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LAST SEEN WITH:

I COULD BE ENOUGH, ATSUMU MIYA

DESCRIPTION: four years ago, you broke up with atsumu. out of fear or out of hope for his future, you’re not sure. running into him in the grocery store was never planned, but neither was you getting pregnant, right?

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: teenage pregnancy. pro vball player!atsumu. profanity. a little bit of angst. hidden pregnancy. flower symbolism if you squint. hamilton references (not sorry for this). 21-24 yr old!atsumu. implied marriage.

word count: 1,998. (shoutout to @pmgranate for beta reading).

“atsumu?”

the man in front of you looks nothing like the boy you once knew. taller, broader, more rugged than you ever imagine him to be—but the smile on his face is more familiar than anything else you’ve ever experienced. there’s another man hanging on his shoulder, a wide grin on his face as well. he’s shorter, bright orange hair falling messily against his forehead. he looks vaguely familiar as well, but you can’t think about anything other than the fact that atsumu is standing right in front of you.

“y/n.” his smile falters slightly and he squares his shoulders, seemingly trying to make himself look bigger. “uh, hey. holy shit, yeah, hey. i didn’t know you . . .” he trails off, gaze dropping to the little brunette girl tugging on the hem of your hoodie. “oh, i mean crap. sorry, didn’t see her. are you, uh, babysitting?” he shrugs and you can tell he’s trying to make small talk, trying not to make things awkward.

“mommy, can i get candy?”

his eyes widen, and so do his friends. “mommy?” he repeats quietly, meeting your eyes again. “you-“

your palms start to sweat. you’ve imagined this day thousands of times, practiced what you were going to say, but now, as the moment finally arrives, you’re speechless. with no words to explain yourself, you turn to your daughter, smiling softly. “of course, sweetie. do you want to meet my friend first?”

she looks up at the two men and nods. she’s always been shy when meeting new people—you suppose she got that from you. “hi,” she whispers, waving at them.

“dude, she looks-“

“hi,” atsumu says softly, cutting off his friend. he crouches down to her height and lets out a shaky breath. “i’m atsumu. what’s your name?”

she hums and wraps her arms around one of your legs, trying to hide behind it. “ayu. you’re my mommy’s friend?”

“mhm.” he nods, glancing up at you for a moment. “we met a long time ago, probably just a little bit older than you. how- uh, how old are you?”

she looks up at you and you bite the inside of your cheek. you reach down, lifting her up and settling her on your hip. atsumu stands as you do so. “she’s four,” you say, refusing to meet his eyes. “almost five; next month.”

you see gears turning in his head. he was never good at math, but the moment it clicks for him, his face drops. he opens his mouth to say something, but the words die in his throat. he looks at his friend, who looks confused. your daughter puts her face in your neck and lets out a yawn. you hadn’t even realized it was almost one o’clock—past her nap time.

“listen,” you start, finally looking at him, “my number hasn’t changed. i know what you’re thinking and-“ you sigh. “and, yes, you are. i need to get her down for a nap, but we’ll . . . talk about this. i know it’s a lot to process.”

he blinks at you, his jaw slack. you pick up the basket you had previously sat on the ground and smile, tight-lipped and brief. “goodbye, atsumu.”

[atsumu, 2:01 PM]: Can I come by on Saturday? It’s Atsumu btw You probably knew that

yes. does 12 work for you?

[atsumu, 2:07 PM]: Yeah  See ya then

on saturday, you wake up early and deep clean your house. ayu wakes up when you start vacuuming, and you would feel bad if she didn’t look so adorable with her bed head and puffy cheeks. it reminds you of atsumu—how she sleeps like a rock, drooling and snoring. you put on an outfit that makes it look like you kind of have it together and sit on the couch with ayu until your doorbell rings at 12:17 in the afternoon.

your head whips towards the door, chest rising and falling imperceptibly faster. ayu doesn’t look away from the TV, too engaged in the episode of bluey playing on the screen. you stand, albeit a little wobbly, and walk to the door. before opening it, you take a deep breath and exhale out of your nose.

it’s now or never, right?

“hey,” atsumu says as you open the door, sounding breathless. he’s holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand, his other tucked into the pocket of his beige pants. the hoodie he’s wearing looks familiar and worn—he’s had it since high school, you think. he holds out the flowers to you and smiles sheepishly. “i, uh, got you these. i don't know if that’s . . weird, sorry.”

you take them with a smile. “orchids are my favorite.”

“i know.” his eyes soften and your knees feel weak. it surprises you that he’s still able to make you feel this way even after all these years.

you stand there for another moment, just staring at each other, but a loud noise from the TV snaps you from your daze. “oh, um, yes, come in, please.” you step to the side and he walks in, eyes set on ayu, wrapped in a blanket.

he turns to you as you close the door. “so,” he hesitates, wiping his hands on his pants. he’s just as nervous as you are. “she’s, um, she’s mine? i- i mean i’m her . . . dad?”

your smile falters. you knew you were going to have to talk about it, but you weren’t quite as prepared as you thought you were. you tuck a piece of hair behind your ear and walk across the living room in the kitchen. atsumu follows.

