Ex-boyfriend - Blog Posts

Chapter Three: Downtime

Tokyo Empire, Shinjuku.

The second his captain told him that they were all done for the rest of the day, Karim Flam didn't even hesitate: he immediately took off in the direction of Niobe's home, ignoring both Rekka and Huo Yan as they called his name. He was in such hurry that he didn't take time to take a shower and freshen up, because he knew Niobe would allow him to use her bathroom—along with whatever they'll do once they were alone. Karim may have recently broken up with his girlfriend for reasons she'd never accept and understand, the radio silence following his several phone calls and voice mails had scared the hell out of him; he'd heard from her friends at TEIT, which had set his mind at ease to know that they were mostly alright, but the dread and horror had quickly crawled back when they'd revealed that Niobe had gone to visit Asakusa.

Of all the times she could have gone there before... damn it. The place had been hit hard.

There hadn't been any report yet about the proto-nationalist town, but some Fire Soldiers at Company 4 had said that it was seriously bad. So much had been lost, so many civilians had fallen victims to the flames of Infernalization and had been killed. And what's more, it seemed that the emperor had finally taken it upon himself to induct the Hikeshi Fire brigade into the Special Fire Force. Karim didn't know if it would do them some good to have such defiant proto-nationalists in their ranks, as they did nothing but spit on the Holy Sol and refused to embrace the authority of the Tokyo Empire, but he'd heard things about two particular pyrokinetics who would put the entire Special Fire Force to shame.

Knowing that Niobe had been out there in Asakusa while the rough town had been seriously damaged by the Great Hell—as everyone now called this disaster—put him on edge. He was restless and the only way for the Second Generation to calm down would be to have Niobe in his arms, kissing her senseless and making her scream his name and her love for him while pounding into her core until she was sore. Fuck their recent break-up, Karim was going to spend the night in her bed to remind himself why he fell in love with this genius with a white fireball of an afro for hair.

And this disaster just had to drop on all of us this day, Karim thought with an anguished, worried sick expression as he kept running through the horrendous streets. Niobe had just texted him to say that she'd be coming back to her apartment today—which would be certainly crawling with her friends if she'd also checked in with them—and hole up in there, so he was going to do just that as well. Hole up in her apartment with her, reassure her (and himself) as much as he could. Amongst other things, because Karim would soon have to go back to Company 1, help out as much as he could and write reports.

Finally arriving at Niobe's apartment block, the Fire Soldier halted when he saw a familiar black motorbike with green flames parked at its usual spot, chained and secure. The model was a Suzuki 1300 GSX-R Hayabusa—one that yakuzas would love to have and could afford. He knew that motorbike and would recognize it anywhere, as he and Niobe had taken their sweet time choosing the designs. Karim approached the beauty and touched the engine. He sucked in a breath at how warm it was, hope burning in his chest.

“Please Sol, tell me she's okay,” he murmured frantically before rushing inside.

Ignoring the elevator, Karim practically flew the stairs to the fourth floor and stumbled at her door, breathless. The noise he made while climbing up must have bothered the inhabitants, for some opened their doors to poke their heads out and see what the hell was going on outside. When they noticed the blue stripes on his fireproof coat, panic and sheer terror spread on their faces, which immediately prompted Karim to raise his hands in a placating gesture and put on his best reassuring expression.

“Don't panic and fall into panicking, I'm just here to see someone,” he declared, as serenely as he could.

Another door opened.

“Cha-ma-llow.”

Karim had never turned so fast in his life. All the fear, dread and tension that had been building up all day suddenly deflated inside of him upon locking eyes with Niobe, whose gaze gradually softened. She wore a sleeveless white tank top with black shorts, seemingly having changed after coming home to relax. Forgetting that they had an audience, the Fire Soldier met his woman half-way to her door and engulfed her body in his arms to hug her tight. Karim nuzzled his face into her neck, inhaling her perfume, and relished in the fact that she returned his embrace just as hard. Flush against him, he felt like he could protect her from everything, even if she was more than capable because of her combat skills and Ignition Ability.

When was the last time he'd been able to hold Niobe so intimately? Feeling all of her after surviving this hellish inferno last night made Karim realize how much he missed his ex-girlfriend, even though their break-up had been bad. Both had been wrecked, but it didn't seem to matter now. What matters now is now and nothing else, the Second Generation thought as he slowly backed her up inside her apartment and kicked the door close behind him.

Pressing his forehead against hers, Karim cupped her cheek and held Niobe's gaze, where he knew all kinds of emotions would soon be visible the second she'll break down. The way she was clinging to his coat, it should be any minute now. And honestly, even he needed a serious breather. Even so, Karim just couldn't take it anymore and allowed his feelings to do the talking for him—his mouth crashed on hers and he kissed this woman brutally, conveying all of these emotions raging inside. Though a kiss wasn't words, the Fire Soldier hoped it was more than enough.

I thought I'd never see you again.

With a deep moan, Niobe kissed him back hungrily while trying to get rid of his coat, which he obliged happily with a groan of pleasure. As soon as the coat hit the floor, Karim scooped her up by the back of her knees and she automatically wrapped her long legs around his waist. Both moaned in bliss when she rolled her hips in a slow, steady rhythm that provoked pleasant shivers down their spines and millions of sparks through their nerves. They separated a few seconds later and gazed at each other, panting and breathless. Relief, joy and anguish were reflected in their eyes, mixed in with those lingering feelings that refused to fade. The love Karim saw in his ex-girlfriend's beautiful, mismatched eyes was enough to make him snap.

Without even looking, Karim moved them both towards her bedroom, easily weaving his way through Niobe's furniture—he knew this apartment like the back of his hand, because of all the precious memories he'd forged there with her. Throwing Niobe on her bed, he quickly crawled to find his way between her long, toned legs and possessed her full lips once again, spurned by her heated look. The feeling of her large breasts flattening against his hard chest had never felt so good, so much that he was urging his circus freak to remove her shirt. Hands groped and caressed, mouths kissed, teeth bit and tongues licked. Once Niobe's front was bare to his hungry eyes, Karim grabbed one full breast to fondle the mound with rough, sensual gestures.

Niobe mewled in pleasure in his ear, shivering as his sinful tongue and mouth created yet another love bite on her throat. He smelled peach in her curls, meaning that she'd washed her afro in Asakusa. He wasn't going to complain, though it wasn't her usual scent. Still, it made him sigh in bliss as he released her reddened skin to start on another love bite. He tortured the hardening nipple with a few teasing flicks of his index, circled the aureolae before going back to fondling the breast. Slowly, Karim kissed and licked his way down to Niobe's chest, his mouth worshipping her warm skin and delicious body, until his mouth captured her left nipple. She arched her back with a soft moan as he sucked on the erect bud, his hands stroking her legs.

