One Day,
One day,
I will have an apartment with one bedroom, decorated with my memories. I will have thrifted furniture, with old pictures and posters from my youth plastered on the walls. I will have a cat, or perhaps a dog, or perhaps both, and I will be with someone I love. I will sit with my lover and share ice cream while watching cheugy reality tv, and our laughter with ring through our home like a symphony of love. We will stay up late talking about nothing, or watching our comfort movies, and we will wake up enveloped in each other (we both prefer sharing the same bed). We will go to work, and talk about our days when we come home. And life will be gentle and quiet.
And if I do not have a lover, I will spend as much time as I can with my friends. I will host sleepovers well into my twenties, and we will laugh and cry, just as we always have. We will get lunch on weekends, and call to vent about our long days. And when I go home, I will not feel the absence of romantic love, but rather the abundance of it platonically.
Either way, I will make a better life for myself. I will have a home without screaming matches, violence, and blackouts. I will be loved in the ways I deserve to be, and I will look back and wonder why I ever considered giving up in the first place.
But I have to mold this life for myself with my bare hands. Peace will not come easily, and I have to be ready to actually work towards the life I desire; but I will make it.
I will make it. I will make it. I will make it.
More Posts from Countthefighters and Others
you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try
what are you waiting for? someone to grant you permission? the perfect and permanent emotion? a shooting star to magic away every problem you have or ever have had? alright, wait away then. but no one is going to live your life for you while you wait to become someone else
I wish I was a bear so I’d have a cave to crawl back into. Plus I could sleep all the time
i hold resentment deep in my chest and it eats me from the inside out
i wish i wasn’t jealous of people for having things they deserve
Wish I could post about something happier but unfortunately my mind is riddled with The Memories
I was talking to my sister about how awful I’ve been feeling lately and I started to get so upset. I know when I get upset it upsets her so I couldn’t bare to look up at her, but I was kind of joking about how I feel like if I was a dog they’d put me down because of my quality of life, and she didn’t laugh or anything. She just sat staring out the window, and then asked how that makes me feel.
Aughhhh I wish everything was gentler
i vividly remember the first time i listened to it. it was in sixth, or seventh grade and i was browsing youtube looking for music to fall asleep to, and i found a 3 hour loop of gymnopédie no. 1 with rain in the background and i fell asleep to it for months. when i first listened to it, it was like i was removed from my body, and put into the music. i felt so fluid, nothing existed outside of my headphones and the piano. it brought me peace in the most violent years of my life,and i cannot tell you how deeply i needed the sanctuary this song provided me. gymnopédie no. 1 will forever hold such a sacred place in my heart
anyway no one fucks with gymnopédie no. 1 like i do
half smoked cigarette save me it
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