“i got pregnant in the middle of our third year,” you start, reaching up into a cabinet to pull out a vase. you turn to the sink and start filling it with water. “i knew that you were on track to become a professional volleyball player, but i also knew that you . . . that you would have dropped everything to support ayu and i.” you pause, spacing off as the water fills the vase. water dribbles down the side, pricking your fingers, and you sigh, turning the faucet off and turning to him. “volleyball was your passion—is your passion. i didn’t want to prevent you from chasing your dreams. so i broke up with you. i hid my pregnancy under big jackets and, well, i gave birth to ayu just as i started university. it was hard taking care of a bag by myself—uh, my parents . . .” you trail off hoping he gets the point.

he swallows hard, adam's apple bobbing as he does. he nods, gesturing for you to continue. you’re not sure he knows what to say. you wouldn’t.

“i had to drop out to get a job and care for ayu.” your gaze drifts to your daughter, sucking on her thumb. you’ve tried to get her to stop, but nothing seems to work. “i’m not . . .” again, you sigh. “i’m not telling you this because i want anything from you, atsumu.” you look at him and nearly melt. his eyes are glossy with tears; he’s always been emotional. “there was no more hiding it after running into you at the store.”

he looks down at the floor, fingers twitching at his sides. it’s quiet for a long, long moment. finally, he looks back up at you, brows furrowed. “y/n, you should have told me.”

“i know,” you sigh. you place the flowers in the vase and stare at them for a second. “i just- you would have quit volleyball, gotten a job at some minimum wage place. you . . . that’s who you are, atsumu.  you . . . you would have been a good dad, but you’re an amazing volleyball player.”

“i can still be a good dad.” it comes out almost involuntarily, you think, based on the look on atsumu’s face after he says it. “i- i mean.” he swallows and takes a step. “i’d like to, if you’d let me. i already missed four years—nearly five. i don’t want to miss any more.”

your brows furrow, but not in frustration or confusion. the emotion swirling in your stomach is one of indescribable feelings. you sigh quietly and walk around the island to the living room, gently sitting on the edge near ayu.

“hi, sweetie.”

she looks at you and smiles, wide and innocent. “hi, mommy.”

“ayu, do you remember what i told you about your daddy?” you’re so afraid, so scared that this won’t work out. scared that you’ll run away again. scared that atsumu won’t want to do this once he finds out how hard it is.

she thinks for a moment, humming quietly. “that he was- was off on an adventure.” she doesn’t quite say adventure right, but you don’t correct her.

“yes, exactly.” you nod. you glance back at atsumu and nod your head towards the couch. he takes tentative steps and sits down on the other side of ayu. “and you remember my friend from the other day? atsumu?”

she nods, eyeing the blonde hesitantly.

“okay, that’s good. you’re so smart, ayu.” you smile and pinch her cheek lightly. she giggles, swatting at your hand. “atsumu, do you want to . . .”

his eyes widen a fraction and fear flashes across his face. okay, he’s scared too, you think. he turns to ayu and opens his mouth. nothing comes out. he blinks at her, eyes roaming her chubby face. “i’m . . . back from my adventure?”

you can’t stop the giggle that bubbles out. atsumu sends you a panicked look and it only makes you laugh more. “atsu, just be truthful.” the nickname slips out before you even have time to think about it.

he smiles nervously and takes a deep breath. “ayu,” he starts. she looks at him, eyes wide and curious. “i’m your dad.”

there’s a beat of silence before ayu looks at you and juts her bottom lip out, eyes glossing over. “he’s back from his adventure?” she whispers, lip wobbling. when you nod, she looks at atsumu and stares at him. “hi, daddy.”

he barks out a laugh, wet and involuntary. “hi, ayu.”

“daddy, i want the purple one!”

the image before you is picturesque. your daughter, on the hip of your soon to be husband. they don’t seem to care that seven is too old to be carried, and, honestly, neither do you. 

after the day that it all came out, things fell into place quite easily. atsumu was in your life again, dropping by unexpectedly, always with a bouquet of orchids. you started bringing ayu to his games—she always cheered the loudest for him. and somewhere along the way, atsumu became more than just ayu’s dad. late nights on the couch, sharing leftover pasta, reminiscing high school memories. somewhere along the way, late nights became staying the night. sharing pasta became sharing kisses. reminiscing became making new memories.

like this, a weekend at the zoo. you had spent over an hour at the tiger exhibit—ayu’s favorite animal. she rattled off fact after fact and atsumu listened to every single one, even if they were wrong.

“okay, princess, we can get the purple one.” atsumu reaches out and snatches a purple teddy bear off the shelf. he turns to you and winks and you feel your face heat up. “what should we get for mommy, hm? you think she wants a matching teddy bear?”

ayu hums and glances around the store before pointing at another shelf, full of tiger plushies. “we should get her a tiger! she loves tigers.”

you walk up to them, first placing a kiss on ayu’s cheek, then atsumu’s. “i love tigers,” you confirm with a nod. “and i love you.” you reach out and pinch her cheek and she giggles, squirming in atsumu’s arms.

“aw,” atsumu pouts, jutting his lip out dramatically. “what about me, huh? you love me too, right?”

“maybe.” you shrug playfully. he smiles widely and leans forward, pecking your lips quickly. “okay,” you relent, “fine. i love you, i suppose.”

he hums, eyes softening. “good. i love you too.”