“You're okay,” she murmured, sounding utterly relieved. She weaved her long, delicate fingers through his flattened mohawk tenderly. “Karim, you're okay...”

You scared the shit out of me.

Releasing the nipple with a wet pop, he kissed his way back to her lips, trailing his hands down to her hips to hold her in position. Hovering over her, he drank in the lovely sight his ex-girlfriend was offering at the moment; face flushed and dazed mismatched eyes, now glowing out of pleasure. He felt his lips curl up into a smile when he saw the arrows pointing up. Loud and clear, love, Karim thought as he sat back on his knees to haul his T-Shirt over his head. When he threw it behind him, his eyes were blazing with unabashed lust as they roamed over her. They zeroed in on the bruise she had on her right collarbone, which he hadn't noticed at first, but quickly focused back on the woman (he'd ask later, because it looked painful) he still cared about.

“Goddamn, Niobe, I...,” Karim rasped, his throat constricting. He gritted his teeth and hung his head, his hair concealing his anguished eyes. “You didn't call me back last night...”

He didn't care if his voice was rough and about to crack, he knew she had to understand how much stress she'd made him go through by not taking his calls—a whole night not hearing from Niobe? Not even once? Karim had been so stressed and scared that he'd snapped at Rekka more than usual, which had shocked Huo Yan and some of their troops. Captain Burns had already guessed that he'd been fearing for his ex's safety and location, so he'd said nothing and had kept on leading them. Even so, the sympathetic look he'd sent Karim hadn't been left unnoticed.

Warm, soft hands cupped his cheeks, coaxing him to look down at the woman he still cherished, but the Fire Soldier refused to do so. But his hands tightened painfully on Niobe's hips, his fingers digging into her skin like claws. She hissed a little, jolting, but Karim didn't budge or relent.

“Karim,” Niobe called softly. “I'm here, I'm alive...”

His eyes shot opened and he sent her a furious glare. She recoiled at the harshness of his look, taken aback, but he followed her movement until he was hovering over her once again. The anger was burning through his veins again, hot and waiting to be released, but it was his fear that was mostly dominant. And Niobe had to understand how she had him terrified for her safety and well-being. Karim took her lips in a brutal kiss, delving his tongue into her mouth to overwhelm her. The moans and whimpers she had a hard time stifling sounded so musical in his ears. After a while of rough kissing, he released her mouth slowly and admired his handiwork—flushed and dazed, breathless and hungry for him. Good.

“Then let me show you exactly what you made me go through until now,” Karim growled fiercely at her, his eyes glowing. “You have no idea of the hell I've lived.”

He swiftly got rid of her shorts and nearly ripped her panties when removing them, as he was such in a hurry to be inside her. After throwing the clothes behind him, Karim took care of his trousers and boxers without breaking eye contact. Understanding finally dawned on her and Niobe fell back on her pillow, spreading her legs for him while peering through her lashes. She bit her lower lip with an anguished expression, nodding to herself as if admitting that she royally screwed up—because she did. Bare as she was at the moment, she looked magnificent in Karim's eyes.

Did she have the slightest idea of all the terrible things he'd imagined just because he couldn't get a hold of her when these unnatural fires were ravaging all of Tokyo last night? Words won't be enough to express his inner turmoil, only drilling his aching cock into her pussy would give him the release he was looking for.

Unable to take it anymore, Karim took hold of his turgid, long length and rubbed the head against the lower lips, relishing in Niobe's soft sighs of pleasure and whimpers. They were merely about to start and she was already wet for him, ready to be filled. She lifted her hips slowly with a deep hum as he entered her, with the Second Generation moaning at the familiar sensation. It felt so good that he couldn't help the way he slammed inside with a rough snap of his hips, causing Niobe to jolt with a cry. Even he couldn't restrain the growl of satisfaction that rumbled in his throat as she took all of him—his cock being bigger had always been the best fact to shut Rekka up. Karim would have loved to stop now and revel in the marvelous sensation of her vaginal walls constricting lovingly around him, but he had other plans. Taking hold of Niobe's hips, the Fire Soldier gritted his teeth as he gathered his strength to last as long as he intended to for this reunion.

With a feral growl, Karim swung his hips with abandon and elation. His cock plunged in and out, drilling hard into Niobe's g-point each time he slammed back in. She gasped loudly in pleasure and writhed beneath him, eyes wide and glowing with lust. He engulfed her in his arms to feel her flush against his body, her generous breasts flat against his muscles, and pinned her body against the mattress as he favored the missionary position for now. Her long legs wrapped themselves around his waist, thus bringing him closer, and her arms hugged him around his strong back with her hands gripping him for support. They found their rhythm very easily, their hips grinding and crashing lewdly and in unison.

Grunting in pleasure, Karim approached his mouth to her ear. “Do you know how fucking worried I was? Do you?” he punctuated his question by a rough thrust, causing Niobe to mewl and buck her hips. He hissed when her nails dug into the skin of his back. “Fuck, you feel so good...”

He pressed his forehead against hers, drinking in the erotic sight of his flushed ex-girlfriend. Licking her lips sinfully, Karim groaned into her mouth when she bit his lower lip teasingly and stroked his arms slowly. Even now, Niobe was attempting to soothe his anger while she was aware it was useless—either he had to yell out his irritation or coax her to bed with him (surprisingly enough, cuddling with her had always relaxed him). Usually it worked wonders. But not today. Not now.

Karim slowed down just a little, but never softened his thrusts. He rolled his hips hard, ground them hard and lewdly against Niobe's while holding onto her hip. He was bruising her, as much as she was scratching his back and leaving angry red streaks on his skin. The other hand slid up her arm until it caught hers and laced their fingers in a tight grip, pinning their linked hands above their heads. Soft moans, pants and hungry groans echoed in the bedroom, musical in his ears and sounding like a beautiful symphony. Just like back then when they were still a couple, the sex had always been incredible and mind-blowing. But it had never been this desperate, because Karim had to feel Niobe this time. He had to feel her life.

