I PAINTED FOR LIKE 20 MINS TODAY WOOOOO!! First Time In Over A Month

im reading emily wilde’s encyclopaedia of faeries right now and im not sure how i feel about it.

like i like it dont get me wrong. i eat anything up that has fairies of any kind.

but im a very.. emotional person, and so the format of the book being emily’s diary, and her being quite a.. professional and almost stoic? person, doesnt quite engage me as much.

maybe she taps into her emotions later in the story (i’m about a 1/3 of the way through) so idk!! thats just my thoughts so far

im desperate to paint but im away and didn’t bring anyyy

Since the Finalists have been announced I suppose it’s time for me to post my submission!

Imagine my shock and surprise finding out I made it to THE FINALS!!!! Winx club truly means so much to me and I wouldn’t be the artist I am today without it! If you told kid me that the Winx team liked our art enough to pick us in top 25 I wouldn’t believe you haha!

Thank you Winx Club. This has really been like a dream come true! 💕

I despise the fact that disabled people can never look happy. Or show any form of joy.

Because the moment we do, suddenly we are 'not disabled enough'. As if our existence is solely meant to be pain and misery.

painted for a whole hour today :3 it felt great.

im so exhausted now though.

i have so much art i need to get out of my brain its all stuck in there while i cant do any 😭😭😭😭😭

what if i only drew disabled characters forever lmfao

fanart? yeah but theyre all disabled now.

oc? yeah theyre all disabled too.

oh youre sick of seeing disabled characters?? too bad im sick of not seeing any.

gonna fucking roll a dice of disabilities for every drawing out of spite. :)

i was trying to figure out why I find it so difficult to talk about my illness & disability with new people, or even people from my past, and I realized part of it is that I still feel like a phony? I didn't bring my cane last night and so it felt like I would get called a faker. or maybe that I was really a faker, see I'm out without my cane maybe I don't need it? and then the other part is that when it's a new person I feel like they're going to immediately run for the hills bc I am a huge red flag burden for so many reasons having these problems.

and then I thought about it some more & while some of that is kinda true, mostly I have to kill the ableist in my head. yes, sometimes it will be too much for people. but I have to let them make that choice. I have to just be who I am & let it happen even if it's heartbreaking to not meet new friends or connections. because not everyone will see it that way, and I literally cannot hide it so I have to just exist as I am and let the cards fall as they might.

i find it interesting the overlap of c-ptsd symptoms with autistic traits.

i get asked all the time if im autistic. i even started questioning it myself just from how often this happened to me.

but while yes i have a lot of symptoms that are a part of many autistic peoples experiences, i wasnt always this way. i developed these symptoms throughout my childhood as i went through more and more trauma.

i remember when i wasnt sensitive to noise, light, etc. i remember when my social abilities were practically the same as my neurotypical peers. i remember when i never needed to carry stim toys everywhere i went. just to name a few.

anyways, i have so much in common with my autistic friends. while we arent the same, we get each other on a level that i havent found with many neurotypicals. ive also found that i often gravitate towards autistic people without meaning to.

i think its nice that we can find community where we didnt really expect it.