Can't You Love Me Again?

Spent

As I walk, it feels heavy

I know this won't make me happy

So, though I want to continue the show

I turned my back without letting them know

Maybe I'll put an end to this tonight

And accept that I lost this fight

For I can't go and pretend anymore

I can't continue banging on these doors

The fog is covering my mind

The exit is something I cannot find

So I will simply make my own

When I leave this world at dawn.

Words, Words, Words

I write not because it make things better. I write because it's the only thing I know. And I know it's dumb. Words are very unreliable, yet it's the only thing I could hold on to. It's my rope. I know people tend to break them every time, but I don't care. I'll still hold on to it like its my last piece of thread. And maybe that's the reason behind my brokenness. Because I try to latched on the thing that people barely keep. But I can't help it. Words, writing them down, it doesn't always make everything clearer, but for me, it's the only thing that makes sense. The only constant in my life that I could turn to no matter what. And there's no word for everything. There are feelings and experiences that I cannot fathom into phrases or sentences. But somehow, when everything is fading too fast, and I'm alone and lost and confused, these breakable, limited words became enough for me. Not enough to be fine and happy, but enough to survive. And I hope it'll be enough for another day, because I honestly don't know what to do if it isn't.

If I’ll ever meet you again someday

I wouldn’t know what to say

Should I smile or cry

Do I need to say hey or goodbye?

I’m wondering how would you react

Would you walk away or come back?

Would you see the misery your absence brought to me?

Or would you act as nonchalant as you can be?

I don’t even know if I’m over it or not

If there’s no more feelings or there’s are a lot

What I know for certain is this pain

And fear that I might forever wait in vain

There’s too many questions, too many regrets

If you’re not meant to be mine, why can’t I forget?

I’m trying to catch up, but you’re too fast

If we meet again, this insanity might stop at last.

Betrayal

One eye blind, one bright and clear

Both swimming with doubts, both filled with fear

One hand with gun, one gripping yours

Both bloody and bruised, both aching with force

Your lips on my ears, whispering the same words again and again

Telling me you're sorry, to pick up the pen

But the one's not holding mine, clutches a sword

And blood flows through my mouth instead of words.

My cousin made me bookmarks with quotes from my favorite characters and people. 📖🔖📚💙

Farewell

Untie your hands, love, use your feet

Let go of my waist, dance to your own beat

It will be clear, if only you'd wipe away your tears

For your happiness, I'd go and face my fears

The wind in my sails, we're at your stop

Promise me I'll at least be in your map.

Hoping

I wonder if I flit through your mind

If there are times you still try to find

Me, in those songs, those places

If in your life, I left some spaces

For you part me with a void, an aching in my soul

The face I look for in the crowd, the name I try to howl

Or maybe you don't even remember

The girl you've given a hasty farewell that chilly December.