Sitting up after a while, he pulled her to straddle him to thrust deep into her core with renewed vigor. His strong arms engulfed her so she couldn't escape him, while her hands tried to hold onto his shoulders for support and her legs tightened round his waist. Niobe was a beautiful mess, crying out in pleasure and jolting each time Karim rammed into her sweet spot. The Fire Soldier sucked on another love bite on her throat, biting the soft skin to mark her once again, then planted multiple kisses down that throat towards her chest before he latched onto a nipple.

“K-Karim...,” Niobe wailed in bliss, her fingers pulling at his scalp.

Growling in approval when she rolled her hips to meet his, Karim gave her nipple one last suck before licking, kissing and biting his way back to her throat.

“I missed you, Niobe,” he groaned against her skin, thrusting deep into her with a growl. “C'mon baby, don't make me worried, understood?!”

She sobbed in pleasure, her other fingers scoring down his back. “Y-yes!” was all she could cry out.

“Good.”

Slamming her back against the mattress, he pinned her body once again beneath his and secured his spot between her long legs. Then he was gone, pounding as fast and as hard as he could into her. Niobe held onto him for dear life, legs wrapped around his waist and hands clawing on his back, and could only cry out in pleasure and bliss as Karim wrecked her insides. Each time she mewled his name, the Fire Soldier would ram his cock harder with vicious growls and moans, his teeth and mouth leaving new love bites on her shoulder, chest and throat. Niobe fit him like a glove, moved against him so well in unison as they'd always done before their break-up when having sex, and Karim loved it. He always had, always will.

When they both reached their climax, he slammed back into her to the hilt and exploded in her womb with a savage growl that he muffled in her neck. His vision went white, blinding him instantly. Niobe moaned his name deeply as she milked him good, arching beautifully beneath him. Both exes went still for a moment, riding the waves of their violent orgasm, then relaxed with satisfied sighs. Blissful silence took place in the bedroom, which smelled of sex and sweat, and it was comfortable enough. For the time being, as the both of them needed to talk. Not now, Karim thought as he slowly pulled out and rolled on his side of the bed, bringing Niobe flush against him and spooning her tightly. He wrapped one arm around her head, his fingers threading through her soft, luscious curls, while their legs automatically tangled. She hummed with an exhausted smile, nuzzling his chest with a sigh.

“Sorry, Karim,” Niobe murmured against his skin, her hand stroking the muscles of his back. “I really am.”

Karim's features softened considerably as he picked up the regret in her tone. Sighing, he kissed her forehead long and tenderly while stroking her cheek.

“You're okay,” he echoed her own words. “That's what matters most. But don't do that ever again.”

When she started shaking in his arms, Karim wasn't surprised at all. Not at all. So he held Niobe tight in a heartfelt hug, nestling her soft body against him. Her breakdowns were rare, but when they usually happened, it was serious. And something awful clearly happened in Asakusa for her to cry.

[…]

Once they both showered, dressed in more comfortable clothes (she still had some belonging to him, to his surprise) and he got to listen to everything after soothing Niobe, Karim had to lean back against the couch and stare back at his ex, stunned.

“So you're telling me that, after I've tried countless of reasons to get you to join any Special Fire Force Company because you could put both your talents as an engineer and your skills as a Third Gen to good use, you just accepted to join the newest Company of thugs from Asakusa and those are the same thugs who refuse to follow the rules of the Tokyo Empire, acknowledge our emperor and embrace the Holy Sol? The proto-nationalist thugs who will most certainly keep disrespecting and despising the Empire?” he resumed in a steady voice. “Did I get everything right, Niobe?”

Once she came back to the living-room, she handed him a fresh can of Moca Cola, holding her mug of hot chocolate with a bag of tiny marshmallows. Karim took it but didn't open it, still staring up.

“You forgot the part where one of these proto-nationalists saved my life by sacrificing his own health and ability to fight and contracting tephrosis,” she chastised, sitting next to him. She tucked her long legs to the side. “You should be thankful towards Konro as well... but yes, you got everything right.”

“Damn it,” Karim swore under his breath, his expression softening. “You're alright?”

Niobe inhaled deeply, then exhaled loudly and tiredly. Her expression turned sorrowful and her eyes grew sad as she poured some marshmallows in her steaming mug of chocolate.

“I'd like to say yes because I survived, but... that would be one of my greatest lies, wouldn't it?” she said softly. “Since I don't like pretending, I'll just come clean to you: no, I'm not alright. My mind is a complete mess after this blazing inferno. Even though I did my best to help with the purifying, I just can't shake off the feeling of having failed—because I did, Karim.”

Karim frowned at her, sliding his arm around her shoulders to bring her closer to him. She didn't resist and nuzzled into his side like a cat, looking more sullen than the day they broke up. And seeing this expression on Niobe's face put him on edge. Worse, it disturbed him.

“Weren't you overheated?” he asked carefully. When she nodded, he scowled. “If so, then he's made his choice: maybe he took you out of the fight to save you from this undeserved fate because he recognized your worth? If anyone I know who's worth saving, it's you. And he survived, didn't he? Don't beat yourself up over this, he might see this defiance as spitting on his sacrifice.”

“But—”

Seizing her chin, the Fire Soldier forced the student to face him. Bright, mismatched arrowed-eyes widened in surprise as he bore his narrowed gaze. Seeing how red-brimmed and puffy they were broke his heart, but Karim had to get through Niobe and her guilt-ridden spirit. Now that he had her attention, he needed to be careful with his words or she'd start crying again.

“Accept it or beat it, Niobe,” he said callously. “It's not because you weren't strong enough to take on the thing that gave him his tephrosis, but because that Konro guy chose while knowing the consequences of going through the limits of his pyrokinesis. Clearly, he knew the price and made his bed. Accept the acceptance, as you can't undo it.” His thumbs reached out to wipe the first tears that streamed down her cheeks. “Knowing you, you must have told the same thing to his protégé and here you are, being a hypocrite because you can't rid yourself of the guilt. Face it, doll: there's no come undone in this world, even though I have faith that we can still enjoy the good things while moving forward. Just... accept it. That's all you can do as a Fire Soldier.”

Or not. Sometimes being blunt to the point worked with her. She gritted her teeth at his blunt words, flinching. Before she could recoil from his touch, Karim pressed his forehead against hers in a gentle way.

“That's all. It's done. Learn about learning how we Fire Soldiers deal with failures and you'll learn how to move forward as well. I know it's different from failing an exam, but still: there's hope for maturity and growth, especially when you're of us.” His gaze softened. “My only concern is your choice of a Fire Force Company, as you had your fair pick between all those that were interested in you. Why the 7th?”

