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Imma Kms - Blog Posts
I'm gonna actually chuck myself off the side of a building. I can't do this anymore. Life actually hates me. Everything keeps going wrong, but then it dangles something nice right in front of my face, just to snap it in half. I'm just so tired. I can't do this anymore. I am one more bad event away from ending it all. Stop pushing me to my breaking point, PLEASE!!!!
Spoilers for the orv novel: The way YOOHANKIM and how they correlate in terms of kids always makes me emotional
Warnings: violence, spoilers, su1c1d3. Read at your own risk
Thinking about how Kim Dokja is soft towards children. How he saved Lee Gilyoung when he could have simply taken the bugs, even if it’s hypocrisy in his eyes. How he didn’t leave him behind even when Gilyoung told him he could. How he acknowledged his he child who survived in Guemo station. How he knew Yoosoung would be a catastrophe and still didn’t want her to die, making her his incarnation and forgiving the 41st round Shin Yoosoung
and making THAT Yoosoung his daughter. Aswell as when he announced to the world before the final scenario that he wouldn’t be saving the people, only decided to provide them comfort that Yoo Joonghyuk would save them when he noticed a child who seemed afraid.
Thinking about how Han Sooyoung never hesitated to kill anyone, like with Shin Yoosoung, despite it being a child. Especially if it meant saving the world, she was no hero, but if she saw a way to prevent a calamity she wouldn’t hesitate.
How 1863 Han Sooyoung also didn’t hesitate for the deaths of children, how she told YJH of 1863 to let Mia die. How she was willing to destroy that world line solely to get home, taking the lives of many children with it.
Thinking about Yoo Joonghyuk who was already a “parent” raising his little sister. How noticeable it was for him to be soft with her, but also him in the 1863 who allowed her to die. That’s not saying he stopped loving her, it was her death in that round that made him go more mad, but he was at a breaking point, and perhaps Mia could be at peace and no longer had to die. Also him willing to kill Shin Yoosoung, another child who was once an ally, be it her future or past. Him who also was thinking about killing Lee Gilyoung at the beginning upon learning about his sponsor. He never hesitated putting those kids in danger he knew they could handle, and wouldn’t hesitate to kill children for the greater good.
Thinking about SP who also was at his limit but never once stopped loving Mia, how he longed to be with her again in that ball he was stuck in, but never could truly meet her. How he had compassion for that boy in his train car and how he tried to save him, knowing that he would still die, and thus he would kill everyone in that car, regardless of it being a child or an adult.
Thinking how all of those patterns go out of the window when they meet Yoo Joonghyuks sponsor, who was also a child…a pitiful one at that.
Thinking how Kim Dokja would have done everything to save that child, how he would have found any loophole, and making sure that child would be cherished and loved.
Thinking how none of that happens and he tries to kill the child, how the child called him a monster. How he has nothing but hatred for that child to the point where upon using the disconnected film theory he tried to slice his own neck. How he solely was thinking about a blade either to end his own life or that child’s life. How he was yelling for the child to be killed as he was being held back. Why?
because that child was him, and his future was being a monster.
How Yoo Joonghyuk who never hesitated to kill children for the greater good, refused to kill the oldest dream despite it resulting in the end of the scenarios. He held hatred for constellations, especially his sponsor who granted his stigma, and yet stopped Dokja from killing himself. Grabbing the broken blade so hard as he calls for the rest of the company to help him.
How SP wanted nothing more than FOR CENTURIES to kill his sponsor, the sole reason for his suffering, and so that he could finally die. How he forgave his sponsor so quickly upon seeing that it wasn’t the evil sadistic puppeteer he believed he was for centuries, but a child who loved his story with all his heart, a child who needed his story to survive. How he called him a pitiful child and rather then wanting the death he dreamed of, he chose to live, and would be willing to regress if it meant to make his sponsor happy.
How Han Sooyoung who never hesitated to kill children for the greater good, or for herself and yet, she punches Dokja just as he was about to strike the child with the blade, how she was crying while punching his body not out of hatred for him being partially the reason for the scenarios, but because he wanted to kill his past self. How she was grabbing him with Yoo Joonghyuk to stop him, trying to tell the oldest dream that they just wanted to talk and not hurt him, and how she was crying, trying to stop the plotter when they assumed he wanted to kill the child. How she reprimanded Yoo Joonghyuk from strangling Kim Dokja who was in a child form, with saying that it’s still a child.
1863 Han Sooyoung who wanted to stop TWSA from being published to prevent the scenarios, only to become the author of the book when she saw Kim Dokjas 15 year old self in a hospital bed after trying to end it all. How she recalled from a memory, regardless of it being hers or the original bodies, how Dokja said that the story saves his life. How she knew that millions of people would die, yet wanted to save him. How she didn’t care and only thought about that small child on the bed, how she knew her mental state would be rid of, and thus she forgot, as it all faded into the subconscious of the real body.
Thinking about how regardless of which of the three it is, their moralities and goals will bend solely when it comes to Kim Dokja, because while YooHan had the ability to stop the scenarios and their own suffering they chose to continue suffering for the sake of Kim Dokja and that little child who unintentionally doomed the world. Their correlation with children vs. The most ancient dream is the biggest proof one has. This isn’t me saying that they are child killers (YooHan), though if one had no context then they would assume so, but I just can’t get over the parallels with them and the children that are significant towards them.
Fuck this man, even my mom looks sk1nn3r than me. And the quote on quote 'biggest' dude at school (no hate to him, he's so nice, letting me use his geek bar for the weekend when he gets one, maybe..)
Tripped on a power outlet acll that power tripping( orv insanity rizz) [cyno has infected me]
I desire freedom from the dad jokes
Well better get started...
urm... update?
1st! Drama!!! Ok so this super toxic boxton was literally sending death threats to the other boxton we had on our little group so. Yeah we ate✨️💅
Also.... WHY WAS I SO LAGGY!??!?!
Yeah. Not sure if I mentioned I got Brighty but I also got Flutter today! I'm super happy! Bout that
I don't really know what happened here. But I think it was some cult around a floating finn. So yeah.... slay ig? ✨️💅
We were tying to do a only scraps run. Oly me and the Calico Scraps next to me did it tho. And then we were talking bc they were at 2 heats and I'm like please be carful I don't want this to be a solo run (I'm lonely) I've been doing way to many... and then they die. So I die right after too
THIS IS ALL I NEED BESTIES!! I need Vee reaserch so bad! Omg. I'm gonna cry. *sigh* I'll be fine! Don't worry!
(BTW oc and au stuff will come out eventually)
Alright that's it.... unless you wanna hear a RANT!!
Okie... yall remember my friend that I'm stalking? 🥰 (Guy's don't take this seriously I don't actually know we're they live I'm stalking them online) omg like I really miss them!! I'm all like break!? Can you move faster please!? (pause 🤨) but like I really miss them! I keep telling my family how much I miss them and their all like "SHUT UP!!" and all like "Them this them that, I love them so much,!" Like I'm literally still here because of them... oops! But like fr I love them so so much and we're just a little group of gremlins though we all have different interests for example friend A likes Lego monki kid, murder drones, and friend B has those interests but I think in my opinion overworks themselves and sometimes I whisper I could just give them a bug old hug but NO! because 1) I'm to embarrassed to and 2) I'm not with them!!
Okay I think that's it for now pray for my sanity 🥰🎀!! Love you all!! Bye for now!!