TRUTH UNTOLD - By Joud Aburashed

DAYDREAM

‘’They say a soul with a vivid imagination can live in their own world…I just never thought id get so lost in mine.’’ - Joud Aburashed

turns out I simply cannot handle situations

THE LETTER (by joud abu rashed)

Words: A single distinct meaningful element of speech or writing, used with others (or sometimes alone) to form a sentence and typically shown with a space on either side when written or printed. Words are a way to express one’s self, they show emotion, they might hurt someone, end relationships, start wars, they can be used as a weapon, since words are an important factor of both freedom and democracy, but most importantly words impact people, either negatively or positively depending on the situation. the war has ended a year ago marking a new age of democracy, it started since poverty was spreading like an illness due to the evils of monarchy so naturally the people protested their rights using their words but they weren’t heard the government was deaf to their pleas so a war eventually broke out in order to gain justice. Chaos and confusion that’s was how I lived after all I was a child an orphan who lost both parents and any sense of peace or security I ever had. I was lost, starving, with no will to live in this cruel world. Along with the bloodshed, something happened or rather someone came and rescued me. 

His name was Ashton Arlert, He was a kind man with a heart of gold. He took me in, provided me with every necessity. He taught me how to read and write, how to use a gun and protect myself just in case I find myself in a difficult position, but most importantly he gave me a will, a will to live. After years of suffering the war ended which lead me to decide to live a normal life, so I moved out to pursue my own career as a ghostwriter in a small company. You see after the war there was a huge decrease in people who knew how to write, which meant ghostwriters (especially for letters) became widely popular. My job required me to listen to people, to observe and analyze their emotions then find the right words that fit the message they want to present. I had my own life, friends, responsibilities, etc  yet Ashton never left my mind, he was like a father to me and I never showed him how much I appreciated what he had done towards me so I decided to write a letter to him. I was a professional writer with tons of experience yet I struggled with it (ironic isn’t it). For days and days all I would do is stare at an empty piece of paper with a cramped hand longing for words. Needless to say I was frustrated. I wrote and I wrote as if I was running out of time but nothing, just nothing. Everything I wrote would soon become another crumpled piece of paper in the trash, till one day while the smell of my morning coffee was mixing with the smell of ink coming from my pen I suddenly found the words that I longed for. I ran to the post office with the feeling of  relief in my lungs and a hint of excitement in my eyes. It was a quite night when he received the wax sealed letter, he looked at the handwriting a sense of nostalgia flooded him. He held it with his wrinkled hands as he read it with tears flooding his ocean blue eyes. The letter simply said “Thank you, Ashton, for everything. Sincerely Nadia” A simple phrase that’s all it took to bring a grown man to tears.

(Idealism is a disease) by joud abu rashed

Idealism is a disease

Once it enters your system it feeds off of your mistakes

It spreads like a wildfire making you quake

Symptom after symptom you start to hallucinate

A thought becomes a reality

There’s no real definition of actuality

All you can do is live in brutality

And endure that cruelty

There’s no one to blame but that little voice in your head

Making you wish on sweet death

Whispering to you as if it was your own closest friend

The doctors say there’s a cure

One that’s pure

But there’s a price

First you have to apologize

To the body you forced to idealize 

A vulnerable state of you past mistakes

Drowning you in a lake

The water reflects an image of grief and regret  

As it overwhelms you slowly you start to forget

A cold breeze of acceptance washes all over you

A warm feeling is new

A smile takes over you

Now you are cured.

this poem speaks about my struggles with anxiety and perfectionism. I hope you find a sense of comfort in it 

— But… the sensation that I’ve lost something lingers for a long time after I wake up. YOUR NAME (2016) dir. Makoto Shinkai

Susan Sontag, from “Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963″

Nostalgia

“don’t worry, shell eventually grow out of it’’

I never did

Change: A process through which something becomes different

With growth comes along change

I grew, yet I remain the same.

Maybe it’s the nostalgia evoking me, an attachment grasping me in what seems to be the past

‘’move on’’ How can I leave what tended to structure me?

In a manner I am an adult, yet a sense of maturity is still to be held

I’m taller!, I’ve grown! Somehow a child reminisces within me, a child which Iv not abandoned, he isn’t what I used to be, he is what I am, maybe not fully but an essence still floats within me, and I carry it wherever I go.

"They say the best blaze burns brightest when circumstances are at their worst."

a rainbow of van gogh—

in order: Peach Tree in Bloom (in memory of Mauve), 1888 / Red Poppies and Daisies, 1890 / Willows at Sunset, 1888 / The Sower (Sower with Setting Sun), 1888 / Undergrowth with Two Figures, 1890 / Landscape with Couple Walking and Crescent Moon, 1890 / Branches with Almond Blossom, 1890 / Starry Night Over the Rhone, 1888 / Irises, 1889 / Wheat Field With Cypresses, 1889

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