Niobe leaned forward to brush her lips against his in one of her feathery kisses that always left him wanting for more. Controlling himself around her had always been a challenge, especially in public places.

“Because I was there,” she said softly, her eyes sad. “Because so much happened in just one night and... yeah, I was there. It was Asakusa or nothing else.”

“Still don't get it, though,” Karim sighed before taking her lips.

The kiss was much slower and more tender this time, their lips moving tenderly in unison. It was one of those kisses they'd shared on their first date four years ago, when Karim had finally mustered the balls to ask Niobe out. Rekka lost too much money on betting that he wouldn't even get anywhere with Ashura Kirishima's precious daughter, and even Karim couldn't believe his own ears when Niobe confessed that she was also interested in him. Who'd have thought that a science nerd like her could kiss so well until he wanted to ravage her and render her addicted to him? He still had good wet dreams about their first time together, his memories very vivid (and no, he wasn't sharing anything with Rekka. Hell no!).

Then he kissed her tears, using his sinful tongue to collect the salty droplets. It was a rather intimate gesture between the two, as he only used his tongue for more sinful things on her body, but it was even more tender when she was crying. Sighing, Niobe allowed him this little liberty until she pushed him away a little with a frown and a grumble when he nipped at her nose—but Karim saw the feline smile before she took a sip of her hot drink. He relented with a small grin and a snort, drinking from his can.

A rather peaceful silence took place between them, free of the awkwardness that would creep in later on after reflecting on their intercourse. That was fine with Karim, as he had some thinking to do—especially about her induction. Fire Soldier Niobe Kirishima. Yeah, now he had to get used to it and remind himself that his ex-girlfriend had just been enrolled in the most likely Fire Force Company that will most certainly suit her best. And though it would be the most unusual yet, it set his mind at ease to know that she'd finally put her talents and skills to a much better use. The words tasted rather sweet on his tongue and would have tasted even more sweet if she'd chosen another Company. But then, Karim had to remember some annoying things.

He and Niobe weren't an item anymore. Since he, Rekka and Huo Yan were next in line to be promoted Lieutenant Priests, they'd have to take their vows and stand by them until they decided to step down from their positions. His faith was true and solid, but Karim loved Niobe way too much to give up on her—they'd been together for four beautiful years and to say that the student hadn't wormed her way deep in his heart was a pitiful understatement. She'd freaked out when he told her of his plans to become a priest, understandably so, but Karim stood by it. Breaking up with Niobe had been hard and painful, and the fact that they'd just made love after this disaster that ravaged the Tokyo Empire was more than revealing.

Were they over? Probably, but the lingering feelings were a colossal bitch to move on from. Were they just taking a break? No, there were no breaks with them; it was either going their separate ways or working things out. Hence the break-up that put him in one hell of a foul mood for about three weeks, which even persuaded Rekka not to tease him with his bullshit.

“What are we doing, Karim?” Niobe finally asked after a while.

The Fire Soldier glanced at her lazily. “You're asking me? You're the one who broke up with me, Niobe,” he reminded her coolly.

She turned towards him, giving him her best poker face—a blank face with her mismatched arrowed-eyes staring at him as if he'd grown stupid overnight. His brow twitched in a familiar, irritated way.

“And you're the one who jumped my bones, aren't you?” she shot back smoothly. “Unless my mind is messing with me and feeding me some crazy memories that never existed in the first place, you're the one who made love to me and...”

His gaze sharpened in interest. Niobe visibly faltered, blushing to the roots of her beautiful curls, and gritted her teeth in evident frustration before closing her eyes and turning away from him. She bit her lower lip, sitting cross-legged. No fucking way, Karim thought as he abruptly sat up to stare at his ex-girlfriend in muted disbelief. She'd never been one to shy away from her feelings, being quite outspoken (when she wanted to be), so the fact that she was now shying away from him only meant that...

“You don't hate me like you claimed, do you?” he breathed out. “You lied.”

“Yes, she did,” Atlas confirmed from his slot against the wall, where he was charging his battery.

Instead of answering, she drank the remnants of her hot chocolate and swiftly stood up to flee to the kitchen. But that was alright—it was as good as an answer to him. Spurned, Karim followed Niobe where he'd trap her. And probably get her off again. At this point, the Fire Soldier just couldn't let this slide. The second she deposited her empty cup in the sink, he grabbed her hips, turned her around and pressed himself against her to prevent any escape. The small gasp that she let out turned into a soft sigh as his muscled chest pushed against her full breasts, and even Karim couldn't restrain his groan when their hips were pulled flush together intimately. The cute blush adorning her cheeks made him want to ravage her right now, so much that he didn't care if her friends were on their way to her apartment. He couldn't help the way their lips brushed as he tilted her head to meet his gaze, his fingers closing on the soft curls. Karim almost kissed Niobe senseless when she let her hands run up his arms, feeling all the muscles and warm skin, until her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck. Because he didn't want to have her standing on her toes, he hoisted her up on the counter and stepped between her legs, hands grabbing her thighs.

He particularly appreciated how the delicate fingers traced his tattoos reverently—because he remembered that she loved doing that whenever she saw them. Sol, it still felt so good to feel all of her after all that happened between them. This downtime with Niobe was proving to be insightful.

“It just... freaked me out when you said that you wanted to rise to the position of Lieutenant Priest,” she confessed with a defeated expression. “It still does. I may understand your urge to help resolve the mystery of Human Combustion by joining the Special Fire Force, but it's that devotion to this religion I just don't get and can't even wrap my mind around. The servants of the Holy Sol, this unwavering faith to a Sun God—all of this sounds like rubbish to me. Pure. Utter. Illiterate. Rubbish.”

Karim pushed his forehead against hers, his gaze softening. “You know how important this duty is to me, don't you?” he asked on her lips, stroking her bare legs. “How it actually helps me sleep better at night after a shift of purifying souls? It's similar to you sticking with the values your father instilled in you since birth, although they don't preach to gods. Yeah, I believe in the Holy Sol and will devote my faith to him. So what? Does that change me?”

“... I guess not,” she huffed, frowning. “Otherwise I'd have shot you already with my arrows. But still, Karim...”

“Hm?”

“It definitely felt like I lost you to that Sun God.”

Ah, there it was. Niobe's real reason for freaking out on him and the cause of their break-up. Karim grimaced as he mentally kicked himself for not realizing it sooner, as it could have allowed him to explain himself and defuse the situation before it escalated to the regrettable separation that put them both at odds with everything. Inhaling, Niobe faced him with fierce eyes and a slight snarl. She even recoiled a little from him, which he immediately hated.

