Widerlich.
Widerlich.
Bei dem Gedanken an das, was du mir angetan hast, deine Hasstiraden, Beschämungen, Schuldumkehr, überkommt mich der Ekel.
Dein Gift, das ich so oft geschluckt habe, bis ich im Delirium am Abgrund stand, dich in Schutz nehmend, findet seinen Weg nach draussen.
Mein Körper sträubt sich bei dem Gedanken an deine Worte, deine Taten.
Zuerst versuchte er es auszuschwitzen. Angst, von dir eingeflößt, trieb das Gift aus meinen Poren. Solange, bis das nicht meht ausreichte, weil meine Poren verstopften. Panikattacken. Übelkeit, Brechreiz. Wie Schläge in die Magengrube.
Die Scham, die du meinem Herz mit deinem Gift gefüttert hast treibt der Ekel aus meiner Seele heraus.
More Posts from Yudzukii and Others
Manchmal suche ich nach Worten um dir zu sagen wie's mir geht
Doch es fällt mir schwer
Überflutet von Gefühlen, brechen ein wie Tsunamis und dann
Ist wieder alles leer
Vor dir dachte ich, ich kann das nicht, aber du hast mir gezeigt
das es Anders ist
Gibst mir Kraft mit dem was du sagst, dem was du machst
Fühl mich zuhaus', wenn ich
In deinen Armen lieg'.
Anxiety runs deep
While awake
While asleep
A staircase too steep
An end seems
Out of reach
Frozen tears
on the windows
obfuscate the
Stone sculptures of pain
in the garden
of withered roses
Dreadful nightmares
haunt the
dilapidated rooms
Haunted by you
All the paths I take
Lead back there
As if you'd be a place
Where parts of my
Rotten heart rests
And I try to set
It on fire
Burn it down
To the ground
But the wasted
Parts are everything
Thats left in the end
Heartless
Tell me that my lies are true
So I can believe into myself
Kill yourself for me tonight
And I'll blame someone else
I've got no shame to speak of
no responsibility, just guilt
And if you don't obey to me
Then i'll bend you to my will
For you it was love and war
Planted cluster bombs
Between my ribs
Turned passion into crime
Came back to the scene
On your guilt trips
With your favorite knife
3 stabs into your heart
And 3 into mine
In your spider webs of lies
I hung on for dear life
And you set it on fire
I am strong enough
I can handle it
I can take care of myself
I am doing my best
And if I fail
I will stand up again
I can stand up for myself
I am lovable
I am loved
I am worthy
My feelings are valid
I try to open up to you
About the inner of my heart
My shameful thoughts
But your reactions
Sound like a brutal judgement
I collapse into myself
Feel belittled and small
When all I wished for
Was love.
I'm torn between trust and mistrust
And the thought of my betrayal of you
Fills me with guilt, shame and disgust.
I'm so sorry that I hurt you bad and
I wish I wouldn't have done that to you
So I tear my heart apart in deep regret.
I don't know where you are now
And haven't even known you well
But kept you close to my heart
For the way that you helped
Me and probably many others
And so I wanted to tell
You about the call I made
And all the tears that fell
