Guys Whenever I Take My Birth Control It Makes Me Feel Like House When He Pops A Vicodin

The universal truth of House MD is that turtlenecks make you gayer. House acts gayer with one, Thirteen acts gayer with one, Cameron acts gayer with one...it's the universal truth.

wishing I could freeze time so fanfic writers could write all of their slow-burn enemies to lovers and gay porn and fix-it fics and all of their WIPs and prompts without having to worry about life and other responsibilities

YOU CANNOT PLAY SOFT MUSIC WHILE IMPLYING THAT WILSON PREFERS HOUSE’S COMPANY OVER HIS WIFE’S ON CHRISTMAS AND NOT EXPECT THE FANS TO THINK THIS IS SUBTEXT THAT HOUSE AND WILSON ARE EACH OTHERS FAMILY.

me, whenever someone asks what I like to do for fun

need the world to know how much it means to me when james wilson wears his cozy clothes

how did the writers of house do that. how did they make the queerest, deepest, oddest, gayest, weirdest relationship ever. how. house and wilson are so, so, them. i havent seen ANYBODY able to replicate that vibe, that,, 'im straight, but gay, also this is my husband' vibe. its, like, impossible yet so there in housemd.

and this is why we love him

I think Wilson is my fav character because he's just as insane as House you just don't notice it because he's nicer. House will say some crazy shit like "I'm going to experiment on a pregnant woman" and Wilson is the type to go "yeah that sounds like something you'd do" then help with zero convincing needed. An entire episode where he made an enemy of a billionaire and got fired because his best buddy who commits medical malpractice every single day was being scrutinized. House could literally text him "let's quit our jobs and start an emo band" and Wilson will be at his door in ten minutes saying "this is a terrible idea" with a guitar on his back

the kicked puppy face house always does when he gets in trouble for medical malpractice is so fucking funny to me

you kidnapped a man to do surgery on him why do you look like that

BRING ME THAT OLD MAN NEOWWW

BILLY JOEL AND WILSON HOW WILL I SURVIVE

& the most she will do is throw shadows at you (but she’s always a woman to me)

“hes obsessed with you. which is ridiculous, because he doesn’t even like you. he thinks.”

synopsis: wilson has always been a little too good at self-deception. until you come along and ruin it.

he’s not sure when it started.

maybe it was the third time you rolled your eyes at him during rounds.

or the fifth time you said, “that’s an interesting opinion,” in a tone that made it clear it wasn’t.

maybe it was when you laughed at him in that specific way — sharp and amused and teeth-baring — and walked off without another word.

whatever the cause, the effect is this:

he’s obsessed with you.

which is ridiculous, because he doesn’t even like you.

he thinks.

⸻

you’re impossible.

he tells himself that often.

you’re careless with your words. you’re smug when you’re right.

you point out inconsistencies in his logic, question his methods, act like his years of experience are a mild inconvenience to your brilliance.

you’re not cruel. just —

confident. disarming.

and so, so infuriatingly competent.

he can’t stand it.

he also can’t stop thinking about it.

⸻

“you’ve got that look again,” house says, leaning into his office like a vulture.

“what look?” wilson asks, not looking up from the file in front of him.

“like you’re planning a murder. or writing a love letter.”

“i’m working.”

“you’re sulking,” house corrects.

wilson sighs, saying nothing.

⸻

the problem is, you’re not wrong about him.

you see right through the charm, the practiced calm, the emotional sleight of hand.

you don’t call him out on it. you just look at him.

like you know.

like it’s obvious.

he hates it.

he hates you.

he also, somehow, wants you to do it again.

⸻

he thinks about you in places he shouldn’t.

at night, when he’s brushing his teeth.

in the car, waiting at red lights.

during meetings, when you’re not even there.

sometimes he imagines arguing with you just to see what you’d say. other times he imagines you kissing him mid-sentence to shut him up.

... he doesn’t like admitting this to himself.

doesn’t like what it says about him.

⸻

“you’re patient,” cuddy told him once. “you’re the nice one.” he thinks about that a lot.

he wonders what she’d say if she saw him now; biting his tongue until it bleeds, because you made a comment about his latest consult. it was technically accurate, but also humiliating and he kind of wants to die and/or kiss you about it.

he wonders what you’d say if he snapped.

(he won’t.)

(probably.)

⸻

one day you stop by his office to borrow a file.

you knock once, step inside without waiting, and say something so neutral and mundane that it shouldn’t make his chest ache, but it does.

your voice is calm. your sleeves are rolled up. you don’t even glance at him as you flip through the papers on his desk.

he watches you for maybe two seconds too long.

you notice.

you raise an eyebrow. “what?”

he says, “you’re exhausting.”

you blink. then smile. “likewise.”

and you leave. like nothing just happened.

⸻

he puts his head in his hands and laughs.

he hates you. god, he hates you.

he wants you to ruin his life.

(he suspects you already have.)