“I thought that if I broke up with you first, it would help me see where I might have messed up in our relationship for you to just... surrender your whole being to a so-called divinity. I tried, tried and tried. I failed. Call me selfish all you want, but the eventuality of having to give up what we had so you could focus on this duty of yours never sat well with me.” She shook her head vehemently. “I don't understand, Karim! Why you? Why not someone else? Why... why you?”

“Why not me?” he shot back hotly, crossing his arms against his chest with an irritated look. “Huh? Why not me? Because I believe that I can do it! My faith in this religion keeps me sane, Niobe! Rekka and Huo Yan even supported my decision by deciding to step up with me, why can't you do the same? Why can't you just accept that part of me?”

Her mismatched arrowed-eyes glowed, lighting up all the anger she was trying really hard to control, and Karim was certain that his were also glowing. The irritation that was building up in his gut was bubbling, begging to be released, and he wanted to take it out. They'd argued over the years as all couples did, over mindless and stupid things that always ended up with either one of them apologizing to the other and making peace, but this time? The Fire Soldier wasn't looking forward to the result of this argument, as this was the worst nuisance ever.

But they needed it. They needed to sort out their break-up for good.

Niobe jabbed her finger at his chest, scowling. “Because I chose to ignore it!” she hissed. “There I said it! I chose to ignore that offending side as I convinced myself it would be easier than just accept it, and accepting that insane faith of yours scared the hell out of me and challenged everything I stand for! So I opted for the easiest way to go around the process and skip it: ignorance and pretending you never bowed to the Holy Sol and would never go down that path because this religion is almost akin to brainwhashing!” She paused for a second, mulling it over, then jabbed her finger at his chest multiple times more angrily. “No, wait—it is brainwhashing! It's the greatest brainwashing I've ever seen in my life and my boyfriend, the little rebel I still love, chose to believe in some ludicrous deity his zealots companions have yet to prove its existence and he even tried to get me to join a Fire Force Company that will bow to the relic who serves as the regent of the Tokyo Empire, knowing full well that I'd never tent my hands or go anywhere near a cathedral where you pray to that Sun God of yours! Cowardly as it was, I still believed it was easier for me than just accepting! So go ahead, Karim. Call me a coward!” She sniffed and proudly raised her chin to him. Her beautiful eyes were defiant despite how vulnerable she now looked. “I know I am, I probably deserve it and at least I admit it!”

After Niobe was finally done opening her heart, she was breathing hard and trying to hold it together while Karim was left stunned at her outburst, eyes wide in both disbelief and realization. He'd even taken a step back to mull it over to the best of his ability and, even now, he could no longer ignore the trials his ex-girlfriend had gone through to actually find a way to accept that he was a devout follower of Sol and would certainly remain so for the rest of his life.

She had really tried to accept his faith in the religion, had tried hard during their relationship but had never found a way. The fact that Niobe had still wanted to make it work, despite her obvious disdain of his faith, absolutely meant the world to Karim. The pain she'd put herself through must have been immense for her to explode at him like this—meaning that his genius was both one strong woman and a coward for choosing the easiest way for her to bypass acceptance. Or just a coward who loved him too much to let him go that easily, even though they both knew they would have had to break up. Priests took their vows seriously and Karim, as much as he loved Niobe Kirishima with all he had, would have to break her heart and separate himself from her. Their first break-up had been bad... and if they decided to give it another go before he took his vows, he'd never get the position and never get to fulfill his duty. Because he wouldn't be able to let her go.

Still, that didn't mean Karim was going to let all this slide. All the pain Niobe put herself through just to make their relationship work... finally, she was being honest. Finally, they could sort this out. Encasing her in his arms and hugging her almost painfully, the Fire Soldier crashed his mouth on hers for a brutal kiss. He groaned in pleasure and approval when she instantly returned it with as much ardour, clinging to him with both her arms and legs wrapped around his hips. In this kiss, they poured everything—their love for each other, their anger, their frustration, their sadness, everything. As vulnerable as they were at the moment, they needed this so badly. Slowly, the kiss grew softer and more tender, until they finally separated with a blissful sigh and Karim pressed his forehead against Niobe's, relishing in her warm touch.

“Better?” he panted to her lips.

She hummed, struggling to regain her breath as well. “Mmmh... yeah,” she murmured softly. “Thank you for listening.”

“No, thank you for finally opening yourself to me, Niobe,” he countered, kissing her lips multiple times while cupping her cheeks. Then he heaved her in his arms, hoisting her against him by her ass. “That was a lot for you. For both of us. Let's take a nap, I'm fucking tired and I want to feel you.”

“You're not leaving this apartment, Karim.”

Fine by him, because he had no intention of leaving this place. He chuckled in amusement, kissing her curls affectionately. Yawning, Niobe hugged him and nuzzled her face into his neck while he strolled back to the bedroom with his precious cargo in tow. His lips trailed her neck, found her pulse point and pressed a tender kiss there. She jolted and shivered, giddy pleasure coursing her veins. Her throat was her weak spot, one that Karim had discovered during sex, and he also pressed kisses there when he wanted to apologize and thank her for something. He loved doing that.

“Thanks for admitting that you were a coward, love,” he murmured against her skin.

Niobe hummed and said nothing, but by the way she hugged him, Karim knew she was smiling lovingly and in relief. And that thought made him grin in return as he lay her down, crawled between her thighs and rested his head on her voluptuous chest with a satisfied sigh, which almost turned into a moan when her expert fingers threaded through his flattened mohawk to massage his scalp.

“Látom, baby.”

[…]

Somewhere in the background, the doorbell was ringing with insistance and sounded like it wasn't going to stop anytime soon. The sound rudely roused Karim from his deep slumber, and the Fire Soldier raised his head to glare hatefully at the wall. He'd been sleeping peacefully like a rock, Niobe all wrapped around him with her face nuzzling his chest, and some bastard was ringing his damn ears off. Glancing at the clock on the wall, he noticed that it was close to seven in the evening. He groaned in annoyance. Who the hell could be bothering them at this hour, even though it was rather late? Better yet, who the was out in the streets after this disaster? All the stores were either closed or destroyed.

A glance down at his ex showed that the student was still sleeping soundly, unbothered by the constant ringing. She was peaceful and breathing evenly. It really was a wonder how she could sleep this deep and not be disturbed by such annoying, shrill sound like a goddamn doorbell. He'd love to sleep like her sometimes, especially when after putting his first Infernal to rest as a Second Class Fire Soldier. Karim scowled at Niobe as he gently disentangled himself from her, then put his trousers on.

