Bob Belcher Talking To His Turkey Baster Is EXACTLY Like SpongeBob And Spatula.

Stapled my thumb today with a handheld stapler. And the only thing I see in the darkness is the polar bear Christmas window shadow. He is waiting.

Financial aid and loans is literally the worst part of the college experience. I would rather get mugged in the dark of the night if it meant I could forget my Barc account information.

I don’t step, I battle

The difference is, pussies step

I made stew. It was awesome. I love potatoes.

Had a long intense dream of making a sandwich in which most of it consisted of me buttering the warm bread

Casually stumbles upon a body of the person I murdered

Me: oh boy

Kylo ren is an archeologist

Need to start a support group with people who constantly have stomach aches

Thinking about how young me BEGGED my mom to let me have this hair. The side bang was my foil for most of my life.