Dang, You're Tall Compared To Me- I Am A Short King At A Mere 5'2

The science behind why Dr. Pepper is the best

Pepsi distributed Dr Pepper (on the left) And Coca-Cola distributed Dr Pepper (on the right). Dr. Pepper isn’t owned by either company, it is it’s own company Keurig Doctor Pepper, BUT they don’t have a bottling facility. In an area, they use whichever bottling facility gives them the best deal. That’s why sometimes it’s Pepsi shaped and sometimes it’s Coke shaped.

This is absolutely fucking amazing- Like, I would wanna see a Zelda movie animated in this style

i have new emotional support

You cannot hide this in the comments @suteki-gaikotsu

Do you like him & think he's cool? I do

Man, Jesus really smoked that grave

🎶 He was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it any more obvious? 🎶

I feel like Na and Cl would be such a power couple. Like Na is a sweet punk, dude, who gives everything to Cl. And Cl is like a preppy, whimsical girl who completes Na.

Maybe I need to sleep

ways i have tricked people into thinking i am competent:

bought a really nice looking fountain pen

that sounds like a joke but fountain pens are cheap as shit and when you use one people look at you like you’re a fucking wizard

this hero 901 cost me $3 on ebay and i don’t know why people assume that this is a pen for intelligent people but they do

it works better when i am using a nice notebook and not the avengers notebook that makes it look like the hulk is grabbing my sweet pen

i write in code which for some reason leads everyone to assume that i am some kind of da vinci motherfucker, instead of the reality, which is that i am writing about dicks and don’t want anyone to know

it looks like i am constantly taking notes on everything which is both intimidating and inaccurate, just the way i like it

i bought a usb clicker/laser pointer for $11 and now it seems like i’ve got this shit on lock, like i am so pro at giving presentations i even own accessories

holding a clicker makes you seem at least 10% more like you know what you’re talking about i’m pretty sure

i check the weekly freebies on creativemarket every monday so now i have a huge folder of pro-looking website themes and powerpoint templates and fill-in-the-blank resumes (also a lot of autumnal clipart and watercolor flowers and script fonts but that is less relevant)

i bought a ceramic coffee mug at world market years ago and it makes me look like a productive coffee-drinker because no one knows it’s full of hot cocoa

i don’t know why drinking coffee makes you look busy it just does even though i’m pretty sure it statistically reduces productivity

bonus: not only does no one know i’m just drinking Depression Chocolate but they think i am being Environmentally Conscious rather than Poor As Shit

extra bonus: i can take a sip whenever it looks like someone is going to ask a question and then they ask someone else

i almost never have to answer questions and i leave the room a lot because i have to pee constantly so double extra bonus

“That’s a very good question, and one that deserves an in-depth answer, so if you’d like to leave me your card I’d be happy to discuss it with you later one-on-one” aka “how DARE you suggest i waste everyone’s time answering this question right now” aka “lmfao i have no fucking clue what you just said please let me secretly google that okay”

bonus: now it seems like you are a sophisticated grownup who assumes everyone has A Card and if they have to settle for writing their email on a scrap of paper you can feel smug about it even though in your heart you know that you are no better

i’ve got anxiety and poor impulse control and anxiety about my poor impulse control so i generally say jack shit about shit and this constant silence is often misinterpreted as aloof observation

no one knows that my air of mystery is actually a bad case of the shy and i am too shy to correct them so it works out

when i’m on my laptop and i don’t want anyone to notice how much i’m dicking around i turn the brightness way down so they can’t snoop without being obvious

at least one window of notepad++ with some random html page or css stylesheet in it makes randos assume you are some kind of genius doing some genius shit, unless they are CS major randos, in which case i guess find an intimidating looking excel spreadsheet and hope for the best

Some days, I remember I am in fact gay. Evil, evil thing.

You know what, Link WOULD be a very good butt-scooter.

One of the most memorable dreams I ever had was when my family and I stopped at a hotel to spend the night on our trip to Kiawah Island. In the hotel room, I dreamt I was racing in Mario Kart 8 except everyone was not on karts and instead racing those nostalgic butt scooters from elementary school PE class.

For whatever reason I had this extreme rivalry with Link because Link was the absolute greatest butt scooter racer in all of Mario Kart. Link and I were half a lap ahead of everyone near the end of the race. I was frustrated but I tried my absolute best. When we were about to cross the finish line, I used up every last bit of energy I had and managed to beat Link. When I finished 1st, I yelled

“FUCK YES!”

so goddamn loudly that I ended up shouting it in real life, immediately waking everyone in my family up including myself. Everyone was wondering what the hell happened and I had to explain this very dream I just had to them.

There are many reasons I'm going to hell, but by far the worst is the fact that I was involved with a BAD autism movie

I was only 11 during filming but my god this is gonna haunt me for life-

.....this is about Despicable Me, right?

proof gru was never the problem tonight it feels so good <33