“This better be good,” he grumbled unhappily before stalking towards the door.

“Karim, it would be wise to put a shirt on before greeting guests,” Atlas pointed out from his spot on the couch, his head turned to watch him go.

Karim's expression grew extremely irritated. “I seriously couldn't give a damn about putting a damn shirt on right now, Atlas,” he snipped, unlocking and wrenching the door open to glare murderously at the intruders. “What the hell? Be quieter with the quieting before I make you!”

Six pairs of eyes stared at him in complete confusion and blinked twice. Irked to the max, Karim stared them down one after the other and managed to identify them after a few seconds of calming down: the first one he recognized was the famous Vulcan Joseph with his burgundy red hair, vibrant green eyes and tattoos, as the young teenager was a crazy talented engineer all the Special Fire Force Companies and even Haijima tried to recruit. The second was the young boy with dark hair braided into a low ponytail and a cross-shaped bandage in the middle of his forehead, who blinked large, dark blue eyes at him (Yū, was his name. I think, Karim thought). Though they'd already met each other a few times, Vulcan didn't seem to have gotten past his disdain for the Fire Soldiers of the Fire Force, as his features narrowed in a harsh glare.

Then, the other four intruders were relatively easy to recognize: Baccarat with her dark hair and dark blue streaks partially hidden under her usual black beanie, Ren with his fancy strawberry blonde hair and his ever crinkling green eyes, Bo with her long curly brown hair, big blue eyes and fancy clothes, and finally, Nyx with his black and white clothes and the infamous panda hood, darker complexion, long black hair cut into a half-mohawk and tied neatly into a man bun and the intricate symbols tattooed directly under his mouth towards his chin. A moko kaue, he'd called it when Karim had asked.

Only Niobe Kirishima could become friends with such diverse people who not only were mismatched, but also fit very well together in a strange dynamic.

“Err... hi, Karim!” Bo greeted him with a cheerful, yet perplexed smile and a wave of her hand. “What an unexpected surprise to encounter you here! Did you come to see Niobe?”

Nyx, ever the 'smooth talker' of their group, bumped in with his mildly interested stare and his brow raised in questioning. “Because I specifically remember her freaking out, dumping you after confessing that you wanted to become a Lieutenant Priest and doing her best to avoid your ass so she could move on,” he drawled, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. “Were we mistaken? Otherwise, you wouldn't be greeting her guests showing off your goods and your bed hair.”

Fuck that... Karim's scowl deepened. Damn it, Nyx just had to remind him of his ordeal with Niobe because of his prying! This was particularly one of the main reasons he'd never liked this guy when she first introduced him. He was on the same 'He pisses me the hell off' level as Rekka (and he was wearing his pants, goddamn!).

“You're right, we did break up and we're still broken up at the moment, so what happened prior to your arrival was just in the heat of the moment,” the Fire Soldier groused irritably.

“We pretty much had that covered at the very least, Captain Obvious,” Baccarat deadpanned, crossing her arms with a smirk. “So, you gonna let us come in so we can see our best friend or what?”

Before Karim could step aside to do just that, Vulcan rudely elbowed him and went inside, grumbling about him being a 'useless bastard' or something like that.

“Ah, Vulcan!” Yū exclaimed, holding his hands in a placating gesture. “We didn't come here to start a fight, remember?”

“Hey!” Karim growled at him, catching his arm. He barely flinched when the engineer whirled back to glare at him and merely glared back. “Watch it, kid. Just because Niobe views you as her little brother doesn't mean that you can disrespect me just because I'm a Fire Soldier and her ex. So calm down with the attitude before I calù you down by tearing you a new one.”

Vulcan nearly snarled at him. “Yeah? I'd like to see that,” he challenged boldly.

Clicking his tongue in annoyance, Ren pushed past the two with a frustrated sigh and wrapped his arms around their shoulders with a forceful, hopeful smile and crinkling green eyes that would make Bo proud. “Look boys, we came here to spend some exaggerated time with our resident Robotics genius because she happened to have been at the maybe-wrong place at the maybe-wrong time, not watch you two getting into a brawl inside her apartment. Right, Niobe?” he laughed over his shoulder.

There was a soft yawn behind Karim as the newest Fire Soldier stumbled in their direction. “With how loud you already are at the moment, I'd say we're gonna have some wild evening and night,” she said drowsily.

Karim glanced at her over his shoulder with a very irritated expression, noted her wild curls sticking out even more from everywhere in that sizeable afro, the dark blue-ish ends contrasting with the whiteness of her hair, her sleepy mismatched arrowed-eyes, her slight pout and the dishevelled state she was in—since she was wearing an oversized green T-Shirt with the periodic table of elements that showed one shoulder and all the love bites he left behind, it just served to confirm what they'd done just hours ago. She certainly isn't helping with our case, Karim thought as he shrugged off Ren's arm with a groan, going back inside to lounge in the couch.

“Niobe, you're okay!” Yū exclaimed happily.

After he toed his shoes off, he barreled into her, wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face into her stomach. She nearly fell back with a startled expression, her eyes going wide.

“Woah, easy there, little fella!” Vulcan chuckled, coming to steady the duo. “That little one is still half-knocked out from her past enjoyment.”

Ren laughed, eyes crinkling. “I'll be damned, she's still as fine as a pin-up and she's breathing!” His arms enveloped both Yū and Niobe and he hugged them tight. “Now that you're okay, do I get to finally see you in your underwear pretty soon as a reward for not dying out on me and feeding all of my fantasies?”

“Easy with that easy-going language, you easy-goer!” Karim snipped at him from the couch, his sleepy eyes glaring at the ladiesman of the group. “I'm still here and my aim has become much better.”

Oh, he ought to throw this ladies lover chunks of ice just because he felt like it. Through their relationship, he and Niobe had trained a lot together; learning of their respective Ignition Abilities, some hand-to-hand combat (that ended up rolling in the dirt and kissing, sometimes) and amongst other things. The most interesting lessons were the shooting sessions, as his ex's sight was exceptional. Karim's aim had gotten very good and he wouldn't hesitate to launch his empty can of Moca Cola at Ren's head.

