance of it platonically.

Either way, I will make a better life for myself. I will have a home without screaming matches, violence, and blackouts. I will be loved in the ways I deserve to be, and I will look back and wonder why I ever considered giving up in the first place.

But I have to mold this life for myself with my bare hands. Peace will not come easily, and I have to be ready to actually work towards the life I desire; but I will make it.

I will make it. I will make it. I will make it.

hi guys something tells me that maybe against all odds, we will be ok