Ren blanched, going still with his grin frozen on his handsome face. Nyx and Baccarat snickered as they entered the apartment, the latter closing the door behind her. Bo, ever the enthusiastic one, jumped on the hugging trio to glomp Niobe with a cheerful laugh and nuzzle her curls with a wide smile. Since the Third Gen hadn't predicted her exuberant friend's action, she, Vulcan, Yū, Ren and Bo fell over on the ground in an impressive heap of limbs. Karim watched this with an unimpressed expression, huffing, while Nyx was smirking widely, crouching next to Niobe's head.

“Still breathing down there, Shaka Brah?” he teased.

All he received was a middle finger. Nyx guffawed and shook his head.

“Sorry-not-sorry to disturb your alone time together, but our common archer friend seriously scared the hell out of us, so we're gonna crash here for the night,” Baccarat bluntly announced to Karim, leaning against the couch next to the Fire Soldier with a smirk. “You don't mind the intrusion, do you?”

“Does it sound like I have a choice?” Karim said flatly.

Baccarat snorted. “No.”

“Whatever, I sleep in the bed with Niobe.” Karim smirked back. “You can't argue with that one, punk.”

“Ugh. Be silent if you want to—”

Bo chose that moment to chime in and interrupt Baccarat's crass retort.

“BACCARAT!” she admonished in a loud voice, making everyone cringe at the volume of her lungs. “We've got children with us!”

“Do I really have to remind you that I'm sixteen and soon-to-be seventeen?” Vulcan chided. “I'm not that innocent!”

Bo turned her scandalized eyes at him. “VULCAN JOSEPH!” she nearly shrieked, making all of them cringe again.

“Agh! Sorry, Yū!”

“A-ah, it's nothing, master...”

“You should be more considerate of Niobe's neighbors, as some are trying to have a nice evening after the very much recent disaster,” Atlas piped in helplessly, lifting his big paw in the air as if to lecture all of them.

At the teddy bear robot being the ultimate—and most certainly only—voice of reason in this apartment, all finally sobered up and picked themselves up, now bustling around to start their evening more quietly. The second Niobe said that she'll start making dinner, the Fire Soldier immediately got up and joined her in the kitchen to lend a hand without second thought.

Damn. Karim actually forgot how exhausting his ex-girlfriend's friends really could be when they all missed each other; it wasn't that different than him missing Huo Yan and Rekka when the three best friends weren't hanging out. It would be like trying to reign in a hyperactive dog (a.k.a Rekka Hoshimiya) everytime they'd do something to relax on their days off, because the starry-eyed idiot refused to be leashed. Just like Niobe's friends, Karim Flam, Huo Yan Li and Rekka Hoshimiya worked in a strange dynamic despite their very opposite personalities and fit well together.

Sighing, the Fire Soldier still allowed himself a little smirk. To think that he also fit in his ex-girlfriend's group was kinda cool, even though they were all very much aware of their recent break-up. What a rowdy bunch they all made. Even if Vulcan was still somewhat hostile towards him, Karim would like to think that he still considered him a 'comrade'.

“I hope you're not upset we're intruding, Karim?” Bo asked him, concern etched on her face and voice. “It's just that... well...”

He just nodded serenely at her, grabbing the handle of the fridge.

“We all were, Bo,” he said, sending Niobe a knowing look. “We all were.”

[…]

Dinner was a somber affair, as everyone was trying to laugh and smile—keyword being 'trying', as Karim could see just how wrecked they all were. The smiles were forced and fake, the eyes far from crinkling. Even Ren had turned off his charm button, choosing to eat Niobe's food in silence and only piping in whenever the subject would spark his interest. Bo wasn't even her cheerful self, which was a bit unsettling. Nyx was always subdued and less talkative than the others, content in watching and throwing some of his remarks, but he was so quiet and withdrawn this time that it was actually draining. And Baccarat?

That's some moody expression she got there, Karim thought as he swallowed his last bite of onigiri. She could brood even harder than him. Awesome. Really.

Though none of them had suffered any loss in their families, as the Special Fire Force had come to their aid in time, the shock hadn't really subsided. Facades were up, smiles were raised—all this charade just to hide the trauma and terror the disaster had spread. You were all scared, even you, baby, Karim thought as he tightened his arm round Niobe's waist and tucked his chin on her shoulder. He pressed a tender kiss on her collarbone when she leaned back against him, eyes closed and absent-mindedly munching on inarizushi. She intertwined their fingers together and squeezed them, relishing in his presence.

After a while of pretending, the facades finally fell. And it was relieving. Yeah.

No pretending anymore.

[…]

After dessert, Niobe told them everything. And the reactions were quite Karim expected.

“You're joining the Special Fire Force? You? You're not joking, are you?” Nyx exclaimed in disbelief—so uncharacteristic of him. “Our Third Gen archer is finally being swept away by a Company...”

“The Hikeshi Fire brigade of Asakusa has been inducted into the Fire Force and they actually accepted?” Bo wondered, stunned. “This is unreal. The aftermath must have been horrible if the proud proto-nationalists decided to put their pride aside to join forces with the Tokyo Empire...”

“Wow. My respect for them has seriously gone up for realizing that they can't keep doing things on their own, even though they despise the Empire and refuse to embrace the Holy Sol,” Baccarat mused, crossing her arms against her chest. “They recognized their limits. Huh. Good, I think...? But I doubt Asakusa will abandon their old traditionalist values to accept the authority of the Empire and the religion.”

“You're going to join these thugs? Niobe, have more respect for yourself and keep being a free spirit!” Ren wailed dramatically, clutching at Niobe's hand. “You don't even have a valid reason to join the Special Fire Force at all, they can't take you away from us as if they had any right to!”

As for Vulcan, the engineer was quiet with his thoughts, but his face clearly showed his brewing anger and disgust. Karim understood him, though he couldn't really relate. He clearly disapproved of the idea, as he'd been approached too many times by many of his colleagues because of his outstanding skills, so now having to get used to the thought of his big sister as a Fire Soldier was certainly unsettling to him.

His stormy eyes found Niobe's. “Are you okay with this?” he asked her, his voice curt. “You've been rebuffing the Special Fire Force since last year and you're joining the only Company that won't bow to the Tokyo Empire and hates Haijima. How do you know the other Companies won't try to sway you?”

“Because of their captain,” Niobe simply said, shifting on Karim's lap to cross her legs and wrap an arm around his neck. “Because he's the one who chose to recruit me before Sōichirō Hague of the 4th could even think of offering right off the bat, as I was there to lend a hand when the Fire Force failed them. Just like they failed us last year at TEIT,” she sighed tiredly, rubbing at her eyes. “Believe me, he's the only one who's fiercely opposed to joining forces with the Empire as he's aware this is nothing but an opportunity to exploit them. You weren't there to witness how livid Shinmon Benimaru was at having to accept the fact that he's now a Fire Soldier.”

There was a small moment of silence during which everyone tried to digest the news, as this was so unexpected and ludicrous at the same time. Because it was: all the pyrokinetics who joined the Special Fire Force had their reasons and ambition to do so, they had a drive to make a change in this world—the mystery of Spontaneous Human Combustion had to be solved once and for all. All Fire Soldiers stood up for something and they believed in their ambitions.

But Niobe Kirishima? Their Niobe Kirishima becoming a Fire Soldier with no drive to put her skills as a pyrokinetic and her talents as an engineer to a use? That was a joke and, had she really been joking, they'd have all laughed until their stomachs hurt. But the time for jokes had long passed. They all had yet to believe this was actually happening. She really was going to join the Special Fire Force, as a Fire Soldier and an engineer. “But we haven't graduated yet,” Bo had supplied helplessly in a plaintive tone.

It wasn't that Niobe didn't care that people were dying because of the terrible phenomenon, she just thought that there already enough pyrokinetics striving to protect them and uncover the truth behind Spontaneous Human Combustion. Why would they need yet another one to bolster their cause? As selfish as it sounded, Niobe refused to take part in the fight because she wanted to live by her rules, for herself, and not burn away for others. Fire Soldiers were heroes and that was fine. She refused to become one, that was fine too.

But since everything happened for a reason, it looked like her old routine of creating robots, hacking into any challenging system at hand and just living her simple life had come to an end last night. Karim will have to get used to it, Niobe will have to—everyone in this apartment will now have to remember that their Niobe Kirishima was now going to lead a very different life from now on.

“What about Hajiki?” Vulcan pressed. “Does he know that you've been recruited?”

Niobe nodded. “He does. He said he'd be visiting when he can, as the 2nd is absolutely swarmed with paperwork. Which reminds me,” she mused as she looked down at Karim, who raised his brow at her. “Don't you have paperwork to do as well, Frost?”

“Captain Burns gave us the rest of the day off, so we'll continue tomorrow,” he said, relishing when she nuzzled comfortably against him. “We'll work to the bone until we've finally uncovered the reason for such massive outbreak of Infernals all over Tokyo. That... that wasn't natural.”

The ashen tone in Karim's voice prompted everyone to sober up all at once, their eyes losing their hue as they shut up. The smell of burning flesh, the flames ravaging everything in sight, Infernals rampaging right and left while Fire Soldiers struggled to put them to rest and also take care of the fires, the civilians screaming for help—that night had been a nightmare for just about everyone and they hadn't gotten out of it unscathed. All the lives that had been lost weighed on Karim's mind, as the souls he and his peers hadn't been able to save had burnt away for far too long.

Hence his ambition to rise to the position of Lieutenant Priest. If he managed to make Niobe understand and accept this side of him, then maybe they'd be able to part ways more peacefully this time. Karim will still ask her one last request before letting go her to focus on his duty and fully devote himself to the Sun God—as a man who had lingering feelings for his ex, he thought he deserved a clean break-up to wipe the slate clean. So did Niobe.

“All Fire Soldiers will need to work together,” Bo murmured, taking her cup of hot cocoa.

Ren cleared his throat, his green eyes uncertain. “You're now a Fire Soldier too, Niobe,” he reminded her begrudgingly. “Does that mean you'll have be moving to Asakusa and living there?”

She hummed sympathetically, nodding. Sighing, Ren threw his hands up with a frustrated expression. Nyx huffed silently with a curl on his lip, clearly thrown off. Bo looked really sad and her lower lip was quivering, loved up in her seat next to a brooding Baccarat. Little Yū wasn't sure what to say, so he settled for a reassuring grin sent to Niobe. Vulcan huffed and crossed his muscled, tattooed arms against his chest, choosing to sulk and brood.

It will definitely take them a while to get used to the idea, Karim thought, running his thumb on Niobe's bare thigh. When something metallic and smooth patted his head kindly, he turned to the side to gaze at Atlas, whose black robotic eyes were looking at him.

“I'm not leaving Niobe's side after the two of you finally sort out your break-up for good, if you're worried about the after,” the robot said. Then he cocked his head to the side, blinking. “You're about to take your vows, Karim. There won't be a next time for you two.”

How straightforward. Though he was a robot, Karim appreciated the fact that Niobe coded an algorithm that made Atlas sound more... human. Not only did he call her out on her bullshit when she needed to, but he also spoke the truth and made sure that she remained alright. And hearing from Atlas that their break-up was to be and should remain final sparked a cold feeling of resignation in him. Judging from the way Niobe shifted on his lap and sighed, he knew she agreed. Just like Karim did.

“Yeah, I know.”

Sighing as well, Karim closed his eyes and turned away. Sol forbid if he ever allowed his ex-girlfriend's robot see the tears welling up. He wasn't ready to let her go. Not yet.

If you and your partner had a pet that was previously owned by one of your exes, but there's lots of drama surrounding that past. Would you reach out to that person when the pet passes to inform or offer paw prints? Or is that no longer something to inform them on. (See below for more info)

For further context, the ex grew up with the pet and left him when they moved. The pet is declining, and I don't believe he will be around for more than a year. My heart feels bad if I don't reach out as i would want to know. But there's so much drama in the past I don't want to open the door for more again. I feel like there's no right answer either way. I'm somehow going to get bit in the ass 🙃

sending a letter to my ex (??) who’s in jail

I still look for you during my games even though we ended it months ago.

On the court or bench

Just when I think I'm over it I'm not. I don't feel anything for you until I see your smile. God that smile. I'm not over you, but I'll pretend I am. I'll pretend I'm fine. I'll pretend that I'm alright, but I'm not.

I'm such an idiot

"I know I said it was fine, that I was alright with just being friends. But I'm not. I'm not fine with feeling the way I do when I know you don't anymore. I'm not fine with getting my hopes up about feelings that don't exist between us anymore, at least on your end. I'm not fine with the empty conversations and the awkward pauses because of what could have been. I miss you, but I won't come out and say it. Just know that when I said it was fine, it wasn't. I was just letting you be happy even if I wasn't."

- I still haven't deleted our photos yet

"Even if you are with her I could've sworn you looked to me even though she was right there."

- 2 AM Thoughts (via, wounded-writing)